A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! They really encourage me to keep writing.

Hopefully I'll be able to update sooner now that I'm back from vacation.

Disclaimer: I don't own Mark or Susan or any of the characters here. They belong to ER, NBC, and the other PTB.

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Mark closed his eyes and let his head fall against the chair back. "Why me?..." was the first thought to cross his mind.

It was as if a weight had settled on his chest. Even though Susan had left Chicago, he always thought of her as…out there…somewhere. He had continued to hold onto even the tiniest bit of hope that one day she'd come racing back into his life.

This wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

He looked back down at the envelope and noticed another piece of paper tucked in behind the reply card. Ordinary lined notebook paper, and that handwriting he knew so well.

Mark,

I didn't really know how to do this. I didn't know if I should call, or if you wanted me to call, and the next thing I knew it was too late to call…I'm sorry. Nothing about that day was easy. But I'm in a good place now, I'm happy. It would mean a lot to me if you could come, but I know how these things are, so I will totally understand if you can't make it. Just let me know.

Miss you.

Susan

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If only he knew how much she had agonized over adding that last line.

But it was the truth. Susan had missed him from the moment she pulled herself away from the train window to face her new life in Phoenix. An aching pain had settled in her stomach, and only recently had it begun to subside. Or maybe she was just getting used to it.

There were the sharp pains, too. The ones that sliced through her like a rush of cold air at the most unexpected moments…working on a trauma, filling out a chart, playing with Susie… and those times when she couldn't sleep and found herself wondering if he was awake too.

She had thought about calling, knew that she probably should. Carol had kept in touch with weekly updates from County, but usually avoided the subject of Mark until Susan brought it up. Things didn't sound good, and she knew that Carol was probably glossing over some of the details.

"He's sort of…broken, Suze," Carol had told her about a week after she left, "Like he's some sort of workaholic zombie."

She tried not to feel responsible, tried to avoid the guilt she felt and ignore the fear that she had somehow made the wrong decision.

"It's better this way," she told herself over and over again, "It's for the best."

Enter John Cartwright. He wasn't a doctor, he didn't work at a hospital, and he was rarely sleep deprived. He was handsome, charming, and crazy about her. They had dated for a few months, things had gotten pretty serious… then one night, much to her surprise, he proposed. And even more surprisingly, she found herself saying yes.

Now, as she sat in her apartment addressing invitations, Susan kept returning to one in particular. She had set his aside, not sure if she should send it at all. It just didn't seem to fit…to put him in the same category as everyone else, which included 2 cousins she hadn't known about until a few days ago.

She sighed. She wished she had called, or written, or something. Somehow kept in touch. Would have made this a whole lot easier if the first words he got from her after she told him she loved him weren't announcing her commitment to another man for…ever.

She pulled out a piece of paper and began to write…

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"Check your mail lately?"

Carol looked up to see Doug holding a thick cream envelope similar to the one she had received yesterday. She grimaced as he bent his head over the desk.

"So…do you think," she began, but was cut off by Mark's approaching figure.

"Good morning," he began, unusually cheerful, "I trust we all got plenty of rest last night and are now ready to take on this new day." The dark circles under his eyes clearly stated that he hadn't followed his own advice.

"Speak for yourself," Carol yawned as she picked up her bag, "I just pulled a graveyard. I'm going home."

"Dr. Greene, gang shooting, two criticals, Rescue 56 is 3 minutes out," Jerry called.

As Mark headed off to find a team to help with the incoming trauma, Carol leaned to Doug, "Try and found out if…"

"I will," he said, "Don't worry, if he knows, there's no way he'll be able to hide it."