A/N: I still own nothing...that's depressing.
A/N: Hey guys, we've reached the end. Yes, there is EOness in this chapter, but be warned: this chapter is riddled with angst (mostly Carby angst). Thanks to my awesome reviewers from last time: Earth2Rosie, onetreefan, WuHaoNi, Drop Dead Saxy, Kelly of the midnight dawn, Neela149, KaydenceRei, and CarbyLivesOn. I hope you all enjoy this last chapter - review!
This chapter is dedicated to Kay...I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I wish you the best. :)
Carter could hear the roar as wood soared through the air around him and Abby. He had lost track of where anyone else had gone; he only had eyes for Abby, and he only had ears for her sobs. He could feel her shaking beneath him as sobs wracked her thin frame. He ran his fingers through her hair.
"Shh, Abby," he comforted her. "It's okay; it'll all be okay." Carter felt a lump rising in his throat. Whatever he was saying to Abby he knew was irrelevant: there was no way she could hear his whispers over the roar of the flames. And no matter what he told his wife, there was a very slim chance Elliot had managed to find Olivia and get out of that mess alive…
Carter could hear flames burning the wood around him. He raised his head slowly, looking around. He couldn't see anyone else. He kissed Abby's hair gently. At least he knew she was still there.
"Abby?" he whispered to her. He touched her shoulder gently.
"Get off of me." Carter was stunned to hear her voice was full of anger and hatred. He rolled off of her, confused.
"Abby," he began. "What are you…?" What he saw her do made his voice die in his throat. Abby had grabbed a piece of sharp wood and was holding the point directly at her, the point inches away from her chest. Her face was streaked with tears. "Abby," Carter said weakly. "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like, Carter?" Abby asked him. Her voice was no longer angry, but painfully sorrowful, soft and fragile.
Carter shook his head. "Abby…you can't do this."
"Why not?" she snapped back. "I've killed our friends, Carter!"
"No," said Carter quickly, holding up his hands to stop her. "No, Abby, you didn't." Abby rolled her eyes. "No, Abby, please!" Carter cried. "You didn't kill them; you didn't take a gun and shoot them in the head. Abby, why don't you believe me?"
Abby shook her head sadly at him. "It doesn't matter," she said bitterly. "It doesn't matter if I didn't 'shoot them in the head.' I killed them, John! Bloomberg would never have done this to them if it wasn't for me!"
"Abby," Carter said softly. "Abby, don't do this. Please; we don't know if they're dead yet-"
Abby laughed bitterly. "Oh, so you want me to see their bodies, burned and charred, just to be clear that I really did kill them. Okay, Carter, if that's what you want, I really don't need to see that. We can just end this now."
"Abby, please," Carter said, taking a tentative step closer to her. "You don't want this…you know that you don't want to die. You still believe that there's a chance Olivia and Elliot may still be-"
"Oh, don't make me laugh!" Abby said scornfully. "You know as well as I do that that's not true." She moved the piece of wood closer to her chest.
"Abby, I love you!" Carter shrieked. He ran to her, grabbed her wrist, trying to show her – force her, if he had to – that he loved her. "I can't let you do this!"
Abby only shook her head sadly again. "I'm so sorry, John."
"Carter!" Carter whirled around. Even Abby stopped moving to look at who was calling Carter's name.
It was Captain Cragen. "We found them." Carter could have sworn his job dropped. Beside him, he felt Abby slowly drop the piece of wood in surprise. "They're at the hospital; let's go."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Olivia groaned slightly as she began to wake up. She blinked several times, trying to grasp her surroundings; the white ceiling looked familiar, but the bed did not feel the same. She rolled over onto her side and her eyes fell on…Elliot. He was sitting in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs, reading a magazine and sipping some coffee. Olivia continued to watch him in silence, feeling mesmerized by the moment. As Elliot turned the page of his magazine, he looked up and his eyes met hers.
"Olivia," he murmured. He laid the magazine aside as he took her hand and sat down on the edge of her bed. He tilted her chin up to him and gently kissed her on the lips. "Oh god," he whispered. "I thought I had lost you."
Tears were already swimming in Olivia's eyes. "I thought so, too…How did you find me?"
Elliot smiled grimly. "Bloomberg sent us a riddle. Munch cracked the anagram and Abby figured out what it meant."
Olivia nodded slowly. "I'm so glad."
