Now, presenting the reason I decided to make myself Columbia instead of Magenta
Axel: She tries to kill Riku! Oh, and she owns nothing execpt herself.
(Riku has left via elevator. Demyx and Kairi begin taking Naminé and Roxas's clothes, starting with their coats.)
Robin: Do an impression of Elvis, guys!
Naminé: Thank you
Roxas: Thank you very much!
(They then start on blouses and pants, so Naminé and Roxas are down to their underwear)
Naminé: Oh, Brad!
Roxas: It's all right, Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right!
Riku: Hey, Robin! How do you like your sex?
Robin: (glares at Riku) You'll pay for that… Slowly, slowly, it's too nice a job to rush!
Roxas: Hi! My name's Brad Majors,
Robin: ASSHOLE!
Roxas: and this is my fianceé Janet Weiss.
Riku: SLUT! Hey Roxas, spell 'urinate'!
Roxas: You are, uh..?
Riku: Close enough.
Robin: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory, some people would give their right arm for the privilege.
Riku: (in a bad Dracula voice) Come up to my lab…
Robin: Hehehehe
Roxas: People like you, maybe? I'm sure she'd like that…
Robin: People like ME, yes. People like my CHARACTER? Ha! I've seen it!
Kairi: Come along, the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Naminé: Is he, Frank I mean, is he your husband?
Everyone: (sniggers at Kairi, who looks dumbfounded at suggestion)
Demyx: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are merely his…servants.
(Snap. Scene change to lab)
(Riku is standing there in his lab coat. Robin drools)
Sora: What color are your balls?
Riku: (glares at Sora) Magenta…
(Kairi steps forward)
Sora: Where do you get your drugs?
Riku: Columbia…
(Robins steps forward, still drooling)
Axel: Good choice!
Riku: Go and assist Riff-Raff. I will entertain our…guests.
Roxas: I'm Brad Majors, this is my fianceé Janet Vice
Naminé: WEISS!
Robin: That's the third time he's said that, you'd think he'd get it right!
Riku: Enchanté. Well, how nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But here, put these on (hands them lab coats) They'll make you feel less…vulnerable. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them hospitality.
Roxas: HOSPITALITY? All we wanted was to use you phone goddamnit, a reasonable request, which you've chosen to ignore! (yanks his glasses off)
Sora: It's SUPERASSHOLE!
Roxas: (glares)
Naminé: Don't be ungrateful!
Roxas: Ungrateful!
Riku: How forceful you are Brad, Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. You must be awfully proud of him Janet.
Robin: Are you a hooker?
Naminé: (looks ready to kill Robin) Well, yes, I am…
Demyx: (approaches) Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your word.
(Riku goes to the podium and addresses everyone.)
Robin: When's the orgy, Riku?
Riku: (smirks) Tonight! My unconventional conventionalists, you are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it happened. Suddenly you get a break and all the pieces seem to fit into place. What a sucker you've been, what a fool. The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to make it happen.
Axel: What was your birth?
Riku: (Glares, summoning the Way To The Dawn. At a look from Robin, he puts it away and continues). An accident! And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that...spark! That is the breath of life.
Sora: Do you know how to masturbate?
Riku: Yes! I have that knowledge!
Axel: What deodorant do you use?
Riku: I hold the secret
RPIA: To life?
Riku: To life!
RPIA: The Universe?
Riku: (blinks and grins) The Universe!
RPIA: And everything?
Riku: AND EVERYTHING!
Robin: (yawning) That's OLD news! It's 42! F!
Riku: You see,
Robin: K SPELLS FUCK!
Riku: You are most fortunate, for tonight, my beautiful creature is to be born!
(random flashy lights)
(Sora emerges from tank in a gold speedo. Sora fangirls, Robin included, drool)
Sora: Hey, this is actually pretty comfy! The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head and I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread! Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery and can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer! I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.
All: That ain't no crime!
Sora: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnamable dread.
All: That ain't no crime!
Sora: My high is low. I'm dressed up with no place to go and all I know is that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
Riku: (chasing Sora around) Oh Rocky!
All: Sha-la-la. That ain't no crime! (refrain)
Sora: The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.
All: That ain't no crime!
Sora: And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread!
All: That ain't no crime!
Sora: Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery and can't you see that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer.
Riku: Oh, Rocky! That's no way to behave on your first day out! But since you're such an…exceptional beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you. Oh, I just LOVE success!
