*Breaking News*
Female Announcer: Sorry to interrupt your previously broadcasted program,
Male Announcer: We have some breaking news. Early this morning the police found nine bodies. Apparently, these nine victims were apart of a trial being held at the Mai City Courthouse. They
were the jurors for an up coming trial.
Female Announcer: Police have no idea how the victims were killed, but they urge all to be on alert.
Male Announcer: Excuse me, we have an incoming call from one of our listeners.
Female Announcer: Okay caller you are one the air.
Vash: Hey, you guys sound a lot like these two people I know named Lunar and Divine.
Male Announcer: So?
Vash: Oh man, it is you guys, and this cheesy broadcast is just a super cheap way to kill off a few characters!
Lunar: Okay! You got us! But at least let us explain...
Divine: What a minute, you don't have to explain a damn thing to him.
Vash: You can't do that!
Divine: The hell we can!
Lunar: Were gods to you!
Vash: What!? No you aren't!
Divine: Aren't we? We could kill you off if we wanted!
Vash: You wouldn't dare...
Lunar: He's right Divine, we need him for the story.
Divine: Fine...but let's do something else to him to show him just who the hell the boss is!
Lunar: Cool.
::Lunar types in a few things::
Vash: OMG! OMG! I have boobs!
Lunar and Divine: Heh Heh
Lunar: Get the point Vash?
Vash: ...Yeah...
Divine: Delete them Lunar.
Vash: WAIT! I...need to go to the bathroom.
Divine: Huh?...oh...
Lunar: Eww!!!!
::Vash runs off to the bathroom::
Wolfwood: Ohh...who's the hottie that just ran into the bathroom.
Lunar: Wait Wolf...
::To late Wolfwood runs into the bathroom::
Vash : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH::gasp::HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lunar: ...I tried to warn him...
Divine: And...um...so our story begins.
Vash and Wolfwood on Jury Duty
Chapter 3: In Which The Trial Begins
Written By: Lunar and Divine
Disclaimer: I don't own TRIGUN, If I did I wouldn't be writing fics, now would I and I'd be rolling in cash!
*The Beginning Of An Early Meeting At the Mei City Courthouse*
::Vash, Wolfwood, and Angel enter room 69 just a little late::
Wolfwood: Well hello every...one...
::Looks around to see no one::
Vash: Have you forgotten already? The jurors found dead this morning ::Mutter:: Cheap ass authors.
Angel: Well what the hell are we doing here? Let's get donuts!
Vash: OH YEAH!!!
::They lock arms and there about to stroll out of the room, just then none other Bobby Bob the III enters::
B.B.III: Just where do you two thing you are going?
Angel: To the nearest tavern...
B.B.III: Well not today!
A and V: Aww!!!!!!
Wolfwood: Yo Dip shit, what's the point of being here if the case is just gonna be canceled?
B.B.III: Not quite my handsome friend, I sent someone out to the town to pick up new jurors.
Wolfwood: ...Never...in your...pathetic life...call me...handsome...
B.B.III: Ok honey
Wolfwood: Or that!
B.B.III: K sweetie pie
Wolfwood: OR THAT!!!!!
B.B.III: How about Gumdrop, or Lemondrop, or even pumpkin, you know what I'll let you decide!
Wolfwood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Breaks out his pistol::
Wolfwood: I'LL SHOOT YOU I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL! GO AHEAD AND TEST ME! I FUCKING DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash and Angel jump Wolfwood::
A and V: Wolfwood no!
::Some guy from somewhere enters the room::
The Guy: Excuse me Mr. Bob, we managed to round up a new set of jurors. They are waiting in the lobby.
B.B.III: Excuse me all, I have business to take care.
::Now between all of this talk Vash and Angel managed to restrain Wolfwood without any injuries::
Vash: Jesus Christ Superstar! Wolfwood man...what the hell!?
Wolfwood: I'm sorry I lost it...It's just the homosexuality of this town is getting to me!
Angel: I think you need a long relaxing vacation after the trial, I don't know...maybe you could go to rehab.
::B.B.III walks trough the door with the weirdest bunch of you could ever see in your life::
B.B.III: With great sadness I have to introduce you to the newest jurors.
The first juror is a women that is wearing an all white long skirted dress
# 2 is a guy with ass length hair wearing all black and he has white face make-up.
# 3 is... a ...Thomas...
# 4 is this scruffy looking midget with and Italian accent.
# 5 is some guy that kept rubbing his hand together and his eye keeps shaking.
# 6 is a person that actually looks normal. ::I know finally right?::
# 7 is a... mime...
# 8 is a dude that looks real suspicious.
# 9 is some long haired dude that has on sandals and keeps talking about colors
::Pause::
Lunar: Geez...Divine that's the best you could come up with.
