Chapter 20 – Memory
Soft laughter drifted through the garden, beckoning, welcoming. The sunlight danced across the dark blue kimono, highlighting the pale blue symbols on the collar, signifying the crest of a prestigious family. Multiple braids of ebony hair swung in the wind; an unheard of fashion. Midnight feathers stirred; a few loosing from their place. Again, the soft laughter rang out, teasing, alluring.
"That tickles!"
"Hmm, does it?"
A masculine chuckle followed, clearing indicating the speaker knew his actions would result in such sensations. But even the hardest of hearts eventually relents and the young man released his captive with another chuckle. Rather than fleeing, the woman turned in his arms, a smile brightening her face.
"I wish we didn't have to wait."
"We've gone this long, koi, one more week should be nothing."
"It is hard to resist."
"At least we have this," he whispered before briefly brushing his lips against hers.
She sighed and leaned against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. "Hai, but sometimes it only stokes the fire. Must we wait? The ceremony is just a formality…"
"Ever impatient, aren't you?" He chuckled, hugging her in return. "You know it's more than just formality. I'd rather not have to fight your relatives to prove my honor."
"So remind me why we're having a human marriage…"
"Because Chichu-ue's vassals are mainly human and they don't understand our customs."
He stroked a hand soothingly down her back, grazing the center of her shoulders where her wings protruded, smirking as she shivered against him.
"If you keep that up…" she warned.
"Gomen…"
She shook her head, laughing softly. "You're never really sorry about it." She stood on her toes, a necessity given her small stature in comparison to his own, and kissed him deeply, retreating before he could respond.
"Hisako…" he growled.
She laughed again, dancing out of his arms and racing down the garden path as her voice rang out, teasing, "One week, Sesshoumaru-sama!"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Golden eyes snapped open, heart racing in the aftermath of the long-forgotten memory, but to his companions he'd merely awoken from a brief nap. He focused first on calming his heart, knowing nothing could be done to alter the past. It was just a fragment of a memory, an echo of his former life. It had been the last time he'd seen her. How ironic to have his last memory of her be such a happy one, when her disappearance had almost killed him. He could still remember the look on Chichu-ue's face when presented with a note and Tenseiga. He had only seen that sad look on father's face once before; the day his mother left them. Their mating had been a political one, but he'd seen Chichu-ue try to win over her heart countless times. In time this had hardened his father's heart and he had often wondered if Chichu-ue would die alone.
Then she had come and brightened both their lives with her kindness and open heart. He had not hated humans then, at least not with the passion he did now, and so he had been accepting of her presence when she arrived as a gift for Chichu-ue from the ruling daimyo. She had been afraid at first, being in a new place with only a solitary servant for companionship. Izayoi-hime had never referred to the Meikin-youkai as a servant. His first mistake in thinking the hime had been different from most humans, was listening to the Meikin speak to his father in regards to her charge.
His father had been unusually curious about Izayoi, but at the time Sesshoumaru had simply been glad that the distraction was drawing out the old father he had once known. He should have known that happiness would be short-lived. He often wished that he had never known Izayoi's servant youkai; cursing the female for the loss of his parents…
"I won't ask you to call me mother, but we can be friends, yes?"
He clenched his fist and resisted the urge to punch something. In the two short years after mating his father, not once had she ever asked him for the respect and honor of being called 'mother'. Yet he'd given it. He still wasn't sure why he had. Perhaps it had been out of thanks for bring his father back to him, or maybe because she simply didn't care about propriety so long as those she loved were happy. Like father, like son, he'd been compelled to seek out his stepmother. Sometimes it was to learn more about human laws and customs, other times it was an excuse to watch her servant. And eventually his father's mate caught on. Damn matchmaking women.
He mentally shook off the old memories. Love was a fool's emotion, betraying and fleeting. It was a word humans used to garner attention, materialistic prestige, even mating, and it left nothing in return. Love had destroyed his father when the taiyoukai died protecting his human mate and worthless hanyou son. Love was a weakness.
