Title: Memories

Author: shadowkat83 AKA fanficexpress

Fandom: X-men

Rating: R

Chapter: 6

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Language, Slash and MPREG

Summary: A forgotten tragedy from Logan's past suddenly resurfaces leaving Logan a shell of his former self. Can anyone get through to him?

P.S. This chapter was re-uploaded to fix formatting errors.

Chapter 6: Primal

The mansion's residents were restless. Both Scott and Logan had been gone for hours and the anxiety was rising. Deciding that playing a friendly game of cards would keep the worry away the older member of the X-team assembled around the large polished table in the lounge. Poker was the game of choice and Gambit of course was the ringleader, taking the time to teach the ladies the way the game was played. His enchanted red on black eyes shined as he explained the rules and Jean noticed how he seemed to live for this feeling of usefulness and being knowledgeable. Seeing the Cajun's enthusiasm lightened Jean's worries and she fell into the spirit of the game. Also she realized that fretting and wringing her hands wasn't going to help matters. Bellied up to the table Remy, Rouge, Jean, Beast and Storm playfully shifted their gaze between each other trying their best to bluff the other out of their money.

"Remy 'tink you play this before." Remy finally said casting Jean a smirk as she reached for the large pile of coins and 1-dollar bills.

"No, I'm just a quick study." She said with a wink. Her smile was dazzling as she eyed her money. She had won the last 4 hands and her pile of money was noticeably bigger then everyone else's.

"Why Remy don't believe you?" He said crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair.

"Shut up Cajun and play the game." Jean spat with mock anger giving his shoulder a swat.

"Cher, Remy 'tink you hung around dat feral too long." Remy said jokingly but the table grew quiet and the mood fell solemn. How could she be enjoying herself when she knew the horrors that were going through Logan's mind? How could she forget the danger Scott could be in chasing after him? Logan had always been unpredictable at best and emotionally unstable, god only knew what he was capable of in the state he was presently in. Why Scott chased after Logan like that she couldn't understand. They had never been friends. They were rarely even cordial. They had a very curt relationship and the way they spoke to each other showed nothing but disdain. She could always feel an underlying hum of respect generating between the too, so quiet and deep in there subconscious she wasn't even sure they knew about it. The real question was when had that sprout of respect bloomed into something bigger? Furthermore, how big had it grown? She shook her head and shivered thinking about how twisted things had become between the two of them. She had begged Scott not to go and for the first time in their relationship…he just wouldn't listen.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Logan, can you hear me?" Beasts gentle voice probed. Logan sat frightfully still. His eyes were wide with panic. Scott readjusting the visor beast had thankfully retrieved for him and adjusted himself in a crouched position so he could look directly into Logan's bloodshot eyes. The team slowly filtered into medlab each looking at Logan's disheveled state warily. Jean was the first to speak.

"Scott are you ok?" She said with concern making steps to be by his side but he quickly raised his hand and shushed her, keeping his attention on the unstable man pressed against the blood splattered medlab doors.

"Hey, It wasn't your fault…" Scott said softly and Logan's unfocused eyes finally focused on chocolate brown ones. He wanted to hear that. He needed to hear it. He hoped to god it wasn't his fault but the beast inside him wouldn't take any excuses. He'd lost the only family he had and it couldn't be anyone's fault but his own. Logan looked down at himself half surprised. Finding himself sitting on the cold floor, a mess of a man. He didn't even have the energy to stand and his eyes were puffy and red rimmed from crying. His throat ached and so did his chest and he wished to whatever god there was in heaven that all the sad, sympathetic eyes of the team weren't pointed straight at him. Then he saw the wavering eyes of one jubilation lee, coupled with the sympathetic eyes of Charles Xavier. Pathetic was what he was and irrationally he became angry and frustrated. His face balled into a scowl as he stared at Scott and Scott's face only softened as if to felt sorry for the poor wounded animal snarling in front of him. Logan couldn't stand that look anymore and abruptly stood causing Scott to teeter backward and fall on his butt. Logan scanned the room like a spooked dog. The faces mimicked Scott's face of rancid pity. He felt trapped and caged as if he was some sort of zoo exhibit on grand opening day. Did they want him to give a speech? Do a little dance?

