Chapter 20
On Saturday, Abbey walked down to the pond where she and Jed had spent many happy hours. But happiness was not on her mind this time. The fall leaves had left the trees bare. The wind out of the north cut through her jacket and chilled her to the bone. Her mood fit the weather. Winter was approaching and she didn't know if she would be around to see the spring.
But she had to do some thinking about her future. If there was a future, that is.
Abbey's POV:
I'm worried about my testimony.
There aren't many witnesses for the defense that can be called upon to defend my actions. I knew the possible consequences of my actions would be when I helped Jed die. I guess I just hoped I wouldn't have to face them.
I knew in my mind that the dose was more than enough to stop his breathing. To stop his heart. But my heart overrode any logic I might have followed.
He was suffering so much. Even when he stubbed his toe I would get upset. Oh, I wouldn't let him see it. I would push it so far down that nobody, especially my husband, would see my anguish.
Rosslyn cost me so much physically. I had to suppress my worry in order to keep Zoey's and the Senior Staff's spirits up. My blood pressure had gotten dangerously high that night. A severe migraine started in the wee hours of that horrible time, but I suppressed it until I knew Jed was going to get better and Josh would make it.
I went back to the Residence, took a pain pill and slept for ten hours.
But I never allowed myself to show anything but strength.
That's how it was the last night of Jed's life.
Strength. I had to maintain a façade of strength for our daughters. For the press. For the world. I thought I had done so. It had taken strength to make the decision I had. A weaker person wouldn't have done it. Couldn't have done it.
Jed would have been proud of me for that strength. He was always the strong one. Well, not always. But most of the time.
I miss you so much, Jed. So much. The days are so long without you and the nights are almost unbearable.
I did what I thought was right and now I'm being second-guessed. I guess that's how you felt after the consequences of your actions became evident. Even with Shareef the consequences and especially the second guessing afterwards were brutal. The whole affair had almost cost us our marriage.
What I'm worried most about right now are the consequences costing me my freedom. Maybe even my life. It has already cost me my family.
Jed, help me make this decision. Help me know it's the right one.
Sitting on the cold ground, sobs escaped from her mouth. Her body shaking, Abbey knew in her heart that the end was near. Her future sealed. But somehow, she had to retain control. She could not go to prison for the rest of her life.
Her decision made, she stood and walked back to the house. A house she hoped one day to live in again.