Title: Memories
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence, Blood, Language, Slash and MPREG
Summary: A forgotten tragedy from Logan's past suddenly resurfaces leaving Logan a shell of his former self. Can anyone get through to him?
Author's note : I had to reload these next 4 chapters because I just noticed that there was a formatting problem. This should make the story easier to read! I'll be workingon the chapters for the next two days so hang tight.Also I corrected some of the stand-out spelling errors and what-not. Of course i don't have a beta reader so there still will be errors floating around.
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Memories Part 2: a glimpse of something terrible
There was a growing gloom filtering through the halls of the Xavier institute. The once cocky rambunctious teenagers that ran through the halls with dreams of being the next X-men had quieted. It was all because of one mans absence. Logan didn't realize that despite all his posturing to keep people away he was a staple of the school, a constant, the one resident that couldn't get hurt, couldn't go down, couldn't be compromised. The children thought he was the coolest guy in the world. They wanted to be tough and powerful just like him and every chance they got they tried to "hang-out" with the burly man named Logan. Even if it meant helping him cut wood for the fireplace or be his helper when he's working on the cars in the garage. They'd show up where ever he was working and he'd put them to work and in exchange he'd answer whatever questions they'd ask. He'd give his usual rough answers, but there was always merit to them and over time the kids learned concepts like honor and confidence in ones self. Now they were learning mortality and vulnerability. They were realizing that everyone had their demons and no one was without weakness, not even their idol. If he can fall down…that means I can too…right? That's what was on their minds. That's what was on everyone's mind.
The x-team was taking it just as hard as the student body. Putting up a strong conjoint front they decided to tell all inquiring students that Logan would be just fine with time but it was becoming harder and harder to look the children in the eye and tell them what seemed to be a lie. It had been almost 2 weeks now, 2 weeks and Logan hadn't moved. No threatening curl of his lip, no dangerous glares, no gravely chuckles or murderous rage and even though those were his famous traits that everyone complained about…those very traits were the first that were missed. He just lay still, comatose and seemingly trapped behind glossy eyes. They stared blankly at the ceiling, the same blank stare he had since the hospital hallway. No matter what Jean tried it seemed that medical Science wasn't the answer to Logan's vegetable act and as the days slipped by hope of the mighty Logan ever waking up waned between the senior members of the school. The Faculties Morale was slipping as well and the activities that were usually spent together as a team like meals, missions and training felt empty without the stoic, ill tempered feral snarling and yelling and inserting innuendos into conversations that even made the usually quiet and regal Ororo blush and giggle.
The day Logan was rushed to the med lab from the hospital the professor had taken him aside and sent him on a pressing mission to recover a dangerous mutant child. He reluctantly took the mission realizing his duty but inside he felt awful leaving while a team member was down. While away he kept in constant contact with the mansion, wanting updates on Logan's condition. She could hear the sadness and disappointment in his voice when she told him there was no change. Jean would try to talk to him about his mission but Scott was never much in the mood to talk about how it was going. The conversation always turned to what was being done to bring Logan back. He was worried and he had right to be. Logan had never been down for this long and despite there caustic association with each other Scott still saw him as a valuable member of the team.
With the new baby Molly couldn't stop over the mansion to see Logan in person but she'd call everyday for an update, sometimes twice a day. Somehow she felt it was something she had done that sparked whatever was keeping him mentally hostage and despite Charles' reassurance that there was nothing she did to provoke this, her voice still shook with regret and responsibility. She offered to make some calls and ask some favors to get the best in mutant and human medicine to work around the clock on Logan but the professor politely declined. No amount of medical know how could help Logan now, His memories needed to be sorted, filed away and if necessary…blocked.
The feral mutant left the professor no other choice and even while understanding Logan's need for privacy and his fear of physical and mental manipulation, he could no longer avoid entering Logan's mind. He feared that if there was no improvement in 2 weeks time he might not wake up at all without some intervention. So with a heavy sigh the professor decided to take his chances with Logan's friendship and trust and use his abilities to force his way into his turbulent subconscious.
