Downwards

Disclaimer: i still don't own any characters from a Tamora Pierce book.

A/N: be warned, this chapter is dark, and this chapter is rated "T" for a reason.

thanks again to all who reviewed, you are all greatly appreciated.

Alanna saddled Moonlight and her knight-masters mare, Devious, while she waited for Raoul, Morgan and Gary to arrive. Knowing everyone else's horses, she decided to kill some time by saddling them as well. Finally, the three arrived.

"Alright, let's go," said Morgan, looking like a different person. She had taken off all the make up she had on earlier and mussed her hair. She had riding clothes on, obviously stolen from the pages selection. Right now, she looked nothing like a noble.

Alanna smiled as a reply and leapt on Moonlight and trotted off to the city, talking to Morgan, yet never bringing up the subject of the Goldenlake knight. Perhaps Morgan noticed as well, she too stayed far away from that topic. Finally the two decided to race, bringing them far ahead of the others. Once far enough away Morgan asked, "what's going on with you and Raoul?"

Alanna gaped. Was there nothing she could keep from this girl? "There's nothing going on."

"Yes there is. I see it on your face like giant bruise," she told the squire. "Besides, you can trust me. You haven't been caught yet, have you?"

"No, I haven't, but..." Alanna sighed. "I just don't want to talk about that."

"Are you sure?" she prodded. "I might be able to help."

"Really?" Alanna was losing her patience. It wasn't fair how this was happening now! "Fine, then tell me, what would you do if you were training to become a knight, and one of your oldest friends chose you as a squire?"

"Rejoice."

"Then, you find out that they are attracted to you. They proved this twice," Alanna went on, slightly vicious.

"Twice?" Morgan was stupefied. "How?"

"Once when he was drunk, another just an hour ago," she said, her voice becoming smaller and smaller.

"I never knew Raoul was like that," the female Naxen commented.

"I didn't either," was Alanna's soft reply."it's just that..."

"Just that?"

"I liked it. I encouraged it, I... I kissed him back," she said, her voice full of remorse. It felt even worse to tell someone than it did to keep it inside.

Alanna felt a small hand pat her on the shoulder. "Maybe you should tell Gary."

"What?" Alanna nearly shouted.

"Yes! It will help!" Morgan said in an effort to keep her friend quiet.

"How? Telling another person I'm a girl to help me with something like this? I don't think so."

"Well why not?"

"Because," Alanna explained, "the more people who know, the more of a risk I take while I'm here."

"You have to!"

"No I don't!" Alanna continued to deny this.

"Tell him and let Raoul vent his problem! Because if you don't tell Gary, this is going to keep happening!"

Alanna glared. "Fine," she turned Moonlight and trotted off towards Gary, grim determination in her vivid eyes. Raoul knew that look and stayed well away from her; he had the idea to talk to Morgan and ignore whatever Alanna said.

"Gary!" called Alanna, her voice echoing in the dark air. He rode towards and she made sure that they were far enough away from Morgan and Raoul before finally saying, "does it ever seem like there's something to me? Like, I've been hiding something from everyone?"

"Well, yes, I knew you weren't everything you said you were, but I never found out what it is," he said, looking at her oddly.

Alanna licked her lips and forced the words out of her mouth, "I'm not a boy. I'm a girl."

Gary stopped abruptly. "That's not funny."

"I didn't mean for it to be a joke."

He looked at her, still trying to piece everything together. A few minutes later, he smiled and asked, "why'd you tell me?"

"Your sister told me to."

"Morgan knew?" he seemed so startled it was funny.

"She figured it out the second she saw me," Alanna replied with a smile.

"So, why do you think she told you to tell me?" he inquired.

"Ask her."

They reached the Dancing Dove and Alanna let Raoul take the horses around back. She led Morgan into the bustling inn, found Solom and climbed the stairs to George's room. Alanna looked around, to see if George had anything new. Sadly he didn't, but Morgan was intrigued by all of the Rogues possessions, and asked numerous times about where he got them.

"Alan!" a tall man said from the doorway.

"George!" she ran and hugged him. "It's ok, you can call me Alanna. She knows."

"How did she know? You took so much care," he said.

"I'm not sure, ask her," Alanna said wickedly. She watched the two converse and the other girl left them alone.

Going down the stairs she knew she made a mistake. She could hear Raoul yell drunkenly, "what are you talking about? I love her!" and the sound of a table overturning.

"Raoul!" she screamed when she saw he was about to punch one of the thieves.

Raoul's eyes were clouded with the effect of the liquor. He staggered. "What's wrong?" his speech was slurred, and Alanna knew she had to leave early again.

She once again searched for Gary, only to see him walking towards her. "How did he get like this?"

Gary looked at his friend and said angrily, "he got in and ordered a whole bottle of vodka to himself!"

