(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 6

"Think you can tell me what happened now, pet?" Spike asked carefully as Buffy finished off the glass of water he'd got for her. She glanced at him, managing a half smile and nodding slowly.

"It was stupid, really" she admitted with a sigh, "I don't really know why I came here..."

"Gotta say, I'm glad you did" Spike told her with a smile, "Must prove you believe what I was telling you"

"I do" Buffy nodded once again, "I thought I did before, but everything was so confusing" she said as she looked away, "I thought it'd be better when I saw Jonathan"

"Who's he then?" Spike asked, jealousy edging his tone. Though of course he'd realised she must have a life somewhere with those people who knew her as Joan Winters, it hadn't quite occurred to Spike that there would be a man in Buffy's life now. Hell, she could be engaged, even married for all he knew!

"He's a friend" Buffy said uncertainly, "He was my best friend but then... he kinda told me he loved me" she said, running through the events in her head once again and still finding it difficult to make sense of the sudden declaration from her dear friend. What had her more mixed up than Jonathan's affection for her was the fact she'd heard Spike say the exact same words, as the real world had faded out and her mind replayed a short scene that she assumed to be a memory, much like before when she'd seen the red-head Spike referred to as Willow.

"There's more to this than your boy layin' his heart on the line" Spike said it more like a statement than a question. He knew this wasn't as simple as it was sounding so far.

"There is" Buffy admitted, looking up at Spike and then down at her own hands where they rested in her lap, playing with a loose thread at the edge of her shirt, "You were there" she said, feeling ridiculous just saying it. Of course Spike hadn't actually been there, but she'd seen him as plain as if he'd been three feet in front of her.

"You saw me?" Spike checked, head tilting to one side as he stared at her, "Another one of your flashes, like when you saw Red?" he asked and she nodded once again.

"Jonathan was saying stuff and then it was you and... it was the same words but I was in another place" she tried to explain, "My arms wouldn't move, and it was cold and dark, but you were there, and... it wasn't scary" she said, ducking her head behind her hair when he wouldn't stop looking at her.

It was almost the exact same look on his face right now as it had been in that memory. She could almost physically see the love flowing out of his eyes for her and she knew what she'd seen before had to be real. All that he'd told her just had to be true, how else would she be seeing things like this, and feeling so comfortable around a man that ought to have been a complete stranger.

"It happened" she said, meeting his eyes, "You told me you loved me, just like he did. I saw the past" she said, a statement not a question since she was so certain it was true.

"Reckon that's exactly what you saw, pet" Spike told her softly, "Did some bloody stupid things in my time, went about things all the wrong way, including the day I told you how I felt about you, but it's been over five years, Buffy, and I swear to you, I love you as much now as I did then"

Buffy wasn't sure how to react to that, though somehow it was less scary hearing these words from Spike than it had been hearing similar declarations from Jonathan.

"I know you do" she nodded, frowning as she said it, "I don't know how I know" she admitted, "but I do. I believe you"

Spike couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face at the sound of those words. All the 'you can't love without a soul' crap he'd endured from this woman, and her friends both before and after her death. Now she believed, now she knew, just by looking at him and being here with him that his feelings were deep and real. He loved her like he'd never loved anyone before and though she wasn't saying she felt the same, she at least conceded that he knew his own mind and heart, that was a step forward.

The pleasure he felt in that moment was only slightly spoilt by the little voice in the back of his head, reminding him that Buffy had no reason to call him a liar yet. She did not know what he was, what he had done, that he had existed in the world many more lifetimes than he should ever have done, and with a demon inside him instead of a soul.

"Spike?" she said uncertainly when he was quiet too long and seemed to have floated off into his own little world.

"What's that, luv?" he asked, snapping back to the present.

"I... I'm so glad I met you here" she told him, "and I want to know about my past but... God, I'm so scared" she admitted as she laughed and cried at the same time, tears running down her cheeks which she tried to wipe away with the back of her hand, "The not knowing was so awful but this... I'm just so scared of what I might remember next" she sobbed and immediately Spike was sitting beside her on the bed, his arms pulling her too him and hugging her tight. She didn't protest at all and her body relaxed against him as she cried.

Buffy felt as if crying was all she were good for lately, but it wasn't all bad tears, some were definitely of the happy kind, to know her life before Cleveland had not been all bad. She'd had nightmares about where she might have come from, how terrible her life might've been before. Since meeting Spike and being told of her past, all fears had been quelled, most worries laid to rest. She had been a hero in her 'other life' as she referred to it in her head, a good person with a family and friends who loved her, and apparently a man who loved her too.