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The professor sat quietly at Logan's Head in the overwhelming quiet of the medical lab. His hands were planted firmly on the hairy Man's temples as he concentrated on finding the source of his distress. The only sound was the slow and steady intake of breath coming from his comatose pupil as his blurry orbs still stared straight forward. The usual cool blue of his eyes had changed murky and dark, completely void of consciousness or reason. His mouth was slack and his hair grew wild and untamed. His usual stubble turned into a wiry beard and his hair flowed down and brushing his shoulders. Sweat formed on the Charles' brow as the formidable task of forcefully breaking down Logan's mental Shields became more and more painstaking. The mans innate ability to block out psychic advances was baffling. The professor couldn't imagine this was a learned ability, a skill forced upon him by his captures at Weapon X. This ability was too organic, too deep rooted. This was an extension of Logan's mutant abilities that they had never had the chance to really touch on before. Over time he had found that Logan's mind was much more complex then most. His mind had the ability to switch back and forth between duel consciousnesses, which was a defense mechanism of sorts, giving him the capabilities of surviving no matter the situation. Whether the brute force, cunning and skill of the feral mind was needed or the honor, ingenuity and reason of the civilized mind was needed Logan would undoubtedly find a way to survive. These invasive memories that were bombarding Logan's mind was causing him pain, his defense mechanism engaged but which side can help? The Beast or the Man? The man will confront the memories feel the full gamut of emotion and pain that stemmed from them, and either accept them or fall apart. The beast on the other hand lacking enough reason to understand these memories will only feel anger and explosive rage, but will eventually forget the ordeal all together, letting his mind regress into a more simpler state of being. The two sides of his mind struggled for supremacy and while the battle raged Logan simply shut down. Charles had to decide for him, 2 weeks in a coma was long enough, he had already waited to long. The man or the beast…Xavier chose the Man. So he sat at Logan's crown trying to break down Logan's walls, hold back the beast and let the man inside of him decipher and face whatever atrocities had been inflicted on him so long ago. 30 minutes had passed and signs of fatigue were evident on the professor's face and Jean began to worry. She opened her mouth to voice her concerns but before she could utter a word he reeled back in his chair. Snatching his hands away from Logan's temples as if they were on fire.
"Professor what is it?" Jean said, stepping up beside him in a hurry, Her red hair swaying around her shoulders with her sudden movement.
"I was able to break down his walls and I saw a small glimpse…Pain, so much pain and anger." The professor uttered while shivering slightly. He took a deep breath to center himself, blinking away the images that had overwhelmed him.
"Maybe if we both try…share the emotion between the both of us, we can figure out what's happening. Find a way to help him." Jean spoke with determination. She couldn't' let him lie there any longer.
"That just might work Jean. Brace yourself and prepare yourself…what you might see will not be pretty " He said and she nodded stiffening her shoulders and breathing out slowly. The professor once again touched Logan's temples while jean stepped close and put a hand on the middle of his forehead. With skill and concentration their minds left their bodies and entered the twisted world of Logan's subconscious. His world was dark and musky with an eye-watering stench of disease and decay. Jean did all she could not to gag on the thick stagnant air. The light seemed perpetual, not from the sun or a lamp, just light streaming from nowhere. Just enough so they could make out shapes and outlines.
"Professor where are we?"
"I'm not sure Jean…I believe this might be a small chunk of the memory that's causing Logan so much pain."
"It looks like we're in a dungeon of some sort." She spoke rhetorically. As their eyes adjusted to the weird light they could see the damp cobblestone walls and floors. The diminutive pitter-patter of sublevel creatures that loved the dark and the damp scurried and scampered along the moist uneven floor as she slowly pushed the professor down a long corridor. On each side were cells and cages, each equipped with a set of manacles that hung ominously from the ceiling. Most were empty, but there were a few where skeletons hung, arid and dry. The obvious remains of Projects and captives that didn't quite live up to par. They had to have passed 30 or so cells before they approached the one at the very end of the hall. The cell marked dangerous/beware. There weren't bars like the others; the door was a steel armored plate with a small latch at knee level. Jean assumed so they could slide in food and water. They were startled by a muffled groan that echoed from inside.
"Logan?" Jean asked, pressing her hands against the metal door. She yelped in pain and snatched her hands away gazing at them as if looking for burns.