"Logan…" came Jubilee's small voice but it boomed in his ears like the last tick of a bomb.

"I need some air." He rumbled then haphazardly stalked out of the room bumping into things and causing them to clatter against the hard linoleum floor. The noise only assaulted his senses and made his need to depart even more urgent.

"Wolvie wait!" Jubilee blurted and Logan froze. His shoulders bunched up and he began to shake. He couldn't deal with this right now. He didn't want to see her face. He'd lost all semblance of control. How could he look at her now without feeling guilty? How could he explain what happened? Would she think it was his fault? Would she hold it against him? Fuck that! He shouldn't have to explain! Without a word or a glance back he stormed out leaving behind a tearful teenaged girl and a shocked team.

"I gotta go after him." Scott said after climbing to his feet. He'd stayed quiet and still on the floor, not wanting to spook the man anymore then he already was.

"Scott no! You can't. He's still not in control. I can feel so much rage and despair. There's no telling what he might do." Jean blurted and Scott swayed at the force of her worry and concern flooding his brain through their shared link.

"That's exactly why he shouldn't be left alone." He countered.

"Scott…" She began again.

"No! He's just remembered that he lost his infant daughter. They killed her right in front of him because they wanted a son instead. Can you imagine being punished for something you can't control, like you can really control the gender of your child? Can you imagine what that must feel like? Can you just stop for a second and imagine what that would feel like. Then to realize that you not only watched her die, but you went one step further and forgot about her all together. Disrespecting her memory… how would you feel Jean? Would you really want to look into the eyes of the entire team knowing they know? Could you stand the looks?" Scott had erupted and he stared at Jean in the oppressive quiet. He hadn't realized he'd shouted his whole spiel in one breath. His chest heaved slightly and the once unified couple was at a stand off.

"No, no I couldn't stand it. I'd have to get away…" She whispered looking down at her hands which suddenly seemed very interesting.

"Exactly, He wants to get away but he doesn't want to be isolated. He needs someone who wont feed him pity and sympathy. I can do that and I can bring him home." Scott said with his tight leader voice. His back was ridged and his chin high. He shifted his gaze from Jean to the professor who seemed to just be an observer. The professor's face was creased with thought. He knew Scott would go no matter what he said and something inside of him knew that it would be better to give Scott the chance to bring the wayward feral home then to aggressively attempt to apprehend him. With a heavy sigh the professor looked up with pursed lips and gave Scott a nod and with that Scott was gone.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"So beast. How have things been for you?" Storm said trying to break the smothering silence that had befallen the group. Jeans wondering mind came back home and she flushed slightly knowing she must have been staring off into space. Storms eyes fell on the man she had once given her heart too who sat respectfully across the table from her. She tried to be tough, regal, unwavering but her eyes softened when she gazed into the warm yellow eyes of Hank Mccoy.

"Things have been stellar. I think we are truly making progress, but even with all the advancements we are making I still find myself missing home." He said in his usual poetic way. He had such a way with words. Profanity would sound like the sweetest music coming from his mouth, which was something storm had always admired about him. Opposite to his rough appearance the man codenamed beast was actually a very intellectual and thoughtful soul.

"And missing you…" He added and Storm slightly flinched. Unsure why his confession caused such a surge in her emotions she nervously smoothed her hair behind her ear. Her mind drifted back to the time she'd shared with him. The picnics, the conversations and the passion, now it all seemed to overshadow the bad times that had ultimately led to their less then cordial breakup.

"I missed you too Hank." She smiled at him and he smiled back a toothy grin with his blue fur slightly bristling. An awkward silence fell between the two and they realized that the rest of the team were watching them intently, like nosey school, children even though they tried to hide it behind their cards.

"So…how have you been these last few months?" Hank asked after clearing his throat.

"I've been alright. I'm teaching another class now. So I'm even more busy then I was before." She stated coolly, trying to stay in control of her emotions but she could already hear the pitter patter of rain that was no doubt the personification of her cloudy feelings.

"How's the greenhouse. If I recall correctly you had a terrible time with a Hasta bush you had aptly named arduous." He grinned at her choice of names for the difficult plant.