Divine: Give me a break!
:: Back to the story::
First Juror: Hello I am Mary. May God be with you all!
Second Juror: What's up I'm Gregorio. DEATH BECOMES ALL! ROCK ON SATAN!
Third Juror: Sqwak! Sqwak!
Fourth Juror: ::Insert Italian Voice:: Yo Ima Raymondo. And whoeva talks about me height gets a black eye.
Fifth Juror: H...H...H...Hey t...t...t...the n...n...n...names J...J...J...Joe.
Sixth Juror: Hey all, my name is Summer ::whispers:: Must destroy all humanity!
Seventh Juror: ::Doing an impression of being trapped in a box::
Eighth Juror: What up ya'll ma name is J.J.
Ninth Juror: My name is Sunshine. Adore all the colors my groovy brothers and sisters.
::Yup, this is going to be one fucked up trial::
V, A, and W : Okay...
Vash: Believe me I have seen quite some things in my days, but, why the hell is a Thomas a juror?
Angel: You tell me...
Wolfwood: ::He's to confused to speak::
::Some guy that was standing in the shadows walks over to Vash::
The Mysterious Guy: I'll have you youngin's know this here Thomas speaks official english in Thomas tongue.
Angel: Two things, who the hell are you? and How the hell do you know what this Thomas said?
The M. Guy: I'm happen to be called Ol' Crackdonald and ever since I was a youngin' I been studying
the Thomas language.
Angel: ::Thinking:: His name explains it all.
::Wolfwood begins to come out of his trance::
Wolfwood: I have a good question. How the hell does a Thomas speak english in Thomas tongue. Doesn't
that mean he's still speaking in Thomas?
Ol' Crackdonald: Well I've never thought it that way! I guess I am the only human around who can understand a Thomas, so I guess I'll stay to translate the Thomas! Hee-Haw!
Vash: Yip-pie...
B.B.III: Can I have you all attention please?
Gregorio: NO ONLY SATAN CAN HAVE MY ATTENTION!
B.B.III: ...Anyway...I would like to introduce a few people to you .
::Here's what you all been waiting for::
Millie and Meryl enter the room.
V and W: HEY! IT'S THE INSURANCE GIRLS!
Angel: Who?
Millie: Huh? Oh Mr. Vash and Mr. Wolfwood! It's good to see you both again!
Meryl: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: Huh? What's wrong Meryl?
Meryl: Him ::She points to Vash:: We've been doing so well without him in our lives! Now were going to get into trouble again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Millie bends down and whispers::
Millie: Admit it... you missed him.
Meryl: Oh please...
B.B.III: Ahem! Please take your personal problems somewhere else!
M and M: Sorry Mr. Bob.
B.B.III: Thank you. Anyway ::Points to Millie:: This is Millie Thompson she will be the bailiff and ::points to Meryl:: This is Meryl Strife she is the courtroom typist.
::In the back of the room::
Angel: Hey Vash, who are they?
Vash: They are old friends of ours. Just letting you know right know Millie is a ditz and Meryl is really
bitchy! I'll introduce you to them later.
Angel: K...
::To the Front::
B.B.III: I'll give you all an hour till the trial beings. I expect you all to be back at 3:00 sharp. You are
dismissed.
::Vash, Wolfwood, and Angel walk up to Millie and Meryl::
Millie: Oh it's so nice to see you two again, who's that?
::Millie looks at Angel with a sincere smile::
Meryl: ::Shoots Angel a glare:: Yeah...who is she?
Angel: ::Shoots Meryl an even nastier glare:: I'm Angelina Buren and your Millie right?
Millie: Bingo!
Angel: And your Melissa? ::She got her name wrong on purpose::
Meryl: Meryl.
Angel: Oops!
Vash: ::He senses the tension:: Um...let's go over to the tavern for lunch and some drinks!
*At the Tavern*
::Millie is passed out on top of Wolfwood:: ::Oh...Kinky::
::Vash and Angel are having a drinking contest::
Vash on beer number 12.
Angel on beer number 15.
Meryl sitting watching the two and getting more and more jealous.
Angel: Hic-Hic. I drunk more than you and I'm only partially drunk!
Vash: BBBUUURRR....HeHeHe
Angel: You can't handle your alcohol, maybe you should stop drinking...
Vash: D...Don't worry...I...can handle it ::Vash face turns green::
Angel: Vash no! ::To late::
Vash: I'm sorry...
Meryl: Heh Heh!
Angel: Oh...no...Oh well , come here Vashie help me walk back to the inn.
Vash: ...K...
