Belittled

Kesshou Uryou

Summary: I had grown up. She just never wanted to see it.

Disclaimer: I don't own. You don't sue.

I don't know when affection turned into something more. I just know it did. If it had been within my power, I would have never let it happen, but fate was cruel. It decided I would have to stand there and play the invisible boy who waited and waited and got nothing in return.

I loved Kinomoto Sakura.

She just wouldn't notice.

She was oblivious, one of the attributes about her that made me want to dislike her, but I couldn't and found it as a pro rather than a con, which only brought me back to the beginning. Being unaware of so much around her, however, did not justify the situation concerning me. Because she was, unconsciously done or not, more unmindful around me than anyone else.

Sometimes I pretended that she was trying with everything she had to not notice. She didn't want to see what I was sure everyone else could. She didn't want to complicate things. She'd rather make excuses and leave my presence then have to witness the way I talked and acted around her. But she never lost her footing. Never acknowledged the way I was.

I was an open book that she refused to read.

And what right did I have to complain? She already had someone. We were separated by her relationship, although we had another barrier.

She was my senior.

I can remember the way she'd stare at me with that grin that she used especially on me. I think she just loved having to squat down to meet me at my eye level. The numerous ruffles of my unruly hair were not forgotten either.

The way, one day out of the blue, she'd been shocked to realize that I was taller than her. She had given that gentle smile, a small thoughtful look pulling at her brow. She'd rustled my hair until she pulled away.

"When did you grow up?" She was all smiles, but I could see that the realization was hitting her a little harder than she might have expected. More than she wanted it to.

When you weren't looking.

I didn't say anything. Just stared back, almost blankly.

"I guess it's true. You're getting older."

Have you finally noticed?

"But you'll always be my little Syaoran."

That's right. Who was I kidding?

I wished that we were the same age. She wouldn't have to think of me that way. She would have grown up with me and realized that I was there and older and willing to look after her if she needed me to.

She ran the other way. She always ran the other way. She didn't want to see what I offered.

Only sometimes she caved from her resolve, but it would always be to benefit from the encounter. She'd seek me out and we'd find a quiet spot. She tease me and grin and begin a conversation that would last until she was reassured all over again and sure of herself.

"You're getting older now. Do you think Yukito would appreciate it if I did that?"

Why don't you ever try to see it? Why do you keep insisting on this?

"If it's coming from you, how could he mind?"

She'd smile again and give me a small hug if she was in the mood. But she never waited for me to say something, almost as if really knowing what I had on the tip of my tongue. She'd thank me and maybe give me a rare pat on the head that would mess my hair up even more. Some things never changed.

I watched her walk right back into another's arms. Again and again and again. I knew I had lost her for good. I could accept this. I had just wanted the chance to have told her. But she wouldn't let me have it, and I had to live with that.

If you're really in love, the other's happiness came first. Even if she didn't know, even if she never knew, I'd do it for her. She could sit with me obliviously and walk away without even hearing me once. I could handle it.

For once I realized I was wrong. So very, very wrong. On so many things.

I couldn't handle it, but neither could she. She wasn't gone for good. She came to me and she stood there, heartbroken and lost and confused and just openly standing there. She was waiting. She was giving me the chance. It was for me, for both of us.

And she was tearing and shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't see it sooner."

"It's okay."

"No it's not. How could you wait so long for me to finally get it?"

I didn't need to answer that. She saw this too. She was at last seeing what she had blinded herself from for so long. We knew. We both knew. We knew so much more than ever before.

"God, Syaoran."

This wasn't a fleeting touch, playful and momentary like all her other embraces. Choking on her own sobs, I could not even realize what state I was in. There were no words. I don't think we wanted them. But she had to have the last words. And I think I'm glad she had to.

"You really have grown up."

Something that is constantly ignored is that in actuality, Sakura is older than Syaoran. It's no huge age gap (merely months), but it's been established. How many times do you see Syaoran a few years or plus on Sakura? And taking advantage of the fact? I myself know some couples where the female is older, and I thought this was just refreshing. I myself like this pairing best when they have the official age gap. It just suits them in my opinion.

Anyway, this a touch at romance, which I still have never fully explored. Of course this isn't mushy otherwise I'd never written it. Instead it's romance just the way I like it. Please tell me what you think. The reviews are appreciated.