Notes - Thanks to Mariel, you get two chapters in two days! The last chapter may take another week or so, but I will post it soon. Also, a gold star to anyone who guesses which first season episode inspired the first flashback in this chapter. Thanks for the reviews.
As much as Danny wanted to disagree and explain himself to Maddie, he couldn't. He couldn't erase the past, and that would be the only way she'd ever forget the person he had once been.
It was all Danny could do not to look at Maddie with confusion considering their conversation the previous week. Instead, he pasted on his most excited smile as he took her hand to appreciate the ring. "This is a surprise," he responded.
"Congratulations. That is really great." Then he leaned in to give Maddie a kiss on her cheek and shook Jason's hand.
"I got inspired over the holidays; otherwise, you know I would have told you, Danny. I actually tried to call you a couple of times, but you were never home. I planned on waiting until the summer to propose, but I just couldn't wait," Jason said as he looked into Maddie's eyes.
Maddie still hadn't said a word since Jason had made the announcement. Finally, she said, "And I couldn't wait to say yes," she said as she kissed Jason.
Danny and Maddie didn't let on that there was any kind of problem between them. They did their best to avoid each other, but still act as normal as possible when Jason was around. However, Danny couldn't help but be curious about Maddie's motivations for saying yes to Jason when she'd seemed so against getting married before. A few weeks later, Danny saw Maddie running in the park at lunch-time. She'd stopped running with him in the mornings. Sitting on their bench, he waited for her to make her way around the path.
Slowing up upon seeing him, she jogged toward him as she cooled down. Taking a seat next to him, she took a few deep breaths.
"What are you doing here?" she started.
Danny flinched a little as he heard the coldness in her voice. "Why are you doing it, McGrath? A month ago, you said you weren't ready to get married. Are you still going to Texas?"
Maddie sighed deeply. "This isn't any of your business. I've been staying out of your life, just like you asked me to. You should stay out of mine as well, especially considering what happened."
"Nothing happened. I would never have let anything happen. I just got caught up in the moment."
"It would kill Jason if he knew. You're like a brother to him, and I love him. We have to respect that, Danny. And to do that, we need to keep our distance."
"I feel the same way. I'll keep my distance, but that doesn't explain why you all of a sudden want to give up your dreams. Do you think if you're married it will be easier to stay faithful? That's crazy—"
"God. You are such an egomaniac. This has nothing to do with you. I just realized that I want to be Jason's wife more than I want some career pipedream. I can be his wife and still be a good attorney. I can help people here. I don't have to go to Texas or anywhere else to make a difference."
Danny shrugged a little. "You're right. I just don't understand what the rush is."
"You wouldn't understand because you don't understand commitment. You don't understand love. All you want to do is live in the moment. I feel sorry for you, Danny," she replied, shaking her head as she stood up. "But it's not my problem anymore. I can't let myself get wrapped up in your issues."
Her words struck him like a dagger. He could almost feel her building the wall between them. "Do you want me to leave, McGrath?"
"Honestly? Yes, I do. But then Jason would have questions, and I could never tell him what happened that night. So we have to just keep doing what we've been doing. I'm sure you'll spend your fair share of nights out, just like usual. We can get through the next few months," she responded, before turning to walk away.
At first, their relationship was uncomfortable. Jason even noticed the distance between them, but Maddie just told him she was tired of Danny's drinking and womanizing—which was partly true. While they didn't completely reconcile in the following months, they did re-build a relationship that was based on their love for Jason. Secretly, they'd both missed each other's presence. They'd grown very close, very fast and then suddenly the closeness was gone. Danny missed talking to Maddie and she missed that way Danny had made her laugh.
At the end of the semester, Danny and Jason graduated from law school. A week after graduation, Jason and Maddie were getting married. There was a flurry of activity around the apartment. Danny even refrained from over-drinking the last month of law school so he could be a dependable best man for Jason. Maddie appreciated Danny's show of support so she was much warmer to him as the wedding approached.
Danny's abstinence from over-drinking ended on the night of the dress rehearsal. There was something about seeing Jason's and Maddie's entire families congregating together. He'd never felt more alone in his life. He felt that once they got married, he really wouldn't have any kind of family…so he took quick drinks out of the flask in his breast pocket all through the rehearsal dinner.