::Vash put his hand on Angels side, Angel redirects Vash's hand to her ass and the walk out of the tavern ::
Meryl: That slut...
*At the inn, Angels room*
Angel: Vash turn around so I can change ok?
Vash: Okay...
Angel: Don't turn around yet .
Vash: Turn around?
Angel: No.
Vash: No?
Angel: Yes
Vash: Okay!
::He turns around::
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I
SAID DON'T TURN AROUND!
Vash: .......................................................................................................................................................
Angel: TURN AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: Oh uh sorry. I...didn't see anything!
Angel: You lyin' fuck, yes you did!
Vash: I thought you said to turn around!
Angel: ::Thinking:: I am going to see you butt naked ass and all if it's the last thing I do!::
Vash: You done?
Angel: Yes.
Vash: Shall we get going?
Angel: Yeah but don't you wanna take a shower? I mean we could be at the courthouse all night .
Vash: Really! Well let's go to my room so I shower!
Angel: Okay! ::Thinking:: ::Pay back time::
*Vash's Room*
Vash: Okay wait here I'll be back soon.
Angel: Okay Vash darling!
::Soon Angel hears the water running::
Angel: Okay my hunky friend get ready to be seen naked!
::Angel heads in to the bathroom and pulls the shower curtain back::
Vash: .............................................
Angel: ::Soft Gasp:: Vash...I...
::Warning from this point it gets a little serious, remember I said just a little::
::Angel is sitting on Vash's bed waiting for Vash to come out the bathroom::
:: He finally comes out the bathroom with his shirt off:: ::Lunar: Drool, Drool::
Angel: Listen Vash, I'm sorry I didn't know...I just was going to play a trick on you.
Vash: It's okay. But these scars aren't something I'd want to show a girl.
Angel: So...how did you get a of those scars?
Vash: That's my punishment for not killing. Heh- Heh
Angel: You know your smile are always so empty, like you have no feelings...
Vash: .........
::Angel stands up and walks over to Vash, then puts her hand on his cheek, and Vash smiles::
Angel: You know, this smile isn't empty like those others. Anyway you should go put on your clothes .
::After Vash is done, Angel grabs his hand::
Angel: Come on , we have a trial to get to.
Vash: Yeah...
::They leave his room::
::Pause::
Lunar: If that scene wasn't sweet all of you people are heartless bastards.
::Back to the story::
*Back At The Courthouse*
::Vash and Angel get to the courthouse where Wolfwood, Mille, and the ever so bicthy Meryl are waiting for them::
Meryl: Took you two long enough.
Wolfwood: Angel, you changed clothes, ...you two were doing the do weren't you?!
Vash and Angel: Wha?!
Wolfwood: You did!!!!! All right, that's my boy I trained you well!!!!!! Hahahahahahhahahah...
::Wolfwood feels a hand pinching his ass::
Wolfwood: Oww! Millie not now, later tonight.
Millie: Sadly, that's not me.
Wolfwood: ......Then who the fuck is that!
::Wolfwood turns around to see none other than his homophobic mailman::
::Pause::
::Lunar: You all thought it was B.B.III didn't you?::
::Back to story::
Wolfwood: YOU DEGENERATE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mailman Spanky: Nice to see you to baby!
Wolfwood: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood breaks out his rocket launcher::
Wolfwood: IT'S A GOOD DAY TO DIE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mailman Spanky: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood leaves to go on his rampage::
Angel: That mailman is going to be one bloody and broken S.O.B. that is...if he survives.
Millie: Well it's nice to see Wolfwood playing with others!
::Vash, Angel, and Meryl look at her in disbelief::
Vash: Are you serious!?
Angel: Umm...Millie, Wolfwood isn't playing... he's gonna kill that mailman...
Millie: Really? Well, that's just depressing.
Meryl: .......You are hopeless!
::Anyway it's 15 more minutes till the trial, they waited for Wolfwood for a while, when
Wolfwood came back he had some blood on his pants and satisfied smile on his face::
Wolfwood: Before you all ask...I didn't kill him...I beat him to an inch of his life, whether he lives
or not is god's choice.
::B.B.III walks up to the gang and ask them to report to room 101, but not before flirting with Vash::
*In room 101 (That's the courtroom)*
B.B.III: The case begins in five minutes, let me brief you on what the case is about. Okay?
Everyone: Yes.
Gregorio: Yes Satan, my lord.
B.B.III: What the...anyway the is about a man named Jack Hoff. Some how he managed to hit 33 cities and
towns together. He stole from saloons, banks, and taverns, at least that is what the Sheriff of Felnarl town
is accusing him of. If sentenced he could spend up to 25 years behind bars.