"Arduous is doing fine." She smiled, impressed that he remembered such a thing. It meant she was still on his mind and she couldn't help but let the smile that had already spread across her face spread even further. Her smile faltered when jean groaned and teetered forward in her chair holding her temples.

"Jean! Hank!" They heard a gruff and rushed bellow. From the roughness of the voice they knew it was Wolverine but there was an edge to his voice they had never heard before. The team immediately left their chairs and ran for the foyer. Jean sent out a mental probe in mid stride and gasped at what she found.

"Oh my god. What have you done?" Jean shouted before she even saw the chaotic scene. She turned the corner to find Logan standing drenched in rain, creating a growing puddle around his feet. In his arm was a limp and very pale Scott Summers. His chest barely rose as he took in gurgled breaths. The puddle at Logan's feet began to change rusty brown and Jean could detect the familiar stench of blood in the air.

"I…We got into a fight…I didn't mean…He needs help." Logan offered. Stuttering uncharacteristically and jean could sense a swell of contradictory emotions threatening to send him over the edge.

"Bring him to the infirmary…now" She barked leading the way in a rushed jog. The team murmured and muttered their concern watching Jean, Logan, Scott and Beast enter the elevator to the medlab. Storm eyed the blood on the floor and covered her mouth as the doors closed and the eerie sound of labored breath disappeared.

"It'll be alright cher. Scott a strong man, he'll make it out of dis one fo' sure." Remy said giving storm a hug and waiting with the rest of the team to take the next elevator down.

"God, what has Logan done?" Strained Rouge who sounded both sad and angry.

"I don't know, but from the look in his eyes I'd say what ever it is…he's already paying the price for it." Ororo said and the team fell quiet.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Leave Logan. Your not welcomed here!" Barked Jean as he laid Scott's shivering body down on the closest medical bed. He moaned out loud and Logan grimaced. She checked Scott's pulse again and began to cut away what was left of his tattered shirt. Beast worked diligently to collecting the necessary materials to close whatever wound was causing Scott to bleed out to profusely.

"I said get out!" He screamed again not taking the time to look up. She didn't even react to the vicious wound. She was in doctor mode and instead focused on stopping the bleeding.

"He's lost to much blood, He needs a transfusion. I'll prepare it." Beast said and went about it.

"Jennie" Logan finally said taking in the scene before him. Blood and chaos. He'd done this. He'd caused this. Always blood.

"Leave…" she spat again. This time stopping and staring at him with such venomous rage that he had to look away.

"I think it best you leave. If you stay, you'd only be in the way. We will keep you updated of his condition. Mean while I think it would be prudent to speak to the professor. Tell him your side of the story…" Beast said and Logan looked at him. Tell him my side of the story? He thought. Did they think he did this on purpose? He balled up his fists that were slick with blood and turned to leave only to be halted by the scratch marks all over the door. How could they not think he did it on purpose, look what his animal had done. He shifted to flee through the automatic doors when he heard to barely audible sound of Scott trying desperately to utter his name. Logan couldn't take it, if his name were his last words…he couldn't even think that way. He shot through the automatic doors and down the hall not taking notice of the sour and confused looks he received from the team.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Logan could hear the distinct whirr of his motorized chair and sighed. He sat in his dark room letting his mind wonder over the tragedy he had just learned of and the possible tragedy he had just committed. He had showered but he could still smell blood on himself. It seemed like blood from the past and the present. He was saturated in it, it was caked all over. The blood mixed with guilt and self loathing and he found himself wanting nothing but for everything to end and all this emotional noise to be silenced. It had been awhile since he had felt this low. The need to end it all kept creeping into his psyche but was that the easy way out? Or was it the only way out? The whir got closer and Logan put a lid on those feelings, deciding to save them for later when the psychic eyes of Charles Xavier weren't so close.

"Chuck…" Logan said as the professor turned the corner and entered his open room. He sat in the doorway. Staring at him sidelong with his hands folded in his lap. He took in the slope of the hairy mans shoulders and his disheveled appearance. He sat dejectedly on the edge of his bed staring at the wall smelling like he had used a whole bar of soap and his skin looked flushed and angry as if he had rubbed it raw. Under the stern glare of his mentor Logan seemed to crack and felt compelled to explain himself.

