Fated Existence

Chapter 16 – Kikyou

Listen, please… for Inuyasha's sake…

The thought traveled wordlessly between their link as she prayed for an open reception to her plea. She would need Kikyou's cooperation in order to save the miko from the Keijigakari's wrath. So here she was, meditating for the last two hours, in the room she shared with Sango, under the tajiya's watchful eyes. The past three days had been extremely trying and tiring on Kagome's nerves and she truly had no one to blame but herself.

Inuyasha had done just about everything short of being downright nasty to her in an attempt to get her to talk to him. This morning he'd finally seemed to give up and was ignoring her to the point where he wouldn't even speak of her to the others. It hurt her to hurt him like that, but she couldn't trust herself to let him too close again. She was having a hard enough time trying to convince herself to stay on the path when her heart wanted the opposite so badly. The only thing that kept her from giving in was the knowledge that when it was all over, Inuyasha would be happy and safe.

To save our soul…to save you… Kikyou…

Why do you seek me?

Kagome nearly lost the trance she'd placed herself in. She had not thought to be answered so quickly, if at all.

The Keijigakari… she asked me…

I know that, child. I have seen your thoughts. You were sent to help destroy me.

No! I want to save you…

I am beyond salvation. I will cease to be when Naraku is defeated.

It doesn't have to be that way… you can live again.

How? Would you pay my price?

Yes.

Why?

Inuyasha…

His name said it all and Kagome knew that Kikyou instantly understood everything that she wasn't saying. As deep as their bond was, Kikyou had access to her memories should Kagome allow it. She showed Kikyou the conversation with the Keijigakari, complete with her own thoughts at the time, uncaring that Kikyou now knew exactly how she felt about Inuyasha. She couldn't stop loving the inu-hanyou, but out of that love she would make a Faustian pact to give him another chance with his first love.

Kagome… the miko's voice was tinged with an awed sadness. You would forsake your own happiness… I do not deserve your kindness.

Awed as the miko might be, it certainly didn't prevent her opinion of why Kagome was being so kind leaking through. Kagome caught the distinct impression that Kikyou felt the only reason she was doing this was to show she was somehow better, purer, than Kikyou since she was so willing to give up something so valued. And, of course, Kagome felt in no way she would ever be better than Kikyou. Especially with Inuyasha's criticism and comparison between them.

I do it for him, not you. So long as he is happy. Do not hurt him.

I can make no promises… but I can try. You are certain then?

Hai. When you are ready.

You will know.

And as swiftly as it had begun, their conversation, and subsequently their link, faded.

Kagome became aware of her surroundings slowly. A meditative state was not something she easily 'woke' from, and she remembered Hisako's caution from her training with the miko. Keeping her eyes closed, she allowed herself to see with her other senses.

The wood beneath her had grown cool, telling her it was most likely late afternoon or early evening. Her muscles were slightly stiff from sitting for so long and her head had drooped so her chin now rested on her chest. She probably looked like she was sleeping sitting up. She could hear Kirara's contented purring; telling her that all was safe within the inn and Sango was still standing guard. She smiled at that thought; Sango's presence was always a welcome one and also a soothing one. Rarely had the taijiya upset her; only the woman's refusal to accept Miroku's intentions had bothered Kagome but not in a bad way. Kagome had only been upset because she wanted her friends happy, and being together would definitely make them happy.

Feeling substantially awake now that her legs were demanding to be bent in some other direction, she slowly raised her head and opened her eyes. Sango's barely-concealed concerned face came into view just a couple feet in front of her. She smiled to reassure her friend that she was safe and sound, and then slowly stretched her arms overhead to try to alleviate some of the tension in her back. She could see the question in the taijiya's eyes; the question Sango wanted to ask yet was unsure if she could or should.

Taking the decision out of Sango's hands, she answered the unspoken question. "I was able to reach her."

Sango's eyes widened as her mouth formed a silent 'oh' of surprise. Apparently the woman had had her own doubts about Kagome being able to 'speak' to Kikyou from such a distance. It only served to reinforce Kagome's suspicions that while Sango was aware of spiritual powers and beings, it took seeing them to convince her of their existence. It was refreshing to see that Sango was still as awed by Miroku's and hers' powers despite seeing them in action frequently.