Feeling she was in full panic mode, Maddie was having her own issues with the wedding. She loved Jason, but the closer they got to the wedding the more scared she felt. At the rehearsal dinner, she took to calming her nerves with red wine. It didn't help that she was all of sudden pre-occupied with the woman Danny had brought to the dinner. She watched them on the dance floor as they danced dangerously close to one another, Danny's hand tracing up and down the woman's curves. Shaking her head, Maddie rubbed her temples.
"You okay?" Jason asked as he sat down next to her.
She looked at him feeling slightly guilty. "I'm fine. Just a little headache."
Then Jason saw what Maddie had been focused on just seconds earlier. "Do you have a problem with the best man tonight?"
She returned a surprised gaze. "What? No, there's no problem. I mean,clearly Danny's attempt at sobriety is failing him tonight. That concerns me a little. He kind of has a big job tomorrow."
"Wedding's not until 4 tomorrow, babe. He'll sleep it off and be fine. He's been really great the last couple of months. And Danny always comes through, hangover or not."
"I hope so," Maddie responded quietly as she watched Danny lead the woman off the dance floor to the side exit. She shook her head again as she finished off her glass of wine and poured another.
Danny lead Angela, his rehearsal dinner date, out the side door. He hoped that Jason didn't need anything more from him because all he could think about was taking Angela back to the apartment. Jason was staying at his parent's place, and Maddie was staying at the Ritz with her family and bridesmaidsso he had the apartment to himself. He and Angela made it back, and they proceeded directly to his bedroom. Things were getting pretty heated between the two of them when the telephone rang. At first, Danny was going to let it ring, but then he thought about Jason. Figuring that Jason may need something for the big day tomorrow, he decided to answer it.
"This better be good," Danny answered as Angela smiled from her straddled position across his stomach.
"I really need to talk," a weak voice replied.
"Are you okay?" he asked, realizing it was Maddie. Guiding Angela to the other side of the bed, he quickly sat up.
"I don't know. I don't know, Danny. I just…everything is happening so fast."
He could hear the tears and emotion in her voice. "Where are you?"
"In the hotel lobby. Everyone have gone to their rooms. I came down to the bar. I can't sleep. I feel sick, and I don't know what to do."
"Do you want me to come?" he asked willingly.
"No, but do you mind if I crash there tonight?I just need to clear my head away from all this wedding stuff."
"Of course. It's your apartment. Just get in a cab and I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes."
"Okay. I'll see you soon."
Hanging up the phone, Danny looked over at Angela. "That was the groom," he lied. "He's having some last minute cold feet. I guess this is where the best man stuff comes in."
"Should I go?" she asked in a confused tone.
"That would probably be best. I'm sorry. I'll…uh…I'll walk you down and get you a cab."
No sooner had Danny told Angela goodbye, Maddie's cab pulled up. Watching her step out of the cab, he had a sudden urge to take her in his arms. She looked emotionally and physically worn out. Rubbing her eyes, she approached him hesitantly.
"I know I've been a bitch to you these past few months, but…but…I don't know where else to turn. I can't talk to my friends; they don't understand. Hell, I don't even understand, Danny. I love Jason."
"I know you do," he replied, resisting the urge to stroke her arms reassuringly.
"But what if it's too soon? What if I regret not doing all the things I wanted to do? What if I end up resenting him?"
"You won't. Just talk to him, McGrath. He'll understand. If you want to go to Texas or finish law school somewhere else, he'll understand. He wants you to be happy," Danny responded, guiding her up the stairs.
After entering the apartment, Maddie collapsed on the sofa as she ran her hands through her disheveled hair. "He'll be so disappointed and hurt if I call off the wedding," she said quietly as Danny took the seat next to her.
"I'm not saying call of the wedding. You love him. You want to be with him. So marry him, and follow your dreams—all at the same time. Jason will support you."
"You think so?" Maddie asked hesitantly.
"I know so. Jason doesn't expect you to marry him and stay home to have his babies. He knows that he's marrying someone who has incredible ambition. That's one of the reasons he loves you so much," Danny replied. He realised as he said it that it was how he felt about her, too.
Upon hearing his reassuring words, Maddie let out a deep breath and even smiled slightly. "Thank you."
"That's what I'm here for," Danny replied as he finally put his hand on her shoulder and massaged gently.
Maddie relaxed a little as she felt the warmth in his touch and then turned to him to give him a hug. Danny returned the hug as he rubbed her back.
