A/N: Chapter 3 Beta'd by Trickster's Queen of War.

Teyla lay awake. She'd slept for a short time, but the memories were too strong and painful to stay away. Her thoughts went to John; she knew he was worried. More importantly, she knew he was not telling the whole truth to keep the pressure off of her.

Making up her mind, she sat up, throwing the covers off her. He deserved to know what had happened. If for no other reason than he was always there for her. She wasn't sure how she would say it, but in her heart, she knew the words would just come when she needed them.

She left her room and walked down the hall, in the darkened Atlantis. Atlantis at night was a mercifully quiet place, with few distractions. The lights were dimmed in the living quarters area, and gate travel was fairly uncommon.

She reached his room and paused for a second, should she wake him? She resolved herself to knowing that he'd want to help her. She opened the door and stepped in. "Colonel?" She asked.

John's head lolled over, obviously he hadn't been sleeping deeply. "Teyla, what time is it?"

Teyla looked away. "In truth I do not know. I have come to tell you about the boy we met."

He sat up. "Okay."

The simplistic nature of his sentence caused her to lose her train of thought. He hadn't said anything but that he'd listen. She had no clue about his feelings. Surprisingly, it affected her more than normal.

"He is my son." Teyla said quietly.

John's eyes nervously darted back and forth and a look of shock replaced his tired expression. "What?"

"It happened a very long time ago."

"I'll bet." He replied. She had his full attention.

The darkness never came. Teyla didn't know how long she had laid their in the mud, devoid of the will to keep on living and fighting. She finally noticed she wasn't going to die when a young Yalisian found her.

He was a fairly handsome young man, he couldn't be much older than her. He climbed down the slope, calling her name. She barely recognized it, the pain of her loss so strong in her mind.

She vaguely remembered him picking her up and carrying her back to the village and only remembered Charin's nursings as if in a dream. She simply stared into the roof of Charin's home, as if staring into the last image of her mother.

"Child, I know you can hear me." Charin said, gently rubbing her hand along Teyla's forehead.

"She is gone." Teyla said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Not gone." Charin replied. "She has joined the ancestors. Now you must lead your people Teyla. They have need of an Emmagen once again."

"The ancestors are punishing me Charin, for not helping the Yalisians."

Charin laughed. "I doubt that very much Teyla. If anything, they are testing you, but punishing you, no."

"Then why must my mother die, so soon after my father." Teyla felt like crying, the tears just on the edges of her vision.

"I don't know." Charin replied honestly. "But lying around moping will accomplish nothing."

Teyla realized how selfish she was being. She didn't care. It was her parents that had been taken. It was her life that was now alone. How could she accomplish anything without them.

"I know what you're thinking." Charin said, almost as if reading her thoughts. "What could I possibly accomplish?" Charin grinned at Teyla.

Despite herself, Teyla had to smile. Charin had a way with people, especially her.

Charin placed a hand on Teyla's shoulder. "You can accomplish anything you want. Your father taught you everything so that you could one day take his place. He would have preferred to stay here longer, but he knew that couldn't be the case."

"What can I do?" Teyla asked.

"Do everything you can Teyla." Charin replied. "Nothing more, nothing less."

Teyla took a deep breath, unnerved by the stare John was giving her. She was terrified that she'd made a mistake, but she was secretly praying that he understood.

He looked away. "So, you had one of these Yalisians' kids?" He asked, disbelief in his voice.

Teyla nodded. She was past the point of denying anything. "Yes, eventually."

"Teyla... I..." He looked away, not able to meet her gaze, not even noticing that she couldn't meet his. "That's one of the most selfless things I've ever heard of. I don't think I could've done the same in your situation."

She sighed in relief. "I was afraid you'd think less of me."

John stood up, crossing the distance between them and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me Teyla."

Her gaze drifted up to meet his.

"This just goes to show how amazing you are. You are the most selfless person I've ever met, and that's... just amazing. I wish I could say I've done the same."

Teyla's brow scrunched together in confusion. "John, what do you mean?"

He motioned for her to sit, it was a long story. One he'd never told anyone.

It'd not been a great Friday. He'd brought home a less than stellar report card and gotten kicked out of the house, again. Well, not exactly kicked out, but to escape the yelling, he needed to get out. The snow was falling fast, blanketing the ground in a thick coat.

He was cold, but he didn't care. He'd be warm soon enough. Rumors had been spreading around the school that he and Angela were sexual active. There was no substance to the rumors, but since they'd been dating for three years, it wasn't surprising. Every other couple had.

Her house was dark. That meant one of two things, they were asleep, or they were out. John put his money on the latter. With the frequency and length of his stays, Angela's dad had entrusted him with a key for just such and emergency.

He still felt odd putting that key into the lock and stepping into the quiet house. He closed the door behind him, locking it again. He turned the front porch light on as he made his way to the living room.

The couch was probably the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. He'd fallen asleep on it numerous times. A blanket was on it, along with a pillow. He shook his head, this wasn't normal. Then he spotted the note written in Angela's handwriting on the table.

It explained that she figured he'd come by and need a place to stay. She was out getting dinner with her parents and would bring him something. At the bottom it said to make himself at home. He didn't feel comfortable with raiding the refrigerator, but he did feel comfortable passing out on the couch.

