Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, and at this rate, I never will. But what if I said I did? What would YOU do about it? … That's what I thought.
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"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
How often had Raven said these words? They were her calling card, but sometimes she wished she had a new chant, something different.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
Rather, Happy wished for something different. Of course, Happy had suggested things like "Pink Pretty Bunnies" and "Flowers Smelling Flowery".
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
Rage like them. It made Raven worry that Rage enjoyed the chant, since Rage was the "evil" part of her personality. Habit, however, would not allow Raven to change her signature phrase so late in her life.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
Was it really so late in her life? She was only seventeen, soon to be eighteen. She wasn't that old. Would it really be that difficult to change it?
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
Her birthday was coming up. Such was never an occasion Raven looked forward to. While the threat of Trigon had diminished, habit once again refused to allow a change. Her birthday was a happy day of celebration, but one Raven would rather do without.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
"Whoa, she could do that all day…"
Raven peeked an eye open. She had been trying to ignore the whispers coming from the hallway outside of her room, but they were beginning to annoy her. Cyborg and Beast Boy seemed to believe that she was blind as well as deaf. She could very easily open her eyes and see their shadows outside her door as well as hear their "whispers" quite clearly.
"Yeah, man, so why are we standing here? She'll be doing it all day," came the voice of Cyborg.
"Dude," Beast Boy said, as though the answer were completely obvious, "it's Raven."
There was a pause in which neither Cyborg nor Raven understood.
"Yeah," Cyborg said. "So what?"
"So what?" Beast Boy said incredulously. "This is the one time where we can be near Raven and she won't snap at us!"
Raven didn't understand what was so important about this. She didn't always yell at them, just most of the time. And why on earth would Beast Boy want to be near her? Raven had once thought Beast Boy hated her. While she no longer thought this, she doubted he thought much higher of her than that.
"Uh oh," Cyborg said quietly. For the first time it sounded like a whisper. Curiosity overcame Raven, and she left her spot of meditation, appearing next to the door like a shadow. "Raven stopped her chanting."
"She stopped?" Beast Boy asked in alarm. "She stopped."
Taking her cue, Raven lifted her hood over her and opened the door. Beast Boy and Cyborg jumped away in surprise. "You're not very good at being quiet."
"Raven!" Beast Boy said, sweat pouring down his face. "Just how much did you hear?"
Raven left her face blank as she quickly considered her response. "Nothing. I came to the door as soon as I heard you talking. I didn't care enough to listen to what you were saying."
Beast Boy sighed in relief. Raven's expression was void of emotion, though such an action sent her mind racing. She hadn't even understood what he was saying, though now her curiosity was dying for an explanation.
"We'll just be on our way, then," Cyborg said, pushing Beast Boy down the hall. "Bye, Raven!"
"Bye, Rae," Beast Boy weakly as he and Cyborg vanished from sight.
Raven turned on her heel with her cloak flowing behind her, the door shutting on its own. What on earth had that been about? Raven crossed her room to her bed, sitting on the edge of it. Beast Boy wanted to be near her? What on earth was Beast Boy trying to pull now? He had definitely been attempting some kind of prank. He intended for her to hear him, for her to get confused by his words. Honestly, what had he meant? What had been the point of his little prank? To confuse her and disrupt her meditation? Had his purpose been to keep her mind so preoccupied with his words that she couldn't meditate properly?
Raven wasn't going to let that happen. She stood up and lifted herself into the air, crossing her legs and curling her fingers.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos."
But really, what on earth had he meant? And why had he said it? What had been the point?
Beast Boy's weird. Don't bother with him, Apathy said, sitting lazily in the chair in Raven's room.
Yeah, but he's weird in a cute kind of way… Happy said, twirling in the middle of her room.
Um, ew. Apathy gave a look of disgust.
What did he mean, though? Intelligence asked, peering at the spines of the books on Raven's shelves. 'We can be near Raven and she won't snap at us.' Sounds like he really wants to be near us without Rude opening up her mouth.
Don't tell me I'm rude! Rude said. And I don't always snap at Beast Boy, he just tends to piss me off.
Though not enough to let me out, Rage said, glaring at Rude. You could always let me tell him off once in a while.
The last we did that, you let Trigon in, Intelligence said. We can't have that happening again. She gave the books a hard stare. Which one will help me figure him out!
Don't get upset, Intelligence… Rage warned with a growing smirk. With two of us mad, Raven might unleash me. We wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?
"I'm not unleashing any of you," Raven said, glaring at the forms of herself in various places throughout her room.
So you say… Rage taunted. But don't think I haven't noticed… The girl in red flew over to Raven's side, leaning toward her, though not touching her. Don't think I haven't realized…
"Realized what?" Raven snapped irritably, making Rage's smirk widen.
How anxious you get when he talks about her.
"When who talks about who?"
Beast Boy talks about her.
"Beast Boy talks about who?"
Terra.
Raven stiffened. Everyone was watching them. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Don't try and deny it… Rage taunted, circling around Raven. Even the mention of her still upsets you….
"I am not upset."
Of course you are… she stole him from you.
"Terra didn't steal anything from me."
She stole him. Beast Boy was yours, and then she just… took him.
"Beast Boy wasn't mine. No one owns him."
He was yours for the taking.
"For the taking?"
Don't play the fool. You have liked Beast Boy for quite some time now… just before Terra came and ruined everything.