"I've missed you," Maddie whispered with her head buried in the crook of his neck.
"I've missed you, too," Danny replied as he inhaled her scent. Liking the way she felt in his arms a little too much, he gently pulled away from her. "How about a drink?"
She nodded with a smile. "Yeah…maybe a drink would help me sleep. I thought I had enough at the rehearsal dinner, but the red wine seemed to have an opposite affect on me. My mind has been racing all night."
"You have a lot to think about," Danny reminded her as took out two small glasses and a bottle of tequila.
"Oh God, Danny. Not tequila. I'll never function tomorrow."
"A couple shots and you'll be out like a light. I'll make sure to wake you up with my surefire hangover remedy. You'll be good as new and ready to get married," he said as he poured the two shots and handed one to her.
She looked at him skeptically, but took the shot and tipped it up. Her eyes squinted as she felt the liquid burn down her throat. As her stomach got warm, her head felt lighter. Just that one shot seemed to relieve the remaining tension in her shoulders,so she motioned Danny to pour her another.
An hour later, they were laughing playfully on the couch as they finished the bottle of tequila.
"Are you sure your hangover remedy will fix me up tomorrow?" Maddie asked, slurring her words. "Because, you know, I have to look my best. We literally have everyone I've ever met in my life coming tomorrow."
"You'll be fine, McGrath. Trust me," Danny said with his eyes half-closed.
"Are you bringing Angela tomorrow?"
"Yep," he replied hazily.
"Mmmmm. She seems nice. That reminds me—why isn't she here tonight? I saw you two dancing. It was pretty clear where that was headed."
Danny laughed as his head rolled back against the sofa. "Where was it headed?"
Maddie looked over to Danny's bedroom. "Where all the girls seem to go after going out with you. Tell me something, Danny. Do they all end up in bed with you?" she asked as she inched closer to him.
Danny's eyes met hers. "All except you."
She smiled as she reached out to touch his face. Her mind was hazy to say the least. Her head was spinning, but something about looking into his eyes made her feel safe. He smiled back at her as his fingers traced her wrist.
"Thank you for being here," Maddie whispered as she leaned her head back against the couch and met his intense gaze.
"I'll always be here for you…for whatever you need," he whispered back, sounding more seductive than he'd intended.
Maddie took a short breath as her eyes drifted from his eyes to trace the pouty curve of his mouth. Biting her bottom lip, she studied his face as he continued to watch her.
Without saying a word, Danny leaned in closer until his lips met hers. At first, their lips barely touched as if they knew what making contact would lead to.
"Danny…," Maddie said breathlessly as she pulled away slightly. She desperately tried to form the word "no," but no sound came from her mouth.
Finally, Danny couldn't take it anymore. Pressing his lips to hers, he initiated the contact that had been simmering between them since that night before New Year's Eve.
That one kiss lead to a chain reaction that neither could have stopped even if they'd wanted to. They were both too drunk to care about the consequences. Within minutes, they were in his bed. Maddie felt like she was out of her body. She didn't have any control. She wanted to hate the way he was making her feel, but she didn't.
Even though Maddie clearly didn't want him to stop, it wasn't how she'd imagined it to be either. She'd imagined some passionate, lengthy encounter, like something out of a trashy romance novel. Instead, it was quick, extremely physical, and they both ended up passing out right after.
The next morning, Danny woke up in a fog. One glance to his right, and the previous evening came crashing back to his memory. Maddie was lying next to him, naked and tangled in his sheet. He was about to wake her up when he heard the front door open. Soon after, he heard Jason call out his name. Darting up, Danny rubbed his eyes as he responded.
"Give me a minute, Jason. I'll be out in a minute."
Upon hearing Danny's voice next to her, Maddie's eyes opened and then immediately shut again when the sun assaulted her eyes. Seeing that she was awake, Danny leaned down and put his hand over her mouth.
"Jason's here. Don't make a sound. I'll take care of this…like it never happened," he said as he gazed into her clearly confused, panicked eyes. Then he rose quickly from the bed and pulled on his jeans.
"Hey, man. What are you doing here?" Danny asked as he carefully closed his bedroom door.
"Looking for Maddie. She's not at the hotel. She was supposed to meet her bridesmaids at this spa a half hour ago, but she hasn't showed yet."