"It was an accident chuck. He was bating me. Pushing all the right buttons until I just…I lost control. We fought in Harry's parking lot for god knows how long. All I could see was red, I was so angry." Logan couldn't even look at the professor. He didn't want to see disappointment and he didn't want the professor to see the irrational anger and rage that was building inside of him again. His anger seemed to be a bottomless pit, it had an endless supply of energy now and he felt like a ticking time bomb.

"How about now? Are you still angry Logan?"

"Yeah…angry and frustrated that everything has to end in blood! He didn't do anything but try to help me and look where it lands him. I'm not good for anyone chuck…not good for anyone. I don't think I can keep control." Logan abruptly rose to his feet and began to pace the room like a caged lion.

"When I first heard of Scott's condition and your supposed hand in it I was very upset but I think there is something else at play here. You have a pent up rage that's eating away at you and if given enough time that rage will simply boil over and you'll do something you'll regret. Scott didn't let you boil over."

"What are you saying? He fought me so I wouldn't "boil over" or go berserk? That's crazy! I could have killed him!"

"Just think about it Logan. Both Jean and Hank say Scott will be fine. Don't leave Logan. He'll be disappointed if you go." The professor said and with that he left leaving Logan standing confused in the middle of his room.

"Disappointed…"

XOXOXOXOXOX

"Hey" Scott muttered to whatever living soul was in the room hoping they could provide him with a cup of water and a box of extra strength aspirin.

"Hey, how ya feelin'?" Came a voice he hadn't expected to hear.

"Been better." Scott said opening his eyes and letting them focus on the hairy man with the mean 5' 0clock shadow and unruly hair sitting to his right. He wore his usual flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of warn blue jeans. Logan looked Scott over and instantly felt bad. The man looked frail, fragile even. He had been laying in bed for over a week now and the bandages wrapped around his chest looked angry, as if whatever was underneath was terrifying.

"Jean said your gonna make a full recovery. Your gonna be barking your tight ass orders and playing hero in no time." Logan rumbled leaning back in his chair with his usual asshole smirk but Scott saw that gesture in a whole knew light and in that light that smirk was minus the asshole.

"Well, that's a relief. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't give my tight ass orders." Scott countered and they both smirked and let out a humored breath.

"From what I heard around the mansion no one wanted you to come after me but you did anyway. You knew my rage was building up inside of me and I could have done something unthinkable. Something I'd end up regretting. You're a fool though, putting yourself in danger like that. I lost control. I could have killed ya. Hell I almost killed ya!" Logan said crossing his arms over his chest. To any normal person his gesture and body language suggested anger but Scott knew in a sense the wolverine was trying to say thank-you and showing concern.

"Originally I came to the bar to talk some sense into you but when that didn't work trying to beat the shit out of you seemed like the next best step. I was angry at first, when you punched me my thoughts clouded over with rage but it didn't last long. A couple minutes into the fight I had expelled all the built up anger but I could still see so much still churning inside of you. I don't think you even remembered what you were fighting for, you just needed to let out all that hurt before you exploded. I kept fighting you, giving you my all in hopes that with time your anger would run out…along with your stamina." Scott whispered already showing signs of fatigue. Logan snorted and handed Scott the cup of water that was sitting on the small stand next to the bed.

"I never run out of stamina…part of the mutation." He offered and it was Scott't turn to snort at the innuendo.

"Fortunately you ran out of rage first…"

"Yeah, when you hit me with that blast and I laid there hurtin' so bad. Felt like you blew a hole in my chest"

"I'm sorry I hurt you so bad." Scott said looking at Logan's chest even though he knew he'd find no evidence of injury.

"Don't be sorry. The pain brought me back to reality. Slowed me down enough to realize who I was really fightin' and that I'd hurt you real bad. The anger was gone then when I smelled the blood and saw you in the distance hunched over like that. When I saw you like that I don't know what I thought…I just knew I felt real bad about what I did and had to help ya and get you back here where they could patch you up." Logan said outright and Scott wasn't sure how to respond. He'd never, in all his years knowing him, heard Logan express himself in such a way. He knew Logan wasn't a Neanderthal and was very capable of expressing himself but he never felt comfortable enough to do it but at this moment in time Logan felt compelled to share with him and Scott lapped it up.