"Sesshoumaru-sama? Did you sleep well?"
The soft voice of Rin drew him from his dark thoughts, but as usual he gave her no reply.
If love is a weakness, why does that hanyou fight more avidly in the mere presence of his miko, rather than falter and die?
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
At the sudden appearance of a void, the two recipients of the ensuing visitor stared in dumbfounded fascination; or rather one was dumbfounded, the other simply stared blankly. Both remained in their places as the woman swept her gaze about the room before alighting on them; the look upon her face was anything but pleased.
He frowned as the shock wore off; still mildly surprised that she had personally come. He had known that one day, retribution for his crime would find him, but he had hoped it would come after he acquired the Shikon no Tama. Despite the countless crimes and destruction he had already caused, the utter desecration of her temple was quite probably the worst of them all - next to stealing her sacred mirror. There had been no carvings or paintings of this particular Kami, but in light of what her job was, it was no wonder no one knew what she looked like. And to be honest, he had not known the gender of Ida-Ten either.
"It certainly took you long enough to locate me." He smirked, un-phased by the cold gaze she pinned him with.
"Really? And here I just started looking this morning," she replied sarcastically.
He quickly squashed the alarm rising in his throat. He'd had the mirror this long and she had only just decided to find him this morning? She had been allowing him to use it all this time? So why take it away now?
"After all these years, I finally fall out of your favor. Why?"
"You were never within my favor. It simply took this long for a message to reach me."
"Huh?"
"Somewhere within that multitude of youkai conglomeration resided one who knew how to access the pathways sealed against intrusion. A being you forced into servitude by imprisoning their mind once they had acquired an artifact you desired."
He snarled at the youkai beside him, for once angered that the being showed no outward sign of fear or even acknowledging his actions. "Kanna."
"You were warned. She told you…"
"You are not allowed to interfere." He interrupted.
She smirked. "This is not interference. This is returning the path to its original state."
"So you punish me and in the same breath concede the miko's actions? Hypocrite."
"Perhaps, but it does not concern you. She asked for a chance to fix a mistake and I am allowing her that chance."
"And if I wanted that chance?"
"You are undeserving of such. Any chance you ask for would be for your personal gain. You have wrecked enough hardship and destruction in your accumulation of the Shikon no Kakera. We will not assist in your bloodthirsty pursuit of domination. We maintain the balance, not tip the scales."
"We? There is more than one of you." He made his statement sound more like a thoughtful question.
"Yes and no." If there were one thing she could claim hatred of, it would be the impulse the Kami had set in her to answer any question presented to her. She was allowed a bit of free rein in how she answered, but if asked directly, she could not lie. Thankfully no one knew that particular rule, except Kagome, and she knew the girl would never tell another soul.
"So you are here to end my existence?"
"Your death will not come by way of my hand."
"Who then?"
"One of your many enemies, Naraku. Or perhaps many of them."
"So what are you here for?"
"You know that answer," she stated calmly, eyeing the albino youkai whom had stood silent throughout their exchange. Having no true soul to begin with, it had taken the quiet youkai years to break out of the mental prison Naraku had wrapped her in, in order to send a message to the owner of the mirror. But the fragment of soul that was left was begging for release, for the end of a miserable existence.
She crossed to the tiny youkai; a sad smile on her face as she gently took the mirror back in one hand while the other lightly touched the youkai's pale forehead. Within moments the youkai evaporated into mist, leaving behind the plain white kimono.
"What did you do?" Came the half-angry, half-frightened voice of Naraku.
"I set her free." Without another word, she returned to the void.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Once the mirror was returned to its proper wielder, after being purified, Tenmei once more took up her silent vigil at the silver pond. A brief look in one direction reassured her that the hanyou was not as angry as he'd seemed to be when she'd left. She spared another moment for the human pair that appeared to have followed the hanyou and spied more than they'd bargained for. Chuckling, she watched them quickly retrace their steps, but they too found their way into each other's arms.
