A/N: Third Surprise: Bloopers. If you thought the deleted scenes were a hoot, then I'm just getting warmed up!(rolls up sleeves)
Disclaimer: (con't from the last chapter)...Stan would be best buds with Crystal, the Ham-Hams would put Oxnard into an obese hamster rehab center...just kidding! You know I love Oxy! But they WILL sign him up to therapy. Seriously, we gotta do something about that seed obsession...anyhows, Pashy would choose Jingle over Howdy and Dexter--for everyone's sake--Penelope would say her first word on the air...
§
Chapter 14: Bloopers/Outtakes--whatever you call it
§ With Hamtaro and Bijou... §
FWOO-SSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!
A toilet flushes and the sound of air freshener spraying comes out of the bathroom. Hamtaro walks out and sits next to Bijou, who has her face in her paws from embarassment.
Hamtaro: Ahhh, sweet relief!(smiles stupidly)
Bijou:(sighs)Eet eez about time. Zee reviewers had been waiting for God knows how long!
Hamtaro: ...
Bijou: Well, since zhat eez behind us...(pulls out remote control)...let's get started!(clicks Play)
§ Childhood Friends Bloopers! §
Scene 2: Girl Talk(Hint: When the girls first come unto the story)
A camera looks around the sidewalk where Scene 2 takes place.
Hamtaro's voice(from the background): Hello? Testing, testing. 1, 2, 3. 1! 2! 3! TESTING! Is this thing on?
Panda's voice:(hisses)Yes! (A/N: Keep in mind, Hamtaro's the one filming this!)
Hamtaro: It is? Cool! Er, I-I mean...hi! I'm Hamtaro. I'm making this thing called a "do-cu-men-ta-ry" for the Childhood Friends/Party For Two episode.(camera catches sight of the girls)Ooh! And the girls are about to shoot their first scene! HEY GIRLS! SAY HI TO THE CAMERA!
The Girls: Hamha!(smile and wave)
Hamtaro: Good luck on your scene!
Bijou: Thanks!
Hamtaro:(whispers)Hmm..I say we hang around for a few more minutes. Whaddaya say...that's what I thought!
Director:(from background)Okay ladies. Ready?
Sandy: When you are!
Director: Okay, marker.(marker thingy comes on)Lights!(spotlights turn on)Camera?(cameraman flashes a thumbs-up)Aaaaand...ACTION!
The girl-hams start walking down the sidewalk.
Pashmina: C'mon Bijou. Admit it!
Sandy: Yeah we like, you you dig the ham-dude!
Bijou:(huffs)For zee last time, I do not li--EEEEEEP!(falls on her face)
Crew: WHOOOOAAAA!
Hamtaro: Ooh. Harsh fall!
Director: Bijou?
Bijou: I'm fine! Can we do zhat again pleez?(blushes)
Director: Sure. FROM THE TOP!
(Take 23)
Bijou slams into Pashmina and makes them both fall.
(Take 70)
Bijou falls into a sewer hole.
(Take 248)
Bijou trips on a tree root.
(Take 301)
Bijou trips on the same tree root.
(Take 325)
Bijou falls into the sewer hole again and must take a three-hour shower from what she fell in.(details optional...)
(Take 3467)
Bijou trips on the tree root.
(Take 3845)
Bijou hops over the tree root--and falls over a rock.
(Take 4800)
Bijou causes the girls to fall on one another.
(Take 500,001)
Bijou crashes into a spotlight and makes it fall and break.
(Take 51,749,362,812)
Bijou slams into a fake tree. It tumbles over and crashes into the wall of a mansion.
Crystal:(from far away)Careful! That could've been my house!
(Take 532,576,436,853)
Bijou falls into the sewer hole again!
(Take 89,753,563,356,332...and a half)
Bijou trips on the tree root.
Bijou: AAAAARRRRGGGHHH! WHAT EEZ WRONG WITH ZHAT THING!
Sandy, Pashmina, Pepper and Penelope:(wake up from a loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng nap)Huh?
Hamtaro: Uhhh...guys? Those last 89,753,563,356,332...and a half...takes put me out of film!
Screen goes black.