"Terra hurt us by her betrayal, but she hurt us. It had nothing to do with me in particular."
You were happy when she died.
"I was not."
You didn't want to look for a cure for her. That's why you gave up so fast.
"That's not true."
You were jealous of her relationship with Beast Boy. You were jealous that had she survived, she and Beast Boy would have become a couple.
"You're wrong."
You hated Terra. You wanted her to die. You wanted to kill her for taking away Beast Boy.
"YOU'RE LYING! THAT'S NOT TRUE!"
You were glad that she turned traitor, glad that she ruined her own chances with Beast Boy!
"NO, THAT'S NOW HOW IT WAS!"
You were happy she sided with Slade! There was no one to stand in between you and Beast Boy anymore. You were glad she turned to evil!
"STOP IT! YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG! THAT'S NOT HOW I FELT AT ALL!"
Raven collapsed onto her knees, and her head fell to the floor. She thrust her arms over her head, her eyes shut tightly against her surroundings.
Rage pushed her advantage. Terra was always the enemy, even when she was a Titan. You wouldn't give her your trust, remember? It wasn't because you sensed something wrong with her. It was because you didn't like how she was interacting with Beast Boy
"YOU'RE WRONG! STOP TELLING ME THESE THINGS!"
You're so good at keeping up that mask to hide your true feelings; you can even hide them from yourself! Or do you already know, and you're just in denial?
"I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING!"
No, nothing at all… just your true feelings for Terra and Beast Boy.
"STOP IT! STOP TELLING ME THESE THINGS!"
I'm only telling the truth… how you hated Terra. You envied her because Beast Boy liked her, but you also hated her for it. You hated Terra, Raven, you hated her!
"STOP SAYING THAT!" Raven let out a scream and banged her fists on the floor, red eyes appearing under her hood. A hiss escaped her lips as she glared at the other forms of herself scattered throughout her room.
Footsteps came from the down the hallway. Her personalities looked at each other and then vanished. Just before the door opened, Raven felt something lift from her conscious as she gasped for breath, her body giving out on her again.
As light flooded the room, four figures sped through her door, rushing to her side.
"Raven, are you all right?" Beast Boy asked, the concern evident in his voice.
Raven took in several deep breaths, her eyes wide and staring unseeingly at the floor.
"Raven, are you okay?" Beast Boy repeated. "Can you hear me?"
Raven took in another breath and carefully placed her emotionless mask over her face. She took a moment to gaze into the faces of her four worried friends. "Of course. I'm fine."
"You were screaming," Starfire said.
"Yes," Raven said. "I'm fine now."
"Are you sure?" Robin asked. "Is there anything we can do?"
"No," Raven said.
"Really, Rae?" Cyborg said. "You're really okay?"
"I'm fine," Raven said, a tint of red flashing in her eyes.
The four backed away.
"Well, we'll just be going then," Cyborg said, waving as he walked over to the door. "Glad you're okay, Raven!"
Robin and Starfire followed Cyborg immediately, anxious to get away from Raven before she got really mad. Beast Boy stood up after them and walked over to the door, pausing as he reached it.
"You sure you're okay, Rae?" he asked.
Raven's gaze softened slightly, enough so that the red left her eyes. "I'm fine, Beast Boy. Get out of my room."
Beast Boy hesitated, but then vanished from sight, the door closing behind him. Raven was again alone in the dark. She didn't move for several moments, her mind trying to grasp what had just happened. She had let herself fall prey to own mind's tricks. Raven slowly stood up, her hood falling off as she did so, uncertain of what to do. She didn't move for a moment, but then turned around and walked over to her window. The dark clouds above released their water in small quantities, making the tiny drops that fell against the window slowly expand in size. Raven stared at her reflection in the window. She hadn't lost control like that, even for a moment, in quite a long time. Raven exhaled, and her gaze dropped to the floor. Except for the drops of rain outside, there was silence.
A brushing against paper made Raven turn sharply behind her. Rage was standing next to her wall, smiling that awful smile.
"What do you want?" Raven asked harshly.
Ever so slowly, Rage lifted her hand and pointed a pale finger at the wall beside her. The smirk broadened and then she vanished.
Raven glared at the spot where Rage disappeared, quickly maneuvering around her bed to the place Rage had pointed. Raven's calendar was pinned to the wall, a date circled in red that had not been circled before. Raven's hard stare remained.
Her birthday was quickly approaching.
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A/N:
Lalala… I really should get working on Spiteful Love… that idea just kinda died with me. It no longer has any appeal. Because I luff you all, however, I shall get on it in due time. By the end of the year, I promise, I'll have the first chapter out! I think I've already written something, but… yes, I did. It's stupid, though. I'm rewriting it. So in time, I shall get it out to you all!
As for this fic… hmm. I had an idea in Yearbook like… last year. I enjoyed this idea as an angsty sort of thing, so I e-mailed it to myself and decided I'd get to work on it eventually. I just found the document saved on my computer and was like, "Hey, I wanna try this!" So I'm trying it.
The next chapter… hmm. Well, as the end of this chapter might foreshadow, something important is going to happen on Raven's birthday. I think I'll do a couple chapters or so on the days beforehand, showing signs that something is wrong. The real plot won't get started until her birthday, however.
Thankx for reading, and please review!
Riles
PS: IT'S A BB/RAE, YOU GUYS! I'M FINALLY WRITING A BB/RAE! YEAH!