He awoke some time later to Angela shaking him. "John, wake up already!"

He shook his head, clearing the dizziness. "Sorry. I just..." He trailed off.

Her smile always warmed his heart. "Don't worry about it, that's why I left you the pillow and blanket."

"Thanks." He said, kissing her lightly. "I wish I could make it up to you."

"You don't have to." Angela replied, taking his hands in hers'. "You know I'll always be here for you. I brought you something."

"What'd you bring?" He said, his playful and sarcastic personality coming to life just by being in her presence.

"Dinner."

"Something happened, did it not?" Teyla asked, her voice now equally as quiet. She leaned against the wall at the head of his bed, giving him her full attention.

"Yeah, something happened." John echoed. "The worst part about it was that it was my fault."

"Your fault?"
"She was the best thing that I had back then, and I threw it all away." John threw Teyla a very fake smile that quickly turned into a frown. "What else would you expect from me?"

Teyla slid closer, placing her hand in his. "John, tell me the whole story."

Only a week later, John sought shelter in Angela's caring embrace once again. Her parents were out of town on a business trip, they left the house in her hands. They'd also told her that it was fine for John to stay at the house if he couldn't bear his.

There was only so much pain John could deflect with sarcasm. When John did anything but respond, "Yes sir," his father would yell even more. He doubted his father would want him back in the house for awhile. He had the weekend, he didn't intend on showing back up until Sunday late.

Angela leaned against him. The two of them were laying on her bed. John was sure this wasn't what he parents had in mind by him staying but he needed the companionship. To be completely honest, his father flying off the handle was hurting his grades even more.

He didn't want to release her, but he did, standing up and getting ready to head downstairs to the couch. It was late and they both needed to sleep. "I'm heading downstairs."

"John, don't leave." Angela said. "Please."

He sat down at the edge of the bed, playfully tickling her toes. "I'll just be right downstairs."

"John, stop it." She said, leaning forward to push his hands away.

He could feel his control of the situation slipping. He needed to leave now or he knew something bad was going to happen. "Angela, you know I can't sleep with you, it wouldn't be right."

"Well, then you'd better kiss me goodnight." She said, leaning back on her pillows.

He slid up the bed so that they were only inches apart and kissed her. Somewhere between there and breaking the kiss he lost control, because soon their bodies merged and their kisses became frantic. Something bad had happened, though neither of them could admit it.

"She found out she was pregnant a month later." John said. "I was the father."

"John." Teyla tried to interrupt him.

"The thing is, I should've left while I was still capable of doing so." He was beating himself up and Teyla knew.

"John!" Her voice was quiet, but stern, silencing him. "It is not your fault. If anything, you were both at fault. Trying to blame yourself for what happened accomplishes nothing."

She took a deep breath, collecting her feelings. "What happened to me was different, but the same."

Teyla found the young man who had pulled her from the ditch in the field. He wore a hat to keep the sun from his eyes as he worked, though his clothes were ragged from repeated wear. He bowed to her respectfully.

Teyla return the bow. "Thank you for saving me."

"I believe the strength was your's." The young man replied. He pointed to himself. "Rylan."

"Teyla Emmagen, daughter of Tagan." Teyla replied, using the full title.

Rylan looked around, two more Athosian women were pregnant and taking a much needed break. Teyla noticed his casual gaze in her direction. "Do you not have someone already?" Teyla asked.

Rylan visibly blushed. "I could never ask a woman I hardly knew to bear my child. Even though I know that means I will be the last of my family."

"Your parents were culled?"
"When I was four. My brother when I was six. My twin sisters at seven. Since then I've been lucky to be here as long as I have."

Teyla's heart ached to remember her own loss when compared to Rylan's. She admitted he was handsome and she was uneasy with her current line of thought, but Charin's words were still fresh on her mind.

She looked him in the eyes and said. "For the ancestor's sake, I will bear you one child."

Rylan looked at her as if she was an angel from the ancestors themselves. "I will never be able to repay this debt."

Teyla nodded grimly. She would do as her mentor had said. 'Do everything you can. Nothing more, nothing less.'

John shook his head in amazement. "Just like that, you agreed to do that."

Telya grinned at the simplification. "I assure you Colonel that it was not, 'just like that.'"

"But still." John shook his head. "But that's the difference between what happened between me and you. I lost control, you knew what you were doing."

"I knew what I was agreeing to, yes." Teyla admitted. "But it still felt wrong."

"What you did was selfless, don't ever tell yourself other wise." John said, his hands gently squeezing hers.

For the moment, Teyla was in a place she never wanted to leave. She took a chance, and kissed John Sheppard right then and there. There was a moment of confusion in John's expression before he leaned into the kiss, but then he stopped, pulling away.

"John?" Teyla asked, still recovering from the surge of adrenaline that was making her heart beat in nervous anticipation.

"It's happening again." John said. He stood up, leaning against the support beam in the room. "I won't do that to you. You're too important." He held up his hands to stop any reply from her. "I'd be lying if I didn't find you attractive Teyla, and as McKay would put it 'hot.' But I won't sacrifice our friendship, not for just one night."

Teyla crossed the room. John's feelings were out in the open, she needed to reveal hers. She stopped just short of kissing him again. "John, you will always have my friendship, not matter what happens."