§
Scene 18: Need...Food!(Hint: When young Stan and Crystal are looking for a restaurant)
(Young)Stan: Hif hif hif. Crystal...I smell...I smell...FOOD!
(Young)Crystal: WHAT! WHERE! Are you sure?
Stan: I'm positive. I think a restaurant is nearby. We shall search for it...(pulls out giant anime machine gun twice his size)...search AND DESTROY! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Crystal: O.O(sweatdrops and slowly backs away)Uhh...that wasn't in the script...
Stan: Huh? Oh...(blushes)Sorry. Habit.(puts away machine gun)We find it...AND THEN DESTROY!(pulls out machine gun again and screams like an indian)
The machine gun, being way too heavy for Stan, falls on top of him.
Crystal: Stan?
Stan:(from under gun)I'm okay!
§
Scene 27: Goodbye!(Hint: When young Stan and Crystal must bid farewell)
Just then, one of Noel's friends called out "All set!" It was time. Crystal can barely look at Stan. But he looks her dead in the eye and smiles.
Stan: Well...I guess it's time.
Crystal:(sniffles)I-I'll kiss you Stan...wait. Did I say "kiss?" It was "miss" right?(burst out laughing)
Everyone else breaks character and laughs out loud.
Crystal: My bad, my bad peoples! Can we do that again? One more time?
(Take 2)
Stan: Well...I-I guess it's time.
Crystal:(sniffles)(in a weak voice)I-I'll miss you Ssss...(whispers)whoareyouagain?
Stan:(throws arms out dramatically)It's Stan! STAN!
Everyone starts laughing.
(Take 3)
Stan: W-Well...I-I-I guess it's slime--blea! I mean "time!" I guess it's time! DAMN! I messed it up!
Crystal:(laughs)
(Take 4)
Director: ACTION!
Stan: ...(looks at Crystal)
Crystal: ...(looks at Stan)
Both burst out laughing.
Hamtaro: The Giggles. A common actor's disease. My advice: Avoid the "Scary Movie I, II and III" series.
§ Party For Two Bloopers! §
Scene 5: Party Planners!(Hint: When the gang plans out the party after Stan leaves for the day)
Cappy:(hops up and down)Alright! A party! A party! A party!
Bijou: We could decorate zee clubhouse with many ribbons!
Sandy: And have totally awesome music jams!
Pashmina: And streamers the shapes of the rainbows!
Ham-Hams:(break character and give Pashy a wierd look)Heke?
Director: CUT! Pashmina, you were supposed to say "the colors of the rainbows!"
Pashmina: Really?(looks at script)Oh. Whoopsie!(giggles like one of those "dumb blond girl" characters)Sorry!
Director:(sighs)Let's try one more time! From Cappy's line!
(Take 2)
Pashmina: And streamers the sizes of rainbows!
Ham-Hams:(shake their heads slowly)Nooooooooo!
(Take 3)
Pashmina: And streamers the smells of the rainbows!
Ham-Hams:(sweatdrop)
(Take 4)
Pashmina: And streamers the density of the rainbows!
Hamtaro: What's a density?
Ham-Hams:(fall over anime style)
(Take 5)
Pashmina: And streamers the heights of the rainbows!
Director + Ham-Hams: COLORS, YOU DUMB, BLONDE GIRL!
(Take 6)
Pashmina: And streamers the smells of the rainbows!
Ham-Hams: YOU SAID THAT IN TAKE 3!
(Take 7)
Pashmina: And streamers the colors of the rainbows!
Ham-Hams: THANK YOU! FINALLY!
(A/N: No offense to Pashmina. Personally, she's my second-favorite Ham-Ham girl! Please don't take it the wrong way!)
§
Scene 23: Rounds 1 Thru 5!(Hint: I think I had a deleted scenefor this one)
Hamtaro: Aww man! The suspension is killing me!(starts stuffing popcorn in his mouth)
Boss: Uhhh...Hamtaro? Where'd you get that popcorn?
Hamtaro: Actually, at the--to be honest, I don't know. Ricky got the popcorn, not me!
Oxnard:(tries a popcorn piece)Mmmm! From where?