::Vash, Angel, Wolfwood and Millie start laughing::
B.B.III: May I ask what is so funny?
Vash: Jack Hoff .
Meryl: Idiots.
::Five minutes pass by::
B.B.III: Okay everyone the trial is starting, so quiet down please.
::Insert the People Court theme::
Millie(Bailiff):: All rise for the honorable Judge Bluesummers.
::Pause::
::Lunar: Here's your extra surprise::
::Back to Story::
::Legato walks out of his chambers::
Vash: ::Strong Gasp:: Legato!
Legato: Oh Vash! What a pleasant surprise! Don't worry this time I'm not trying to kill you ! I'm going legit
this time! But anyway, bailiff please enter the plaintiff and the defendant!
Millie: Yes Mr. Sir! Walks out to bring in the plaintiff first, then the defendent!
Legato: Bailiff! Is my hair straight? Because I mean I straighted my hair, I used a hot comb, but still I'm not sure...
B.B.III: Judge Bluesummers!
Legato: Oh sorry, plaintiff state your business!
Plaintiff: I am here representing all of the towns/cities that were stolen from. We are suing the defendent Jack
Hoff...
Vash and the Gang: Hahahahahaha!
Plaintiff: ...Like I was saying, we are suing the defendent for all of the thefts. I will be self representing my self.
Legato: ::Yawn:: Okay and you defendant?
Mr. Hoff: I would like to plead...what's that thing where you want to say you didn't do the crime.
Plaintiff: ::Coughing:: Guilty.
Legato: ...I don't know...not guilty.
Mr. Hoff: Yeah! That's it! And I won't be representing myself.
Legato: ::Filing his nails:: Well then who will?
Mr. Hoff: My lawyer is running a little late.
Legato: ::Sigh:: Well give him five minutes and that's all, if he does not appear a lawyer will be appointed to you, yada, yada, yada.
::Insert the musical countdown from Jeopardy::
Legato: ::Painting his fingernails with clear polish:: Ok...since he did not show up I am forced to send for a sub lawyer...
::The courtroom doors open, some guy smoking a bong shows up::
Everyone: Johnny Cockrand!
Johnny: ::Puts the bong away:: Hey, Hey ya'll. Of course you all know me. But I don't you, because your not famous and you never will be!
Meryl: ::Typing and Thinking:: How can I get Angel away from Vash? I mean...she is prettier than me and her and Vash make a good couple. But who cares! I knew him first! And I will win!
::Pause::
Lunar: Whomp, Whomp Meryl.
::Back to the story::
Legato: Ohh...why did you show up !? I was just about to dismiss this case till tomorrow, now I have to miss my
date at the spa.
Vash: Goddamn pretty boy!
Mr. Hoff: But you said you would get me another lawyer.
Legato: Well, I lied! What are going to, sue me! He-he that was a good one.
Plaintiff: Well...um...shouldn't we begin?
Legato: I don't know should we?
Plaintiff: ::Grr:: May we begin?
Legato: Lets.
::From this point on I gonna give the plaintiff a name::
Legato: I never asked you plaintiff, what's your name ?
Plaintiff: Sheila Suka.
::Wolfwood whispering to Vash::
Wolfwood: Sheila Suka what?
Vash: ::Cracking up::
Sheila: We would like to call one of Jack's friends to the bench, he is named...urm...Mr. Michael Nicholson.
Wolfwood: Man! Shitty name!
::Michael approaches the bench::
Millie: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole, and nothing but the truth under the name of...of...
Legato: ...For the love of Mike! God! It's god! Under the name of God!
Millie: Oh yeah! Under the name of God?
Michael: Yah!
Sheila: Mr. Nicholson, have you noticed anything suspicious with Mr. Hoff as of late?
Michael: Well no, except the fact that every time I saw him I saw loads of new things at his home.
Sheila: Ok! So how did you think he got all that new stuff?
Michael: Well, I thought it was because of his job, I mean he got a promotion at his job.
Sheila: ::Muttering:: ::Worthless Dipshit:: You may go now.
Sheila: We would like to call some else to the bench know, Mr. Dick Newball.
::Needless to say the whole gang (except Meryl) started laughing their asses off::
Legato: Order in the court!
Vash: To easy.
Sheila: Ahem! Anyway Mr. Newball, you may approach the bench.
::Dick approaches the bench::
Millie: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth under the name of ...umm....
Everyone in the courtroom and Lunar and Divine: GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: Right! Under the name of God?
Dick: ::In a Michael Jackson voice:: Uh...Yes maam.
Sheila: So Mr. Newball. How would you describe Mr. Hoff in three words.
Dick: Hard Working, Determined and Kleptomaniac.
