Chapter 4: Pain and Suffering

"Dear Diary,

I have something to confess to you. Since you are the only best friend that will always be with me and support me in whatever I do, I need to desperately tell you something, or I swear I will be insane. Someone screen named 'DragonRulez' IM'ed me and told me to give up on Harry, and that he will never like me, and in fact, never have. I am quite devastated with the news. No matter what I seem to do, Harry always hangs around Ginny or some other girl. It's like I'm not enough for him, even though I am the only intellect in this school. I don't know why someone that I don't even know would say something that truly and disturbingly troubled me. I mean, I don't understand my reaction. At that time, I felt as if my worst fears were confirmed, as if the world was crumbling from beneath my bare feet, as if the walls I've built around myself for the past six years had all been blown by one person. 'Love is like the wind, it blows and goes.' So why am I so panicked, so aggravated, so frustrated by this confirmation? Why do I even care?

I…care…because I still love him. But maybe it's time to move on.

Yours, Hermione."

Pansy stopped here. She was surrounded by many Slytherins at the grand table. "Look at this, isn't she a dork? What the hell is 'Love is like the wind, it blows and goes'? How pathetic," she dismissed it with a wave of her hand, and threw the parchment to the next person in line to decipher this entry.

Hermione had just made her way from the door to the grand tables when she felt everyone's gaze on her. What is happening? She thought. Then she peered over at her friends, Harry and Ron, who both averted her gaze. What's the matter? Wondering curiously, she sailed through the floor and dropped herself next to Harry. Harry looked at the other direction, his face illuminating a shade of pink. Ron's ears were red with fury. "Hermione, how could you? How could you love Harry when he's only interested in my sister? Are you trying to break them up or something?" Ron demanded.

Hermione stared at him in surprise, stunned. Wait, what?

"Yeah, Hermione, that's so heartless of you, what the hell have you been thinking?" Seamus Finnigan joined, inching himself closer to her.

"I…" Hermione started, searching for words, "how…did you guys…find out?"

Ron stood up from his seat at this, and stormed away. Harry shifted his gaze on his lap as Ginny strode over to sit next to him. She gave Hermione an indignant look, a look mixed with hurt and fury.

"So, Hermione, so I'm not 'smart' enough for Harry, now, is that it?" Ginny questioned. Hermione sat motionlessly, her eyes idle with surprise. "Just because I'm not an 'intellectual' like you, so…that means I'm stupid, right?" she asked with amusement surfacing her voice.

Hermione's mouth dropped. Oh my god. What the fuck is going on? What have they known?

"Oh look over there, if it isn't the goody-goody, miss fancy-pants!" Pansy shouted from afar. "Ahoy, everyone, look at Hermione Granger, the only intellectual in our grade, the one who loves Harry Potter, and tries to break Harry and that Weasel up!" She walked their way, until her gaze bore right into Hermione's own hazel.

"Listen to me, you mudblood, you stay away from everyone else's business. Want some advice? Next time when you are passionately in love with a guy, save the drama, and act cute and fluffy, instead of your arrogant haughty atmosphere which you have endorsed us." She added with a light huff, and then walked away with a blatant smirk on her face.

Hermione looked emotionless. She looked blank, devoid, and blanched. The entire school made her their focal "idol" of the day, one that was to be taunted, to be teased, to be hated at, for the rest of the day, maybe the rest of the month, or depending on their moods, the rest of the year. Draco Malfoy sat aloof in his seat forking his scrambled eggs back and forth, his heart rambling with confusion and pity.

He didn't care about the damned mudblood. She deserved it anyway. Yet it was his fault that she was so upset over it. He decided the best thing to do was to curse Goyle, who had published the diary entry on the weekly Hogwarts Post. But the thing is, he didn't know why he would want to curse Goyle. He sort of actually should congratulate Goyle, should treat Goyle to an absolutely fabulous dinner, should worship Goyle and make him his God, but somehow, as if through his wickedness, he gained a conscience.

Yes, I kid you not. Draco Malfoy gained a conscience.

Of course, he had no idea what the word "conscience" really means, except a vague allude to the morals which it beheld. It was at this time that he became smugly aware that such a feeling existed, since it was something that he was completely unfamiliar with. There was a new feeling in his icy eyes that often reflected annoyance and contempt, but rather, just maybe, there was a hint of…light. A hint of warmth that was trying to surface, trying to outsmart its other emotions that he was so accustomed to.

Yet, he did not do anything. He merely sat there, like a statue, staring at his scrambled eggs. He sort of enjoyed Hermione being taunted on account of his torture of her, it was rather a good show, he had to admit.

But then conscience kicked in. In a way, he felt bad for his actions. He felt like shit, he felt like poop, he felt like a loser, for completely humiliating a girl and cause her pain and suffering all in one morning. He felt like the devil that he was destined to become, he felt like a thousand needles prickling his insides, giving him a light shudder that made him vulnerable. It was at this time that he decided to talk a walk, and just leave it all behind.

Hermione could not believe her own eyes. Her diary entry, her private property, her personal space, had been invaded and bombarded and revealed all at the same time, in front of the whole school. She felt humiliated, pain, and suffering. Worst of all, she felt like a mother having her child quartered up in front of her eyes. Her face resembled an earth about to erupt.