"So am I," Elliot whispered, leaning in for another kiss.
Olivia sighed softly against Elliot's soft lips. She couldn't believe that she was here right now, free from Bloomberg; kissing the man she loved…She suddenly broke off from Elliot's kiss. "El," she whispered.
"Yeah Liv?"
She looked into his blue eyes seriously. "What happened to Bloomberg?"
Elliot smiled. "Bloomberg is dead; he died in the bombing."
Olivia's eyes widened. "Bombing?"
Elliot nodded slowly, and then began to explain. "He had the house on a timer; the bomb was supposed to go off at 12:30. I think we reached the house around…12:05, maybe. And then Bloomberg demanded that only I, Abby, and Carter enter. He trapped us inside, told us about the bomb. I hit him over the head and then Abby and Carter left. I was trying to find you; Bloomberg said that you were dead, but I – I refused to believe him…"
Olivia smiled softly. "I'm glad you didn't believe him."
Elliot nodded. "Me too," he whispered. "I love you so much, Olivia. I don't know what I would've done if we hadn't found you."
Olivia rested her head against Elliot's chest. She could feel his heart beating beneath her head. She smiled widely. She had never heard a more beautiful sound.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The ride to the hospital passed in painful silence for Abby and Carter. Carter was driving; Abby was leaning against the window, staring aimlessly out into the bleak dawn. Carter touched her arm gently as they reached a red light and coasted to a stop.
"Hey," he said softly to her.
Abby looked at him; Carter could see her eyes were filled with pain. "Hey," he said again. "We're almost there…we'll get to see them."
"I just can't believe this," Abby muttered.
"Can't believe what?" Carter asked, as the red light changed to green and he started moving again.
"I was going to kill myself, John," she said dully. "I was so close to pushing that piece of wood through my chest, but I-"
"You didn't," Carter interrupted her gently. "You are still here with me."
"I know I didn't," Abby said again. "I just don't know what's - wrong with me."
Carter kissed her forehead as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. "Abby, nothing is wrong with you; you're absolutely perfect."
Abby just allowed Carter's words to wash over her; she wasn't really listening. She shook her head slowly. "I don't think so."
Carter squeezed her hand. "Do you want to talk to someone when we get back…Wendell, maybe?"
Abby started to say something, but then thought against it. She sighed. "I – maybe."
Carter nodded slowly. "Okay…but until then, we have two detectives to see."
Abby smiled and followed him out of the car. They entered the hospital and proceeded over to the desk. The bored blonde woman told them where to go, and they followed the signs to Olivia's room. When they reached it, they were unsurprised to see Elliot there as well. Carter knocked softly on the glass; Elliot looked up and waved him in.
Olivia smiled at them as they entered. Abby rushed over and pulled her friend into a long hug, at the end of which, both women had tears swimming in their eyes.
"I'm so glad to see you, Olivia," Abby whispered.
Olivia smiled through her tears. "You too."
Carter glanced at Elliot. "Nice to see you again, El."
Elliot nodded. "Likewise." Carter was throwing him a concerned glance; Elliot cleared his throat and looked at Olivia. "I'll leave you two alone, shall I?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he beckoned to Carter, and the two of them left the room and walked down the hallway.
"I'm shocked to see you again," Carter murmured as they turned a corner towards the café.
Elliot nodded wordlessly. He could tell Carter was worried about something. "What's on your mind, John?" he asked as they sat down at one of the small round tables. "Is it Abby?"
Carter sighed and nodded. "She almost killed herself today."
Elliot's eyes widened. "Because – you mean – after the bombing?"
Carter nodded again. "It was before we knew you two were still alive…she just took a piece of wood and was about to stab it into herself."
"John," Elliot began, trying to break in.
"I couldn't stop her," Carter continued, as though unaware of Elliot. "No matter what I said to her…nothing seemed to help. She would've stabbed herself too, if Cragen hadn't come along and told her about you and Olivia."
Elliot shook his head. "I am so sorry."
"What can I do?" Carter asked Elliot helplessly. "Is there anything I can do? This has gotten to her so much – everything has. Maggie's suicide, Eric's murder, her own abduction, Olivia's abduction, the bombing…" Carter's voice trailed off and his eyes clouded over. He cleared his throat. "I just don't know what else I can do."
"What about psychiatrists?" Elliot asked. "Would she maybe talk to someone like Dr. Huang?"