Sheila: Aha! So he did have sticky fingers at work!
Dick: Yes. He would steal office supplies.
Sheila: What type of office supplies?
Dick: Let's see, typewriters, staplers, pens, pencils, and etc.
Sheila: I see pencils and stuff, but how did he manage to steal type writers and why didn't you call him on it?
Dick: Well I don't know how he got the typewriter out, and let's just say I had my reasons as to why I didn't call him on it.
Sheila: Like?...
Dick: It's to hot for the courtroom ::He winks at Jack::
Angel: Eww...
Wolfwood: Nasty fuck.
Vash: Sick...
Legato: Well is that it Sheila?
Sheila: Yes.
Legato: Good. You got something to say Jack?
Jack: My lawyer will speak on my behalf.
Legato: Well hurry up then!
Johnny: I only have one thing to say.
Legato: They don't get it... Hurry up! I can still make it to my appointment!
Johnny: He didn't do it so there's nothing to it.
Everyone: Wow! That was good! Now I don't who should win the case.
Shiela: You've got to be f-ing with me!
Legato: Good. Well, jury it's up to you to decide who'll win AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!
Jurors: Yeah, Yeah.
-------------------------------------------------------
Lunar: This is where I end this chapter!
Divine: Nice work people.
Everyone: Thanks boss.
Vash: So Angel wanna hook up later?
Angel: Ok Vashie.
Wolfwood: Millie wanna come back to my hotel room?
Millie: Sure.
Meryl: What will I do?
Divine: Who cares!
Lunar: Next chapter Decisions, Decisions. Well Ta Ta For Now!
Divine: Peace.
::Vash's tongue rammed in Angel mouth::
::Same for Wolfwood and Millie::
Meryl: ::Sniff:: Bye.
Female Announcer: Sorry to interrupt your previously broadcasted program,
Male Announcer: We have some breaking news. Early this morning the police found nine bodies. Apparently, these nine victims were apart of a trial being held at the Mai City Courthouse. They
were the jurors for an up coming trial.
Female Announcer: Police have no idea how the victims were killed, but they urge all to be on alert.
Male Announcer: Excuse me, we have an incoming call from one of our listeners.
Female Announcer: Okay caller you are one the air.
Vash: Hey, you guys sound a lot like these two people I know named Lunar and Divine.
Male Announcer: So?
Vash: Oh man, it is you guys, and this cheesy broadcast is just a super cheap way to kill off a few characters!
Lunar: Okay! You got us! But at least let us explain...
Divine: What a minute, you don't have to explain a damn thing to him.
Vash: You can't do that!
Divine: The hell we can!
Lunar: Were gods to you!
Vash: What!? No you aren't!
Divine: Aren't we? We could kill you off if we wanted!
Vash: You wouldn't dare...
Lunar: He's right Divine, we need him for the story.
Divine: Fine...but let's do something else to him to show him just who the hell the boss is!
Lunar: Cool.
::Lunar types in a few things::
Vash: OMG! OMG! I have boobs!
Lunar and Divine: Heh Heh
Lunar: Get the point Vash?
Vash: ...Yeah...
Divine: Delete them Lunar.
Vash: WAIT! I...need to go to the bathroom.
Divine: Huh?...oh...
Lunar: Eww!!!!
::Vash runs off to the bathroom::
Wolfwood: Ohh...who's the hottie that just ran into the bathroom.
Lunar: Wait Wolf...
::To late Wolfwood runs into the bathroom::
Vash : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH::gasp::HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wolfwood: Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lunar: ...I tried to warn him...
Divine: And...um...so our story begins.
Vash and Wolfwood on Jury Duty
Chapter 3: In Which The Trial Begins
Written By: Lunar and Divine
Disclaimer: I don't own TRIGUN, If I did I wouldn't be writing fics, now would I and I'd be rolling in cash!
*The Beginning Of An Early Meeting At the Mei City Courthouse*
::Vash, Wolfwood, and Angel enter room 69 just a little late::
Wolfwood: Well hello every...one...
::Looks around to see no one::
Vash: Have you forgotten already? The jurors found dead this morning ::Mutter:: Cheap ass authors.
Angel: Well what the hell are we doing here? Let's get donuts!
Vash: OH YEAH!!!
::They lock arms and there about to stroll out of the room, just then none other Bobby Bob the III enters::
B.B.III: Just where do you two thing you are going?
Angel: To the nearest tavern...
B.B.III: Well not today!
A and V: Aww!!!!!!
Wolfwood: Yo Dip shit, what's the point of being here if the case is just gonna be canceled?
B.B.III: Not quite my handsome friend, I sent someone out to the town to pick up new jurors.
