Episode placement: Blackadder - Between Head and Potato. Doctor Who - Between Resurrection of the Daleks and Planet of Fire.

BLACKADDER AND THE DOCTOR

Part Two

London, England

April 20th 1561

Down a dark alley off a bustling London street, the grinding sound of the TARDIS could be heard as the alien timeship disguised as a blue police box - the likes of which wouldn't be around for another 400 years - materialized as if from thin air.

The doors opened and the Doctor exited followed by his companion Turlough, a red-haired young man from Trion. "Sorry about the bumpy landing," said the Doctor.

"Yes, Doctor, what was that all about? You said there'd been a malfunction?" said Turlough.

"Hm, yes," he replied. "The TARDIS's fluid link. It's prone to break down every so often. Pity I don't carry spares any more. Without it, the TARDIS is immobile in both space and time. That's why we had to make an emergency landing." He unrolled his white hat and placed it atop his blonde head as they walked out into the street.

"Where exactly are we, Doctor," asked Turlough as he surveyed his surroundings.

"England, Earth. Mid to late 16th century, I'd say," said the Doctor. "The Renaissance, Turlough. The Elizabethan Era. Some call it one of mankind's Golden Ages."

An elderly couple passed by the travelers. They were clad in rags and covered in dirt. The old man coughed and hacked.

"Not for everyone apparently," observed Turlough.

The Doctor nodded sadly. "C'mon." He led off down the street.

"Where are we going, Doctor?" said Turlough. "I thought the TARDIS was broken?"

"It is," said the Doctor.

"Well, shouldn't you be fixing it?"

"I told you, it needs a new fluid link and I don't keep spares any more."

Turlough was slightly annoyed at the way the Doctor would refuse to explain things simply, forcing Turlough to ask questions so as to make the Doctor look all-knowing. "So, are you going to make one?" he guessed.

The Doctor laughed. "Hardly. Even though it's one of the TARDIS's most basic components, it's still more advanced that anything humans will invent for another thousand years."

"So where are we going?" asked Turlough, getting slightly more annoyed yet still not showing it.

"Before it copped out, the TARDIS managed to locate another fluid link, and dropped us off as close as possible."

"Another fluid link?" said Turlough. "Who on 16th century Earth would have such a thing?"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks outside a building. "I've no idea, Turlough. But whoever they are, they're in this house."

"What in the Devil's name is all this?" yelled Blackadder as he found Percy and Baldrick in the living room surrounded by a variety of boxes and papers.

"It's the stuff the Queen sent over, My Lord," said Baldrick.

"The what?"

"You remember, Edmund," said Percy. "The stuff that belonged to Leonardo da Vinci."

Blackadder suddenly remembered. Queen Elizabeth was going through an artsy phase and had bought a load of junk that supposedly belonged to the famous Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci. After his death, it had allegedly been stolen by robbers or something and had eventually found its way to England where the Queen had purchased it.

"Leonardo da Who?" Edmund had said when she told him.

"Come now, Blackadder," Melchett had said. "You don't know one of the greatest artists of our time?"

The bastard had made him look foolish in front of the Queen, so naturally Blackadder had acted as if he had been merely jesting and that he was really a huge fan of da Vinci's.

"Good," the Queen had said. "Then you can look over all the nice things I got and tell me about the best ones."

That was just like Her Majesty, wanting someone else to do everything for her, even the stuff she liked.

"That's right," said Blackadder. "I'm stuck with the miserable task of sorting through this worthless junk."

"Oh, I don't know," said Percy. "It's not all worthless."

Blackadder snatched the large book Percy was looking at off him and read it. The page was open on a sketched diagram of some complicated looking circular mechanism. "What's this, eh? Volo a macchina? What does that even mean?"

"Flying machine," said Baldrick.

Blackadder and Percy turned to look at him. "You speak Italian, Baldrick?" asked Blackadder, astonished.

"Just that one phrase, My Lord," Baldrick replied.

Blackadder, being abnormally patient with Baldrick, inhaled deeply. "You know how to say 'flying machine' in Italian and nothing else?"

