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Epilogue
Did you honestly think I wouldn't give it a happy ending? ...Or did I?
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Sitting serenely at an out of the way table in a generic but cozy coffee shop, a red-haired woman absently blew over the top of her coffee as her eyes scanned the screen of her laptop. There were two wrought iron chairs with cushioned seats designated to her table, and one had been moved to another table. The other sat invitingly across from her while the woman sat in a wheelchair.
Something compelled her to lift her eyes from whatever on her laptop was so fascinating, and she found herself looking up at the smiling countenance of a blue-eyed man with shaggy brown hair. Her face lit up with surprise and pleasure upon seeing him.
"Ted!"
"Barbara," Ted replied warmly, leaning over to give her a half hug before sitting down across from her.
"You're looking..." She paused, looking his hair over critically, before settling for, "Better than expected."
Ted's smile turned wry and he reached up to run a hand over his hair. "Rumors of my death are...probably true, actually." He sighed and shook his head, then shrugged. "Long story short, it's all Booster's fault."
Hiding a smile behind her cup, Barbara asked, "Including the haircut?"
"Any hair-related issues are his fault, yes. Somehow I thought he'd be more successful cutting it than I would."
"And you needed your hair cut because...?"
Ted looked embarrassed. "The...cowl wouldn't fit over my hair."
Barbara raised an eyebrow curiously. "I think you better start from the beginning."
Taking a deep breath, Ted did so.
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"Wait, you have a son?"
"Sort of. I mean...yes I have a son, just...not in the usual sense. It's...complicated." He paused. "And Booster's the mother."
"What!"
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"So...why did Booster turn Maxwell Lord into a zombie?"
"He's not even sure what he did wrong. Probably a mistake with the translation. Again. But he and Junior both swear Max was dead--probably dead before he became a zombie."
"How are they so sure?"
"Well, most people can't get their necks at that angle while they're still alive..."
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"A mullet."
"Oh god, not this again."
"No, it's not--I just don't understand. Why a mullet?"
"I don't know, okay? Maybe it's a side-effect of using Cybele's Stone or being dea--"
"What?"
"What what?"
"Who's stone?"
"...Cybele? Babs what are you--?"
Barbara finished typing and spun her laptop to face him. Wordlessly, she pointed at a paragraph on what looked to be an informative website.
Leaning forward, Ted read under his breath, "Originally a Phrygian goddess...blahblah...sometimes given the etymology 'she of the...hair'." He stopped, staring at the screen, then looked up at Barbara, who was trying not to laugh. "You're kidding."
Barbara chuckled. "Let's just hope cutting it hasn't tampered with your 'Samson-like powers'."
Ted snorted with amusement, then a moment later started laughing.
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"So that was you two? You and Booster actually brought down the entire Brother Eye network?"
"Well you don't have to sound so surprised," Ted grumbled.
"It's not that, it's just..." Barbara smiled with helpless amusement. "There are a lot of people who're going to have trouble believing it...or admitting it. Even with that recording of...Junior? Of Junior calling in that 'anonymous tip' about the satellite...squishing people."
Ted covered his eyes with one hand and hunched over a little. "Not that I don't admire his initiative, but...'Son of Blue Beetle'? 'Satellite of Doomy Death'?" He sighed. "And I thought leaving Skeets to watch over him was a good idea."
"It was...cute."
Ted groaned.
"Squishing people is bad, you know." Barbara said solemnly.
Ted looked up to glare at her.
---------------
"So a few of the OMACs got there ahead of schedule," Ted said, taking a drink of his coffee before continuing. "Which actually wasn't as bad as it could've been. Brother Eye had classified Booster as a low level threat, and wasn't sure what to make of me, since I was supposed to be dead. So we had a short amount of time before they decided to attack. We didn't injure them much, and the KOPMEG got--"
"The what?"
"Kord Omniversal Prototype Mass EMP Generator."
"Right."
"It got moved some, but luckily wasn't damaged. So we went ahead as planned, only I shortened the countdown so they wouldn't have as much time to chase us. Booster flew us toward the Bug, but when the blast hit one of the OMACs was close enough that it...ran into us when it was disabled. We got knocked out for a while. Hours and hours, according to Junior."
"Aaw."
Ted frowned. "From what Skeets said, it couldn't have been longer than a half hour. We made it to the Bug just fine when we came to, but all communication had been knocked out, so he and Junior had no idea what was going on."