Wolfwood: ...Never...in your...pathetic life...call me...handsome...
B.B.III: Ok honey
Wolfwood: Or that!
B.B.III: K sweetie pie
Wolfwood: OR THAT!!!!!
B.B.III: How about Gumdrop, or Lemondrop, or even pumpkin, you know what I'll let you decide!
Wolfwood: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Breaks out his pistol::
Wolfwood: I'LL SHOOT YOU I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL! GO AHEAD AND TEST ME! I FUCKING DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Vash and Angel jump Wolfwood::
A and V: Wolfwood no!
::Some guy from somewhere enters the room::
The Guy: Excuse me Mr. Bob, we managed to round up a new set of jurors. They are waiting in the lobby.
B.B.III: Excuse me all, I have business to take care.
::Now between all of this talk Vash and Angel managed to restrain Wolfwood without any injuries::
Vash: Jesus Christ Superstar! Wolfwood man...what the hell!?
Wolfwood: I'm sorry I lost it...It's just the homosexuality of this town is getting to me!
Angel: I think you need a long relaxing vacation after the trial, I don't know...maybe you could go to rehab.
::B.B.III walks trough the door with the weirdest bunch of you could ever see in your life::
B.B.III: With great sadness I have to introduce you to the newest jurors.
The first juror is a women that is wearing an all white long skirted dress
# 2 is a guy with ass length hair wearing all black and he has white face make-up.
# 3 is... a ...Thomas...
# 4 is this scruffy looking midget with and Italian accent.
# 5 is some guy that kept rubbing his hand together and his eye keeps shaking.
# 6 is a person that actually looks normal. ::I know finally right?::
# 7 is a... mime...
# 8 is a dude that looks real suspicious.
# 9 is some long haired dude that has on sandals and keeps talking about colors
::Pause::
Lunar: Geez...Divine that's the best you could come up with.
Divine: Give me a break!
:: Back to the story::
First Juror: Hello I am Mary. May God be with you all!
Second Juror: What's up I'm Gregorio. DEATH BECOMES ALL! ROCK ON SATAN!
Third Juror: Sqwak! Sqwak!
Fourth Juror: ::Insert Italian Voice:: Yo Ima Raymondo. And whoeva talks about me height gets a black eye.
Fifth Juror: H...H...H...Hey t...t...t...the n...n...n...names J...J...J...Joe.
Sixth Juror: Hey all, my name is Summer ::whispers:: Must destroy all humanity!
Seventh Juror: ::Doing an impression of being trapped in a box::
Eighth Juror: What up ya'll ma name is J.J.
Ninth Juror: My name is Sunshine. Adore all the colors my groovy brothers and sisters.
::Yup, this is going to be one fucked up trial::
V, A, and W : Okay...
Vash: Believe me I have seen quite some things in my days, but, why the hell is a Thomas a juror?
Angel: You tell me...
Wolfwood: ::He's to confused to speak::
::Some guy that was standing in the shadows walks over to Vash::
The Mysterious Guy: I'll have you youngin's know this here Thomas speaks official english in Thomas tongue.
Angel: Two things, who the hell are you? and How the hell do you know what this Thomas said?
The M. Guy: I'm happen to be called Ol' Crackdonald and ever since I was a youngin' I been studying
the Thomas language.
Angel: ::Thinking:: His name explains it all.
::Wolfwood begins to come out of his trance::
Wolfwood: I have a good question. How the hell does a Thomas speak english in Thomas tongue. Doesn't
that mean he's still speaking in Thomas?
Ol' Crackdonald: Well I've never thought it that way! I guess I am the only human around who can understand a Thomas, so I guess I'll stay to translate the Thomas! Hee-Haw!
Vash: Yip-pie...
B.B.III: Can I have you all attention please?
Gregorio: NO ONLY SATAN CAN HAVE MY ATTENTION!
B.B.III: ...Anyway...I would like to introduce a few people to you .
::Here's what you all been waiting for::
Millie and Meryl enter the room.
V and W: HEY! IT'S THE INSURANCE GIRLS!
Angel: Who?
Millie: Huh? Oh Mr. Vash and Mr. Wolfwood! It's good to see you both again!
Meryl: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: Huh? What's wrong Meryl?
Meryl: Him ::She points to Vash:: We've been doing so well without him in our lives! Now were going to get into trouble again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Millie bends down and whispers::
Millie: Admit it... you missed him.
Meryl: Oh please...
B.B.III: Ahem! Please take your personal problems somewhere else!
M and M: Sorry Mr. Bob.
B.B.III: Thank you. Anyway ::Points to Millie:: This is Millie Thompson she will be the bailiff and ::points to Meryl:: This is Meryl Strife she is the courtroom typist.