"And?" Sango seemed to have finally found her voice.

"And she is unsure if all the shards have been found," Kagome replied, feeling slightly guilty for having to lie to her friend.

When she'd approached Sango after breakfast about protection during meditation, she'd had to explain why exactly she needed Sango in specific to help her. Inuyasha's presence would have been a disturbance to her already fragile nerves and he wasn't likely to help after the way she'd been treating him all week. Miroku was too sensitive to spiritual energy that she feared he might 'eavesdrop'. Which left only Sango or Shippou and she knew Shippou was easily distracted.

So she had broached the subject to Sango as they washed dishes while the others packed, telling the taijiya that she wanted to contact Kikyou about the jewel shards. It had been a lie and she'd felt awful for saying it, but she was lucky that Sango's interest in her method of contacting the miko captured Sango's attention enough to not inquire about the reason why.

Rolling her neck side to side produced small popping sounds that had her nearly sighing aloud in relief from the pressure that had built up while her head had been bowed. Rising to her feet, she glanced out the solitary window of their room and noticed that it was indeed late afternoon.

"Whose turn to cook tonight?"

"Keh! Sure as hell ain't mine." Groused an irritable hanyou as he entered the room plucking leaves from his hair.

Had the tension in the room not gotten thicker, Kagome might have laugh at the comical picture he made. Instead she pursed her lips into a thin line as if trying not to smile and inquired, as politely as possible, how he'd come by the fashionable foliage.

"Shippou."

It was all he said as he sat down as far from her and the door as possible, still fuming about kitsune tricks while trying to rid himself of the seemingly never-ending leaf accumulation in his hair. She hoped he had not heard any of their conversation, but even if he had it was unlikely that he would question them about it since Kikyou's name was never actually spoken. Unless he'd overheard them after breakfast…

"So what did Kikyou have to say?"

Sango made an odd gurgling sound as if shocked that Inuyasha not only knew the reason behind Kagome's meditating, but also had the audacity to ask her about it. Kagome's eyes went wide for a moment, shocked that he had indeed overhead them and probably on purpose. Surprise melted into anger.

"You ignore me for days and when you finally decide to speak to me it's about her!" Kagome mentally flinched at her choice of words. I haven't exactly been paying attention to him either, but he's asking a question I can't answer…

The fuel to the guilt was seeing the shock on Sango's face from her place behind Inuyasha.

"You're the one ignoring me, bitch. I just gave up trying to get you to talk to me." He replied in a calm, yet cold voice.

"So you're trying now just because I mentioned Kikyou this morning."

"No! I want to know about the shards too. We're all looking for them, not just you and her." His voice was rising; a clear indication he was getting ticked and she had better calm down.

"Of course! And you'll demand the jewel for yourself, oh mighty youkai!"

Neither noticed Sango slip out the door, eyes wide as she recognized the signs of a verbal battle going straight to hell.

"I don't want the damned thing! It's caused enough crap to go wrong."

"Whom else would you give it to? Kikyou? Would you let her wish herself back to life and you human?" She spat the words out at him.

She wasn't sure what caused the sudden change in him, but between one breath and the next all the anger fled him as he rose to his feet. She certainly didn't like the look in his eyes as he regarded her long enough that her own anger died down, leaving her feeling rather stupid and childish for arguing in the first place. His next words hit like a knife to her heart.

"You, Kagome." He spoke quietly as he headed for the door, pausing just inside the doorframe. "I'd give you the wish because I trust you."

Her legs gave out the moment he disappeared from view, her insides in turmoil. Childish and stupid, indeed, she thought. Despite everything he still trusted her to the point of giving up his wish on the Shikon no Tama to her, while her own trust in him wavered because she was too afraid of what he might say and do if he knew what she was planning with Kikyou.

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The forest was as silent as the woman walking its paths; not even a hint of a breeze blew to stir the humid air. The woman appeared unaffected by the temperature, lost in deep thought or at least heavily contemplating something.

