Title: Memories

Author: fanficexpress aka shadowkat83

Fandom: X-men

Rating: R

Chapter: 8?

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Language, Slash and MPREG

Summary: A forgotten tragedy from Logan's past suddenly resurfaces leaving Logan a shell of his former self. Can anyone get through to him?

Chapter 8: unravel

He stood in the middle of a field in full bloom. He stood bare foot at the top of a small hill and he wiggled his toes in the sun-warmed grass. He wasn't in uniform anymore, the leather was long gone and what replaced it were worn jeans with holes in the knees and a plain white t-shirt. . His hair was much longer then he ever remembered it being. It laid bone straight down to his shoulders and the tips of his ears peeked out slightly through the strands. Through the initial confusion he felt a sense of calm. This place was so beautiful and the air was crisp and pure.

"Hey! Hey slow down will ya!" someone shouted from behind. He recognized the voice in the sense that he'd heard it before but he couldn't put a finger on who's voice it was. He turned around to see a man running up the small incline he was on. He had a smile spread across his face that was infectious. He chuckled with delight as he made his way up the incline. Completely out of breath he stopped in front of Logan and hunched over with his hands on his knees.

"Jesus James…What's the idea running off like that and leaving me behind." He wheezed out.

"James…" Logan mouthed to himself. Why did he call him that? He didn't know. The man finally stood to his full height after finding his second wind. He was Logan's height but didn't posses his bulkiness. He was slender and lean with raven hair that had picked up the gentle rhythm the breeze had constructed. His eyes were what struck Logan the most. They were a misty gray, like those of a cat, which gave him a sudden wildness. He seemed to be the perfect contradiction, with wild mischievous eyes on the face of a cherub.

"Are you ok? You're acting strange." He inquired.

"I…I don't remember you…" Logan finally said and was surprised at how his voice sounded in his ears. He was so use to the sandpapery rumble that he was startled at the pitch and tone his voice had now. It was light, clear, smooth.

"Aw, well…it's been a long time since I've seen you. You've probably had a lot of partners since me. I guess it's not a big deal that you forgot me." He looked hurt but he tried to hide it with a sad smile. He took a step closer and placed his hands on Logan's shoulders. His eyes softened and a quick flash of yellow streaked through them.

"Who are you?" Logan whispered. Those eyes, he'd seen them before. He'd studied them before.

"I'm Marcus, Your first love…" He said with a smile so wide it could split his face in two.

"What!…" Logan gasped out but before he could get clarification the beautiful landscape disappeared and so did Marcus. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was in an old cabin, which also struck him as familiar. In fact, it was more then familiar…he had a sense of home. It smelled like Him, the man who called himself Marcus, his first love. As much as Logan wanted to deny that he could ever love a man he could truly understand falling in love with those eyes.

"We loved it here…" Logan snapped his head to the right startled. Marcus stood by the door with his hands jammed in his pockets and the same infectious smile as before.

"We use to come here all the time. You and me. You said we were the closest to nature here and I agreed. This was the only place where I felt free." He said while looking down at his feet. He was reminiscing about times long ago. Talking about them as if something horrible had upset the happiness he had described. Logan looked around the bare yet homey cabin. There weren't any pictures on the walls or anything definable that screamed to the fact that people use to live here. Just two old jackets hanging on hooks by the door and blankets thrown hap-hazard across the old flannel couch that faced the fireplace. Logan stared at the fireplace and remembered a time when it was roaring with red and gold flames and he sat next to Marcus on the old flannel couch, tired yet satisfied after a weary day of hunting and cutting wood. They had just made it inside before the storm hit. Now the rain tapped at the windows and the thunder and lightening boomed and clacked.

"Why are you so quiet?" Marcus asked sitting on the opposite side of the couch. He knew his lover was tired and needed some space to unwind or he'd become agitated.

"Hmm, oh I'm just thinking about stuff." Logan said while taking a deep breath and letting the fire hypnotize him. Every now and then he'd take a swig of his beer and look at the two jackets that hung by the door.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Logan waved it off but there was a solemn expression on his face.