::In the back of the room::
Angel: Hey Vash, who are they?
Vash: They are old friends of ours. Just letting you know right know Millie is a ditz and Meryl is really
bitchy! I'll introduce you to them later.
Angel: K...
::To the Front::
B.B.III: I'll give you all an hour till the trial beings. I expect you all to be back at 3:00 sharp. You are
dismissed.
::Vash, Wolfwood, and Angel walk up to Millie and Meryl::
Millie: Oh it's so nice to see you two again, who's that?
::Millie looks at Angel with a sincere smile::
Meryl: ::Shoots Angel a glare:: Yeah...who is she?
Angel: ::Shoots Meryl an even nastier glare:: I'm Angelina Buren and your Millie right?
Millie: Bingo!
Angel: And your Melissa? ::She got her name wrong on purpose::
Meryl: Meryl.
Angel: Oops!
Vash: ::He senses the tension:: Um...let's go over to the tavern for lunch and some drinks!
*At the Tavern*
::Millie is passed out on top of Wolfwood:: ::Oh...Kinky::
::Vash and Angel are having a drinking contest::
Vash on beer number 12.
Angel on beer number 15.
Meryl sitting watching the two and getting more and more jealous.
Angel: Hic-Hic. I drunk more than you and I'm only partially drunk!
Vash: BBBUUURRR....HeHeHe
Angel: You can't handle your alcohol, maybe you should stop drinking...
Vash: D...Don't worry...I...can handle it ::Vash face turns green::
Angel: Vash no! ::To late::
Vash: I'm sorry...
Meryl: Heh Heh!
Angel: Oh...no...Oh well , come here Vashie help me walk back to the inn.
Vash: ...K...
::Vash put his hand on Angels side, Angel redirects Vash's hand to her ass and the walk out of the tavern ::
Meryl: That slut...
*At the inn, Angels room*
Angel: Vash turn around so I can change ok?
Vash: Okay...
Angel: Don't turn around yet .
Vash: Turn around?
Angel: No.
Vash: No?
Angel: Yes
Vash: Okay!
::He turns around::
Angel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I
SAID DON'T TURN AROUND!
Vash: .......................................................................................................................................................
Angel: TURN AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vash: Oh uh sorry. I...didn't see anything!
Angel: You lyin' fuck, yes you did!
Vash: I thought you said to turn around!
Angel: ::Thinking:: I am going to see you butt naked ass and all if it's the last thing I do!::
Vash: You done?
Angel: Yes.
Vash: Shall we get going?
Angel: Yeah but don't you wanna take a shower? I mean we could be at the courthouse all night .
Vash: Really! Well let's go to my room so I shower!
Angel: Okay! ::Thinking:: ::Pay back time::
*Vash's Room*
Vash: Okay wait here I'll be back soon.
Angel: Okay Vash darling!
::Soon Angel hears the water running::
Angel: Okay my hunky friend get ready to be seen naked!
::Angel heads in to the bathroom and pulls the shower curtain back::
Vash: .............................................
Angel: ::Soft Gasp:: Vash...I...
::Warning from this point it gets a little serious, remember I said just a little::
::Angel is sitting on Vash's bed waiting for Vash to come out the bathroom::
:: He finally comes out the bathroom with his shirt off:: ::Lunar: Drool, Drool::
Angel: Listen Vash, I'm sorry I didn't know...I just was going to play a trick on you.
Vash: It's okay. But these scars aren't something I'd want to show a girl.
Angel: So...how did you get a of those scars?
Vash: That's my punishment for not killing. Heh- Heh
Angel: You know your smile are always so empty, like you have no feelings...
Vash: .........
::Angel stands up and walks over to Vash, then puts her hand on his cheek, and Vash smiles::
Angel: You know, this smile isn't empty like those others. Anyway you should go put on your clothes .
::After Vash is done, Angel grabs his hand::
Angel: Come on , we have a trial to get to.
Vash: Yeah...
::They leave his room::
::Pause::
Lunar: If that scene wasn't sweet all of you people are heartless bastards.
::Back to the story::
*Back At The Courthouse*
::Vash and Angel get to the courthouse where Wolfwood, Mille, and the ever so bicthy Meryl are waiting for them::
Meryl: Took you two long enough.
Wolfwood: Angel, you changed clothes, ...you two were doing the do weren't you?!
Vash and Angel: Wha?!
Wolfwood: You did!!!!! All right, that's my boy I trained you well!!!!!! Hahahahahahhahahah...
::Wolfwood feels a hand pinching his ass::
Wolfwood: Oww! Millie not now, later tonight.
