Lalala...: Yay, I'm a sick pervert! n.n
Disclaimer: Must I say it every time? All I own is a Don Henley CD... and some other, unimportant stuff... Like a computer and a few shirts and whatever... Oh, and I got Chicago! Yay for 70s bands:3
Warnings: OOCness, one sided JadenXChazz, traumatized Bastion Misawa, man-killers. Who? Not even I know that, which is slightly on the sad part. But I've suddenly got a brilliant idea, so there you have it. Yes, now only I know who it was, ha.
Chapter Seven: Idiocy
Atticus Rhodes was in shock. Not only was he wrong about the one responsible for Chazz's sex change, but he had learned that his best friend had just shacked his sister's best friends... instead of his sister.
He went back to his dorm room and locked the door behind him. He needed some music to make him feel better. Unfortunately, Zane had "borrowed" his CD player, which meant he would never see it again, so that was out of the question.
Homework. He would do some good ol' fashioned homework. He still had that five hundred point research paper due for Crowler the next day. He could actually start on it. He opened his book and shuffled for the outline he was supposed to follow that he'd stuffed in there. He pulled out a piece of homework he could have sworn he'd turned in, and shrugged. "Plans for tonight"? What kind of assignment was that? Clearly, a five hundred point paper was more important than some random piece of homework, right? He threw the paper away and continued to look for his outline.
---
Jaden Yuki knocked on Bastion Misawa's dorm room door. "Hey, Bastion! I need to see your notes for Crowler's class, I think I might have thrown mine away."
There was a pause. Jaden was about to walk away and go borrow Syrus' notes, but he heard slow and heavy footsteps coming from inside the room, so he waited.
The door opened a crack. "Yes?" a voice on the other side whispered.
"Bastion, I need to borrow your notes for Crowler's class- woah, you look awful, are you sick or something?"
Bastion shifted and jerked his eyes around the area like a paranoid person might. "Where is he?" he whispered.
"Where is who?" Jaden asked, completely puzzled. "I think we need to take you to the nurse or something."
"We're not safe," Bastion went on in his creepy whisper. "They're everywhere... everywhere..."
Jaden scratched his head. "I don't follow, Bastion. Who's everywhere? What happened? Oh dear, you're all pale and stuff. We really should go to the nurse..."
"No!" Bastion shrieked, making Jaden jump about a foot in the air. "No, no! You'll never make me go back there! Noooo! You'll never take me alive!"
And with that, he slammed the door in the face of a very perplexed Jaden Yuki.
"Umm... okay..."
Jaden shook his head and went to go find Syrus.
---
Chazz Princeton was upset about being left out of the last chapter, so he decided to make another appearance. And yes, he was fairly pissed at Atticus, who had clearly spoken with Bastion and Zane before he got the chance to.
"Come on, Misawa!" he yelled at the closed door. "I swear, this is important! I won't try to take you to some mental asylum! Though that would be best for you," he added as an afterthought.
"Stay away! Away! SANCTUARY! The power of Christ compels you!"
After a few minutes, Chazz gave up and walked away from the frantic Ra Yellow student. He took three steps before running smack into Zane Truesdale himself, the next person Chazz needed to speak with.
"Hey, Zane," Chazz began.
Zane's eyes widened. "Oh, god. Please don't tell me Atticus was telling the truth. Are you really Chazz?"
Chazz glanced at the ground. "Um... yeah, about that... Atticus, he's a seriously unstable guy, you know? A little crazy, methinks. And a slightly unbalanced character. So you should heed him not as he attempts to tell people that I'm Chazz Princeton who had a sex change or anything like that. See, it's completely untrue, see? And he's a nut, right? Don't listen to the guy, man, that Atticus."
"You're babbling, Charlene," Zane said, frowning.
"So I am," Chazz said with a nervous laugh. "Well, it's been nice chatting with you, Syrus."
"Zane."
"Yes, him."
Chazz flashed Zane a big smile before hurrying off. One thing was certain: Atticus was dead. And for real this time.
