Disclaimer: I don't own TRIGUN, If I did I wouldn't be writing fics, now would I ? Or Hustler magazine. :)
Summary: What happens when Vash and Wolfwood finally arrive at the courthouse for jury duty? It's a whole lot of shit!
Vash and Wolfwood on Jury Duty
Chapter 2: Deliberations
Created by: Lunar and Divine
*The two finally arrive at the Mei-City Courthouse of Justice*
Assistant Women: Ah...welcome to Mei-City Courthouse. What business do you have here sirs?
Wolfwood: Were here for jury duty, right Vash?
::Vash is drooling at the assistant women::
Assistant Women: Ok...
::Vash runs up to her desk and grabs her hand::
Vash: Oh beautiful lady! I've been dreaming of this day for a long time! I've been longing to
meet someone like you! Will you marry me then eventually be the mother of my children ?
We could name them Vash Jr. and Vashinette!
::Snatches her hand away from him and slaps him with the other::
Assistant Women: NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL! Maybe I would've married
you, let's face it I'm not getting any younger! But that whole children shit, especially one's named Vash Jr. and Vashinette...screw that and screw you!
::Vash crying::
Vash: That... ::sniffling:: was... so... mean...
::Wolfwood in the corner laughing his ass off::
Wolfwood: Wow...that was pitiful chicken shit!
Vash: I'd like to see you do better!
Wolfwood: Really?
Vash: Yes really!
Wolfwood: Ok chicken shit...remember you brought this on yourself.
::Wolfwood walks over to the assistant women and talks to her::
*3 seconds later their making out ferociously*
::Vash notices Wolfwood is rubbing her ass::
3 seconds turns into 10 minutes
Then 20
Then 30
Then 40
*They stop making out to get some air*
Then 50
Then finally 1 hour
::Wolfwood walks over to Vash while rubbing lipstick of his face::
Vash: You freak!
Wolfwood: You surprised chicken shit!
Vash: Not as surprised as the audience you two attracted with your "little show"
Wolfwood: Huh?
::Vash points in their direction::
Wolfwood: Wow...I forgot the doors were made of glass...well let's go!
Vash: Your going straight to hell for this...I've never even seen anything like that in a porno
and I would know cause I watch them a lot! (Sigh) Well...at least tell me her name.
Wolfwood: ...I forgot to ask.
Vash: Nevermind. Were supposed to go to Floor G Room 69.
::Wolfwood shutters::
Vash: What's wrong?
Wolfwood: Well think about everything, the gay mailmen, the gay letters, now the gay room number.
Vash: OMG YOUR RIGHT! But wait a sec, how is the room number gay?
Vash: ...69...oh kinky.
Wolfwood: I say we get the hell out of here while were still straight.
Mysterious Man: Hold it you two!
::Vash and Wolfwood stop dead in their tracks::
Mysterious Man: I wouldn't want to do that if I were you, after all you could be arrested
and special guards could have their way with you.
Vash and Wolfwood: (Gasp) BOBBY BOB THE III!!!!!!!
B.B.III: Very good gentlemen. I see you took time to read my letter. I'm glad.
::He smiled at them::
::That...sent shivers up and down their spines::
::V and W are very cautious of this man, he wore a purple suit with a black shirt and a
matching purple tie and black suede shoes, he also blonde hair (with a bang) and the
brightest smile they've ever seen in their lives, he had to be gay!::
*After being blinded by his smile*
B.B.III: We've been waiting for you two, that is the rest of the jury and me. Well we should get a move on if you want to catch the beginning of the meeting. There will be refreshments
in the room, this includes coffee, tea, soda, a deli platter, chips, and donuts.
Vash: D...donuts? W...What kind of donuts?
B.B.III: All kinds.
Vash: Like?
B.B.III: Jelly filled, powdered, glazed, vanilla cream filled, frosted with sprinkles and much
more.
::Wolfwood sees Vash drooling and about to give in::
Wolfwood: Vash no! Your stronger than this!
Vash: Hey! I can live with being gay! There's precious donuts in that room. You can leave if
you want!
::Vash runs up stairs to room 69::
B.B.III: Mr. Wolfwood I'm sure there's something in that room that could possibly interest
you.
Wolfwood: I don't think so
B.B.III: Not even loads of women?
Wolfwood: Loads...of...women?
B.B.III: Uh-huh, so how about it?
Wolfwood: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood runs to room 69::
B.B.III: Heh-heh, some men are pussy whipped...
*In room 69*
B.B.III: Welcome all. As you probably know I am Bobby Bob the III. I organize all the jury
members for all trials. This time I've selected you twelve. I think it would be appropriate if
we got to know each by name. But before we do that does anyone have comments?