A thousand ships launched themselves from her stomach, and caused her sickness to defeat her posture. She simply could not hide her tears anymore. Before she could be more humiliated, she ran away from embarrassment, one arm attached to her teary eyes, the other covering her lips, which quivered violently, and dashed out the great hall in a short moment's time. Harry turned around to face her back, and felt her shadow haunting his very existence. He sighed. He did not know what to do. He knew that the only thing that can make this right is…time.

Draco strolled along the deserted hallway deep in thought. He believed, somewhere in that shallow conscience of his, that this was entirely his fault. Wait, no, maybe, just maybe, it's Goyle's fault.

No, it's definite his fault. He had never felt so…wrong, so…exposed, so…desperate to mend his mistakes before. But he strolled along the deserted hallway anyway, doing nothing.

Hermione ran teary-eyed away from the humiliating crowd and strayed into one of the empty halls. From far away she could have seen a dark figure looming around, but her eyes were too covered with tears and hair to notice that. She dropped down in front of one of the doors, and began sobbing hard. She had never been so humiliated in her entire life.

Draco turned around, noticing with alert that someone was disturbing his silence. When he span around to look who it is, he felt a wave of unwanted frisson running through his body. Slowly, he made his way to where Hermione sat, and put his hand on her shoulder. Hermione quickly flinched from his touch, and raised her head from her lap.

"What the hell do you want?" She barked.

Draco didn't say anything. He sat down next to her.

Hermione stared at his pale figure, her eyes narrowing to the size of a seed. "If you want to make fun of me, go ahead. It's better to get it over with."

Draco lowered his head. "I don't want to make fun of you."

Hermione raised her eyebrow in suspicion. "Then what the hell are you doing here?"

"Nothing." He said quietly. He didn't feel like insulting her today.

"Well, then get the hell away from me!" Hermione spat, burying her face in her hands again.

Draco looked defeated. There was simply nothing he could do to comfort her. Wait, what? Did he think what he thought he thought? Comfort her? I don't care if the stupid mudblood died! Having that thought in his mind, he rose from his seat, and walked mindlessly toward the light illuminating from the lanterns from the great hall. From behind him, he could hear a series of sobs.

Hermione's eyes stared heatedly at his head. If stares could kill, Draco would have been dead in an instant. "Malfoy." She commanded.

Draco turned at the sound of his eyes, and whispered, "Yes, mudblood?" he had a light smirk on his face.

"There will be no lesson today."

That was all she said. He nodded, and soon disappeared into the light.

Oh, curse you, curse you, DragonRulez. I wish you Aveda Kadevra.

Draco went back to his dorm, and hung himself lifelessly on the chair. His head was spinning from confusion, anger, revenge, and conscience. Though he did not know what the effect of Hermione's humiliation was, he was transformed. Not a lot, but still a little.

Once you get a conscience, you can never go back.

He also found, that Hermione's tears, Hermione's sorrowful eyes, and her waning figure, hurt him a little. It must be that he's the cause of it, he thought ruthlessly, not that she was beginning to shed light on him.

Nope, it's that he made her sad. That was why he felt hurt, too. That has to be why.

The entry of Pansy and Goyle made the dudgeon even more depressing. "Malfoy, did you see that mudblood's face today?" Goyle laughed, and dropped in the couch next to Draco. Pansy snickered, and put her arms around Goyle, her eyelashes batting restlessly.

"That was priceless!" Goyle emphasized lightheartedly, his head spinning from amusement. Draco gave him a severe look. "It wasn't funny."

Goyle raised an eyebrow. "Whoa, whoa, Draco, are you alright? Do you have a fever or something?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine. I just didn't think it was funny, Goyle, that you went through all that trouble just to humiliate her."

"It was sure as hell worth it!" Goyle said mindlessly, grabbing an apple from the table. Draco slowly withdrew his wand from his sleeve. Then, without warning, he whispered, "Petrifius!" A green spark shot from his wand to Goyle's face, and immediately petrified him. Pansy screamed, her hands flinching from Goyle's shoulders as if she withdrew her finger from burning coal.

"DRACO!" Pansy yelled, her face blanching to the color of invisibility.

"That's what he gets for playing unfunny jokes."

Pansy narrowed her eyes. "Every other Slytherin thought it was funny."

Draco shrugged. "Well, I didn't."

"You, you, traitor!" Pansy shouted, her wand pointing at Draco's face.

"Come on, curse me," Draco said playfully, watching the wand descend onto his nose. "I dare you." He smirked. Pansy's hands shook violently, but she did not resort to cursing him. Draco took Pansy's hand and guided it directly to his forehead.

"Curse me, Parkinson. Come on, don't be such a scaredy-cat. After all, every other Slytherin would have done it."

Pansy stared doubtfully. Then, slowly, as if retreating, she drew her wand back, and hung it loosely around her side. "Draco, you're back to your old self again," she smiled.

Draco scoffed. "Sure. Of course I am. What made you think that I wasn't?"

Pansy climbed down into the seat next to him, "I almost thought you got a conscience back there."

a/n: YAY ) finished! I'm taking this story up after sooo long! Hahaaha. It's fully changed, cus I'm moving things slowly this time. The story plot isn't going to be the same as the previous one, just so you know. Anyway, pop a review!