"Jean are you alright?" The professor asked. His face was balled up in a frown. This place felt to hold unspeakable slaughter and his mind could reach out and feel all the souls that had died in this unforgiving place. Souls that had died screaming.
"What ever is behind that door, it's…it must be horrible. There's so much pain. Both mental and physical. I can't bare it." Jean finally said still gazing at her hands.
"Are you coming to take it away?" Came a defeated voice. A voice they could barely recognize but the Canadian drawl was still there though it sounded tired and strained. Before Jean could figure a way to answer such a vague question she was interrupted by a sturdy demanding from behind.
"Just remain calm, this will be over before you know it." Out of the shadows stepped a man and Jean gasped at what she saw. He had no face, no features, just a blank slate of peach pale skin. The faceless man walked forward as if he didn't even see Jean or the professor and behind him were 4 other faceless doctors all fitted with laboratory smocks splashed with dark red. They could hear a muffled whimper on the other side of the door and the doctors unlocked the heavy door and slid it back only to violently rush the room. Jean tried to see over the commotion, see who the victim was, but there were too many of them. They struggled to hold there patient down but she had no view of him. All she saw was a flurry of white and red.
"No! NOOO!" He kept shouting. He screamed and Jean had never heard anything so heart stopping in all her life. The scene suddenly shifted, the old one fading away and being replaced by the next one. Jean quickly studied her new surroundings immediately becoming aware of the fact that the professor was no longer with her.
"Logan? Where is the professor? Is this something you don't want him to see?" She spoke out loud but she got no response. She felt cold, without the professor to help guide her she felt frightened and a knot formed in her throat as screams reverberated off of every wall seeming to bounce back directly at her. She stood in the blazing white of a hospital lobby. No longer musky and dark like the dungeon. In front of her was a pair of double swinging doors. She gazed through the small window to see a bustle of doctors, barking orders and checking instruments. He was screaming, yelling and begging but they didn't hesitate, didn't stop, and didn't flinch. The blank slates that were there faces held no expression and she wondered if this was what the doctors had looked like to him. Or had he gave these men no faces to illustrate their inhumanity…she wasn't sure. She pushed through the double doors with the full intention of stopping whatever heinous act was being committed but she remembered this wasn't real life, this was in his mind, a memory and she couldn't interfere, couldn't change anything. She was like a phantom, a haunt with no tangibility. She slowly walked around the scene hoping she could see from a different vantage point but the whole room seemed to turn with her and no matter where she stood she saw the same perspective. His mind just wouldn't let her see what they were doing to him. She could make out his hand clasping the sides of the medical bed. Grasping so hard his knuckles were white with tension. The thick metal restraints dug into his wrists and his claws shot in and out compulsively. The doctors spoke gibberish and Jean assumed that, that's what Logan must have heard, through all the chaos, the pain, and the horror. She took a step but she realized her feet were in something wet, something coagulated and slick, she looked down to see the floor covered in red. Her eyes widened with horror as it crept across the floor dripping from the hospital bed, moving as if it were some sort of sentient being who's aim was the coat everything in the room. The doctor's lab coats were saturated with the same crimson as they cut and sawed on their patient. The wet sounds of flesh being forcibly sawed and the putrid smell of caked blood and gore assaulted her nostrils and she suddenly found that she couldn't take it anymore. She finally screamed out, screamed along with Logan, and the scene came to a dramatic stop. frozen. Everything was quiet except for her heaving breathes. The blood had stopped flowing the monitors stopped beeping and the doctors stopped moving, her stomach turned at what she saw and the urge to vomit was strong. With a start she gasped as a gunshot rang out. She whirled around wildly. It sounded so close, like it was in the room with her but she couldn't find the source and before her mind could even guess what had occurred she was thrown out of his mind with such force that in real life her head snapped back and she fell like the dead.
"Jean, Jean, talk to me. I was thrown out of his mind. Are you ok, what did you see?" The professor asked leaning forward and extending his hand to help her off the floor. With mild confusion she looked around reassuring herself that she was back to reality and that world she had just witnessed was far far away.
