Chapter 14 - Internal Affairs

Inuyasha was ready to climb the walls by the next night. As if being trapped in the cave for another day because of the rain wasn't bad enough, Kagome had reverted back to giving him the cold shoulder. She'd fallen asleep in his arms last night, but come morning she'd pushed at him until he had let her go and refused to let him close ever since. While she made use of the hot spring, he braved the downpour to vent his frustration on a couple of trees. He had no qualms about the rain, but he wouldn't risk Kagome's health and so had to stay in the cave until it let up.

He'd even gone so far as to deliberately provoke Kagome into arguing with him, pulling a few stunts and comments that should have at least earned him a sit or two. Yet she kept silent and he could tell she'd wanted to plant his face into the earth repeatedly. Perhaps she thought the spell was still gone? Truthfully, the spell too had disintegrated with the breaking of the rosary, but he had gone to Kaede and requested the spell be replaced. He knew it was one of the things that allowed Kagome to trust him so completely and should the spell be lifted for good, he wanted it to be because Kagome willingly did so. And when that day came, he knew that it was because she trusted him without it.

He had been trying, prior to that awful argument, to keep his put-downs to a minimum and not argue so much when she needed to return to her time. He had even let her go without an argument several times, on the condition that she would return within a certain amount of time or of him going with her. In his own way, he was showing her that he could be reasonable and wasn't nearly so much of an ass as he used to be. But then he'd gone and really messed things up that day. An unexpected summons from Kikyou that resulted in a very unpleasant conversation with the undead miko, combined with the strain of trying to ignore the fact that Kagome had gone into heat the day before… it had been enough to push him over the edge and he'd taken it out on the one person who didn't deserve it the most.

Sighing, he brought his thoughts back to the present, stripping the final piece of wet bark from the tree he had drug inside. Earlier he had to bite back a comment about her acting as cold as Kikyou, reminding himself that it would only screw up what little progress he had made the night before. What was that saying of Kagome's? Ah, yes… one step forward, two steps back. Speaking of steps…

He picked up the faint footfalls that signaled Kagome's return from her bath. A moment later her scent surrounded him and he fought back the urge to whine in combined pleasure and disappointment. Her scent was a wondrous thing to him, enticing and sweet, but her aura, like her current demeanor, was cold and untouchable. More than anything, he wanted to just hold her. There had been many things he had discovered about himself, Kagome and their odd relationship while she'd been gone.

Those six months without her had taught him a cruel lesson… he needed her. She was his stability when he was at war with himself, his anchor when his youkai blood threatened to take over, and most importantly, his home. No matter how many times Kikyou would call, it was to Kagome that he would always return. All their arguments had seemed so petty once he was left alone with only his memory for company.

Will you let me stay?

When he had taken the time to analyze his memories that had been his first clue into Kagome's heart. She had told him that she tried to forget about him, but couldn't because she wanted to be with him. And he'd let her stay, unable to say no, because he had wanted her to stay too. He had been torn in two that day, and nearly every day since then. Both women had his promise of protection, yet only one remained by his side and allowed him to fulfill that promise. Kikyou had always all but avoided him and he'd had to be honest with himself. It hadn't always been Kikyou calling him with her Shinidama-chuu; it had been him chasing after a memory in an attempt to rekindle the affection he'd mistaken for love.

It had been three years since Kagome had freed him, but for that first year it felt as if no time had passed since he'd been sealed. It had taken all of that year for him to reorient himself with the world and its changes, as well as the changes within Kikyou. There had been a grudging friendship between them fifty years ago and if not for Naraku, they might have one day learned to trust each other. But Fate must have had other plans because it had sent him Kagome, and through her he found acceptance for who, not what, he was. He'd been able to forget Kikyou until her resurrection and then he'd done nothing but continuously hurt the one person who didn't shy from his touch; who usually was the one always touching him.

And now…Now I'm left craving the one touch that has turned against me…

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Kagome was in turmoil, to say the least. She'd been trying all day to somehow convince herself that the kiss had meant nothing; that he'd done it merely out of… well whatever it was that made him do it. Sure, she'd provoked him with a reference to his protectiveness over the undead miko, but a tiny part of her told her that Kikyou had not been on his mind. If it had, would his youki have reached out for her, brushing against her aura in a combination of gentle dominance? She doubted he knew he'd even done such a thing.

If that wasn't bad enough, last night's events had her doubting the course of action she'd decided to take about Kikyou. There were things she needed to know now, things only the Guardian could answer. And while she had a way to communicate, she wasn't about to do it with Inuyasha nearby. Especially when he'd been trying his damnedest to get close to her all day.

She had nearly chewed a hole in her cheek from biting it so many times to restrain the impulse to 'sit' him…repeatedly. At first she had figured he was just being his usual ornery self because she had gone back to ignoring him. By mid-day she had known he was doing it on purpose, trying to get a reaction out of her. She wasn't sure if the subjugation spell was still on the rosary, but she wasn't about to find out. Over the six months of self-imposed 'banishment', she'd learned a lot about herself.

