A/N: Okay, so I edited this a bit. I thought it needed a little tweaking. And thanks, SwordoftheKing, for the constructive criticism. Much appreciated!
There was a new case…but there was always another case. There was a slippery villain…but all villains are hard to get a hold of before they do anything major. The evidence had Slade written all over it. Except that Slade was dead and gone.
He had suggested the idea, and, as expected, Titans told him it was impossible. He gave reasons that supported the idea. They told him he needed rest. He persisted, and they knocked him out and locked him in his room. He knew when he woke up that he could just break the door down, but he would only end up strapped to a hospital bed if he continued acting as if he were insane.
Robin knew he should trust their judgment. He knew from experience that he was overreacting. But he couldn't let it go. Perhaps it was because the excitement over Slade had never left him, knowing that no matter what, there was a small chance that he could come back. Who would want him back? Starfire had asked him that once. He didn't have an answer then, and he didn't have one now. All he knew was that the man still haunted him, and nothing could rid him of the painful memory of being his apprentice.
Or being Red-X. He shuddered when he thought of when he had been on the other side of that mask, partially because it had been a mistake he could never forgive himself for, partially because of the thrill it gave him. It was the thrill of being someone else, someone who could do wrong and not be thought less of for it. There was a thrill when he stole something, when he fought and ran from the law. The thrill of taking the risk of getting caught, of having the upper hand with none of your reins in the foe's hands. No one had any leverage on you, or could make you do anything. You didn't have anything to care about but yourself and the moment you were in, you didn't have to bother with the future.
Yes, Robin understood the other side of the game he played, but his morals, friends, and past held him down as a hero. Nevertheless, there was one thing else that his life of crime had showed him. Being the bad guy and self-caring was easier than being the hero and saving everyone's life. He intended to prove that he was strong enough to be the hero. He didn't like weakness, one more thing he had in common with Slade.
No. Slade was dead and gone. He isn't coming back. But why did Robin harbor such a fear, an obsession for him? Because when Robin looked at Slade, he saw himself taking the easy way out, showing everyone else that he couldn't handle being the hero. To him, taking Slade down was the only way to show that he was strong enough, that Slade was weaker.
But whenever he thought of any of his encounters with Slade, and how his enemy had always had the upper hand, it made him wonder if he really was stronger. Slade was the only one who could make him lose control; the only one who had ever bested him. Slade could twist things around like no one else; confuse him so badly that he didn't really know who he was anymore. Red X was proof of that. His mistake and confusion drove him into denial; first about his similarities with Slade, and then about his heroism. He pretended to be strong, to know exactly what it meant to be a hero. But on the inside, he was still struggling. Slade had a way of uprooting every moral, every law he had ever been taught, and then laughing at his confusion as he tried to grapple with things he had never even considered. Slade could get into his head; he could see exactly what made the Boy Wonder tick, and how to destroy it. And in the end, Robin was lying to himself just to keep from falling apart as uncertainty forced his world to fall apart around him.
All he wanted—no, all he needed, was another chance at his tormentor. He knew that when he could defeat the thing that had psychologically shook him up so brutally, he would be able to put everything back into place. At least, that's what he told himself. But truth or not, he never had that chance. Terra stole that from him.
No, he didn't dislike Terra for that. She had just as much right to finish the man as he did, for Slade had done more to her than to Robin. He had physically controlled her. But Robin still wished he could have been the one to end his nemesis' life. He was ashamed to admit it, even to himself, but he secretly wanted Slade back so he could have his chance. Slade was the method to his madness, an excuse for when Robin went out of control. He hated not having something to focus on, a challenge tough enough for him. Slade was the only person who made had ever made him lose his confidence, and Robin wanted to know everything about him. But that chance was gone, and he could barely recognize the thought for what it was, but…he wanted Slade back.
He waited until they came to check on him. He told them that he was fine. They didn't believe him, but they let him out. Used to their distrust, he simply went on patrol alone. The Titans thought he was searching for Slade in abandoned buildings; but Robin was searching inside himself.