Title: Understanding
Theme: Set #1, Theme #81-- Regret
Genre: Drama/Introspective/Romance
Pairings: Jakotsu/Bankotsu
Word Count: 2,620
Rating: PG-13
Summary: He couldn't take back what had been said, but he could at least try and understand things better.
Notes: Takes place prior to the formation of the Shichinin-tai when Bankotsu and Jakotsu traveled together.

Japanese words:

Aniki- Brother, used as a term of respect later by the Shichinin-tai.
Okama- Slang for 'faggot'

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It had started to rain, at first- gentle and serene; but now, with night falling quickly, the rain began to grow vicious. Its sweeping torrents and winds pushed and pulled at the two lone figures out on the road, their eyes squinting against the downpour and seeking out any sign of shelter.

The taller of the two reached down and rung the excess water from his sopping wet sleeves.

"Mou…this is ridiculous. There's not even a tree around here to sit under."

"There should be a village up ahead, or there wouldn't be a road- right?" The younger man reasoned, his large halberd shielding him a little from the wind and rain.

Reaching out and tugging at the other man's braid, the older one pouted.

"It was your silly idea to go out and try and hunt down a youkai even though it was almost sunset, Aniki."

"Jakotsu, let go!" He swatted the hands away from his braid and frowned, "And why are you still calling me Aniki?"

Jakotsu tapped his forehead, "Let's see…what was it you said about that again…"

Bankotsu sighed, "Look, I just don't want any trouble when we're asking for jobs so it's easier if they think we're brothers; but when there's no one around- you don't really have to call me that."

"I guess I've just gotten used to it," Jakotsu replied with a laugh, "But I still don't get why it's easier that way."

He flopped forward, resting his arms around Bankotsu's shoulders.

Poking at the arms wrapped about him, Bankotsu cleared his throat, "This is why. You remember how freaked out that daimyou got when you tried to seduce his son; the last thing we need is people thinking we aren't capable of a job just because you happen to be a bit different."

"Oh so it's just because I'm different, is that it!" His voice raised above the rumbles of thunder as he halted in his tracks, jerking away abruptly from his contact with the other man.

"Jakotsu- I mean…" Bankotsu pushed his damp bangs from his face, "Can we talk this over once we get to the village?"

"If I still feel like speaking to you," He snapped in reply.

Lightning flashed in the background as the two stood there in the pouring rain. Bankotsu bit his lip, unable to tell if it was raindrops or tears that ran down Jakotsu's face. Either way, he regretted it all the same.
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They weren't sure how many miles they'd walked in silence. Jakotsu refusing to speak and Bankotsu content with just making sure that Jakotsu was at least still following him. Adjusting his slippery grip on Banryuu, the braided young man was becoming increasingly worried about the situation.

Sure, they'd bickered over small things in the past- what to eat, which road to take, whether or not there was time for Jakotsu to get distracted with an attractive male- but never had any of their arguments led to a silent stalemate like this.

Then again, as Bankotsu bitterly reminded himself, he'd just hit on the one issue that could hurt Jakotsu the most. He didn't mean it to come across like that, but how else was he supposed to tell his friend that the fact that they often found themselves in casual contact with one another, along with Jakotsu's rather flamboyant choice of attire and the dash of lipstick, didn't bode well with those wanting to employ them.

"Okama…"

The word still seemed to burn like bitter bile in his throat at even thinking it. Was that why he had to live in this false pretense of brothers? Because someone might think it's not just Jakotsu- but he as well- to be of that persuasion?

Bankotsu ruefully shook his head.

"I shouldn't let it bother me. Jakotsu's probably been called that more times than he'd care to remember. I've only heard it once. I'm strong enough to ignore one stupid comment."

But despite his determination to ignore it, it kept nagging at him. Over and over. It haunted him, trailing along with him wherever he went. It became a phobia- seeping into the pours of his mind and causing him paranoia at every turn.

If Jakotsu sat beside him, he'd casually move away. If someone saw them acting friendly and laughing, he'd nonchalantly mention that Jakotsu was his older sibling- leaving the discerning of gender up to the beholder. He was running away from it at every turn, but it always seemed to catch up with him.

"Do you two need an inn for the night?" A foreign voice cut into Bankotsu's thoughts and he snapped his head up.

There in front of them was a short, elderly man; his wrinkled old hands trying to calm the horse he led.

"Actually, we do need somewhere to stay. Are you the owner?" Bankotsu questioned, his eyes looking for the village up ahead.

The man laughed, "Oh I wish. This is one of our guests' horses. He got a bit startled with the storm and ran off, so I had to go track him down. If you follow me we can see about getting you a room for the night."

"Thanks."