With a sigh she closed her eyes and leaned against the rim of the hot spring. There had been the way she'd treated Hojo and Kouga, showing them friendship despite their attempts to date or mate her. She'd been so afraid to hurt their feelings by declining, that she allowed them to think they stood a chance every time she befriended them. Her training with Hitomi had helped give her the courage to take responsibility for her allowances and kindly, but firmly tell the two males that she couldn't be with them.

My heart has always belonged to another…

The thought of her heart caused her to look down at the hole she'd taken into herself when she had botched the attempt to heal Kikyou. She hadn't lied when she'd given her reasons to him. She hadn't been sure if she would succeed, but to do nothing would have gone against her very nature. Not to mention she couldn't have born to see him waste away in sadness. The image of his haunted face when he'd thought Kikyou was dead a second time had been the memory that spurred her into saving Kikyou, knowing that it would only continue to cause heartache for herself in doing such an act. But it would have caused further heartache for Inuyasha had she not done it.

Kikyou will always be first. And why not? She was his first love after all and no one can compete with that.

As was routine more and more lately, the thought of the undead miko left Kagome with a bitter outlook and an aching heart. Even throughout everything Kikyou had done to her and Inuyasha, she still found it hard to hate her incarnation. Kikyou was simply trying to fulfill a destiny she felt was unfinished, failing to acknowledge that Kagome had been allowed through the well to pick up where Kikyou left off. To acknowledge that it was Kagome whom destiny had chosen to fix the wrongs and heal the broken spirits of those Naraku had hurt.

Miroku. Sango. Shippou. Inuyasha.

One by one she had collected them all and glued them into a rag-tag family of sorts, at first without realizing the connection to herself at all. Little by little she brought them out of their shells and gave them hope that their dreams would be realized. For them all it was the death of Naraku, but each reward was different. For Miroku it ensured the end of his curse and the chance to finally marry. An avenged death for Shippou meant he could finally let go of the past and live. For Sango it was two-fold; an oath fulfilled, but possibly the loss of Kohaku again. But Kagome knew the taijiya would sooner see her brother laid to rest, than alive in torment and pain.

Inuyasha… for him the reward was the greatest. Retribution for the deception of him and his love; freedom for his beloved miko from the burden of hate; and most importantly, a wish. Whether it would be a wish to become human for Kikyou or a full-demon or any other wish, Kagome wouldn't know. In a sense she would know, but she wouldn't be there to see it firsthand.

Disgusted with the way her thought were headed, she rose out of the water and quickly dried herself off. She'd been in long enough to turn into a prune; any longer would probably find her arguing with an irate hanyou, and avoiding any and all conversation with him was what she wanted to be doing right now. She dressed slowly, lingering over the process so as to give herself enough time to put her mask of indifference back in place. But it didn't fit as securely as before; just the thought of that kiss had it slipping. As she returned to the cave entrance, she knew that her masquerade wouldn't last for very long before she lost her nerve and told Fate to take a hike. Her clock was suddenly ticking faster.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Sesshoumaru was in hot water… literally. After speaking to the miko, the sudden rainstorm had forced him to find shelter for his human charge. He cared little if he'd been soaked by the storm, but humans were too easily sickened by the elements. Thankfully he had remembered the home of an allied family of tanuki-youkai and reached it before the storm had really let loose. The tanuki children were happily entertaining Rin, having no problems with humans since many of them had been serving humankind for generations, while he gave in to his one guilty pleasure… hot baths. It eased the muscles and somehow helped him think clearer.

That human miko had given him no more information than the undead one had. Then again, why would she bother to tell him anything since all she knew of him was his intent to kill his half-brother? And yet he continuously not only spared Inuyasha's life, but helped him as well. He was serious when he'd told them that he would be the only one to kill Inuyasha. He had made a promise long ago to Chichi-ue, prior to learning about Izayoi's pregnancy, swearing to protect the family line.

He frowned as he idly gazed at the markings on his wrist. The mark of a full-blooded youkai, a true son; Inuyasha too had such markings, but only when forced into a transformation. He'd beheld such a feat only twice, but he had to admit that he never wanted to see such a sight again. Such a disgrace to Chichi-ue's blood, but then what could he really expect from a filthy hanyou? That 'filthy hanyou' accomplished what no youkai ever had, his consciousness nagged at him. He spared a brief glance to what remained of his left arm. Like any wound, it was healing, but such a grievous wound would take years to heal. Sometimes he wondered if fate was laughing at him.

Fate.

He growled at the image that one word brought to mind and wished he could physically remove the memory. She had believed in fate too, but fate had shattered him when it took her and replaced her with a sword, like some damned consolation prize. The bitter event was etched into his memory and it had sealed the wall around his heart. Yet it had only taken a mere human child to put a tiny crack in that wall; a child who, alarmingly, looked like a younger version of her.

And if his suspicions were correct, she was the reason the undead miko was running as if hell was at her heels.

A/N:

There's nothing sadder than watching the hit counter drop so drastically between the first and current chapters. On ff it went from 208 to 20, MM was 250ish down to 25… not to mention review drops, although my constant reviewers keep me smiling and it is for them that I released this chapter before the weekend. Oh well, my beta has given me a few pointers to keep people intrigued and I'll implement them in my next story and in revisions of Fated Existence. I'm nixing the "Shameless Fic Plug" since people can simply find new authors/stories via my FFnet account.

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