This chapter just about killed meh! But maybe that was partially the cold too…oh well, enjoy!
Mei Kimari: Angst is what I write a lot, but that's what I think I'm good at. very glad you liked it!
Chi No Hana: yes, I know, but I was in a sad mood. I write sad stuff when I'm in a sad mood, but this one should be alittle more happy, if you wana call it. -
NightPredator: high on salt? I get that way sometimes. Lol, Glad you liked the chapter, thanks for all the reviews too.
Before Teira had left, she made Rei promise to tell the therapist everything he had spilled to her. Rei grudgingly nodded and agreed. After she exited the room for the night, he curled up on his bed, taking his iPod in hand and decided to play a different song for change. The screen flashed once and Linkin Park's music streamed through his ears. He sighed quietly at the lyrics, as Breaking the Habit played away.
"Rei…? What are you doing here this early?" The therapist asked, seeing the teen walk through her doors a half hour before his appointment. Rei took a big breath and sat down, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to spill. Everything he had tried so hard to keep a secret was going right down the drain. Something in him pulled him to walk right back out the door…but something else wanted to know her reaction.
"Rei…"
"I…let me talk." He whispered, ignoring Lily's confused expression. "You…you wanted to know why, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"It…it's hard to explain." He replied, still very unsure about the whole idea of spilling everything out like an overturned coffee cup. An image of a disappointed Teira came to his mind; Rei quickly blinked it away and stared ahead at the pastel walls.
Lily shut her message book and stared at Rei through thin glasses, "I have all the time you need."
Flashback
Lee dragged the blade across his tan skin, grinning openly at the other teen staring down. He hissed out in pleasure and pain. Rei watched his fellow class mate demonstrate, taking a step back.
"Lee…I—I..." Lee glanced up at the twelve year old, "It's like a rush…Rei, you have to try it!" he laughed, taking his bleeding arm in hand and soaking up some of the blood with his black shirt. He handed the broken glass over to his friend, letting Rei fumble with it.
"it…it hurts?" Rei asked timidly, holding the shard in his palm.
"Naw. Only a minute, then the funs begins." Lee smiled, looking over at Rei. "Come on, Rei. Better than any drug out there. And it'll take away the pain…all the things you've been through; you don't even realize them when you do it."
Rei had tried everything to get the pain of his past to leave him and if this would work…just maybe he'd feel better. Rei stared down at the glass, wide eyed. He was having doubts about this, sure, but Lee said it would take away all the pain.
He looked up at his classmate, who looked to be getting impatient. "Seriously?"
"I'm not lying. Just try it Rei, you'll love it."
"w-what if I don't…?" Lee raised an eyebrow.
"Then, I guess you could stop…if you want to." He shrugged. Rei nodded and set the glass to his arm, thinking through the past few years. This couldn't hurt more then everything he'd been through…No, he'd do it. Lee would be happy and impressed with him. And he'd stop after a few times, just so no one would suspect. After all, this wasn't like some drug…he couldn't get addicted to cutting. No way.
A happy dazed smile grew on Rei's lips and Lee laughed, hitting his shoulder with his fist, lightly. "Come on, Kon. It's awesome. Like a rollercoaster."
"If you'll shut up, Lee, I'll do it." Lee laughed and nodded. The Neko Jin swallowed and pushed down ever so lightly, drawing a little line across his arm, barely enough to bleed. But it did, taking Rei by surprise. The slicing feeling made Rei gasp, dropping the glass to the ground. "Crap!" he looked down at his bleeding arm, "Lee…I don't know about this…"
"Stop being a wimp, Rei. Course it's going to hurt. But admit it, you feel better?" Rei looked down at his arm once more, taking in the sight. He could feel a dizzy haze taking him over, part by part. His legs wobbled a bit and then his mind went blank. But Lee was right, all the pain was gone…numb almost. Rei smiled, "yeah…"
"Told you! It's better than crack or speed…it's the real deal, Rei. And you don't get hangovers or none of that crap. Just do it when you need to…and it'll work," Lee grinned mischievously, making Rei smile too, "—satisfaction guaranteed…"
end flashback
"I guess it was like a sport to him…he talked it up a lot."
"Did that bother you, Rei?" Rei looked over at Lily; she was teetering back and forth on her chair, thinking through his story as the minutes passed.
"Who, Lee?" Rei shrugged, "He made it sound like heaven. But when you lost control…it was hell." She nodded, understandingly. "You've made a big jump. Most teens won't even consider telling me they're reasons. Your one step ahead of all of them Rei…you should be very proud; its one step closer to going home."
Rei swallowed and nodded halfheartedly, "Teira made me…I told her first. She wanted me to tell you, then."
"She sounds like a good friend. All of your friends do, from what I've heard."
"They've helped me…sending me here, I thought they wanted to make me suffer. But I guess they just wanted me back to normal." Rei shrugged, "I doubt I can ever be back to normal— I never really was."
"Well, it's something to work up to. Now that we've identified the problem, perhaps we can work around it." Lily nodded, adjusting her glasses. "Was Lee your best friend?"
"In middle school, yeah."
"What happened to him?" Rei shrugged and set his elbows on his knees, thinking back. "He dropped out after ninth grade. I guess he wanted to go back to China, or maybe cutting wasn't better than speed to him…who knows."
"Your holding a grudge, I take it."
"I ought to! He got me into this crap…if he hadn't taunted me and said it would make all the memories go away—I wouldn't have done it. I was too young to get caught up in that junk. Lee was too young too…twelve year olds aren't supposed to get hooked on cutting, it just—isn't right!"
"if you don't mind if I ask, was your intention to ever kill yourself?" Rei's eyes shot up, looking confused and angered. "No…I never wanted my life to end like that. Maybe I was scared, but I couldn't bring myself to go any deeper than I had already gone."
"If half the kids that cut could think on that matter, perhaps the suicide rate would go down."
"They're not cowards." Rei replied; face turned towards the wall and its pale décor. Lily's chair squawked as she turned back to her desk, setting her glasses down on the table and looking up to smile at Rei like he was blind, "I guess it saves to be a coward, doesn't it Rei?"
Do not ask me how this chapter came together! But I'm tired, sick and sad…so there ya go! Make with it what you want. The next chapter might be the last.
Next chapter: The scars have healed, and the pain has faded. But has Rei shaken the memories he had started with? And if he hasn't, will he go back to his desperate ways?
L2B out.