"Something Horrible…"
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Hours later After taking time to catch his breath and converse with jean on what she saw the Professor called for an immediate meeting with the entire faculty. They filtered in the meeting hall sitting at their usual spots at the long cherry wood table. Once everyone was seated it was sorely obvious that two seats were unoccupied and everyone knew why. Scott, team leader who usually sat next to Charles was on a mission, but was soon to return. The other seat belonged to Logan. Clearing his throat the professor began the meeting. Without revealing too much and keeping Logan's privacy in mind he told the X-men that there was a fight going on in Logan's mind and it was something that he would have to figure out for himself. He admitted that he had tried to help but couldn't, Logan's mind was far too volatile. With a heavy heart he prepared his children for the worse, the outlook wasn't good but they shouldn't give up hope just yet. His speech was touching, and his urge for everyone to keep hope alive was stirring but it just wasn't enough and the professor could feel the doubt radiating off everyone sitting at the table. Xavier was at a loss, even with his expansive knowledge and mental skill he couldn't find a way to correct this situation. With a twinkle of hope in his eyes he suggested that sitting with Logan and talking to him might appeal to the part of Logan that would never leave them behind, maybe cause him to fight harder. To some it sounded like a shot in the dark but still they didn't hesitate to come up with a rotation. Each member taking 2 hours out of their day to sit with Logan and talk about this and that. Visitation wasn't just limited to faculty; students would peek in as well. They'd sit with Logan for a while, mostly unable to find anything to say. They'd just stare and let there eyes brim over with tears before excusing themselves and leaving. Jubilee on the other hand would never cry. She'd sit with him, chattering away Busying herself by painting his fingernails different colors just because she could and he couldn't stop her. She'd smack her gum and talk about old times. The only difference today was instead of painting his nails she gently brushed his unruly hair.
"Wolvie, you remember that time I went to that college party and got really drunk?" She said calmly. A small smile spread over her thin lips as she remembered.
"I called you up crying cause I was too drunk to drive and I begged you to come get me and to not tell the professor. You remember that?" She paused as if waiting for a response, the smile faltered some when she didn't get one but she tried to keep her spirits high and her voice steady. She had to be strong for Logan; he wouldn't expect any less of her.
"I don't remember much I was sooo smashed, but I do remember that you didn't yell at me or scream at me. You just came and got me…helped me to my room, got me some water and sat a trashcan next to my bed. Before you left my room that night you stood in the doorway, you looked back at me and I could see so much…disappointment in your eyes. I couldn't even look at you. I never did anything like that again…you know why?"
"Cause you being disappointed in me was punishment enough…"
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that, that instance is when I realized how much I care about what you think of me. Your really the closest thing to…a father I have. I can trust that you'll be there for me when I do the stupid teenage things that come with growing up. I can talk to you about important stuff cause I know…even though you can be kinda harsh sometimes it's for a reason…and you care, but I have to admit that its hard to talk to you when you won't talk back…" Her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to fight it but they were tears that had been building for weeks.
"Even if you say "'shut yer yap Jubes." I…I won't be mad." She suddenly burst into tears. The dam finally broke. The brush fell from her trembling fingers and clattered to the floor. She covered her face with her hands and just let the tears flow.
"Jubilee, are you still down here?" Jeans voice softly floated into the med lab, the doors swooshed open and she strolled in with a look of concern. She noticed the young Asian right away. Hunched over Logan's medical bed desperately wiping at her eyes in an attempt to hide her weakness. Jeans heart broke, Jubilee was taking it the hardest. The dark bags under her eyes were a testament to that.
"Jubilee, it's late, you should get some rest. You'll be the first person I call if there's any change. Try to get some sleep." Jean said giving her shoulder a squeeze. She didn't acknowledge the tears, Jubilee would feel more comfortable that way.
"Yeah…" was all she said. She gave Logan one last long look. Hoping that maybe at that moment, He'd wake up and tell her that everything would be alright. But it didn't happen and everything wasn't alright and she still missed him and feared he'd never wake up. She stood and shuffled toward the door and Jean watched her retreating form.
"Don't give up Jubilee, we'll figure this out…he's not gone." Jean said and the Asian teen turned and gave a lopsided smile and then left without another word.
TBC…