DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the death note characters or have anything to do with their creation. I'm just making a parody. and any unnecessary randomness is just a by-product of liver disease.
Chapter 1: A case of mistaken identity
Mom: Good morning Light. Are you ready to have my homemade breakfast of blueberry pancakes and bacon in bed?
Light: $#$&
Mom: I love you too. But you really need to get up.
Light: &#&$#$! slams door in mom's face. followed by a large crash of the tray
Mom(muffled): okay I'll make you a something else. it's fine honey, every one knows kids these days are on those ………..erm……"Quaker oats diets"…….
Light: &#! walks down stairs and sits at the table
whats-her-name: you think your sooooo special don't you
Light: wait…who are you?
whats-her-name: I'M YOUR SISTER!
Light: I have a sister?
whats-her-face: shut up you attention hogging, over achive--
Mom: Breakfast is ready Light and……..um have we met?
whats-her-name: I'VE BEEN LIVING HERE FOR 14 YEARS!
Mom: what ever. here's you oatmeal light.
Light: grunt
whats-her-name: where's mine!
Mom: oh yeah here's yours throws bowl on table
whats-her-name: it looks like it was left out in the rain
Mom: Oh it was. I had to make room for Light's portion on the stove, so I put yours on the window sill
whats-her-name: but it has dirt in it!
Mom: I also must have dropped it a couple of times……….
Light: This tastes like garbage! I'm going to school, where once again I am unavoidably smarter than everyone else in the county including here. leaves and slams door
Mom: have fun light! I love you!
whats-her-name: I'm leaving too
Mom: good riddance, it's good that your actually doing for something for once, you should be more like your brother.
whats-her-name: you know what. mother. I'm not even going to answer that. AND I'M MOVING AWAY AS SOON AS I'M 18 AND NEVER COMING BACK! slams door
Mother: oh drat there's a spot on that glass door, I'd better clean that.
latter that day……..
Light: I'm really bored. I wonder what I can do that's destructive as possible and throws the universe permanently out of balance.
Teacher: Light are you paying attention?
Light: of course not you idiot
Teacher: EXCELLENT MY 110 STUDENT!
Light: I'm going to skip class to go down town and rent a movie
Teacher: okay just bring me back some popcorn
Light: they sell popcorn's in theaters not video stores
Teachers: scratch that then, get me some Gummy Bears
Light : what ever. pulls fire alarm indoor sprinklers go off
class: AHH THE SPRINKLERS! THEY BURN!
Teacher: okay class! this is a great opportunity to study the water cycle! that light always thinking of others! I should raise his grade some more!
class: &#!
later still Somewhere in Boston……..
Random Bostonian: Welcome to Boston light!
Light: How the heck did I get to Boston?
Random Bostonian: I have absolutely no idea! But isn't it great here!
Light: No
Random Bostonian: Lets go on the Boston History tour and get a slushy!
Light: get away from me……. I'm going back to Japan.
Random Bostonian: O come on it'll be fun! pinions light to his side
Light: I hate you
Random Bostonian: TAXI! OH TAXI!
taxi # 1: whoosh!
taxi # 2: whoosh!
taxi # 3: whoosh!
Light: pushes random Bostonian into the path of taxi # 3
taxi # 3: HEY! why me! do I look like I harbor annoying tourists!
Light: well running him over isn't exactly harboring him……..
Random Bostonian: HEY READ MY TITLE DO I LOOK LIKE A TOU-
taxi # 3: SCREEEECH! CRUNCH!
Light: Thank you taxi # 3 thank you! I thank you and the world thanks you!
taxi # 3: your welcome light! just remember to initial in all the right places! up up and Re-max away! flies away
Light: I need to stop eating Styrofoam peanuts…..
So much later that it shouldn't even be qualified as the same day……
Light: walks through door and into video store
Light: why am I moving around so much? and how did I finally get to the video store, with out even getting on a plane? I CAN'T FLY! or swim…….
Stan: stop asking so many stupid and unnecessary questions!
Light: and who are you dare I may ask?
Stan: I'm Stan the video store guy
Light: well why isn't your title "Stan-the-video-store-guy" I mean no one will be able to tell who you are.
Stan: well excuuuuuuuse me for having a life outside the video store!
Light: well I thought it was a regular rule like "what's-her-name" or "random Bostonian"
Stan: look do you want to rent a video or not?
Light: yes I do thank you
Stan: I recommend this one throws black plain DVD at light's head
Light: ouch. and isn't this a spiral bound note book. and really how did I get here?
Stan: oh mister cynical now are we? GET OUT OF MY STORE!
Light: fine. touchy touchy.
Back at the House…………
Light: CAN'T I STAY IN ONE PLACE FOR AT LEAST 5 MINUTES!
Stan: Your telling me! I didn't choose to go here!
Mom: Hey uncle Stan it's about time you came for a visit.
Light: I have an uncle?
what's-her-name: yeah light, just like you have a sister.
Light: I have a-
what's-her-name: oh don't even say it, Mr. Oblivious. No one knows who I am or cares! I HAVE A NAME! I HAVE A NAME!
Light: which is…………
what's-her-name: It's…….it's……erm…gosh dangit!
Light: short (and very smart) attention span waning
Stan: oooo look a fly
what's-her-name: why do I even bother storms off
Light: what's bit her biscuit?
Mom + Stan: no idea
Light: so anyway where's dad?
Mom: ummmmm……..
Flash back….
Light: ERRRG! ALL THIS MOVING IS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS !
Mom: shut up your not even in this flash back
Light: what ever
The same flash back re-done…………
Mom: hey honey could you help me hang up all Light's straight A report cards on the wall?
Dad: sure
5 hours later……
Mom: 500 more and still going strong!
Dad: gasp gasp gasp
Mom: here tack up this 400 pound one
Dad: agh! my heart! dies
Mom: oh dear!
end of flash back..
Mom: so that's how it happened dear…I'm so sorry sniff sniff umm….light?
Stan: he already went up stairs. yum Oatmeal.
Mom: Is that Lights oatmeal?
Stan: ………
Mom: give me that!
Stan: umm LOOK AN IDIOT!
Mom: where?
Stan: hides in closet
Upstairs…(for lack of anything better to say)
Light: why won't this $#!&$# DVD fit into the DVD player! hits DVD player causing it to spark
Ryuk: hey buddy your hair is on fire
Light: what AHH! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!
Ryuk: throws water on light
Light: (now dripping wet) did you come out of the TV?
Ryuk: nooo
Light: then are you a stalker…
Ryuk: Okay then let's go with the TV theory
Light: ………AHH SAMARA!
Ryuk: NO NO!
Light: NO WONDER YOU BROKE MY DVD PLAYER! YOU EVIL LITTLE GIRL! chases Ryuk around with lamp and wacks him with it
Ryuk: GAAAH!
And so the chase continues…..and continues….and continues…….
Light: gasp My gall bladder
Ryuk: gasp my spleen
Light: if you were samara then you would have killed me by now wouldn't you?
Ryuk: you really are a genius
Light: are you being sarcastic
Ryuk(oozing sarcasm): of course not
Light: okay then just making sure. but who are you?
Ryuk: I'm a shinigami, a death god so to speak, you've found the "Deathnote" so I came to watch you reek havoc
Light: Death note?
Ryuk: you've already used it haven't you.
Light: erm…well…yeah
Ryuk: were going to have a flash back now aren't we
Light: yeah……sorry
Ryuk: It's quite alright, this is all just a case of mistaken identity
Light: It's amazing you managed to fit that theme in at all
Ryuk: I know. I'm good.