Following the road down the slope and into the sleeping village, Bankotsu kept glancing behind him to make sure Jakotsu was still there. He hadn't spoken for what seemed to be hours.

"Here we go- just wait here and I'll go find the owner."

After tying the horse's rope off, the man retreated inside to seek out the man who employed him. Moments later, a middle aged man returned with him.

"Ah- so there's two of you. Well, I hope you don't mind sharing quarters. With the bad weather, we've only got one room left."

"That's all right. We don't mind- we're siblings so we can manage," Bankotsu replied, pulling out the coins to pay the man.

Jakotsu gave a light cough, still irritated about the reason behind the lies.

"Oh- a brother and sister then? For a moment, I thought you might be a young couple…"

The two men went wide-eyed, for different reasons, and stared at the man as he turned to lead them to their rooms.

"I guess he can't see Jakotsutou in the dark night where it is on Jakotsu's back but…do we really look like…like…"

"Actually, sir. We're…"

It was the first Jakotsu had spoken up in awhile, but Bankotsu sent him a panicked warning gaze to silence his words.

"Hmm? What's that?"

"Nothing at all," Jakotsu said through his teeth, his piercing black eyes glaring daggers into his companion.
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The door slid closed behind him, and Bankotsu sighed as the weight of Banryuu was removed from his shoulders. Beside him, a gloomy figure irritably rung out his damp sleeves right over the small lamp. The room fell into darkness.

"I'll sleep on the floor…"

Bankotsu turned sharply at the coarse voice, noticing Jakotsu practically dropping Jakotsutou to the ground and heading for the far corner of the room.

"Jakotsu- now wait a second-"

"What is it, An-i-ki?" He hissed out the last word as his eyes narrowed.

Raising his hands in a placating gesture, Bankotsu slowly walked towards him, "I just don't want them to get the wrong impression. You understand that, don't you?"

"The wrong impression about whom?" Jakotsu countered, taking a few strides forward to where he stood before the shorter man.

"About us, our relationship, about..." Bankotsu faltered, turning his face away.

"About you," He finished the sentence, earning himself a surprised look from his companion, "That's it, isn't it? You don't want to be lumped in with me when they mutter it under their breath."

"Jakotsu, it's not like that!"

"It's okay for me to be one, but you can't stand it if they think you're one too," Jakotsu said coldly, Bankotsu flinched.

The room fell silent, save the rain and thunder outside, and the two remained frozen to the places they stood. Finally, Jakotsu made another move for the corner.

"Okay. You're…you're right," Bankotsu's whispered admittance sounded above the falling rain.

Jakotsu paused and turned around; the anger in his eyes replaced with a sadness.

"It's fear that leads to hatred, Bankotsu."

His voice seemed too modulated, almost an eerie calm, as he spoke the warning. Then, without a word more, he moved to the corner and sat against the wall; his dark eyes seeming lost somewhere else.

"Jakotsu I…" The words died on his tongue as he saw the melancholy figure before him.

"I'm sorry…"

Bankotsu hung his head, words he'd heard as a child slowly seeping through his memories to wash away the confusion.

"A snake does not attack unless provoked, but man fears the snake all the same. Why is it that man is foolish enough to fear a harmless creature? It is this fear that spawns hatred, but where does the fear come from?"

"I don't know, Jii-chan. Where?"

"Fear comes from a lack of understanding, my son. Those things that we don't fully understand or try to understand we will grow to fear. That is why we must immerse ourselves in knowledge so we will never have to fear. Without fear blinding you, you can grow to be a strong man in both heart and body."

Blue eyes opened then, brimming with an edge of determination, as Bankotsu crossed the floor to crouch in front of Jakotsu.

"Hey…" He said softly; and on not getting any response, he reached out and brushed Jakotsu's still wet bangs from his face, "Can you- help me understand?"

Jakotsu blinked, the inklings of his innocence flickering momentarily in his eyes before he looked away.

"Understand? What's there to understand? I like guys and not girls. That's all there is to it."

"But isn't it…weird?" Bankotsu pressed, wrinkling his nose at how unkind the phrasing seemed.

"It doesn't feel any different to me," Jakotsu shrugged, "But I don't really see what gender has to do with love anyways."

Bankotsu paused as he thought that over, then tentatively, he posed another question.

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

Shifting on his feet, the shorter man turned and sat down beside his friend.

"Being with another guy like that." Jakotsu's eyes widened and Bankotsu quickly clarified, "I mean things like- holding hands and kissing."

An impish grin crept onto Jakotsu's face as he casually replied, "… maybe it would be easier if I just showed you."