"At least he was worried about you. I don't see why you're so concerned about his grasp of life and death."
"He wasn't worried that we were dead, he was worried because he couldn't find the latin to english dictionary Booster used to translate the spells. He was worried because he wasn't sure how to bring us back if we were dead."
"I see."
Ted sighed and Barbara thoughtfully sipped her significantly cooled coffee.
"You know we're being watched, right?" she asked.
Ted nodded, clearly not worried. "Booster's been...very protective," he said slowly. "He didn't want to let me out of his sight, to be honest. Not even for this meeting. So we compromised. He's pretending he's being sneaky about stalking me, and I'm pretending not to notice."
Staring at her laptop with interest, Barbara suddenly smiled. "Not very subtle, are they?"
Covering his eyes again, Ted groaned. "Junior brought the binoculars, didn't he?"
"And...are those your goggles?"
"A spare set," Ted sighed. "We're living in the basement right now and--I can't even guess at everything that's stored down there. He keeps finding things."
"Is that a...giant floating bug?"
"Skeets."
"I know you said he looked different, but..." Barbara shook her head, then smiled. "So that's Junior."
"My boy." Ted said wryly. "What are he and my personal stalker up to?"
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"I wish I could read lips," Junior sighed, staring out the restaurant window through both yellow goggles and a bulky pair of binoculars. "They're just talking. And there aren't any ninjas or goo monsters or anything." He set the binoculars down to nibble at the raisin bagel on the table in front of him. "Not even sneaky-looking regular people."
Booster frowned. "I wish we'd put a bug on him."
Junior looked confused and glanced at Skeets, who was floating next to him in the booth. "Um...maybe Skeets could sneak in? He's pretty buggy."
"Not a bug bug, a bug for listening in."
"...Oh." Junior stared at him for a moment, then tore a piece off his bagel and chewed it thoughtfully.
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Barbara turned her laptop to once again face her as the security camera she had hacked showed Booster picking up the binoculars. Ted leaned back in his seat and sighed.
"Actually," he said. "That brings me to why I contacted you."
"Not just to catch up?" Barbara teased.
Ted grinned. "Well, that too." He placed a folder on the table in front of him, leaving his hand on it as he said, "I...need you to make someone exist on paper."
"Junior?"
"Michael Theodore Carter-Kord, actually." Ted's smile tilted lopsided as he pushed the folder toward her. "We...discussed it. It seemed silly to call him Junior if he wasn't named after one of us, and Booster hardly ever uses his first name anyway, so there was less chance of confusion." He paused for a moment before adding, "Junior insisted on the hyphen."
Barbara chuckled as she opened the folder and started looking through its contents. There were a few photos, along with several sheets of paper detailing the kind of personal information needed to create a new identity. "You've got Michelle Carter listed as the mother?"
"Booster's sister," Ted confirmed. "Twin sister. Hopefully that will explain away any questions a DNA test could bring up."
Barbara nodded thoughtfully, eyes scanning the information before her. "Give me a week?"
Ted grinned at her. "You're the best, Babs."
Tossing her head slightly, Barbara said airily, "I know."
---------------
"Talking, talking, looking at the folder, talking...huh, she's touching his hand, now," Junior diligently reported, again staring out the window through the bulky binoculars.
"What?" Booster demanded, grabbing the binoculars.
"Dad!" Junior yelped in protest as he was dragged halfway over the table by the binoculars' strap behind his neck.
Booster quickly handed the binoculars back, looking sheepish. "Sorry, Junior."
In reply, the boy grimaced, rubbed the back of his neck, and took a bite of his bagel.
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"So...how are you, Ted?" Barbara asked, hand resting on his on the table. "Really?"
"Really?" Ted sighed, then said matter-of-factly, "I've been more or less in a constant state of denial since I...got back. I'm not back from the dead, I have no son, Booster never kissed me, and there is no zombie in the closet."
"Booster kissed you?" Barbara looked like she was trying not to smile.
"That's what you focus on?" Ted asked incredulously. "Not the dead rising from the grave or anything else, but that?"
"Well there is a pretty big betting pool on you two," Barbara admitted, smile a tad sheepish.
Ted groaned. "Oh god, not that again."
"Again?"
"Skeets won big, apparently," Ted sighed.
Barbara hid a grin behind her cup.
