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God, she looks so peaceful, almost like an angel. What could be so bad in her life that she would see no alternative to ending her life. At work she was "Go, go, go" as usual. I even saw her laughing the other day. She seemed happy.
Looking up at her from my seated position next to her bedside, I can see that her colour is off and she's thin; thinner than usual. I mean, she's always been on the bony side, but now, right here and now, she looks almost like some of those photos you see in magazines from Auschwitz. Not nearly as emaciated as some, but well on her way.
As I look at our joined hands, I can feel that she's cold, too. Standing up and leaving her room, I go in search of a heated blanket. I found one down the hall a ways and when I returned to her room, I was surprised to see that she had woken up. With a smile on my face, I resumed my perch next to her bedside. I unfolded the blanket and dropped it in top of her. She smiled.
Sara:
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Ugh, I feel like shit. Grissom's here and in all reality, he's the last person I want to see right now. No doubt he's got some sort of lecture in mind for me. Maybe something along the lines of "What could be so bad?" or maybe even "We're family, how could you do this to family". Whenever something happens, when ever something goes wrong, he's there like a preternatural authority figure from thousands of years ago saying, "If you do that again I'll fucking spank you". He's got this way of conveying a message loud and clear without even using any words, so maybe it'll just be a particularly evil look. There's only one way to find out, right?
He's being unusually sweet, given all that's gone on between us. I hate that this is what it took for him to notice me. I shouldn't have had to chew a bunch of sleeping pills in order for him to light a fire under his ass and, for the very first time, realize what was actually going on beyond the confines of his office or condo. I don't want to say anything, lest he read too much into whatever comes out of my mouth, so I'll just lay here and smile. I'll pretend that I've got a big headache and that it hurts to talk, maybe that'll do it.
Grissom:
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She's not saying anything. She's just grinning and trying to avoid eye contact. If she doesn't want to talk that's cool; there's plenty of time for that later. Right now she needs to concentrate on getting better and hashing out some of her more pressing issues. She just lays there for a few minutes and then drifts back to sleep. I wish I could stay here all night, but shift is about to begin and I've got to be there, but at the same time someone needs to be here for her, someone she can talk to, someone she's comfortable around. I pull out my cell and dial.
I know its Nick's night off, but for something as serious as this, I think he'll understand. He agrees to come over and keep Sara company, saying he'd be there in about half an hour.
Her eyes closed and her head turned away from me, I lean over and plant a little peck of a kiss on her forehead and whisper that I'd be back later. Gathering my coat, I leave her to sleep.
Sara --------
Good, he's gone. I open my eyes and look around. I know I'm in hospital, that's obvious. But I want out of here. So, slowly and methodically, I disengage myself from the heart monitor, the pulse-ox machine and remove my IV, placing a 4x4 on the puncture and taping it down. I find my personal effects in a bag on a chair in the corner of the room and dress in record time.
Outside, I hail a cab and just tell him to drive. Where am I headed, I don't know. I just want out of here.
Nick --------
Entering the room that Grissom had told me Sara was in, I see the bed is empty and all the Ivs and monitors had been unhooked. Hurrying to the nurse's station, I find the first person and enquire as to Sara's whereabouts. Apparently she's gone missing and no one knows where she's gone. I pull out my cell and call Grissom to let him know she's gone. He's understandably upset, as am I. Where could she have gone to?
Sara --------
I don't know how I got here, and don't even remember telling the cabbie to bring me here, but here I am, nonetheless. Paying and getting out, I climb the stairs and knock on the apartment door, hoping not to startle the resident.
Greg --------
A knock comes to my door and as I open it I see Sara standing there looking like she'd been hit by a Mack truck. She's pale, more so than usual and looks as if she's gonna fall over at any second. I take her hand and guide her inside. She looks like she needs to lie down, so I show her to my bedroom and help her into bed, removing her shoes, jacket and covering her up. Within minutes I can hear her soft snore and its safe to make the call I know I must make. Picking up the handset of the phone, I call Grissom's cell and let him know what's going on. He seems a bit relieved to know she's ok and tells me to just take care of her until he can get over here, which won't be for some time.
I feel really bad for her. I mean, what could be so bad in her life that the only way out, the only solution to her problems would be to take her own life? I mean, I knew things weren't perfect, but whatever is? Sitting on the couch, I keep the volume on the tellie low so as not to wake her from her seemingly much needed sleep.
Grissom -------------
I wonder why she felt the need to leave the hospital, but then again she was always a bit headstrong. I wonder why she went to Greg's. I wonder why Its so hard for me to open up to her. I mean we've known each other for years and it should be one of the easiest things to do; to tell her how I feel, but every time I think I'm ready to confess I sort of shut down. My mind goes blank and I say or do something to shut her out or push her away. These are the last things I want to do. I wish I could just tell her that love her and accept her reaction, but as I said, every time I think I'm ready, my mind reminds me that I'm not.
This has got to stop. I've got to be honest and accept the consequences of my actions and inactions. God, why is this so hard?