"She's not here?" Danny asked innocently as he motioned toward the other bedroom. Lying had literally become second nature to him. "She came home last night because she couldn't sleep at the hotel. As soon as she came in, she crashed. I didn't see her for the rest of the night."
"She's not here, Danny. The bed is made. If she was here, then she's left already."
"Right. Well, she probably is on her way to the spa. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already there. Don't worry, man. There's a logical explanation, I'm sure. Saturday traffic is a pain in the ass. Maybe she had trouble finding a cab…"
As Danny rambled, Jason's eyes set on the empty bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. "Is someone here with you?" he asked in a distracted tone.
"Uh, yeah, you know, Angela from last night," Danny lied again.
"Angela?" Jason asked as his eyes stayed glued to the coffee table.
"Yeah, she came back here last night," Danny replied as he tried to figure out what Jason was staring at, and then all of a sudden, he saw it – Maddie's engagement ring lying on the coffee table.
Jason had wanted to kill him that day. He'd literally wanted to kill him. At first, he'd wanted to kill Maddie as well, but then Jason had realized that Maddie had been no match for Danny's cunning ways. By making Danny the villain, Jason had somehow been able to forgive Maddie for her indiscretion. Not wanting to suffer through the embarrassment of calling off the wedding, they had married as planned . Danny remembered spending that day moving out of the apartment while nursing a very bruised face.
Considering their history, it was no wonder that Maddie had jumped to conclusions.
XXX
Maddie had been in a bad mood for days. She'd wanted to forget about Danny, but all she did was think about him. She questioned herself on how hard she was on him. She knew he wasn't the same person he had been ten years ago, but that didn't change the things she'd witnessed with Sylvia. The whole situation left her feeling nauseous.
Sitting at her desk, completely distracted from her current workload, her telephone rang.
"Maddie Williams," she answered.
"Hey. It's Simon Baylor. I, uh, I've kind of been waiting for you to finish out the Rafael Alvarez case. We need to the file the papers."
"Papers? What papers?" Maddie asked in confusion.
"The plea agreement. I drew them up as soon as Alvarez accepted the terms. I'd like to get this one off my desk before the judge leaves on his annual hunting trip."
"He took the deal?"
"Of course he took it. I thought your office called my office a couple of days ago. Did my secretary get it wrong?"
"No. No. I'm sorry. I was just confused." Maddie realized that Danny must have convinced Rafael to take the deal.
"So when can you stop by?'
"I'll be there in an hour. I'm anxious to be done with this one as well."
"You did a hell of a job, Maddie. In most situations, this guy wouldn't see the light of day for years. I hope he doesn't prove you wrong in six months."
"It's not me I hope he doesn't prove wrong," she replied in a sad tone.
"See you in hour."
"Yeah. Thanks, Simon." Taking a deep breath,Maddie hung up the phone. Danny never ceased to surprise her.
XXX
Two weeks later, Rafael Alvarez's case was almost a distant memory to Maddie. She'd become embroiled in a new high-profile murder trial. Stuck in the office late at night, Maddie poured over evidence in her new case.
A gentle knock on her door startled her from deep thought. The nervous, frustrated feeling that had consumed her at the end of Raffi's case returned upon seeing Danny at her door.
"Hey," she said as she met his gaze.
"Hey," he replied walking in her office. "Um, we need…I need to talk to you."
Maddie shrugged. "There's nothing left to say. I'm glad you did right by Rafael. It's over now."
"It's not over. It's not over for me if you really think that I'm still the same person I was…the same person who hurt you…and Jason."
"I told you, none of that matters anymore. We're different people now, in different places. Why do you care what I think of you, Danny?"
"Because I do," he said softly. "Nothing happened with Sylvia."
"You don't—"
"Nothing happened. I just helped her through a tough time. And maybe she confused my helping for something else, but I set her straight as soon as I realized what was happening."
The Night of Nicky's Birthday
After Sylvia kissed his cheek, she brushed her lips towards his. As soon as Danny realized what was happening, he pulled away.
"Whoa. Whoa. We, um, this isn't a good idea," Danny as he let go of her hands and backed away.
"Actually, I think it's the smartest thing I've done in a long time. You're a great guy, Danny. You take care of us. I never worry about anything when you're here. Raffi never made me feel this safe."
"You love Raffie. He adores you. And when he gets out, he'll take care of his family. I know he will."
"What about how I feel about you?"
"You're confused. You've been through so much. You don't have feelings for me…not like that."
