1They were paralized. It seemed as if our protagonists had no chance of escape, then out of nowhere, about 5 feet over Ganon's head, appeared two figures. One of them was enormous, landing very hard on top of Ganon and most likely killing him. The other managed to land on his feet on top of the other, then leaped majestically to the ground.
Li tripped and fell on Roy, wh- oh whatever. Anyway, they were vey surprised. Wonder why.
Zelda looked up at the second figure posessively. Li shivered. Cloud, unexpectedly, shouted, "Evrybody run!" and ran into a wall and nocked himself out. Nobody was very sure why.
The smaller figure, by no means small compared to anyone but the first figure, smiled evilly. "Why thank you, my adversary. I was going to attempt to kill you, but you seem more easily defeated than I thought."
Cloud woke up, with Sephiroth standing over him. "Who am I?" he said faintly. He imagined that the person standing over him had just rescued him. "You have really cool hair."
Sephiroth looked stunned. "Nobody has every given me a compliment before." He looked down at Cloud with a sparkle in his eyes.
"You're really hot!" shouted Zelda, but he didn't seem to hear.
"You have really cool hair too," said Sephiroth, helping Cloud up to his feet. The two stood there a second, then started smooching.
"Eewe."
gag
"Huh?"
"Noooooo!"

They finally broke appart the love scene in an attempt to save their sanity, to find that it was too late. So Sephiroth and Cloud were satisfied holding hands for the moment, and everyone was at least partially spared.

"But wait," said Li uncertainly. "This can't be the end of the story. The title says Bob Link the 5th. Well. . . we never figured out who that was." She stopped. "Wait, no, I don't wanna know!"
"Oh," said Sephiroth, "He's right behind you."
"Aaw," said Link.
Roy looked upset. "Do you know like everyone's name or something?"
"Why of course." He looked upward. "Heron."
-What the- why isn't it blocked by the sensor bar?-
Finds sensor bar sitting on the beach drinking lemonaide. Shoves it back in the story
"And Li's real name is K- aaaah!" Sephiroth got attacked by the sensor bar, and Roy hoped Sephiroth would never reveal his real name.
"Ack- Robert- ack- Tweed- ack- Jr.- cough Help!"
"Darnit."