Hamtaro: I think Target(at the backstage crew)HEY, RICKY! IT WAS TARGET, RIGHT!
Director:(sighs loudly)Hamtaro, what are you doing?
Hamtaro: What? Did I do something wrong?(looks around stupidly)
Ham-Hams:(fall over)
(Take 2)
Director: Marker.(black-and-white scene marker thingy pops out in front of the camera)Lights.(violet spotlights flash on)No, the lights that aren't purple!(normal lights turn on)Camera. And...ACTION!
Marker snaps and moves away from the camera. Hamtaro isn't in his spot.
Director: Where's the redhead? Hamtaro, right?
Cappy:(from underneath his saucepan)Maybe the note he left on my saucepan will explain something!
Sandy: Ooookaaaaay!(reads the note out loud)
"Dear Ham-Hams,
Went to Target to get more popcorn. Kinda ate all the bags. Be back as soon as possible.(Why can't they have a short abbreviation for that, like A.S.A.P.?)
Uhhh...Hamtaro.
PS: Who wants something in Target?"
Everyone falls over with sweatdrops.
Director: SOMEONE GET THAT LITTLE IDIOT BACK IN HERE!
Boss: With! Pleasure!(pulls out cellphone and dials Hamtaro's number)
§ At a Target store... §
Hamtaro:(picks up)Hello? Hello? Heeeellllllllooooooo! Boss, speak up! Why can't I hear you?
Boss:(from other line)Cause you're holding your phone UPSIDE DOWN!
Hamtaro: Really?(notices his phone is upside down)Whoops.(flips it over)Okay, now what? Say, do you want something while I'm here?
Boss: All we want is you to do us a favor and GET YOU LITTLE RED, FURRY, DUMB-ASS TAIL BACK IN THIS STUDIO!
Hamtaro: Umm...w-wish I could but...I can't!(squirms nervously)
Boss: Why?
Just then the camera zooms away from Hamtaro's face. He is squeezed behind a toy shelf of toddler toys that consist of Teletubbie plushes, Dora action figures(EVIL!)and talking Bob The Builder's.
Hamtaro: Y-You see...some kids, they...okay. Every ham in this store saw me and they're after me! They want my autograph, a strand of my fur, a photo...and some crazy girls wanna slap my ass.
§ Back with Boss... §
Stan:(pops out of nowhere)Really? ALL RIGHT, HAMTARO!(whistles)
Crystal:(comes out too and glares at Stan)You imbecile! You're not supposed to be here!(pulls him away by the ear)
Stan: Owowowowow! But I've dreamt of girls slapping my ass since I was eight! Owowowow! Can't a guy congradulate his pal? Owww! The ear!
Crystal:(sweatdrop)That was so not necessary to hear!
Boss: So, your disguise failed?
Hamtaro:(from phone)I didn't wear a disguise.
Boss: O.O YOU DIDN'T WEAR A DISGUISE?
Hamtaro: I didn't think it was necessary!
Boss: T.T Dude, you're famous! People are bound to recognize you!
Hamtaro: Umm...can someone come get me...like the FBI? Those insane ham-girls found me!(screaming girls are heard in the background)O-O-Okay, I gotta go! OW! Some girl on crack just pulled my tail and I think she wants to rape me! OW! HEY!Your paws don't belong there! AAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKK! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
Boss: O.o They cut our connection.
Director: Oh for God's sake..(dials a number in his cellphone)..Hello, operator? Get me the navy.
§
Scene 27: Food War!(Hint: When the gang has that big food fight)
Director: Okay, let's start from the apple-hitting-the-record part. When the song "Goofy Goober Rock!" comes on, you all start the food fight! And ACTION!
Hamtaro throws the apple and hits the record player. The needle lands on the record and...
"I like big butts and I cannot lie!
You other brothers can't deny!
I got--"
SCREEEECH! Sandy quickly stops the record and glares at Stan.
Stan:(shrugs)I was BORED!(blushes)
(Take 2)
Hamtaro throws the apple. It hits the record, turning it on.
"Let's recite the alphabet.
A, B, C.."
SCRRREEEEEEEECH! Sandy stops it again.