Strange as it seemed it was this old world she'd come from that was making more sense to Buffy right now than the new one. Jonathan, who had been one of her very best friends for so long, had set her world into a spin by telling her he loved her as passionately as he did. Being with Spike, knowing from the start what he felt for her, somehow that was simpler. She felt more comfortable in his arms right now than she had anywhere else for the past five years - it was almost like coming home.

"Dawnie?" Jason called as he let himself into the back door of 1630 Revello Drive, "Dawn, you here?" he checked as he walked through the house and found her at the table, surrounded by piles of books. He was quite used to finding her like this when there was some kind of Hellmouth crisis. It hadn't been too much of a shock when she'd introduced him to her world, far from it. He was born and grew up in Sunnydale, surrounded by the strangeness and things that go bump in the night. In a lot of ways it was a relief to find out there were real explanations for the bizarre happenings around town.

"Hey" Dawn said absently, nose stuck in her book still, "How was work?"

"Very work-like" he smiled as he took the chair beside her, "God, I hate the night shift" he declared with a yawn, stretching his arms above his head.

Jason was training in medicine and as such worked irregular hours at the hospital as well as attending college. It was fortunate really that his parents could afford to help out with paying for his education as well as his wedding to Dawn, as the young couple had very little cash themselves. Spike earnt enough to help out of course, and Giles sent very generous gifts quite often, but Mr and Mrs Green had been a great help. Spike often told Dawn she was bloody lucky to fall in love with a rich sod like Jason, and she was never entirely sure whether he was joking or serious.

"Are we under attack again?" Jason asked when it seemed his fiancee was paying very little attention to him, "Cos when I went out it was bride's magazine you had your nose stuck in and now... well, that's not a bride" he observed, gesturing to a picture of a rather disgusting demon on the page of an abandoned book on the table.

"Huh?" Dawn said as she glanced up at him finally, "What?"

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" he asked her, putting a hand to her face just to make sure he kept her focus on him instead of the page for a few seconds.

"Spike's not coming home yet" she sighed, "He said he had business to deal with and he'd be back tomorrow night... or tonight" she amended, catching sight of the clock and seeing it was now five in the morning. She's been sitting here for hours.

"And all the books are for...?" Jason prompted not really understanding yet.

"To find whatever demon it is that Spike is dealing with" she air quoted, "I was looking through the Watcher Diaries, there's a whole bunch of demons that Spike had 'unfinished business' with, it could be any one of them he's going to fight, I just want to make sure he's going to be okay, and..."

"Dawnie" Jason interrupted fast, knowing if he waited for her to stop for breath they might be there all day, "Honey, did you ever think that maybe Spike's just having a good time in LA?" he smiled, leaning in close to her, "Or that maybe he thought we could do without him for another night?" he smirked slightly, before putting his lips gently to hers.

"Maybe" she conceded with a sigh, wondering just briefly how one kiss from the guy she loved could still have such an effect on her. She really could not wait to marry him.

"There's a hundred and one reasons why Spike might wanna stay out an extra night, Dawn" Jason told her, "Could be gambling, drinking, met up with an old friend, even, y'know, made a new friend?" he said with a filthy look that made Dawn gasp.

"Jason!" she made a face as she batted him across the arm, "Eeeww" she exclaimed, knowing exactly what her fiance meant and not liking the idea much. Though she'd once had a huge crush on Spike, it was a long time ago now and he was very much her older brother figure these days. The last mental image she needed was Spike having sex, with anyone at all.

"Dawn, he's a man" Jason rolled his eyes, "Okay, so he's a vampire too, but he's still physically a human male, and we have urges y'know" he shrugged.

"Oh, I know" she said, with a nod, moving from her own seat to sit in Jason's lap, her arms going round his neck as she pulled him close and kissed him with a passion, "I don't have to be anywhere for hours" she told him softly, "Wanna take me to bed?"

Jason wasn't so stupid that he needed asking twice.

Spike could hardly believe what was happening as he lay on the motel room bed, his arms around the woman he adored as she slept soundly beside him, her head resting on his chest, one arm and leg across his body as she kept her grip on him like he was her security blanket or something. She'd cried for so long and then started yawning. He'd suggested she get some kip but she said she couldn't bear to be alone. He'd offered the bed to her, but it seemed even that had been too lonely for her.

Spike never thought that simply holding someone as they slept could evoke such feelings in a person, but it did. There was such warmth in his heart, such love and trust he felt as he watched Buffy breathe in and out, felt her body move against his as she shifted in her sleep.

She believed him, knew his love for her was real, and somehow accepted without question that all he'd told her was true. One might say she was incredibly naive to take the word of a stranger and accept it as truth as easily as she had, but Spike knew it wasn't stupidity that had led her to be here. Fate had intervened and brought his Slayer back it him, even if truth be told she was not 'his' Slayer at all. She knew that what he told her was true, and as real as anything could be.