Kikyou was still shocked by what her reincarnation had not only told her, but also showed her. The girl's kindness knew no bounds; she gave and gave while expecting nothing in return except the knowledge that her actions had made others happy. Kikyou was under no delusions that Kagome's pact with the Keijigakari was for anyone's sake except Inuyasha's. The girl obviously loved the hanyou enough to make what could be considered a horrifying bargain just for the sake of giving him something she thought he wanted.

Kikyou knew she had not been kind to Kagome, and she was awed that the girl would do such a thing; especially when most women would have removed the obstacle keeping them from the heart of their loves. Kagome somehow thought that it was she, not Kikyou, who was the obstacle and considering the times the girl had chanced upon their more intimate encounters, Kikyou couldn't fault her for thinking so.

If Kagome had only known how the majority of their encounters went, she might not have made such a one-sided deal; and as selfish as she was, Kikyou wasn't about to inform the girl either. Not when the answer to her greatest dilemma was presenting itself to her in such a neat package that left her free from her own bargain with the Keijigakari.

Mine in exchange for thine… Arigato, Kagome.

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What I wouldn't give for a breeze…

Kagome sighed heavily as she sat waist deep in the river, gazing up at the cloudless night sky. She never tired of looking at the stars since her own time was too polluted to really see them in the city. It seemed like another lifetime ago that she dreamed of living in the quiet countryside, happily married to someone who loved and adored her as equally as she would him; perhaps a child or two as well. She dreamed still, but those dreams now included a hanyou that she loved despite his arrogance and rudeness. It was safe in her dreams to speak of her wish, her heart's desires.

She shook her head, not wanting to think of him tonight. And yet, what she needed to think on invariably came full circle to him. Tonight was the new moon and said hanyou, now human, was in his usual petulant mood with Miroku standing watch. She and Sango had sought refuge from Inuyasha's foul mood and the weather in the river outside the village. Perhaps time away would give everyone's tempers a chance to cool off.

Her biggest worry, aside from keeping cool mentally and physically, was figuring out how to go about her plan without alerting the group to her intentions. Inuyasha was easy enough to slip around on nights like these due to his diminished senses; Shippou slept like a log once he crashed. Sango and Miroku were usually easy to slip past, but they had taken to rising with the sun like her.

Three weeks… I've barely kept it in this long… I don't know if I could make it another month.

Perhaps Inuyasha would allow her to go back to her time since she'd stayed so long this time. She only needed a day or two and she had run out of ramen… When all else failed she could resort to bribery, but at least it was cheap bribery. If he'd taken a liking to those Godiva chocolates she'd given Sango on the taijiya's birthday last year… she'd be beyond broke. She did smile though at that particular memory; Inuyasha's face scrunched up in complete disgust when he'd popped the entire piece in his mouth rather than nibbling it like she suggested. She had tried to warn him about the sweetness, considering she had nearly gagged on the overly sugared chocolate when she first tried it; and she liked chocolate.

She sighed again, this time out of sad regret. She didn't want to be mean to him and it broke her heart to see the pain in his eyes; pain she put there. She'd been silently pleading with the Inuyasha in her mind to give her a few more days or weeks… however long it took for Kikyou to come to her. With an agreement between them, Kagome wasn't going to track her down and that alone would save her from having to lie when the group would ask why. She couldn't tell anyone, really. She knew what they'd do if she did; they'd probably all agree with Inuyasha for once and tie her down, then toss her back into her own time.

The thought that Inuyasha cared for her friendship enough to forsake his own happiness for her safety was more than endearing, but she shoved it to the back of her mind as it nearly brought tears of regret to the surface. In any case, she wouldn't let him make that sacrifice; the sacrifice to be made had already been decided.

She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs as she rested her cheek on her knees, trying to find some semblance of inner peace. She stared at the passing waters and the occasional fish that was brave enough to inspect her feet. Exhaling slowly, she closed her eyes and emptied her mind save for the sound and feel of the water. She knew Sango was still nearby, so it was relatively safe for her to let her mind drift.

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A/N:

Hisako – long lasting, eternal (The miko who trained Kagome in the present, previously mentioned in Ch 3 I believe)

Chapter 15 is finalized for those who missed my edit. I replaced the A/N with the actual chapter.

Props to Barachan22 for being my impromptu beta when Midi's email crapped out on us these past two weeks.