Sandy: Hamtaro, I thought you like, knew the alphabet by now!
Hamtaro: But I do! Whaddaya take me for? An idiot!
Stan: Uhh, pfft. YES!
Pashmina:(nudges him roughly)(whispers)That's a sensitive subject to discuss in front of him!
Cappy: Actually...that was me!
(Take 3)
The apple hits player. Player turns on. This is getting tiring. Bla, bla, bla!
"Oh, I'm a goofy goober, yeah.
You're a goofy go--"
SCRREEEECH! Sandy stops it-yet again!
Sandy: PENELOPEEEEEEEEE!
Penelope: Okyooo...(Sorryyyyy...)
(Take 4)
"Lalalala!
Lalalala!
Elmo's world!"
Everyone falls over. Sandy stops the record.
Sandy: Okay. WHO was it this time!
Everyone looks straight at Hamtaro.
Hamtaro:(wearing "I-heart-Elmo" stuff)What?
(Take 5)
"I'm a goofy goober ROCK!"
Everyone: YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!(starts to throw food around)
Director:(sighs)I'm not paid enough to do this job...
§ Back to Hamtaro and Bijou... §
Bijou is on the floor, laughing with tears streaming down her face. Hamtaro is staring at her.
Hamtaro: Bij? Are you still laughing from that second-to-last scene? Cause I'll have you know those girls were pure savages. SAVAGES!
Bijou:(stands up and stops laughing)S-Sorry, Hamtaro. But eet was so funny now zhat I remember eet.
Hamtaro: Sure. But boy was I relieved when the navy came in with those giant tranquilizing needles and stuck them right up their a--
Bijou: OOOOOKAY, HAMTARO!(mutters)Zhey don't need zee details..!
Hamtaro: Uhhh...right.. (?)
Bijou:(giggles nervously)Well...anyways...zhat's all zee time we have! I hope you enjoyed our little extras!
Hamtaro: Yeah, cause we have to go!
Bijou: Oh oui! Zee cast party! We should really be going. Eet starts in a few ho--
Suddenly, the door to the clubhouse bursts open. The Ham-Hams all pile in.
Hamtaro+Bijou: HAM-HAMS! What are you doing here?
Pashmina:(sighs) Well, Stan went out to get some skateboard wax and the HUUUUUGE crowd of girls he brought with him chased him into the club we were supposed to have our party at and destroyed the place!
Sandy: We're talking 100-percent-total-destruction-chaotic destroying! They trashed the club!
Stan: I SAID I WAS SORRY! But girls are total animals sometimes!(Crystal glares at him)No offense.(holds up paws)
Hamtaro: Man, that sucks!
Sandy:(notices the blue TV screen)Hey whaddaya watching?
Hamtaro+Bijou: Uhhhhh...nothing!
Crystal: Wait, are you watching those bloopers Hamtaro filmed a while back?
Stan: What bloopers?
Crystal: The bloopers Hamtaro filmed for the Childhood Friends/Party For Two episode. I saw him put it in that exact same disc over there!(points at disc on top of the TV)
Boss: Say, how 'bout we watch it since our night's free!
Ham-Hams: YEAH!
Hamtaro: Uhh, I don't think so. See, me and Bij are about to retu--
Instead of listening to him, the gang stampede all over him. Noises of elephants, zebras, lions, birds and other wild animals are heard in the background. When they are done, Hamtaro is on the floor, his foot sticking out and slightly twitching. Bijou looks down at him.
Hamtaro:(coughs)Bij...could you call a plastic surgeon? I think Oxnard flattened my spleen.
Bijou:(sweatdrops)O.O
Pashmina: BIJ! This is the blooper where you fall 89,753,563,356,332 and a half times!
Cappy: Come and watch it!
Bijou:(sighs)Here we go again!
§ To be con't... §
A/N: OMG! I think that was the longest chapter I had ever done in the history of forever! Please review and make this chapter worth the labor!(falls over and faints)
§
Coming Up On Crystalgurl101's Behind-The-Scenes,
A special song-fic chappy written by my dear friend, Tsubaki Munegawa. So give him his credits! Last surprise, NEXT! But first...REVIEW!