"No I want to know. Tell me."

"No really it's nothing."

"Come on…you look sad." Marcus pleaded while scooting down the couch toward Logan. He sat right up against him and Logan wrapped one arm around him squeezing him tight.

"I was just thinking how there use to only be my jacket hanging over there by the door. I didn't realize how lonely those days were until now. That's all." He whispered.

More small memories of their time together in the tiny wooden cabin came to the forefront of his mind and he smiled to himself. He'd never unlocked a memory from his past that gave him nice warm feelings like these did. This was the only time when remembering didn't cause him pain.

"What are you waiting for?" Marcus said pulling Logan out of his memories with a chuckle. He nodded toward the quiet fireplace against the wall.

"It's supposed to get real cold…real cold. Come with me, I'll help you get the fire started, after that your on your own." He said reached out for the doorknob.

"Wait, I don't understand what's going on!" Logan yelled out.

"No…you've waited long enough…" He said. He opened the door and a blinding white light burst through the door and engulfed the room. Logan covered his eyes against the lights assault and just as quickly as the light had appeared it was gone and Logan was alone in a small metallic room. There were no windows or doors, just solid metal walls that were old and rusty. The air was thick and damp and it was so cold he was surprised he couldn't see his breath. He turned in a circle taking in the meager space. He came full circle but on the wall in front of him was a large mirror that he was sure wasn't there before. He was taken aback by his reflection. He stood barefoot and filthy. His face, Hands and feet covered in layers of grim. He wore layers of clothes that were tattered and covered in grunge. He subconsciously ran his hand over his face, down his neck and chest in disbelief but when his wondering hand met his abdomen he almost broke into tears. His belly was rounded out and firm to the touch and at that moment he could feel flutters of movement inside. He brought his hands to his face, he couldn't fight back the tears anymore. He knew this place, He knew what was happening, he could remember it now. This was the test facility where they had experimented on him, where they had given him his adamantium skeleton and where they had held him when they found out his secret. The memories all came flooding back to him and he teetered foreword. He braced himself against the mirror, struggling to hold back tears that had been building and threatening to burst free for years.

"Do you remember now? Do you remember me? Us? What they wanted? What they did?" Marcus's voice echoed in the small space and he appeared in front of Logan like an apparition.

"Yes, I remember." Logan whispered but he couldn't take his eyes off of the mirror. After the episode at the hospital when he remembered the loss of his daughter he wanted nothing but to get her back but now that he had her, could feel her kicking inside of him, he wanted nothing more but for this nightmare to be over.

"We started out as partners at first and we hit it off immediately. I think it was because we both carry this feral beast inside of us so it was easy to relate with one another. We did the dirty work that no one else wanted to do 'Dogs of the military' is what they called us but we were the best at what we did and It wasn't long until the military realized they could capitalize on our abilities as a team. They started entrusting us with the high-class jobs and the high-class search and destroy missions we'd always wanted." He paused for a moment staring off into the distance before he continued.

"I was always attracted to you. From the very beginning when I saw you I was amazed by how comfortable you seemed to be with your animal side. I struggled with mine all my life but you were so confident in yourself and your abilities that I was drawn to you. I think you knew I wanted you…you just never said anything. The day came when I couldn't stand it anymore and after a brutal mission we were both in the locker room peeling off our uniforms. I remember I took a deep breath, leaned over and kissed you. I remember that day so vividly because you didn't look the least bit surprised. You didn't kiss me back but you didn't pull away either. You just stared at me the way you always do with those sharp eyes. My heart was beating in my chest, under those piercing eyes you looked like you were gonna eat me alive. Then in a flash I found myself pressed hard against the lockers. You had my shirt collar balled up in your fists and a scowl on your face. You were seething with an emotion I still to this day can't put my finger on. It was something between passion, frustration and confusion. With one last reaffirming shove you let me go and stared at me again and I defiantly stared back. We stood like that for what felt like forever just staring wildly at each other and before I even knew what was happening you had pulled me into a crushing kiss and I kissed you back hard." The ghostly Apparition chuckled at the memory. He slowly looked up and the ceiling turned to static and through the static images of their life together played like an old videotape.