Carter nodded. "I asked her about psychiatrists…we have to go back to Chicago soon, though; she needs someone there who can help her. We have psychiatrists at County she can talk to…"
"But," Elliot supplied for him gently.
Carter sighed. "Psychiatry can only do so much."
Elliot nodded. "You're right. You'd be surprised how much you can help her."
Carter smiled grimly. "I can try."
Elliot smiled back at him. "All you have to do is love her. You already do…you're helping her already. Only time can tell…one can only hope things get better."
Carter sighed. "One can only hope."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"I can't believe you're alive," Abby whispered to Olivia. "It's like you're back from the dead."
Olivia chuckled. "Do I really look that bad?"
"Oh-" Abby blushed. "No, I didn't mean that. I…" her voice trailed off.
The smallest of frowns creased Olivia's forehead. "You…what?" she asked Abby. She was not angry.
"It's – it's just that when Bloomberg told me that you were dead, I-"
"You believed him," Olivia finished for her softly. Abby nodded.
"You can't imagine how guilty I feel now though, Liv," she said quietly. "I just –I-"
"Hey," said Olivia, quietly cutting Abby off. "Why do you feel so guilty?"
"I – I tried to commit suicide," Abby admitted. "After the bombing; Bloomberg had already told me that you were dead and then Elliot had gone to look for you and I didn't think there was any way he could have gotten out of the house in time, so I just…"
Olivia nodded slowly as comprehension dawned on her. "Abby, you just made a mistake; that's all. You didn't know that we were still alive." Abby nodded slightly. Olivia continued, "What's important is that you didn't do it; you pulled through and you're still here now."
Abby nodded. "I know…I'm sorry."
Olivia frowned. "Why?"
"I'm just sorry I believed Bloomberg and didn't bother finding out for myself what really happened. I don't want you to think I gave up on you."
Olivia smiled at her sadly. "I promise you, Abby, I don't think that at all. In fact…want to know something?" Abby shrugged and nodded. "I did the same thing to you," Olivia whispered.
Abby looked confused. "When…?"
"It was after Richard burned Maggie's house. The firemen told us that if anyone had been inside, they would be dead now. Elliot didn't believe it at all. Not even when we showed up at the apartment and Richard told us you were dead. Elliot still didn't believe it."
Abby chuckled. "I guess we're both guilty as charged."
Olivia smiled. "Yeah," she said. She and Abby exchanged another hug. Olivia pulled back and sighed. "I'm sorry this has been so hard for you. Things will get better, I know they will. Richard is dead; Bloomberg is dead. No one else can hurt you anymore, Abby."
Abby smiled at Olivia. "Thank you."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The next day dawned warm and bright. Abby and Carter, who had gone back to their hotel to spend the night, had arrived back at the hospital early in the morning to say good bye to Elliot and Olivia. They walked through the door, coffee and suitcases in tow, around 9:30; their plane left at noon.
"This is good bye, right?" Carter asked playfully as he shook Elliot's hand. "You're not – uh – thinking of pulling off any engagement plans or anything, are you?"
Elliot laughed. "Not this time." His eyes twinkled.
"Well," said Carter as he and Abby finished up saying good-bye and thanking the detectives (they had already thanked the rest of the squad earlier), "I guess this is really it."
Olivia smiled. "Come to New York often," she said to them.
"And you to Chicago," answered Abby.
"Safe flight," Elliot called as they began to leave the room.
Carter and Abby nodded and waved as they walked down the hallway. Olivia smiled, watching them leave.
"They'll be okay, won't they, Elliot?" Olivia asked softly, as Carter pressed the button on the elevator door.
Elliot nodded and kissed Olivia gently. She closed her eyes, feeling Elliot's lips on hers, finally feeling safe once again in his embrace. He drew back from her slowly.
"One can only hope."
Yes, guys, we've reached the end of Or Just Look Like One/If I Never Knew You. I have decided to write a sequel...My Heart Will Go On is the title of the SVU story, and A Miracle Happens Here is the title for ER. Once again, they are the same story. It will be up sometime in August, as I am going to camp starting on Monday. More details about the sequel will be posted on my profile page soon.
I just want to say thank you again to all of you who have stuck by me through this story; through cliffhangers and writer's block, and of course the three week hiatus...you are all awesome. Now you have another four weeks to wait for the sequel!
-Color Esperanza (Colores, Essy, and Free)