---
Chancellor Sheppard shifted through his reports of how the school was doing. Still no sign of Chazz, Bastion Misawa had suffered some sort of severe mental breakdown, the Slifer dorms had suffered severe damages due to flooding, Atticus Rhodes' ukulele still hadn't been confiscated, Charlene Parkins was acting suspicious, and Seto Kaiba was going to kill him over the test scores on the academic tests.
He sighed. Might as well head Kaiba off somehow. And maybe give Misawa some therapy to help boost test scores.
---
Atticus took another long swig of his drink. "And tha' is why personses 'oo uses Bue Eyeses Whi' Dragoon sti' ah nooooobs." He smiled at his thirteen page report. His conclusion in itself was sure to gain him a top score. "Ah, 'oo is sexy, 'oo is..." he drawled, glancing at his mirror. "Yup, yup." He hiccuped. "Cower is gonna love meh pepper..." He grinned and took another swig.
---
The next day, Crowler was grading the research papers. There were some that were all right, maybe two that were pretty good, and several that were clearly written by a drunk monkey the night before. But when he picked up Atticus Rhodes' paper, he believed the term "drunk monkey" was too tame for it.
"Atticus, a word, please," Crowler called out after class.
Atticus rubbed his nose and winced against the bright lights and loud noises. He had a major headache, and he absolutely could not figure out why. "Yes, sir?"
Crowler held up Atticus' paper. "What is this?"
Atticus peered at it. "Um... a paper?"
"You wrote this," Crowler said, frowning.
"I did?" Atticus said in surprise.
"I sure hope not," Crowler said with a shudder. "The prompt for the paper was 'describe, in well-written paragraphs, how trap cards may be employed to their full potential in deck destruction decks.' This paper starts out with 'kittens are adorable and Chumley's Cyber Dragon forced me to shit on the Egyptian god cards.' It then proceeds into 'I shat myself when I heard someone insult the great anime god Julius Caesar.' And as soon as I couldn't bear to see how much worse it could get, I found this little piece that states that 'I gave Chazz a blow-job after turning him into a girl while I was severely drunk. Afterwords, I fell in love with and laid Jaden's pet goat. Then, me and my new turkey wife went out and had sex in the middle of the street while...'" Crowler trailed off. "It gets pretty graphic after that, but I'm sure you get it. The point is, this is all... This is the worst thing I have ever read in my life. Even worse than that tripe by that Paolini guy."
Atticus scratched his head. "I can't recall actually writing that, sir." He smirked. "But you must admit, it was pretty funny."
---
Chazz was contemplating on how to get out of detention to find and murder Atticus when a sudden arrival made that completely unnecessary.
"Sir, I was kidding, honest-"
"Shut up, Atticus," Crowler said grumpily, shoving him into the detention room with Chazz. "Have a nice long time thinking about how you're going to bring your failing grade up after that horrible travesty."
He slammed the door behind him as he stalked out.
Atticus sighed, but brightened up at the sight of Chazz. "Hey, you're in here? Cool. Hey, what are you doing? Where did you get that chainsaw? Chazz? Um, Chazz, that's not safe- Chazz, what are you doing? Hey, that's- Holy shit! Stop that! Aaaaah!"
Chazz lunged at Atticus with a chainsaw that he had produced from (seemingly) nowhere. Atticus barely dodged it and dove for cover behind a desk. "Chazz, what is this all about?"
"No, I've been tolerant up until now," Chazz snarled, swinging the chainsaw at Atticus' head and (fortunately for Atticus) missed. "Thanks to your idiocy, Bastion Misawa is a paranoid lunatic who needs psychiatric help - badly - and now Zane is going to tell the entire fucking school-" He swung again, and Atticus ducked under a chair. "-that I am Chazz Princeton, who was turned into a GIRL by GOD KNOWS WHO! You die, Atticus Rhodes!"
---To Be Continued---
Whee, review now. Or else. Sorry for the shortness and stuff, but hey. Be glad I decided to update at all, nya.