"But you know what the worst part is?" Ted asked slowly.
"You didn't hate it."
"I didn't ha--Hey! How'd you--?"
"Ted." Barbara chided gently. "Skeets isn't the only one who won big."
Ted groaned again, then covered his ears with his hands and said, "Lalala, can't hear you!"
"You can't really deny it, at this point," Barbara laughed.
"Hey," Ted said with mock sternness, pointing to himself. "I think I've been doing pretty good with the denial!"
Barbara tapped one of the pictures in the open folder between them, smiling smugly. "And your...love child?"
Staring at the photo for a moment, Ted covered his face with both hands and groaned.
"If it's any consolation," Barbara said. "You two make a cute couple."
Ted's hands moved to cover his ears again. "Lalala, not listening!"
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"He's doing that thing again."
"What thing?" Booster asked, frowning into his empty paper cup.
"The thing where he puts his hands over his ears and goes 'Lalala, not listening!'" Junior replied, unaware of the stares he was getting.
"Oh that thing," Booster said nonchalantly, setting the cup aside and adding under his breath, "Probably stomping on his denial."
"Hm, now he's doing that other thing," Junior reported. "The pinching his nose thing."
"Should we worry, sir?" Skeets piped up. "He does that a lot."
Booster shook his head. "No, that's normal. I'd worry if he didn't." He grinned. "Besides, it's funny to watch him spaz."
"Now she's talking and patting his shoulder."
"It's good he has a friend to comfort him." Skeets remarked.
Booster frowned.
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"Why can't you leave me to my denial?" Ted muttered sulkily, lifting his head from his crossed arms to glower at Barbara.
"Because watching you spaz is fun?"
Ted narrowed his eyes at her.
Barbara laughed. "Seriously, Ted. There are worse people than Booster Gold to fall for." She paused thoughtfully. "At least he's not a supervillain."
She was surprised when Ted groaned loudly and once more buried his face in his arms.
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Packets of grape jelly rained down on the table as Junior returned from the condiment counter.
"What do you need all that for?" Booster asked, looking up from the binoculars, eyebrows furrowing. "You're almost done with your bagel." As he returned his attention to the view from the binoculars, he frowned suddenly. "Where'd he go?"
"Um." Junior said, staring at him.
Actually, Booster realized as he looked at the boy, Junior wasn't staring at him, he was staring just a bit above hi--
"Time to go, boys," a voice spoke beside his ear as a hand descended on his shoulder.
Booster jumped and let out a startled cry, whirling to face-- "Ted!"
"Booster." Ted replied. Then there was a brief, tense moment as they both realized how close their faces were. Ted looked away first and moved to sit next to Booster in the booth, clearing his throat as a blush rose in his cheeks.
"Um...Ted! How--What a surprise," Booster said slowly and unconvincingly. "I had no idea you were...in the neighborhood."
"I thought we were stalking him," Junior spoke up, looking confused.
There was a pause, then Booster dropped his face into one hand. Ted made a sympathetic sound and patted his shoulder.
"Stalking means to pursue and observe by tracking stealthily, implying the prey has no knowledge of being followed," Skeets informed the boy.
"Oh."
"I'm not entirely comfortable being called 'prey'," Ted muttered, frowning.
"Target?" Skeets suggested.
Ted made an unconvinced, noncommittal sound and stood. "Let's just...go," he sighed. "Home sweet basement."
They all exited the booth, Junior stuffing jelly packets in his pockets, and made their way out of the restaurant. Junior and Skeets hurried ahead of them, striking up a conversation about some paint Junior had found and how he was to keep it far, far away from Skeets.
"It's probably not healthy raising a kid in a basement," Ted commented, hanging back to match stride with Booster. "And after Babs gets him entered in the system, that's the kind of thing that could have Child Protective Services after us."
"We'll look into getting a new place," Booster said with a shrug, throwing an arm around Ted's shoulders. "For now, it's home."
Ted sighed, and if he leaned in to Booster just a little then the man had the decency not to mention it. "Yeah," he admitted, thinking of Booster's beaming face when he first came back, Junior's innocent but sometimes disturbing questions, Skeets's predictions of doom and gloom, and yes, even Zombie Max's stinking, rotting corpse...
"It's home."
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(This is, if you can believe it, only the beginning. Somehow this became the first in a series in what has come to be known as the "Mullet-verse." So expect more soon.)