"Is this because of Maddie? Because you and she—"
"No. No. This is because you are the mother of my brother's children and he wants to marry you. I care about you and Nicky and Angelina. And maybe I let myself get too close because it's been so long since I've been a part of a family. But that's all this is."
"Part of it was my fault. I liked being a part of their lives and coming through for them. But I never did anything that would betray Raffi. I wouldn't do that again," he said in a definitive, strong tone.
"I guess I owe you an apology," Maddie replied when she saw the conviction in his eyes.
"You don't owe me anything. Because of you, my brother will be with his family in six months. I knew I could count on you. Even when you had every reason to hate me, you came through for me once again."
"Taylor!" the guard called into the holding cell.
Danny looked up from his seated position in the far corner of the cell. "Yes, sir."
"You can get your one phone call."
Rising slowly, Danny walked out of the cell. The guard led him to a bank of phones on the far wall.
"Dial 9 for an outside line. You have five minutes," the guard said as he stepped away.
From the moment the cops put him in the back of the squad car, Danny had been wondering what he should do and who he should call. Actually, he knew whom he should call, but he had no idea how to get a hold of the most high-powered attorney he could think of. There was really only one person he could think of who would even considering helping him.
Slowly, he dialed and then prayed she'd be there. "Hello," the voice answered.
Sighing in relief, Danny said, "McGrath, don't hang up. It's Danny."
She didn't respond right away, but she didn't hang up either.
"I'm in trouble," Danny said.
"Trouble? You're supposed to be taking the bar exam right now. Jason left hours ago. What trouble?"
"Just listen. You're the only one who can help me. I need you to call someone for me."
"What's going on, Danny?"
"I was arrested this morning…DUI…"
He could hear the disappointment in her sigh over the phone. "Christ, Danny."
"I don't have time to go into it, but I need a lawyer…someone good."
"Who?"
"Sandra Stevens," Danny replied.
Sandra Stevens wasn't just good. She was the best. Maddie, Danny and Jason had attended several of her guest lectures at their school. At a reception after one of the lectures, Danny had struck up a conversation with her and they'd proceeded to flirt with each other the rest of the night.
"You really think she'll take my call?" Maddie asked.
"I need you to do whatever you can to see her, and then tell her what's happened. I think she'll help once she knows it's me. She's the only one I know who can make this go away."
For several moments, Maddie didn't respond. "McGrath, I only have like two minutes left before I have to hang up."
"Why should I help you?" she asked desperately.
"You really have no reason to, but I don't have anyone else."
XXX
That night when Maddie got home, she pulled out a letter that she'd kept for years in a small cedar box with a few other mementos from college. When Jason had found the letter once, he'd blown up at her and threatened to tear it up. But she begged him not to. To her, the letter was a sign of friendship and forgiveness.
McGrath,
I know I told you that I'd stay away forever, but I just need to get this out. Actually, I have to do it. I'm at the making amends step in AA. I'm even writing a letter to Jason, although I doubt he'll ever read it—not that I can blame him.
I know that Jason, and maybe even you, think that I intentionally set out to ruin your relationship. He thinks that I pursued you and always intended on seducing you. But that was never my intention. I really did want both of you to be happy, but that didn't stop me from feeling jealous and alone. And when you needed me, I took advantage. For that and for so much more, I'm sorry. If I had it to do over again, I would have been a better friend to you. That's what you needed from me at the time. I failed you miserably.
I could go into why I did the things I did, but the reasons don't really matter now. I'm just sorry. I know I ruined any chance of us being friends again that night before your wedding, so I'm not asking to be in your life again. Just know you'll always be in my heart.
You and Jason were my family, McGrath. I love you both. I wish you only happiness. Take care of each other. Maybe someday you can forgive me.
Danny.
After refolding the letter, she carefully placed it back in the box. Usually, reading the letter gave her a sense of peace that she hadn't just imagined the close friendship she'd had with Danny all those years ago. But this time, it triggered confusing emotions and feelings that she couldn't avoid anymore.
In the recent months since Danny had been back in her life, she'd been adamant about not wanting to talk about the past and what had happened between them. But now, she felt she needed to talk about it. She needed to deal with why it happened, and ultimately, she needed to take responsibility for participating in the most despicable thing she'd ever done – cheating on her fiancé with his best friend.
Taking out her phone, Maddie dialed Danny's number.