Wolfwood: Yo ass! You said there would loads of women! Two women doesn't count as a load.
B.B.III: Ah...but there are loads of women here. There's a stack of Hustler magazine in the
corner.
Wolfwood: Ah...It's better than nothing.
B.B.III: Anyway here is the calling of names.
Juror # 1: Edward Jameson
Juror # 2: Harry Thomas
Juror # 3: Sarah Davidson
Juror # 4: Frank Mitchell
Juror # 5: Nicholas Donovan Wolfwood
Juror # 6: Vash The Stampede
Juror # 7: Angelina Buren
Juror # 8: Jennifer Cole
Juror # 9: Peter Monroe
Juror # 10: David Knight
Juror # 11: Samuel Houston
Finally...
Juror # 12: Carl Gray
B.B.III: If you heard your name please raise your hand. Let me just take a count, 2...4...6...8...10...11? Huh? Then who's missing?
::Suddenly a girl with long flowing raven colored hair and emerald colored eyes walked
through the door::
Girl: Heh-Heh, sorry I'm late, I had some trouble at work.
B.B.III: What's your name girl?
Girl: Angelina Buren you all can call me Angel. Ohh...donuts
::She walks over to the table that Vash has been at ever since he got to room 69::
Angel: Ahh... Jelly donuts, the best donut ever!
Vash: No, your mistaking powdered donuts is the best!
::She looks at him::
Angel: No
Vash: Yes
Angel: No
Vash: Yes
::A short pause::
Angel: NO!
Vash: YES!
Angel: NO!
Vash: YES!
::Another short pause::
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash is now in a corner scared to death::
Vash: Ok, you win. Go jelly donuts!
Angel: Damn straight!
::Right know she's staring at him::
Angel: (Thinking) Wow he's pretty cute.
::Know everyone in the room is staring at them::
Wolfwood: Hey chicken shit, what's the hell's problem?
Vash: Urm... nothing ha-ha-ha
Angel: Whoa. That was a stupid argument. Sorry I yelled at you like that.
Vash: Don't worry cause...Nothing ever phases me cause I'm known as...
Wolfwood: Chicken shit.
Vash: Ahh, why did you have to ruin my signature line?
Angel: Te-he, you are truly an weirdo.
::She sticks out her hand::
Angel: We haven't been properly introduced, I'm Angelina Buren.
Vash: Vash The Stampede
Angel: ...You haven't shaken my hand yet.
Vash: Your not freaked out?
Angel: Why would I be?
Vash: I just said I was Vash The Stampede.
Angel: So?
Vash: Just look over there...
::She looks over at the other jurors (except Wolfwood) only to see them huddled in a corner
and one women passed out::
Angel: You people are actually scared of him! Man, your all a bunch of wimps! Does he look
like he would hurt someone? He just had a argument about donuts! He looks about as harmful as a fly.
Vash: ...Gee...thanks for the complement.
B.B.III: CAN WE CONTINUE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash, Wolfwood and Angel sit in the back of the room and everyone else sits way in the
front::
::Angel dozes off and falls head first into Vash's lap::
Wolfwood: Whoa! I stand corrected you aren't pitiful with women!
Vash: It's not how it looks...although I wish she was doing what it looks like she's doing.
Angel: ::slurping up drool::
Wolfwood: ...Now I'm convinced...You sure you she's not doing it, I mean you haven't had
it done to you in such a long time maybe you forgot how it felt.
Vash: ...Maybe.
::Angel finally wakes up::
Angel: What the hell?
::Wipes drool from the side of her mouth::
::Then she notices a funny look on Vash's face::
Angel: Hey Wolfwood, what's wrong with him?
::He whispers something in her ear::
Angel: (Gasp) Now I'm just embarrassed! I'm so sorry Vash...
::Looks down::
Angel: I got drool all over your.........pants? Let me just rub... that... off...
::She takes her handkerchief and rubs off the drool from that "special area"::
Vash: ........
Angel: ........
Wolfwood: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::He stops and look at the two, then continues::
Wolfwood: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------
Lunar: This is where I'm gonna end this chapter.
Divine: Wolfwood, I liked how you rubbed the assistants ass, genius!
Lunar: Speaking of which, that wasn't in the script!
Wolfwood: I thought that would be a good touch, no pun intended, and did you have to tell people my
middle name?
Lunar: Pay back is a bitch, ain't it?
Lunar: Perv...anyway Angel good job on your first day.
Angel: Thanks!
Divine: And Vash...you need to get "you know what" done more often.
Vash: .........
Divine: The next chapter "In Which The Trial Begins" and Millie and Meryl will be in that.
Vash: No!!!!!!!! Meryl is real bitchy!
Wolfwood: Yeah! I get to see big girl again!