"You look like shit. Get some rest." Logan said abruptly changing the mood and Scott laughed out loud at how Logan tended to change subjects with little finesse when things became awkward.

"Thanks Logan. I think I'll do just that." Scott said with a lopsided smirk.

"What are you doing here?" Jean blurted from the doorway. The hostility was so thick Logan could smell it like burning rubber.

"I just wanted to check on one-eye here. I'm on my way out." Logan said unwilling to put up a fight. He'd wanted to check on Scott and that's exactly what he'd done, besides he was already late for his mandatory session with Xavier. He'd agreed to see the bald headed man every day for an hour to help him piece together the horrible memories and get a grasp on his rage. So far they were making little progress….

"Damn right you are. The professor might want you to stay here, but that doesn't mean I have to like it." She shouted after him as he sauntered toward the doors.

"I hear ya loud and clear Jeannie" He said stepping threateningly close to her, taking in her scent and then side stepping and leaving the med lab, Leaving her slightly shaken.

"Jean what the hell is your problem?" Scott muttered once he was sure Logan was out of earshot. His eyes watched her as she checked the monitors and went to work changing his bandages.

"What's my problem? He almost killed you. Your heart stopped twice from the loss of blood and shock. He's dangerous Scott and I don't want him anywhere near you."

"We are all dangerous Jean! Some more then others that's true but you should know better then the rest of us the horrors he's gone through. He has the right to lose control sometimes, sometimes he needs to just let go and this was an accident!"

"Letting go doesn't mean trying to beat the hell out of a team mate. Look at these wounds! Just look at them!" She blurted and for the first time he saw the angry scaring. The skin was jagged and bruised where three perpendicular slashes tore through his otherwise unblemished skin. The skin would knit together but the ugly scars would never go away. He frowned to himself. The wolverine had left his mark. He'd have to livewithit forever.

"It was an accident Jean…Things got out of hand…"

"You could have died Scott. You could have lost your life trying to help him. Since when did he mean that much to you?" Jean said softly. The deeper meaning to her question wasn't lost to Scott. Silence filled medical. Since when had his feelings for Logan changed, could he answer that question even if he wanted to? What he saw in her eyes at that moment was troubling. It was Anger swirling with betrayal and a large helping of sadness. She knew, She knew everything. She knew more then he did about his own feelings and even more about his lack of romantic feelings toward her. In the hush of the med lab their relationship was coming to an abrupt end. A divider was thrown up and Scott could no longer feel her presence in his mind. Her mouth twisted into a pained smile that didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes shown more hurt then anything else and Scott had to look away. He felt violated for having his thought and feelings put on display for her judgment, but he knew this was the best way. The way he felt he could never put into words. It was too new, too fresh and it felt both wrong and right. She had to find out this way or she would have never found out at all.

"Well, get some rest Scott. I have some paper work to do." And with that she left as if Scott had some sort of infectious plague.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Your suppose to be in your room sipping on broth through a silly straw." Came a gravelly voice to his right. He saw the thick Canadian dressed in a matching gray sweat suit but the top had been thrown unceremoniously to the floor. He laid back on the bench press covered in a sheen of sweat, his pectorals and arm muscles bunching with each lift of the overloaded barbell.

"Logan, your so colorful with words" Scott droned and Logan snorted in a way that's just short of an actual chuckle. Hefinally set down his barbells and sat up. Using a near by towel to wipe away the sweat he glared at Scott with his dark eyes. Scott just watched feeling things stirring inside of him. His eyes ran over Logan's cut, strong and demanding body and in that moment he wanted nothing more then to touch that dense frame and see if it felt like how he imagined it would.

"Surprised…"

"What?" Scott said in confusion.

