Disclaimer: JK is the coolest. I wouldn't even begin to claim any of her characters or ideas.
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Monday morning arrived as a bright and promising day for most, but Ginny and Hermione had not slept most of the night. Arriving at the Great Hall for an early breakfast, the girls noticed a lone figure sitting at the Slytherin table with his head in his hands.
"Malfoy," whispered Ginny. Hermione nodded. As they sat, Draco raised his head. He had a haggard appearance and when Hermione looked at him, his eyes seemed distant, haunted.
He noticed her staring at him. "What are you looking at, Granger?" His face had formed into the mask of indifference everyone was used to. Hermione said nothing, but steadily held his gaze. He did not falter.
Instead, he got up from the table, sneered at the Gryffindors and left the Great Hall. Who does she think she is, staring at me like that? I know I did not get enough sleep last night but I'm sure I don't look that awful.
Maybe you do, nagged a little voice. That was not just any dream last night. That was exactly what happened the night before Professor Snape arrived at the manor. You can't ignore it, Draco. You felt the searing pain all over again. But, unlike the actual event, you weren't alone in the memory, were you?
Draco stopped in his tracks, stunned.
Was I? He started walking again, faster this time. No. Father was there, and so was someone else.
Someone else was there. The realization hit him like a slap in the face. Someone else was there. Draco didn't know where he was going. He was practically running, trying to get away from the recollection of that night, and the realization that there was a witness to the memory.
Draco found himself at the lake. He sat on the rocks nearest Hagrid's hut and looked out over the silver blue water. The surface was reflecting the rising sun. "It looks like the liquid in Dumbledore's pensive," said Draco, to himself.
"Yes. It does, doesn't it? Not everyone's memories have a tint of blue, do they?"
Surprised, Draco jumped to his feet, wand in hand. "Potter? I thought I was alone out here."
Harry did not acknowledge Draco's wand, but turned back to the look out over the lake. "I could say the same thing."
"Well, you shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that," accused Draco, still holding his wand.
"I didn't," Harry said, impassively.
Draco noticed the bags under Harry's eyes, his sallow skin, and the flatness of his voice. "Bad night, Potter? Didn't get enough sleep?" Draco sneered.
"I don't sleep much anymore."
Draco opened his mouth to harass Harry about having nightmares, but stopped suddenly. Someone else was there. His stomach dropped. Had it been Harry? Draco's mind attempted to go into overdrive. No, no, no. It couldn't have been him, could it? No, he would have reacted to seeing me. It was a horrific memory. But then again, Potter had dreamt of the Dark Lord, and that must have been painful. Draco had heard about the dreams from Lucius.
Instead, Draco turned to an accusatory line of questioning. "How long have you been out here, Potter?"
"A few hours, I guess."
"Does Dumbledore know you left the castle?"
"I really don't know, Malfoy. I've been coming out here most nights since Siriu – since that night at the Ministry. I guess he would have said something by now if he didn't like it."
Draco looked sideways at Harry. He was still staring out over the lake, but Draco could tell he was not seeing anything in front of him. This was the most information that Harry had shared with the Slytherin since Dumbledore asked him to join the Order. Actually, this was the most information Harry had disclosed to Draco, ever.
"You can put your wand away, Malfoy. You won't be needing it," said Harry. "I'm leaving."
Harry moved from the rocks, and trudged slowly back up the hill to the castle to join his friends for breakfast, leaving Draco to wonder what caused Harry to take him into his confidence.
"Harry looked tired at breakfast, didn't he," asked Ginny. Hermione nodded in agreement. "Think he's having nightmares, too?"
Hermione didn't respond to that question. She was watching Draco walk into the entry hall from the grounds. He looked confused and absorbed in thought. Crabbe and Goyle joined up with him and she noticed the mask of indifference spread across his face and his mouth form that familiar sneer. But his eyes remained ghostly. His so-called friends don't even notice the pain he's in. I wonder if anyone knows, besides me? I'm betting his cruelty is a diversion so that everyone doesn't see how he really feels.
"I think he might be. I'm going to go talk to him," Ginny left Hermione alone with her thoughts. "Hey, Harry! Wait up!" Ginny jogged along the corridor to catch up with Harry. "Hi! You weren't very talkative at breakfast. Are you doing okay?"
"Yeah, Ginny. I'm okay. Didn't sleep well last night," Harry replied.
"Really? That's too bad. Have you tried a sleeping draught? I'm sure Madam Pomfrey could help you there."
"Ginny? Can I tell you something?" asked Harry. Ginny nodded, "Of course!"
Harry pulled Ginny into an empty classroom. He sighed, looked about the room, chose an empty desk, and slumped down in the chair. Leaning forward, Harry put his head in his hands. He sighed again. Ginny waited patiently with her arms folded. She leaned her shoulder against the door.
"I haven't been sleeping much lately. Actually, it's been over a year since I've had a good night's sleep. Not since that night at the Ministry. Not since…" Harry trailed off.
"Not since Sirius?" Ginny added softly.
Harry looked at her and nodded. "I learned the hard way how Occlumency is supposed to work, and why it is important. And I know that I've learned it and become skilled in keeping Voldemort out of my head. I'm just worried that if I fall into a deep enough sleep, Voldemort will try it again. I don't want to cause another person to die." He looked back down at the desk.
"Harry?" Ginny said cautiously. "You know it wasn't your fault that Sirius died, right?"
"I know," Harry replied automatically.
Ginny tried again, more firmly this time. "Harry. Sirius' death was not your fault."
"I just keep thinking, if I had listened to Snape, if I had waited at the castle, if I hadn't gone gallivanting across the countryside to rescue someone that didn't need rescuing, if…"
"If, If, If!" Ginny took a few steps toward her unhappy friend. "That's a lot of Ifs you are taking responsibility for. As I recall, there were five of us making those decisions that night. And you couldn't have known that Voldemort was tricking you. You did save my dad that way. And I know my family is eternally grateful." She put her hand gently on Harry's shoulder. "Thank you, by the way."
He turned and looked into her eyes. "You're welcome," Harry said quietly. "Could I have known it was a trick? I don't know. But, if Voldemort tries it again, I know how to block him. But what about Malfoy? He's pretty good at Legilimency, and he's beginning to learn things I don't want him to know. I still don't trust his motives."
"I know. But think of it like this, it's a two way street. You're learning things about Malfoy that he probably doesn't want you to know. I think you are going to have to learn to trust him. I have reason to believe that he's honestly on our side." Ginny countered.
"Really!" Harry was surprised. "What reason? What proof?"
"It's not really my proof to tell. I will tell you when I can," Ginny replied. She could tell Harry wanted to ask more questions. But, after a moment, he nodded his assent. At least he looked more alert than earlier.
"We had better get going. I'm going to be late for Transfiguration, and you know how McGonagall gets," Harry said, rising from his chair.
They left the classroom, Harry waved good-bye to Ginny, but his mind was racing. Reason to believe he's on our side. What reason? Ginny won't tell me because it's not her information. That's very admirable. Harry smiled to himself. But, if Ginny won't tell me, I'll find out on my own. Harry was determined to figure out Draco's reasoning behind joining the Order.
xxDarkestAngelxxand ElementalDragon1 -Thanks for reviewing!