"It seemed that as long as we did our missions they didn't care what we did or how we lived out lives. We decided to build a cabin in our favorite part of Canada, up high in the mountains. We'd do missions and on our downtime we'd run away to the mountains. It was the best time of my life but soon the military wanted more from us, more from you to be specific. They had this new project, they called Weapon X and they were looking for a volunteer. They asked you nicely if you'd like to participate but when you declined they asked harder. You kept saying no until they threatened my life, then you reluctantly accepted the offer." Marcus frowned as if he was reliving the pain all over again. It hurt him to talk about it but it had to be said.

"It really was crazy. I didn't realize what they had in mind and neither did you. You left for the first day of the project and I didn't see you again for seven months. Every time I asked about you they said you were away on a top-secret mission."

"Those seven months I was away…That's when they experimented on me and gave me these." Logan said lifting his hands and releasing his claws but Marcus refused to look at them as if they repulsed him. The images on the ceiling turned from the pleasant scenes to the dramatic change Logan had gone through. He could see how the feral part of his mind would overtake him. His conditioning in that hellhole of a facility made him a monster that didn't feel guilt or remorse for the atrocities he committed. He was a perfect killing machine. He closed his eyes and looked away from the horrific scenes of him slicing and gutting people with that twisted smile on his face. He had enjoyed the killing at one point but only because he was tried of feeling guilty for what he could not control. Like when an insane person finally embraces their insanity because they are tired of fighting it and feeling broken. It feels like the only thing to do.

"When you finally came back you were a different man and you had those monstrous claws. You didn't laugh or joke or smile anymore, you were this concrete slab posing as the man I had fallen in love with. Everyone was deathly afraid of you with good reason and when we went on missions it was like something in your mind would switch on and you'd just go completely berserk, slashing everyone to ribbons with those evil claws without remorse. The scariest part was that you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the carnage. I'd ask you about what they did to you that made you this way but you'd get so angry and full of rage that I'd just drop it. Soon you started having these breakdowns. They were these moments when your cold exterior would crack and you'd fall to pieces, ashamed of yourself and ashamed of what they had done to you. I was always there for you during those times, I took care of you. Those were the only times when you'd let me take control of things. Take control in everyday life…and in bed."

"Then one day you went away on a mission…and you never came back." Marcus whispered.

"Marcus…I wanted to come back but I couldn't…" Logan started but Marcus's eyes were resting on his protruding belly and Logan subconsciously tried to hide it. He remembered now. He never told him…Marcus never knew.

"You don't have to say anything or explain anything Logan, I mean…why should you? I'm not real…"Marcus said and then disappeared from sight.

"Marcus!" Logan yelled out for him tried to grab him but he was already gone.

"Marcus isn't here." A cold voice hissed. Where the mirror once stood a door had appeared. It was a solid metal door with a small hatch at the bottom. Logan recognized that voice right away and a shiver ran up his spine. He began to hyperventilate and frantically looked around the room for a way out or something to protect himself with but he found nothing.

"God no…not again." He whispered and backed up against the far wall. He wrapped his arms around his abdomen, feeling the fluttered he felt before turn into forceful kicks. Searing pain suddenly gripped him and he doubled over. At that moment a swarm of doctors rushed the room and Logan screamed out.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"LOGAN!" Scott yelled but he didn't move or respond. He just stared wide-eyed into Anthony's black voids.

"What is going on?" Storm demanded as she descended from the blue. Her eyes were clouded over with white and storm clouds churned and darkened in the sky.

"He can't be reasoned with. He has more power then we thought. He has Logan in some sort of mental hold." Jean quickly summarized.

"Jean, can you break whatever this hold is he has over Logan?" Storm said quickly.

"I can try…" Jean belted out. She closed her eyes in concentration bringing her hands up to her temples. Simultaneously the boy moaned and grabbing his head, teetering at Jean's sudden mental attack. Never tearing his eyes away from Logan he lifted his hands and the ground curled up and like a crescent wave heading in Jean's direction. Rouge soared through the heavens overhead carrying Gambit in tow. She set him down quickly beside storm and took back to the air.