Angel: *_*
Everyone: Peace!
Summary: What happens when Vash and Wolfwood finally arrive at the courthouse for jury duty? It's a whole lot of shit!
Vash and Wolfwood on Jury Duty
Chapter 2: Deliberations
Created by: Lunar and Divine
*The two finally arrive at the Mei-City Courthouse of Justice*
Assistant Women: Ah...welcome to Mei-City Courthouse. What business do you have here sirs?
Wolfwood: Were here for jury duty, right Vash?
::Vash is drooling at the assistant women::
Assistant Women: Ok...
::Vash runs up to her desk and grabs her hand::
Vash: Oh beautiful lady! I've been dreaming of this day for a long time! I've been longing to
meet someone like you! Will you marry me then eventually be the mother of my children ?
We could name them Vash Jr. and Vashinette!
::Snatches her hand away from him and slaps him with the other::
Assistant Women: NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL! Maybe I would've married
you, let's face it I'm not getting any younger! But that whole children shit, especially one's named Vash Jr. and Vashinette...screw that and screw you!
::Vash crying::
Vash: That... ::sniffling:: was... so... mean...
::Wolfwood in the corner laughing his ass off::
Wolfwood: Wow...that was pitiful chicken shit!
Vash: I'd like to see you do better!
Wolfwood: Really?
Vash: Yes really!
Wolfwood: Ok chicken shit...remember you brought this on yourself.
::Wolfwood walks over to the assistant women and talks to her::
*3 seconds later their making out ferociously*
::Vash notices Wolfwood is rubbing her ass::
3 seconds turns into 10 minutes
Then 20
Then 30
Then 40
*They stop making out to get some air*
Then 50
Then finally 1 hour
::Wolfwood walks over to Vash while rubbing lipstick of his face::
Vash: You freak!
Wolfwood: You surprised chicken shit!
Vash: Not as surprised as the audience you two attracted with your "little show"
Wolfwood: Huh?
::Vash points in their direction::
Wolfwood: Wow...I forgot the doors were made of glass...well let's go!
Vash: Your going straight to hell for this...I've never even seen anything like that in a porno
and I would know cause I watch them a lot! (Sigh) Well...at least tell me her name.
Wolfwood: ...I forgot to ask.
Vash: Nevermind. Were supposed to go to Floor G Room 69.
::Wolfwood shutters::
Vash: What's wrong?
Wolfwood: Well think about everything, the gay mailmen, the gay letters, now the gay room number.
Vash: OMG YOUR RIGHT! But wait a sec, how is the room number gay?
Vash: ...69...oh kinky.
Wolfwood: I say we get the hell out of here while were still straight.
Mysterious Man: Hold it you two!
::Vash and Wolfwood stop dead in their tracks::
Mysterious Man: I wouldn't want to do that if I were you, after all you could be arrested
and special guards could have their way with you.
Vash and Wolfwood: (Gasp) BOBBY BOB THE III!!!!!!!
B.B.III: Very good gentlemen. I see you took time to read my letter. I'm glad.
::He smiled at them::
::That...sent shivers up and down their spines::
::V and W are very cautious of this man, he wore a purple suit with a black shirt and a
matching purple tie and black suede shoes, he also blonde hair (with a bang) and the
brightest smile they've ever seen in their lives, he had to be gay!::
*After being blinded by his smile*
B.B.III: We've been waiting for you two, that is the rest of the jury and me. Well we should get a move on if you want to catch the beginning of the meeting. There will be refreshments
in the room, this includes coffee, tea, soda, a deli platter, chips, and donuts.
Vash: D...donuts? W...What kind of donuts?
B.B.III: All kinds.
Vash: Like?
B.B.III: Jelly filled, powdered, glazed, vanilla cream filled, frosted with sprinkles and much
more.
::Wolfwood sees Vash drooling and about to give in::
Wolfwood: Vash no! Your stronger than this!
Vash: Hey! I can live with being gay! There's precious donuts in that room. You can leave if
you want!
::Vash runs up stairs to room 69::
B.B.III: Mr. Wolfwood I'm sure there's something in that room that could possibly interest
you.
Wolfwood: I don't think so
B.B.III: Not even loads of women?
Wolfwood: Loads...of...women?
B.B.III: Uh-huh, so how about it?
Wolfwood: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood runs to room 69::
B.B.III: Heh-heh, some men are pussy whipped...
*In room 69*
B.B.III: Welcome all. As you probably know I am Bobby Bob the III. I organize all the jury
members for all trials. This time I've selected you twelve. I think it would be appropriate if
we got to know each by name. But before we do that does anyone have comments?
Wolfwood: Yo ass! You said there would loads of women! Two women doesn't count as a load.