Spike knew how it was, that overwhelming feeling that something was just right, correct, true, real, without having a real reason why or a proper explanation. He knew because it was how he felt right now, and every time he was in the company of Miss Buffy Summers. She had bewitched him so many years ago, turned him from a hunter to the hunted as he fought at her side against the nastier element of Sunnyhell. Now she was back, and as strongly as ever he felt his love for her overcome him. She made the world seem right, complete, something it had not been at all during her five year absence.

Just for now, Spike was enjoying the simple pleasure of being close to the woman he loved. This might be the only night he got to spend with her so comfortable around him. Though she was starting to remember things and he had told her a great deal, his true identity had not been revealed. The fact that he was a vampire and that he had met the Slayer originally with plans to kill her, these things had not been mentioned and when they were, Spike dreaded to think how the girl would react.

'She has to know' a little voice sing-songed in the back of his mind, a nasty, niggling, far too cheery and evil voice, that was not unlike that of Spike's grand-sire Angelus as it taunted him with the truth, 'She has to know, and when she does, you're history, William' it said cruelly, making Spike almost physically wince. Unconsciously he guessed he must have moved or made a sound enough to wake poor Buffy as she jerked violently and was awake.

The young woman sat up so fast her head spun and she clearly wasn't sure where she was as her eyes darted around the unfamiliar room.

"'S alright, pet" Spike said gently, sitting up beside her, "You're in LA, remember? With me, Spike" he reminded her.

"I... I remember" she said shakily, running a hand over her face, "I think I dreamt... or I remembered" she said, shivering by now, though even Buffy herself was not sure whether it was cold or fear that was causing her to do it.

"You saw something else, luv?" Spike asked as he sat close beside her, not daring to touch her yet. Though he'd held her for hours before now, he wasn't sure it was such a good idea when she was in this state. He'd done a few things in his past that he'd rather Buffy didn't remember and if she did, she certainly wasn't going to feel like giving him a hug.

"A monster" she said, eyes still flicking around, before she finally turned and looked at Spike, "He loved me too, but then... Oh God" she gasped, tears coming to her eyes once again and her hand going to her face, "It was me" she choked out, "We were together and then..."

"You talkin' about Angel, pet?" Spike checked, putting together her fragmented sentences and coming up with what he felt was the most likely person. She'd only had three blokes in love with her as far as the vampire knew. One was himself, one was his grand-sire, and the other was the tin soldier, Riley Finn. The only one she could really be describing as both lover and monster was Angel.

"What did I do to him, Spike?" she cried, gratefully falling into his embrace once again.

The vampire himself hated that all this was so painful for her. He'd been overjoyed to find her, to realise she was not dead but alive in the world, just not his part of it. He'd been selfish in his joy, not thinking about all the nasty memories that she would have been glad to be rid of should she be able to recall she'd ever had them. Spike had thought only of himself and possibly Dawn, the happy times they'd managed to have before, and those they might have in the future with Buffy back in their lives.

The two most important facts Spike had overlooked was the Slayer's new life complete with friends and family, and the heartache she must endure as she remembered things probably best forgotten. Looked as if he'd be the one who helped her deal with them, and he'd do so happily however long and painful the process might be. It was the truth when he'd told Buffy he loved her as much now as he had then, the only half-lie might have been that in fact he loved her more now than ever before.

"Gonna get you through this, luv" he promised her, absently kissing the top of her head as he held her tight and rubbed her back soothingly, "Whatever it takes, gonna get you through"

Her tears slowed, her body convulsing less violently until eventually she was still. Buffy raised her head from his chest and looked up him with red-rimmed eyes, her face all blotchy from crying too much and her make-up spoilt - still she'd never looked more beautiful to Spike.

"You'll take care of me" she said softly, her lips so close, he could feel her breath on his face.

"I will" he promised her, glad to see her smile slightly at that. His happiness turned to delighted shock as she closed the last tiny gap between them and put her lips to his in a sweet kiss. The moment was brief and Buffy soon pulled back though not much, just enough to look at Spike properly, a questioning look in her eyes.

"Take care of me?" she said, almost shyly, waiting a second before leaning in and kissing him again, this time with a little more certainty in her actions.

Maybe she was crazy, Buffy wasn't sure anymore. What she did know was that Joan may be the name she'd given herself, but Buffy was who she was. This Slayer that Spike spoke of, the one he loved and adored, it was her, and she was glad of it.

For whatever reason she felt safer and more comfortable with him and than she ever remembered feeling with anyone else before. She planned to make the most of that before it was too late. If her experiences in the past five years, and losing her memory as she had done had taught her anything at all it was to live for now, because tomorrow might never come.

To Be Continued...