A/N : Questions will soon be answered and there will be at least one plot twist that you're probably no expecting. So glad this story is popular with you guys, always great to know it's not just me thats enjoying it.
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 7

Spike had dreamt this day a hundred, maybe even a thousand times, both before and since he'd lost his love. A day when he and Buffy might be together, when she might want him like he wanted her. The precious moment when she came willingly into his arms and told him everything he wanted to hear as she kissed and touched him, as they made sweet love together. The reality was better than any fantasy he'd ever had, his first sweet and tender experience of this kind with the woman he adored most in the world. It didn't matter that she never actually said she loved him, or that she looked a little different to the picture he'd carried both in his mind and his wallet these past five years. She was his Slayer, and he loved her, and she'd proven now that she felt something for him at least as they'd travelled to heaven and back in each others arms. She was still there now, willingly in his embrace, warm body nestled next to his colder form. She hadn't seemed to think it was strange that he was so cold, but then the two of them had been so wrapped up in emotions and passion it wasn't entirely surprising, he supposed.

Though these moments were the most wonderful he'd ever known, there was a slightly sad edge to them, a rim of darkness that spoilt the picture perfectness of it all. Buffy didn't know who he really was, hell, she only knew half the truth about who she herself was, and yet Spike had let things progress between them at such a rate, he felt terribly guilty. It was a little strange for a supposedly soulless demon such as himself to feel such powerful remorse, but Spike wasn't one for contemplating the physics or mythology as to how it were possible. It was Angel's mission statement to brood as much as possible over the meaning of his existence, and the presence of his soul.

Spike's own unlife was built around Buffy and Dawn and what he could do to help them, and prove how much he loved them. He was seriously wondering how he was ever going to do either after this. There was simply no way to keep the truth about his 'condition' from Buffy and when she knew there was every reason to believe she'd run as fast as possible in the opposite direction, or possibly just stake him on the spot should the thought occur to her.

She made a little sound in her sleep, a smile gracing her lips as she snuggled in closer to him, her leg shifting to lie over his, her arm sliding further across his chest. Spike held onto her as he had been doing for a couple of hours now, so very aware that this might be his only chance to be so close to her. He didn't want to waste a second of it he thought, as he dropped a kiss on the top of her head, one hand playing with her dark hair. She looked just as beautiful as a brunette as she had as a blonde he realised, still very much his Slayer, no matter what changes she made to her physical appearance. Her eyes gave her away almost as much as her scent did, and it was only as he had this thought he realised those hazel orbs he'd been thinking of were now open and staring up at him with a mixture of shyness and, dare he hope to think, love?

"Hi" she said softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep so fast" she admitted, cheeks tingeing with pink as she blushed.

"Not to worry, luv" he replied, kissing her forehead, "You had a long day and a rough night, I didn't mind"

"You might just be the sweetest guy I ever met" she told him with a giddy smile, her expression turning more serious again within seconds as she reached up and kissed him hungrily, her passion for him growing once again.

Far from her earlier thoughts that she must be crazy to let herself do this, Buffy was now wondering if she'd been insane five or six years before. She had apparently known Spike in her other life, her life that she had little memory of, and yet it seemed as though she hadn't wanted him then. He'd been nothing but kind to her since she'd met him here in LA, he hadn't tried anything with her and it had taken some serious encouragement to even get him to kiss her properly. Still, she knew this was right, from the moment they lie down together on the bed and began to help each other out of their clothes. The look in his eyes, a fiery hunger, but along with it so much love it almost overwhelmed her. Though she was sure she wasn't a virgin physically, she had no solid memory of making love before. There was a vague dream about the man Spike had called Angel, but no real knowledge of what to expect.

To Buffy, being with Spike felt like heaven on Earth. He was the perfect combination of passion and tenderness as he made her feel like a Goddess. Sleep had claimed her too fast afterwards and now she was awake again, revived by her slumber she wanted a chance to feel that way again, so loved, so wanted, so completely content. For the first time in five years she'd found a place where everything made sense and felt right, here in Spike's arms.

Unfortunately it seemed her lover was not so keen to repeat their pleasure as he pulled away from her and swung his legs out of the bed. She thought he was going to run away but he stopped, sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands.

"You regret it" she said sadly, as tears filled her eyes, "What we did you... you wish we hadn't now" she bit her lip, desperately fighting the urge to cry, her heart was breaking. To her the experience had been beyond perfect, but judging by Spike's actions he did not feel the same.

"I'm sorry I was such a disappointment" she cried, hating that it hurt so much. She turned intending to get out of the other side of the bed, but his hand on her arm stopped her, pulling her back to him. The way he kissed her then proved the love she'd been so certain of last night, and that only confused her more. If he loved her so much why was he running so hot and cold?

"Buffy, my love" he sighed, forehead leaning against hers, his hand in her hair, "Sweetheart, last night, it meant everything to me, you mean the world... I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you"

"Then why...?" she never managed to finish her question as he interrupted.

"There are things, about me, about yourself, about the world we come from..." he told her sadly, "There's so much you don't know, I should never have let it happen without telling you"

"Then tell me now" Buffy begged him, catching his hand when he tried to retract it from her face, "Tell me what I don't know, I promise it won't matter, it won't make me regret what we did, Spike" she assured him, kneeling on the bed in front of him and taking his face in her hands, "I never knew I could feel like this, you... you make me feel so many things, and all at once. It's like the missing pieces from my life just got put back in" she tried to explain, all the time looking deep into his eyes so she was sure he knew she meant every word, "For the first time in five years, it doesn't matter that I don't remember things, and I'm not scared of being told the truth about what happened to me. That's all because of you"

"I wish it was as simple as you make it sound, luv" he told her, breaking eye contact as he removed her hands from his face and turned his back on her, standing up from the bed and looking around for his pants.

