Summary: The Headmaster decides to combine all the game shows into one torture fest for Hogwarts students everywhere!

Author's Note: I don't watch Dog Eat Dog that much, so if I get things wrong, I'm sorry, no flames please! (That means you Prue, here's what I say : "kiss it!")

Dog Eat Dog

Scene: The Dog Eat Dog set. Professor McGonagall is standing in for Dumbledore. The contestants are Draco, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Moaning Myrtle.

McGonagall: "Now I think we all know how to play this game, you will vote for the player who you think is most likely to fail the given task. If they fail, they will get sent to the Dog Pound, if they succeed, they may choose any one who voted for them and send them to the Dog Pound."

Audience: (CLAPS)

McGonagall: "Okay, now the first task will be...'The contestant must NOT laugh at anything Sirius Black says for a minute....you may vote for the person who is most likely to laugh."

The Amazing Six (I think it's six players anyway) all write down their answers.

McGonagall: "Okay now, to be quicker just show us your answers and then you may all explain why."

Draco: Ron

Harry: Ginny

Ron: Ginny

Hermione: Ron

Ginny: Ron

Myrtle:...Ron

McGonagall: "Okay well, why did you pick Ron Draco?"

Draco: "He's a big git."

Hermione: "He's immature"

Ginny: "I knew he would vote for me."

Myrtle: "He shows no liking for me and refuses to hook me up with Harry" (crys)

McGonagall: "Right....well come on up here Ron."

Ron walks up next to McGonagall, looking nervous.

McGonagall: "Okay Ron, look up in the audience and remember, try not to laugh at anything Sirius says."

Ron gulps. Sirius stands up in the crowd. (Teehee, I'm sitting next to him, whispering some good stuff)

McGonagall: "You have one minute...Go"

Sirius takes a deep breath: "If I said you were a purple noodle, would you believe me?"

Ron cracked a smile, but didn't laugh.

Sirius: "Fine, then, I once had a girlfriend in Finland, but sadly, she turned out to be part dolphin. (Drums)

Ron shook a little.

McGonagall: "45 seconds..."

Sirius: "I now declare myself Emit the Turtle Lad!"

Ron let out a muffled noise.

Sirius: "This how Titanic would have been if Jack and Rose had been married for 5 years..."

"Jack: Get in the damn boat Rose!

Rose: But I don't wanna get in the boat...

Jack: Get in the damn boat; I'm freezing my ass off!

Rose: But I....

Jack: I wanted to go to Jamaica, but noooo! We had to go on a cruise in the middle of winter!

Rose: (sniff) you don't draw me naked any more..."

Ron busts out laughing.

McGonagall: "Pity, only 20 more seconds to go...well, sorry, but you're in the Dog Pound now."

Ron walked over to the Dog Pound, glaring at the five who were left.

McGonagall: "Okay, well the next test is to NOT cry at anything Cho says...you will have one minute to survive....you may now vote."

The Villainous Five write down their answers.

McGonagall: "Okay, now let's see who you chose as the victim..."

Draco: Harry

Harry: Hermione

Hermione: Harry

Ginny: Harry

Myrtle: Harry

McGonagall: "Well Harry, get up here" She guestured at the chair facing Cho.

Harry took a seat, Cho looked absolutely gorgeous when she was pretty, he thought. (hah, Harry's stupid)

McGonagall: "One minute, Harry, try to stay strong now....Go"

Cho: MY POOR BABY CEDRIC!!! I LOVED HIM AND NOW HE'S GONE!!!

Harry had a blank expression on his face.

Cho: AND NOW, YOU'RE SO NICE AND GOOD AND STUFF AND I LIKE YOU BUT I LIKE CEDRIC AND ALL BUT I WANT YOU TO LIKE ME BUT I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Harry started picking at his fingernails.

Cho: BUT NOW YOU DON'T CARE!!! YOU'RE GOODFATHER DIED BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDNESS AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!!