B.B.III: Ah...but there are loads of women here. There's a stack of Hustler magazine in the
corner.
Wolfwood: Ah...It's better than nothing.
B.B.III: Anyway here is the calling of names.
Juror # 1: Edward Jameson
Juror # 2: Harry Thomas
Juror # 3: Sarah Davidson
Juror # 4: Frank Mitchell
Juror # 5: Nicholas Donovan Wolfwood
Juror # 6: Vash The Stampede
Juror # 7: Angelina Buren
Juror # 8: Jennifer Cole
Juror # 9: Peter Monroe
Juror # 10: David Knight
Juror # 11: Samuel Houston
Finally...
Juror # 12: Carl Gray
B.B.III: If you heard your name please raise your hand. Let me just take a count, 2...4...6...8...10...11? Huh? Then who's missing?
::Suddenly a girl with long flowing raven colored hair and emerald colored eyes walked
through the door::
Girl: Heh-Heh, sorry I'm late, I had some trouble at work.
B.B.III: What's your name girl?
Girl: Angelina Buren you all can call me Angel. Ohh...donuts
::She walks over to the table that Vash has been at ever since he got to room 69::
Angel: Ahh... Jelly donuts, the best donut ever!
Vash: No, your mistaking powdered donuts is the best!
::She looks at him::
Angel: No
Vash: Yes
Angel: No
Vash: Yes
::A short pause::
Angel: NO!
Vash: YES!
Angel: NO!
Vash: YES!
::Another short pause::
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash is now in a corner scared to death::
Vash: Ok, you win. Go jelly donuts!
Angel: Damn straight!
::Right know she's staring at him::
Angel: (Thinking) Wow he's pretty cute.
::Know everyone in the room is staring at them::
Wolfwood: Hey chicken shit, what's the hell's problem?
Vash: Urm... nothing ha-ha-ha
Angel: Whoa. That was a stupid argument. Sorry I yelled at you like that.
Vash: Don't worry cause...Nothing ever phases me cause I'm known as...
Wolfwood: Chicken shit.
Vash: Ahh, why did you have to ruin my signature line?
Angel: Te-he, you are truly an weirdo.
::She sticks out her hand::
Angel: We haven't been properly introduced, I'm Angelina Buren.
Vash: Vash The Stampede
Angel: ...You haven't shaken my hand yet.
Vash: Your not freaked out?
Angel: Why would I be?
Vash: I just said I was Vash The Stampede.
Angel: So?
Vash: Just look over there...
::She looks over at the other jurors (except Wolfwood) only to see them huddled in a corner
and one women passed out::
Angel: You people are actually scared of him! Man, your all a bunch of wimps! Does he look
like he would hurt someone? He just had a argument about donuts! He looks about as harmful as a fly.
Vash: ...Gee...thanks for the complement.
B.B.III: CAN WE CONTINUE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash, Wolfwood and Angel sit in the back of the room and everyone else sits way in the
front::
::Angel dozes off and falls head first into Vash's lap::
Wolfwood: Whoa! I stand corrected you aren't pitiful with women!
Vash: It's not how it looks...although I wish she was doing what it looks like she's doing.
Angel: ::slurping up drool::
Wolfwood: ...Now I'm convinced...You sure you she's not doing it, I mean you haven't had
it done to you in such a long time maybe you forgot how it felt.
Vash: ...Maybe.
::Angel finally wakes up::
Angel: What the hell?
::Wipes drool from the side of her mouth::
::Then she notices a funny look on Vash's face::
Angel: Hey Wolfwood, what's wrong with him?
::He whispers something in her ear::
Angel: (Gasp) Now I'm just embarrassed! I'm so sorry Vash...
::Looks down::
Angel: I got drool all over your.........pants? Let me just rub... that... off...
::She takes her handkerchief and rubs off the drool from that "special area"::
Vash: ........
Angel: ........
Wolfwood: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::He stops and look at the two, then continues::
Wolfwood: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------------------
Lunar: This is where I'm gonna end this chapter.
Divine: Wolfwood, I liked how you rubbed the assistants ass, genius!
Lunar: Speaking of which, that wasn't in the script!
Wolfwood: I thought that would be a good touch, no pun intended, and did you have to tell people my
middle name?
Lunar: Pay back is a bitch, ain't it?
Lunar: Perv...anyway Angel good job on your first day.
Angel: Thanks!
Divine: And Vash...you need to get "you know what" done more often.
Vash: .........
Divine: The next chapter "In Which The Trial Begins" and Millie and Meryl will be in that.
Vash: No!!!!!!!! Meryl is real bitchy!
Wolfwood: Yeah! I get to see big girl again!
Angel: *_*
Everyone: Peace!