"I know things can't be simple" Buffy told him, "I know life is hard, after what I've been through, in this life and before when I knew you in Sunnydale" she said, "You think you're the only person that has it tough, Spike!" she asked him, voice rising both out of slight hysteria and anger, "Well, it's the same for everybody. Life's a bitch, and then you die!"

Spike laughed at that, not a normal regular laugh, but a loud and somewhat pained, almost maniacal laugh that made Buffy vary wary of herself and her state of undress. He looked almost crazed when he turned and looked at her, picking her clothing up from the floor a piece at a time and tossing it onto the bed in front of her, his laughter over, as suddenly as it had begun.

"See now, luv, there's the kicker" he said, shaking his head as he added her skirt to the small heap of clothes and barely looked at her as she took the oppurtunity to redress herself, "Life ain't a bitch for me, hasn't been for years now" he admitted, pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"I don't understand" Buffy admitted and Spike hated himself a little more when he realised it was the slightest hint of fear he could smell coming off her.

"Believe me when I tell you I wish you didn't have to" Spike shook his head looking down at the carpet before finally meeting her eyes as she now stood a few feet in front of him, fully-clothed, "Pet, you remember what I told you about you being the Slayer?"

"It's not like I'm gonna forget that too fast" Buffy told him, "I was..., I am" she amended, "a Vampire Slayer, I fought evil and killed demons and, well, vampires"

"Yeah, staked all the soddin' vampires for miles" Spike smirked, "'Cept good old Soul Boy Angel of course" he said pausing before he added, "and one other"

"What other?" Buffy frowned, "There was another vampire with a soul?" she asked, finding the words still sounded so foreign to her - Slayer, vampire, fighting, and evil, so far from the world she'd lived in these past five years, the quiet life with friends, and a job, and normalcy.

"Not exactly like you think, luv" Spike brought her back to the present as he spoke, "There was a vamp, got caught by the Initiative" he explained.

"The commandos guys at the college?" she checked she recalled the things he'd told her correctly and Spike nodded in agreement.

"The very same. They put this chip in the poor bugger's head, a device to stop him harming people" he went on to explain, "Gave him a right royal headache if he so much a looked the wrong way at a human, though he could hit demons well enough" he sighed, knowing this was just the easy part.

Eventually she was going to ask who this vampire was he spoke of and then that hate would be back in her eyes, the terrible look of disgust that had been there years before every time he looked at her.

"This vamp, he couldn't feed, was turned on by his own kind, and he came to you, for sanctuary"

"What happened to him?" Buffy asked in total innocence. The real Slayer, the girl she'd been before her memory deserted her would have figured this out in a second. The fact Spike was cold to the touch, the way he seemed to always be in the dark, curtains drawn when the sun was out, but this wasn't completely Buffy. There were parts missing, instincts and memories that she would need if she was going to answer her own question. As it was that job fell to another right now.

"Spike, tell me" she begged him, hating that there seemed to be something she was missing, she'd borne too much of that these past years, "What happened to the vampire?" she asked again.

Spike's eyes had been trained on the floor once again but he looked up at her now with regret and pain visible on his face.

"Funny story really" he said, not looking at all like he believed in the humour he spoke of, "Poor bugger fell in love... with you"

For a full minute Buffy could do nothing but stand and stare as she took in what she was being told. Spike was the vampire, it was plain as day that this is what he meant and yet her brain couldn't process it. Though all he'd told her had been a shock, all the things about demons, and witches, and Hellmouths, and Slayers, finding out the man she'd just spent the night with, the first man in five years who she felt truly comfortable with and at peace in the arms of, was her sworn enemy. He was what she was born to fight, born to kill, and yet he loved her and she'd been starting to wonder if, given time, she could feel the same.

"Oh my God" she gasped eventually, hand covering her mouth as the tears in her eyes finally spilled down her cheeks. It pained Spike to see her so upset and because of him and what he'd told her. Still, she had to know the truth eventually, and surely sooner had to be better than later, or at least he'd thought so before his confession. Now he hated himself even more and just wished Buffy would say something, anything to break the deafening silence that engulfed them.

"You... you're..." the blonde tried to speak, but no proper sentence would form in her mouth, "Oh my God" she repeated, backing up a couple more steps towards the door.

"Buffy, please" Spike said as he took a step forward, stopping when she moved further away til her back hit the door, "I would never hurt you, luv, I swear it" he promised her, "But I had to tell you"

"Why?" she cried openly by now, face awash with tears, "Why did you have to ruin this? For the first time in five years, I... and you just..." she couldn't speak as emotion took away her voice and she fought to get the door open so she could escape.

Though Spike was desperate to do the right thing, let her go if she wanted, he couldn't do it. He loved her so much and what they'd shared had meant the world to him. What she felt couldn't have changed so much in the past ten minutes, truth about vampires be damned.

"Buffy, I swear, this doesn't change how I feel about you" he said, going after her, grabbing her arm as she tried to disappear through the door.

"Well, it changes how I feel about you" she admitted, though she couldn't look him in the eyes when she said it, "I trusted you, I... I can't now" she said, pulling her arm free and running off towards the stairs.

Spike gave chase to began in with but was forced to stop as a large window flooded the hallway with sunlight. Buffy glanced back and spotted the reason why he couldn't follow anymore, before hurrying away, still in floods of tears that would not stop coming.

To Be Continued...