"I got it! You try to get to Wolverine" She yelled to gambit over the sound of churning earth. She picked up speed and revved back one powerful fist and with one mighty punch pulverized the earthy wave. It exploded and shattered into pieces upon impact sending Rouge flying off course and into a dilapidated building head first.

"Beast, The boy!" Storm shouted and beast bounded off to subdue the boy while his powers were spread thin.

Jean concentrated on her task. So much so that she was completely unaware of the danger she was in. Her mind had left her body and she found herself in a conjoined space where both Anthony and Logan's mind were intertwined. There was a huge door that sat in front of her. It had to be at least 10 feet tall. It looked old and wooden but it was sturdy and had a large keyhole. It reminded her of something from Alice in wonderland and she snorted. She squinted through the keyhole to see what was on the other side. What she saw was a meadow, with the sun shinning and the birds singing. On top of a small hill sat a slender young man with his elbow propped up on his bent knee. He seemed deep in thought but otherwise content.

"Hey! Hey let me in!" Jean yelled but the man didn't respond. She pulled on the doorknob but the door wouldn't budge. She frantically banged on the door with balled fists.

Meanwhile…

Huge shards and pieces of debris from the Rocky Wave were raining down on Jean's position while both Gambit and beast gracefully dodged bolder bombardments. They weren't sure how Anthony knew where they were without using his eyes but his aim was true and accurate. Storm quickly thrust her hands out before her and summoned powerful winds to carry the boulders away but there were to many of them and she realized that she couldn't stop them all. Scott immediately bound into action running at the oblivious Jean at top speed he lunged for her and they toppled together in a sloppy tumble just as the rocks slammed to earth. The impact caused Dust to kick up and mushroom and Storm flew into the air summoning the winds to blow away everything that was obstructing her view. The dirt settled and from her high perch she found both Scott and Jean lying side by side, incapacitated.

"Jean! Scott!" She yelled out but before she could go to them the earth swelled from underneath her and parted like the jaws of some sort of terrain sea creature lunging out of the water. It swallowed her whole and the jagged opening clamping shut, leaving her completely enclosed in rock. Her mind reeled, this place was cold, dark and cramped. Ever since she was a child she always had a fear of enclosed spaces and this place was culmination of all her nightmares. She started to shake violently. She called out for help but no one answered. Panic welled up inside of her. She had to get out, had to escape. The walls felt like they were closing in on her, and she couldn't breathe. She cried out in desperation and the sky crackled with lightening.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Jean?" Came a voice from behind. She turned to find Scott standing behind her looking confused and slightly shaken.

"Scott? How did you get here?" She looked at him equally confused.

"I don't know…where is here?" He looked around but all he saw was a door. The place was surreal with no definable ending or beginning of the white that surrounded them.

"This is some sort of mindscape Fabricated by Anthony. How did you get here, Scott?" Jean asked again with concern.

"I don't know, Anthony targeted you with one of his attacks and I knocked you out of the way…Then suddenly I'm here." He said looking down at himself and at the non-existent floor. There wasn't a floor, only white yet they weren't falling but weren't floating either.

"Jean, we have to get back to our bodies. The team can't handle Anthony on their own. They need us." Scott said firmly and Jean immediately closed her eyes in an attempt to sever her ties to this mindscape and return them back to their bodies.

"I don't understand…" She finally said when nothing happened.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have a tether…" She opened her eyes to see the confused look on Scott's face.

"A tether, it's like a psychic rope or trail of bread crumbs that leads back to my body. It's so I don't get caught in someone's mind. With a tether you can leave anytime you want because you always have a connection to your body but here that connection was never made. This has never happened before…" Her eyebrows bunched and she walked up to the looming wooden door.

"Scott, we can't get back without a tether. We can't get back unless whoever is controlling the mindscape lets us out. We have to get through this door and find Anthony...He's the only one who can let us go."

To Be Continued…

The secret to Anthony's abilities is revealed and Scott stumbles onto Logan's Secret past.

Next Part: Anthony and Logan Revealed.