Without warning she slashed angrily at the images in the water, rewarding with their distortion and disappearance. How many times had she wondered what it would be like to be loved so deeply, to love that deeply? For all the free will she had, she was still bound and tied by rules; rules that prevented her from finding out the truth about herself. Sometimes she wondered if the loss of her memories was an act of pity from the ones who had 'created' her. Had she done horrible things like Naraku and this was her penance? She was certain she had not, for this position was one of power that could be corrupted and abused despite the consequences. A power she knew a being like Naraku would be only too willing to obtain.
She dropped to her knees in a flurry of black and white silk, unsure of why she'd chosen this particular attire when Kagome had summoned her. She hadn't really thought much on it until Kagome had given her a once over, drawing her own attention to the kimono. Now, alone, she studied it carefully, noting that it was appropriate for that era. She sighed softly as she stared at her reflection in the water. She saw her face countless times whenever she gazed into the pond, yet it was a strange face to her still. It felt like she didn't even know herself, like she was living in a borrowed body. It wasn't until her reflection rippled that she noticed she was crying again.
"Why?" she whispered into the darkness.
'You know the answer.' Came the soft reply, though when she looked no one was near.
She sighed softly, knowing they wouldn't show themselves. "If I did, I wouldn't ask."
'It was done because you asked us.'
"Maybe I was wrong. This emptiness hurts and I don't know why…"
'You wish to remember?'
"Why did I forget?"
'You told us the memories were too painful.'
"Because?"
'Because you became the Keijigakari.'
"I want to remember!" She cried out, searching the black void for any sign of them. "Any pain of remembrance is better than this hollow emptiness!"
'More than just the memories were sealed, child. You would suffer for a memory?'
An image of his face flashed before her, golden eyes reflecting sorrow. "No."
'Why?'
"For him. I want to know why…"
'As you wish.'
Without warning pain exploded in her head and upper body. She grabbed her head, whimpering at first, and then screaming when it felt as though her back were being torn open. The last thing she saw when oblivion claimed her were black feathers floating on the silver pond.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Honor us. Protect the ningen hime."
"Hai, Otou-san, Okaa-san."
FLASH
"Watch your step, Izayoi-hime."
"Izayoi. We're friends, remember?"
FLASH
"I have no choice."
"You won't be alone. You're allowed one servant."
"You."
"Nani?"
"Who better to take to a youkai court?"
FLASH
"I present Izayoi-hime of Mushashi, my lord."
"Arigato, hime. You are both welcome here. My son will show you to your rooms."
FLASH
"He is enamored, Izayoi, I think he will ask for you soon."
"Ask for me?"
"Hai. Mates. The Inu-youkai mate for life."
"But he already had a mate!"
"No. That woman was here solely to produce an heir. She loved him not and left them both."
FLASH
"Would you do me the honor of this dance?"
"I am no courtier, Sesshoumaru-sama."
"You are a hime in your own right. Your servitude to Izayoi-san was instilled to protect her and it ends with Chichu-ue's claim on her."
"I cannot go home."
"Who said we would let you go?"
FLASH
"I want no other."
"Prove it."
Golden eyes held her own as his hand traced a familiar design into the skin just above her heart. His lips half-whispered, half-growled a solitary word before crashing upon hers.
"Mine!"
He pulled her tightly against him, as though he would absorb her, all the while ravaging her mouth. A hand trailed down her back, claws upon skin making her shudder and earning a growl of pleasure from him. The hand pressed against the small of her back, reinforcing that he indeed wanted her, and badly.
Boldly, she bared her throat to him, giving him her submission in the basest form that any Inu-youkai would understand. She found herself roughly pushed back into the wall moments before his teeth found the pulse in her neck and nipped it repeatedly. He laved the reddened flesh with his tongue in silent apology and she accepted just as quietly as she slipped her arms around him.