"I'm surprised to see you down here when Beast gave you strict instructions to stay in bed. Not like you to break the rules." Logan said and Scott felt oddly relieved to get the old banter back. He had been stuck in that med lab for 2 and a half grueling weeks. It was nice to get some semblance of normalcy back and it was nice to see Logan again since he hadn't visited him again since the first week in med lab. Over the last week and a half Scott's mind had become obsessed with thoughts of Logan. He had filled his dreams, a dangerous man who could tear him apart but would always choose not to. He would choose to take him instead. Sometimes rough, sometimes gentle, sometimes a mixture of both. Scott had come to the realization that his feeling for Logan ran deeper then just a crush, ran deeper then what he had with Jean. He had never dreamed of Jean coming to him in the middle of the night and doing the things he dreamt Logan would do. Was he sick? twisted for dreaming of him? Scott quietly berated himself clinching his fists in an attempt to push away the thoughts.

"To be honest I can't just lay around doing nothing all day like you. I have responsibilities." Scott said in his usual stoic tone with his arms folded over his chest and his head cocked to one side. He tried to hide the sexual yearning he felt for the shirtless man in front of him but Logan could smell the lust, he just chose to ignore it.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've got responsibilities too and my top priority right now is ta prevent you from using these exercise machines." Logan said while standing. He stretched a little as if prepared to do whatever it took to keep Scott from touching a machine.

"What?"

"Yeah, blue boy knew you'd do this so he told me under no circumstances are you to work out. He thought since I spend the most time in here, if you did try to sneak down I'd catch ya, and what do ya know…here we are." Logan said letting a feral grin spread across his face. The ever growing musk of sexual desire that was pour off the kid was like a drug to Logan. The smell caused his heart to speed up and his beast to bud. The grin that spread over his face was predatory in nature.

"Your not serious…" Scott gapped.

"Try me…" Logan said and Scott wasn't sure if he was playing or not. He squinted at Logan and slowly took a few steps toward the bench press and Logan countered blocking his path.

"Your really serious about this…" Scott said exasperated.

"Hey, you helped me. Now it's my turn to help you." He shrugged. Scott was still for a moment then suddenly broke for the bench press at full throttle. Logan was caught off guard but quickly grabbed Scott around the waist and halted him in his tracks, letting out a genuine chuckle as Scott flailed. The younger man was already out of breath, which only reinforced Beast's no exercise policy and Logan was sure that the angry scars that laid underneath his loose fitting shirt must be stinging from the exertion. Scott struggled some more but quickly gave up and leaned back onto his capture with fatigue. They stood there for a second, quiet, enjoying each other's presence, enjoying each other's warmth. Logan's arms tightened around Scott's waist and he pulled him tight up against him. Scott could feel Logan a hair's breath away from his neck taking in the intoxicating scent. Logan found himself wanting to be closer to him, touching like this wasn't enough. A low primal growl rumbled in his throat and Scott shuttered at the vibrations it sent through his body. The feral mutant began to lightly nip at his neck, running his sharp canines over the tender flesh, enjoying the reactions he got from Scott who sucked in air and let out a satisfactory moan. Scott craned his neck giving Logan more to nip on and Logan too the opportunity to use his tongue to trail up to Scott's earlobe. He slowly snacked his hands under the other mans shirt, running his hands over his washboard stomach and narrow hips. He liked the way Scott felt, he liked the way touching Scott made him feel. He wanted more.

/All X-men Report to the war room we have an emergency./ The professors disembodied voice broke in. The sexual trance they were in was abruptly broken and they jumped away from each other in surprise and utter confusion. They stared at each other, both breathing heavy and obviously sexually aroused. Logan looked around in bewilderment nervously running his hands through his wild hair, there weren't any words to solidify what had just happened. It had felt right but now it felt so very wrong. Logan awkwardly picked up his shirt and tugged it over his head. Scott tried to calm his excited body and cool his flushed cheeks. He smoothed his hair and his clothes and once again they stared at each other unable to find words that were appropriate. What did this mean?

/All X-men Report to the war room immediately./ The professor let out another psychic alert and Scott snapped too. Shaking away the dizzying sexual tension he gathered himself and his rampant emotions taking one last look at the man whose arms he was just in. A dream come true but why did he feel so confused and why did Logan look so scared? Was he disgusted?

"It's Anthony Mckay…" He said in a hurry, turning abruptly on his heal and heading for the door with Logan in tow. His tone and manner suggested that pretending nothing had happened would be the best course of action and Logan agreed, for now.

"Anthony Mckay? Who's that?"

"Your about to find out…"

To Be Continued…Next chapter coming soon!