"Yeah."

Edmund closed his eyes and struggled to think of where to begin. He eventually decided not to. "You see," he said to Percy, holding up the drawing. "Totally worthless, just like Baldrick's Italian."

There was a knock at the door. Baldrick went off to see who it was. Percy continued to flick through the sketchbook.

"Here's another interesting drawing, Edmund," said Percy, scrutinizing another page. "It's called a macchina di tempo. I wonder what that means."

"Time machine," said the Doctor as he entered the room, closely followed by Turlough and Baldrick. "I do apologies for barging in like this, but I've never been one to stand on ceremony."

"And you are?" asked Blackadder.

"I'm the Doctor and this young man is my associate Turlough." He looked around at the room. "I'd say from the looks of things, you gentlemen are collectors of the works of the great Leonardo da Vinci."

"What's it to you?" said Edmund.

"I too am something of a… collector of da Vinci artifacts."

"Oh God, another one," sighed Blackadder. "Look, I'm afraid this junk - sorry, these artifacts - don't really belong to me. I'm only sorting through them for their real owner."

"And who might that be?" asked the Doctor.

"Her Majesty the Queen," replied Blackadder snootily.

"Ah! Old Bess won't mind, I assure you. I'm only after the one thing and she won't even notice its absence. I'm also willing to pay for this particular item." The Doctor withdrew a sack of gold coins from his coat pocket.

Grinning widely, Blackadder accepted the coins. "So you're a Leonardo fanatic? Why didn't you say so? Please look around for your desired item."

"Thank you," said the Doctor as he and Turlough searched through the boxes. "Actually," said the Doctor as he searched, "I'm more than a fan of Leonardo. We're old friends."

"You were friends with Leonardo da Vinci?" said Percy.

"Don't be stupid, Percy," said Blackadder. "He's winding you up. Da Vinci died over forty years ago."

The Doctor simply grinned. "Yes, quite."

Percy held up the drawing again. "Um, what did you say this was again, Doctor?"

"A time machine," he replied. "Actually, let me see that." He looked over the drawing and chuckled. "Leo, you sly one," he said to himself. He shook his head and put the book down. "Don't worry about this," he said to Percy. "It's worthless."

"See," said Blackadder. "I told you so."

"A time machine?" said Percy. "You mean like one of those mechanical sundials from Germany? What are they called…?"

"Clocks," said Baldrick.

"Baldrick!" gasped Percy. "We have company. Mind your language!"

"Aha!" said the Doctor, holding up a small, squarish device. It was the fluid link. "Found it. Come on, Turlough, let's go." He shook Blackadder's hand. "Thank you very much for your assistance, Mister…?"

"Blackadder. Lord Edmund Blackadder."

The Doctor gave Blackadder a funny look. "You know, I could swear we've met before…"

"I doubt it," said Edmund.

The Doctor shook off his funny feeling. "Yes. Anyway, must dash."

As Turlough followed the Doctor he thrust some sketches into Blackadder's hand. "You may want to keep hold of these," he said. As the strange men left as quickly as they had arrived, Blackadder looked at the sketches. They were of a smiling woman.

"Utter junk," said Edmund, and he tossed the sketches back into a box.

While Blackadder and Percy weren't looking, Baldrick slid the sketchbook off the table.

"Doctor, how did a fluid link wind up amongst da Vinci's artifacts?" Turlough asked as they walked back towards the TARDIS.

"I gave it to him," replied the Doctor. "Years ago. Back when I did keep spares. I gave old Leonardo a lot of his best ideas, you know. Including, apparently, plans for a time machine."

"Yes, Doctor," said Turlough. "Why did you give a 16th century human diagrams on how to build his own TARDIS?"

"I didn't mean to, Turlough. It was a long time ago, and we'd had an awful lot of wine." They had reached the TARDIS and the Doctor unlocked the door. "Anyway, from what I seen of the drawing, only the greatest genius who ever lived could turn those sketchy scribbles into a working time machine. Either that or a very lucky fool…"