"Forever."
"Nani?" She struggled to pull her mind back from the haze of passion he'd induced.
"Inu-youkai, koi. We mate…"
"For life. Hai." She interrupted with a smile.
"Hisako…"
"Forever, koishi, forever."
FLASH
"NO! Release me!"
"I don't think so."
"Why are you doing this? What have I done to you?"
"You? Nothing. Our vendetta is with them. Once you and the ningen are gone, their line will die."
"No! Sesshoumaru!"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"NO!"
Her screams faded as she stared into her teary-eyed kneeling reflection, her fingertips lightly touching the edges of the kanji emblazed upon her heart – Sesshoumaru. Her wings drooped in a physical echo of her emotional anguish.
Now she knew.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Kagome slowly extricated herself from her beloved's arms, not wanting to leave, but knowing she must. She had given in to her selfish desires and when the haze of passion finally cleared, she was left with more guilt than before. He was not hers, yet she had allowed him to love her because she wanted it, wanted him, despite knowing it was not her that he loved.
She dressed in silence, looking once more upon the peaceful countenance of her hanyou, stifling her tears as she remembered his final words before sleep had claimed him.
"Mine… Koishi."
Yes, she was his now in every way, but she had gained nothing in return save for a new name that she knew he would never utter in the presence of anyone else. A solitary tear trickled down her cheek and she reached up to brush it away, remembering the moment he had softly licked away the tears she'd shed during their lovemaking. The sweet, simple gesture had nearly been her undoing. She had to find Kikyou now, or else risk their wrath by backing out.
She gently placed the scrap of silver cloth she'd used to tie back her hair on his haori, knowing he'd find it. Grabbing her pack, she paused, taking one last look and softly whispered as she left,
"Gomen…. Aishiteru."
A/N:
A thousand apologies to my 'fans' for taking sooo long. My beta, Midoriko-sama, and I, are investing in a server specific bazooka. I swear her server is out to get us! What did we ever do to it? Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a couple days if all holds up. My thanks to everyone who's been sticking this out with me! I've already got two stories in the works to be released really really soon. I've also got some one-shots up. To those who've read "Letting Go" it was intended as a One-Shot, but in light of some happy misunderstandings, I'm going to continue it.
Ida-Ten: Guardian of the Law
This is a reviewer specific response… to the MMorg reviewer "Reviewing You"…
Kagome's intentions are supposed to be vague, although by the time you reviewed the second time you should have picked up on it… most of my readers did. Sorry that it is 'dragging' for you. Granted this isn't my first attempt at writing, it is my first foray into the Inuyasha world and I have to go on what little I watch on Adult Swim and my beta. As for the backpack issue, that one was caught, but thanks for reminding me. It'll be addressed in the rewrite. Uncommon Japanese words… hmm yes I forgot to give a translation for Tengu but that was because I described it. The literal translation for it is "long-nosed goblin, braggart", but that's not what I was describing at first. With new info though that too will be address in rewrites.
Here's a link for you about the Tengu:
http: en . wikipedia . org / wiki / Tengu
MMorg
Nerwen (LOL, misspelling is ok so long as it's understandable. Hmmm, how many ways can one technically 'live'? hehe)
Subtlesarcasm (Sugar free white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for ya! Mom's a diabetic too. hmm, maybe I should rewrite that scene so he does land on his head! LOL)
FFnet
DSK (Yum! Chewy Chocolate Chip please!) SesshiesPersonalPriestess (Yikes! You're a vicious one ain't ya?) Jessye (Aye Aye, sir/ma'am!) Strike Redkite (Hmm, methinks the fans are out to get me…) DemonGirl11 (Tears and thoughts were simultaneous) AkeryouSesshoumarusMate (I fixed it… try re-reading to figure it out Let me know if you're still confuzzled) Drake Clawfang trekker4life Dice-lord
And last, but not least, Krista who emailed me personally. Thanks!