Sirius & Christy: HELL NO HE'S NOT DEAD!! Lies!!! It's all lies!!!

Harry looked at Sirius than at Cho with concern for her poor brain.

Cho: AND YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THAT CRAP ABOUT BEING FAMOUS BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS DIED!!! IT SUCKS TO BE YOUOUOUOU!!!

Harry rolled his eyes.

Cho: AND NOW YOU HAVE-

McGonagall: "I'm sorry but one minute is up, well done Harry.

Harry looked over at the remaining four, who all stood open-mouthed.

Harry: "Myrtle, you're in the Dog Pound..."

Myrtle walked off to the dog pound, looking gloomy.

Draco: "I didn't think he'd eve get by that one..."

Audience: 0.0 "We didn't either."

McGonagall: "Okay, let's hurry up, our author is anxious to hurry up and post this. The next task will be...making Moaning Myrtle cry."

Myrtle: "I'm a task? Great..." (sarcasm)

Hermione: "That's not fair! That's to easy!"

McGonagall: "-you may now vote."

The Fantastic Four write down their answers, with occasional glares at McGonagall.

McGonagall: "all right, let's see it then."

Draco: Hermione

Harry: Draco

Hermione: Draco

Ginny: Draco

McGonagall: "Okay then, you all say it's because Draco doesn't know what sadness is...right...okay Draco come on up."

Draco struts on looking pleased with himself for getting such an easy task. He faces Moaning Myrtle.

McGonagall: "You have 15 seconds to make her cry....Go"

Draco takes a deep breath: "Air, food, life, wonderful glorious life, your ugly and stupid and you live in a toilet, yeah that's a wonderful LIFE you have going on there..."

Myrtle was balling. She hurried away to go find a toilet.

Audience: "They forgot his specialty was making people cry..." (shaking heads)

McGonagall: "Since the other three were so stupid and you made her cry in 3 seconds, you may choose TWO people to go to the Dog Pound.

Draco: "Potter and Weasely"

Harry and Ginny both walk off stage, Harry gives Ron a high-five in the Dog Pound.

McGonagall: "Well, who ever can answer the most questions in under a minute wins today's round because the author has never seen the end of Dog Eat Dog. (It's true...my step-sis watches it and she's not here right now.)

McGonagall: "Buzz in when you think you have the right answer, one minute Go...What is Jell-O made out of?"

(buzz)

Hermione: "Cow hooves."

"Correct, how much money did the Department of Magical Games and Sports make last year?"

(buzz)

Draco: "$700,000"

"Correct, if I asked you to look for a Hephalump and a Woozle, where would you look?"

(buzz)

Draco: "In the Hundred Acre Woods!"

Audience: (cricket chips)...."how did he know that?"

McGonagall: "Correct, what are my markings in Animagus form?"

(buzz)

Hermione: "Stripes around the eyes!"

"Correct, 10 seconds left, how do you get into the kitchens?"

Silence.....

(buzz)

Draco: "Big picture of fruit, tickle the pear and it turns into a handle!"

McGonagall: "CORRECT! Draco is our winner tonight!!!

(We are the Champions music)

McGonagall: "He wins 1000 coupons!!!"

Draco jumps up and down.

Ron: "1,000!?!?! That's not fair..."

Prongs: "Remember, the coupons don't matter, just like the fact that Cho and Snape are human beings with feelings..."

McGonagall: "Okay, well we're going to go to a quick commercial break and than we'll be back with..."

Everyone: "The Absurd Game Show of Absurdness!!!"

McGonagall throws a hat and hits the camera lens, which make the whole thing fall over.


Well, I updated, glad to hear all of my 6 reviews said update...It's either Wheel of Torture, The Price is Wrong, Flamingo (lingo), or Supermarket Mop next....I need to know which one you want to see next because I need to go watch the show!!! REVIEW YOU SICK LITTLE PUNY MORTAL!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!