1"Link!" Zelda shouted angrily, "For the last time, LEAVE ME ALONE! You've been aggravating me for weeks now, and I told you: No!"
"But, Zelda, I saved you multiple times from the hands of evil. Doesn't that at least deserve a kiss?"
"I went into hiding for seven years, devoted myself to the study of battle and magic, went to hell and back again trying to convince the sages not to chuck you off a cliff and defeat Ganon on their own, and for what? So you can finally break his last nerve and have him go insane!"
"Ah, what a sorry end to a worthy advocacy," Link admitted. "It was just too much for him, gaining ultimate power, being defeated, reincarnation, more being defeated. In the end his depression drove him off the edge."
"Now why don't you go visit him in the hospital and bring some cookies, while I enjoy some time ALONE!" Zelda shouted nearly hysterically.
"Ooh, cookies- wait a minute, you're trying to get rid of me, aren't you?"
Zelda stopped with her back half turned away. "It's incredible. He finally realized it, after WEEKS."
"Don't make me sing the song," said Link with his stupid grin.
"No, please, don't."
"I'll sing the song Say it, say yes, or I'll sing the song"
"Uhg!"
"I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour! I'll be there for you, like I've been there before!"
"Eek!" shrieked Zelda. "Make it stop, my ears"
"Just tell me why you won't go out with me," Link demanded. "Is it 'cause I still sleep with a stuffed hippo? Is it?"
"You do?"
"-because that one belongs to Mito, you know."
"Look, Link," Zelda started, staring him face-to-face, "I just want a guy who's decent."
Link looked up in time to see Navi the fairy floating down toward them. "What did I miss?" she asked sleepily. Nobody payed any attention, however.
"It depends what you mean by decent," Link said defensively.
"Considerate."
"Hm. Uh, wha-"
"Attractive."
"Now, hold on a sec-"
"There's nothing attractive about the state of your room, or your stuffed hippo."
"I knew it-"
"Smart."
"Well. . ."
Navi flew down and looked at Link firmly. "No."