Alanna wanted to smash Raoul's head in. "Raoul! Come here now!" more softly she said to Gary, "get Morgan. Now."

He nodded and walked away as Raoul attempted to walk over. Alanna strode over, grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the Dove. Taking him around back she hissed, "what are you doing? Do you like getting into fights? What are you trying to do?"

Raoul leaned over and tried to kiss her. She dodged and moved away saying, "stop it!" repetitively. But he followed and grabbed her arm with a force no one would be able to break. He pulled her into him and started to kiss her, bruising her lips. She couldn't scream from the onslaught. Where are Gary and Morgan? Alanna thought desperately, praying they would get here in time to stop this. Alanna suddenly felt her feet being lifted from the ground, and was being carried into the stable. She fought hard, but Raoul was so drunk and so large, it was a waste of energy.

"Why do we have to go? It's still early," said Morgan's voice.

"We've been having a problem with someone, and it occurred again," Gary explained.

Raoul hasn't stopped. He climbed the ladder to the hay loft and tossed her onto it. She tried to turn and run, but he caught her and held her below his heavy body. Alanna whimpered. "Please stop, please," she pleaded. He paid no attention to her begging and tried to get rid of her shirt.

"Alanna."

Raoul stopped and looked down to see another large man. The same man said, "Raoul, do you know where Alanna is?"

Alanna whimpered again, but Raoul had placed his hand over her mouth.

There was a loud crash and Raoul and Alanna toppled out of the hayloft, Alanna was nearly in tears. She looked down at Raoul, who was now lying unconscious on the ground. When she looked up to see who had saved her she saw the Rogue, beside his was Morgan, looking extremely frightened.

"Come on," Morgan whispered. "Let's go."

The tow rode hard back up to the palace. Not stopping until their horses were with Stefan and his workers, and then they still ran until they reached Alanna's room, with the doors safely locked. Only then did Alanna cry.

"I know he was drunk, but- but-" she collapsed into helpless sobs again.

"Shh, your ok," Morgan cooed, she said this but inside she was burning with withheld rage.

There was a light knock on the door and Morgan was the one to answer it; when she saw who it was she almost slammed it in their face. Raoul stood there, looking horrible. "Where's Alanna?"

Morgan's eyes turned to stone. "I'm not telling you. If it weren't for the alcohol in you I would bring you up before the Moon of Truth Temple myself."

He sighed and rubbed his temples, in no mood to argue with her. "Just let me see her."

"So you can attack her again?" she snapped. A small sob was heard in the other room. Raoul's eyes snapped forward, and he took a step but got a fist in the face for his effort.

"What are you doing?" he howled.

"You're not seeing her," Morgan spat.

Raoul snapped. He shoved her out of the way and walked towards he cry. He opened the door and wished he hadn't. Alanna sat on her bed, holing her pillow, looking up at him in fear.

"Don't touch me," she warned quickly. In complete disregard he walked over to her.

Alanna reacted instantly. She lunged off her bed, and grabbed her unsheathed sword. She pointed it towards his chest. Quietly she said, "take one more step, I swear by Mithros and the Goddess I will kill you."

Raoul looked at her in a resigned way. "I'm sorry."

She looked at him, her gaze icy. "That's all you can say? Really?"

"I can' think of any words to explain why I did it."

Alanna shook her head. "Raoul, I can't do this. I told you, if you had this kind of problem I said I would leave your service."

His face paled. "Please, just give me another chance."

"I can't." she could feel the tears forcing their way into her eyes. "Quit drinking, once you pull yourself together, ask me again."

Although he knew it was his cue to leave, he remain in his place and begged, "please Alanna I am truly sorry for this. I will stop drinking, I swear."

"No." normally she would have, but not now, not since he did this.

He knew she wouldn't change her answer. So instead of either punching a wall or yelling at her he said tightly, "pack you things then."

Alanna held her head up proudly. "I will. Maybe Douglass would like to switch masters," she said, and sword never leaving Raoul's chest, she guided him out the door, slamming it in his wake.

Morgan, forgotten until then asked, "are you sure about this?"

Alanna choked. Her throat too tight to say a word.

Morgan sighed, "I'll go talk to Gary about this."

"Thank you," Alanna croaked. "Morgan, I just need to get away from all this."

Morgan nodded in understanding and left Alanna alone.

"Are you going to be yourself any time soon?" Faithful asked.

"I don't know. All i know is that I can't stay with him as a master, not with the way he drinks."

"Maybe he'll stop. then what are you going to do?"

"Let him start fresh." this is if he ever stops.

"You're doing really well. don't let this get in your way."

"You're right. I'm going to sleep, i'm the morning we move."

like i said, Teen for a reason. things will get better, i promise! i'm sorry, but this has to happen. please continue to review.