Demyx: (grudgingly) He's a credit to your genius master
Kairi: A triumph of your will!
Robin: He's okay…
Riku: Okay? OKAY? Humph. I think we can do better than that. (walks over to Roxas and Naminé with Sora.) Now, Brad and Janet, what do YOU think of him?
Naminé: Well, I don't like guys with too many muscles
Roxas (looks injured)
Naminé: It's part of the script, dear
Roxas: Oh…
Riku: I didn't make him for YOU! He carries the Charles Atlas Seal of Approval
Robin: (makes seal sounds)
Axel: Describe Demyx!
Demyx: (chases Axel around the theatre)
Robin and Riku and Sora: NOT AGAIN!
Robin: (snaps and Axel and Demyx are back in their original places, with no memory of what Axel just said)
Riku: Can I continue now?
Robin: Go ahead
Riku: Thanks. A weakling weighing 98 pounds, will get sand in his face when kicked to the ground. And soon in the gym with a determined chin, the sweat from his pores as he works for his cause. Will make him glisten and gleam and with massage and just a little bit of steam. He'll be pink and quite clean.(Sora is working out during the whole song, making fangirls everywhere drool) He'll be a strong man, oh honey, but the wrong man.
He'll eat nutritious, high protein, and swallow raw eggs, try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and
Axel: BALLS!
Riku: legs! Such an effort, if he only knew of my plan! In just seven days
Sora: and Six Long Nights!
Riku: I can make you a man! He'll do press ups and chinups, the snatch, clean and jerk
Axel: OFF!
Robin: (sniggers)(rubs oil on Sora's muscled chest)
Sora Fangirls: (give Robin murderous looks)
Robin: Wow, these are niiiceee…
Sora: Well, the bloody keybade is heavy!
Riku: He digs dynamic tension, must be hard work. Such strenuous living I just can't undersand
Sora: because's you're a lazy bastard!
Riku: (slaps Sora upside the head) when in just seven days I can make you a man!
Axel: FINALLY!
(door bursts open, Axel rides in on motorcycle. Axel fangirls, including Robin again, drool. Robin gets a sudden nosebleed. Axel and Riku look concerned. Robin waves them off)
Robin: I'm fine….(spazzes) OHMIGODIGETTODANCEWITHAHAWTSEXYAXELINBIKERCLOTHESOMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD! (calms instantly) I'm fine. Continue.
Everyone else: (blinks)
Axel: Woo! Whatever happened to Saturday Night when you're at the job and you felt all right. It don't seem the same since cosmic light, came into my life, I thought I was divine. I use to go for a ride with a chick who'd go (here he snaps his fingers and Robin literally runs into his arms As he sings the next few lines, he picks her up and sits her on the motorcycle. She's drooling and her nose is still bleeding just a bit.) and listen to the music on the radio. A saxophone was blowing on a rock n roll show, we climbed in the back seat and baby had a real good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul (Robin grabs his hand and begins licking it. It's in character, but she's enjoying it WAAY more than nessecary.) I really love that Rock-n-Roll! (Robin and Axel begin dancing) Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! (Axel begins playing saxaphone) My head, it used to swim from the perfume I smelled, my hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt. I kissed my baby's pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt, (Axel acts like he's gonna kiss Robin, but pulls away at the last second. He walks toward Roxas and Naminé, Robin pulling at his scarf to get him to stay) she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine. Get back in front, put some hair oil on, Buddy Holly was singing his very last song. With your arms around your girl you try to sing along. It felt pretty good, baby had a real good time! (Axel and Robin continue dancing, and almost making out on the floor because Robin pulls him into her) Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! Hot patootie, bless my soul I really love that Rock-n-Roll! (Axel drives motorcycle around)
Riku: (grabs pickaxe, chases Axel off stage. Bloodsplatters and screams come from where they went.)
Robin: (Forgets it's part of the script and goes beserk.) (Chases Riku around with her own, real, pickaxe (Riku's was a prop))
20 minutes later
Axel: (stops laughing long enough to speak) Robin, calm down, it's part of the damn show!
Robin: (stops chasing Riku, who looks relieved) Oh…I knew that. (snaps her fingers and Axel is by her side.) We're gonna take a break now so I can have some….alone time with Axel. (Snaps again, she and Axel disapear).