Chapter Thirteen

St. Paul's Cathedral, Georgetown, Washington, D.C.

September 29th, 2000, 7:33 p.m.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...I don't know...six months since my last confession," Scully told Father McHugh as she sat down in the booth.

"It's good to see you again, Dana. Though I have missed seeing you at Mass for almost the same amount of time," he corrected her in a kind voice.

"I know. I'm here to make up for that now."

"Well, Dana, to not attend Mass is not a sin, of course. But those who do wander away have been known to be led astray." She fell silent, obviously consumed in her grief and guilt. "What sins have you to confess?"

"I'm sure many, but, I think I've been kidding myself that I can do this alone."

"Without God, we are nothing. Remember St. Paul the Apostle's quotation from the book of Phillippians. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. What it is it, my child, that you have realized you cannot do?"

"Five months ago my partner at the Bureau was abducted...and it's been rather difficult to go through the work he himself started without him there."

"Is this the same man you spoke of before...Mr. Mulder, was it?"

"Yes. I've been working with another man for the same number of months, but it's not the same. We can't exactly bounce theories off of each other the way Mulder and I did."

"So you enjoyed the man's companionship as well as his intelligence?" Scully felt herself blush and heat grow to her cheeks. She had been trying to deny herself the fact for years, and even more so for the last one. He completed her, and she him.

"Yes, well, I mean, I suppose."

"Dana, you need not fabricate walls around your heart. Remember, this is part of reason why you came to me, is it not?" The rosy feeling that had been passing through her heart when she thought of Mulder went cold suddenly.

"You've been talking with my mother, haven't you?"

"Yes, but, remember I'm not a psychiatrist, Dana. I don't pull people's brains apart to study what's wrong with them; they confess it to me, and I only speak the Word of God. He is the Almighty Healer. Have you been relying on Him to get you through your day to day work?"

"I haven't. I know I should be--it's hard to let someone else take control of your life when you've done it for so long."

"Yes, and although I don't know all of your troubles, Dana, I do know that you're going through a very hard time now. It is all the more reason to lean on God as your stronghold, especially since you do not have your former partner at this time."

"I'm expecting a child in February. Although it's not Mulder's, I wish he could be there to see it."

"Hmm...I'm not saying this to chastise you, although it may sound so, but had you come to God earlier to pour out your soul to Him first, you might not have so many hard times now. He teaches us lessons everyday; I'm still learning new things about Him everyday myself, Dana. And you know what? It's a testing of our faith and by relying upon God for everyday life makes difficult decisions that we have to make into the right ones. And it's not to say that you have been making the wrong ones all the time. But am I right? You have been making a few poor choices recently; you probably wouldn't be here otherwise."

"Yes, you're right, Father McHugh."

"Tell me something, Dana. Why do you wear that cross around your neck?"

"It was a gift from my mother."

"Is that the only reason? Surely you have other jewelry that loved ones have given you, but yet you do not wear it. You want others to notice your faith, yes?"

"I...yes, I do."

"Good. And I'm sure they see it. But do you? Do you doubt the work of our Lord and Savior?"

"Never."

"Hmm...I think if that were really true, you wouldn't be suffering so. I'm not saying that your lack of faith has caused Mr. Mulder to disappear by any means--only God knows of His own plans, but know that He works in mysterious ways. And believe it. Something good could come out of such a tragedy. For instance, in one way, it has caused you to rethink your relationship with him, has it not?"

"I had thought about it before, but I guess I took it for granted until he was gone. What are you saying, Father? That if I say that I love him, I'll get him back?"

"Oh, you know better than that, Dana. God has His own timetables. Have faith. That's all it takes. I know you believe in the work Mr. Mulder did; now believe in the work that God does. Remember that the things of this world are only temporary, and that the things of Heaven are eternal. Go, my child, you are forgiven. Take comfort in what you have heard this evening."

"Thank you, Father McHugh." Scully arose from her seat and left the booth. She started to leave the cathedral, but thought better once she saw a senior citizen kneeling and bowing her head with her rosaries clutched in both hands. The female FBI agent pulled her own set of rosaries out from her raincoat pocket, knelt in the same row, and crossed herself before beginning her own prayers.

THE END