He glanced over at Bankotsu, expecting to be met with a stern glare. But instead, two wide blue eyes gazed back at him. Jakotsu bit his lip as he contemplated his options.

"He's already mad at me so I shouldn't test my luck. But he really does owe me for this whole situation. Mou! And I'm still trying to figure out if there's even a chance here for me…"

Giving a nervous smile, Jakotsu reached over and cupped the young man's chin in his hand. No visible protest, just a little more shock creeping into his eyes.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt."

Bankotsu nodded lightly, almost mechanically, as his lips mouthed a faint reply, "Okay."

"That's the go-ahead," Jakotsu reassured himself, "Well, here goes nothing…"

Slowly he leaned in, his painted lips coming to rest on Bankotsu's. When met with no resistance or fear, he deepened the kiss; Bankotsu's gasp being just what Jakotsu's tongue needed to slip inside the youth's mouth.

He was inexperienced, Jakotsu duly noted; but Bankotsu's reaction was clearly one of encouragement not opposition. Pulling back, he smirked at the delightful flush tainting the young boy's cheeks.

"You're blushing."

"No-no I'm not," His unconvincing shaky reply came between ragged breaths.

"That was your first kiss, wasn't it?" Jakotsu questioned, already knowing the answer.

"So what if it was!"

Reaching out to rest his hand against Bankotsu's cheek again, Jakotsu smiled.

"I'm honored."

He turned his head away in a pout, but let the hand linger on his face.

"Do you see now? It's no different than the way the rest of the world kisses," Jakotsu remarked, standing and removing his sopping wet yukata to pull on one of the dry ones the inn provided.

Bankotsu remained seated, his eyes quietly watching Jakotsu pad across the room; and his gaze quickly averting when the other man began to undress.

"I think I somewhat understand…"

"Here," Jakotsu said, handing him the other dry yukata, "You'll get sick if you stay wet."

He nodded, taking it from his companion, "Thanks."

Standing, Bankotsu paused as he noticed Jakotsu still watching him. Giving his friend a sheepish smile, Jakotsu got the hint.

"Ah- sorry. I'll just set the lamp back up so our clothes can dry."

As he turned to tend to the lamp, Jakotsu could hear the fabric rustling behind him. Having already taken one risk that night, he was wondering if he could be daring enough for another.

With a smirk, he reminded himself that one never got anywhere without trying first.

"Mou…Bankotsu?"

"Huh? What is it?"

"There is only one futon and we're both cold. It might be best if we share. If you don't mind that is…"

Feeling as if the bulk of the matter had been dealt with, and all that seemed to remain was an air of contentment in the room, Bankotsu didn't see any reason as to why that would be a problem.

"As long as you don't…"

"Try anything weird, I know," Jakotsu echoed the usual reply.

This wasn't anything new to them; they'd slept in closer accommodations than this before. But then again, none of those situations were following a kiss. It added an extra edge of tension, precautions and a tinge of excitement, at least on Jakotsu's part.

Finding that the flame didn't want to stay lit, Jakotsu left the lamp alone and joined Bankotsu on the futon.

They laid in absolute silence; shifting and tossing and turning until finally, Jakotsu caved and wrapped an arm around Bankotsu.

"Things are going to change now, aren't they?" Bankotsu asked after an awkward moment of silence.

Jakotsu titled his head in thought, "Why should it?"

"Because you…because I let you- kiss me."

"I'm pretty sure my parents were good friends, and they kissed from time to time and it didn't bother them any. Then again, I'm not sure how it is with 'normal people.'"

"Heh," Bankotsu leaned his head towards Jakotsu's shoulder, "It was weird just…" He paused as he thought it over, "Just not in a bad way."

Jakotsu raised an eyebrow, but chose not to fully comment on it.

"Do not smother the flame before it first has time to flicker," He thought to himself with a content smile.

"We're still friends, right?"

"We'll always be friends, silly," Jakotsu replied with a laugh, reaching down to ruffle Bankotsu's hair.

Needing to clear all the nagging questions before his mind could finally rest, Bankotsu sighed as he dredged up the cause of the whole mess.

"So… what about the aniki thing?"

"I'll slip and call you it anyways, just don't…"

"Go out of my way to bring it up?" Bankotsu finished.

"Yah. Let the others think what they want. You don't mind, right?"

Bankotsu shifted then gave one of his usual smiles, "If they piss me off too much, I'll just shut them up."

The two laughed at that, then fell quiet- letting the soft sounds of the rain take over the nighttime. A new feeling washed over them- a feeling of oneness, of understanding, of completion. Bankotsu shivered slightly from the cold and Jakotsu pulled him closer without a fear of being shoved away.

Slowly the small flame began to flicker; and this time, it stayed lit.

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