Millie: Sadly, that's not me.
Wolfwood: ......Then who the fuck is that!
::Wolfwood turns around to see none other than his homophobic mailman::
::Pause::
::Lunar: You all thought it was B.B.III didn't you?::
::Back to story::
Wolfwood: YOU DEGENERATE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mailman Spanky: Nice to see you to baby!
Wolfwood: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood breaks out his rocket launcher::
Wolfwood: IT'S A GOOD DAY TO DIE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mailman Spanky: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Wolfwood leaves to go on his rampage::
Angel: That mailman is going to be one bloody and broken S.O.B. that is...if he survives.
Millie: Well it's nice to see Wolfwood playing with others!
::Vash, Angel, and Meryl look at her in disbelief::
Vash: Are you serious!?
Angel: Umm...Millie, Wolfwood isn't playing... he's gonna kill that mailman...
Millie: Really? Well, that's just depressing.
Meryl: .......You are hopeless!
::Anyway it's 15 more minutes till the trial, they waited for Wolfwood for a while, when
Wolfwood came back he had some blood on his pants and satisfied smile on his face::
Wolfwood: Before you all ask...I didn't kill him...I beat him to an inch of his life, whether he lives
or not is god's choice.
::B.B.III walks up to the gang and ask them to report to room 101, but not before flirting with Vash::
*In room 101 (That's the courtroom)*
B.B.III: The case begins in five minutes, let me brief you on what the case is about. Okay?
Everyone: Yes.
Gregorio: Yes Satan, my lord.
B.B.III: What the...anyway the is about a man named Jack Hoff. Some how he managed to hit 33 cities and
towns together. He stole from saloons, banks, and taverns, at least that is what the Sheriff of Felnarl town
is accusing him of. If sentenced he could spend up to 25 years behind bars.
::Vash, Angel, Wolfwood and Millie start laughing::
B.B.III: May I ask what is so funny?
Vash: Jack Hoff .
Meryl: Idiots.
::Five minutes pass by::
B.B.III: Okay everyone the trial is starting, so quiet down please.
::Insert the People Court theme::
Millie(Bailiff):: All rise for the honorable Judge Bluesummers.
::Pause::
::Lunar: Here's your extra surprise::
::Back to Story::
::Legato walks out of his chambers::
Vash: ::Strong Gasp:: Legato!
Legato: Oh Vash! What a pleasant surprise! Don't worry this time I'm not trying to kill you ! I'm going legit
this time! But anyway, bailiff please enter the plaintiff and the defendant!
Millie: Yes Mr. Sir! Walks out to bring in the plaintiff first, then the defendent!
Legato: Bailiff! Is my hair straight? Because I mean I straighted my hair, I used a hot comb, but still I'm not sure...
B.B.III: Judge Bluesummers!
Legato: Oh sorry, plaintiff state your business!
Plaintiff: I am here representing all of the towns/cities that were stolen from. We are suing the defendent Jack
Hoff...
Vash and the Gang: Hahahahahaha!
Plaintiff: ...Like I was saying, we are suing the defendent for all of the thefts. I will be self representing my self.
Legato: ::Yawn:: Okay and you defendant?
Mr. Hoff: I would like to plead...what's that thing where you want to say you didn't do the crime.
Plaintiff: ::Coughing:: Guilty.
Legato: ...I don't know...not guilty.
Mr. Hoff: Yeah! That's it! And I won't be representing myself.
Legato: ::Filing his nails:: Well then who will?
Mr. Hoff: My lawyer is running a little late.
Legato: ::Sigh:: Well give him five minutes and that's all, if he does not appear a lawyer will be appointed to you, yada, yada, yada.
::Insert the musical countdown from Jeopardy::
Legato: ::Painting his fingernails with clear polish:: Ok...since he did not show up I am forced to send for a sub lawyer...
::The courtroom doors open, some guy smoking a bong shows up::
Everyone: Johnny Cockrand!
Johnny: ::Puts the bong away:: Hey, Hey ya'll. Of course you all know me. But I don't you, because your not famous and you never will be!
Meryl: ::Typing and Thinking:: How can I get Angel away from Vash? I mean...she is prettier than me and her and Vash make a good couple. But who cares! I knew him first! And I will win!
::Pause::
Lunar: Whomp, Whomp Meryl.
::Back to the story::
Legato: Ohh...why did you show up !? I was just about to dismiss this case till tomorrow, now I have to miss my
date at the spa.
Vash: Goddamn pretty boy!
Mr. Hoff: But you said you would get me another lawyer.
Legato: Well, I lied! What are going to, sue me! He-he that was a good one.
Plaintiff: Well...um...shouldn't we begin?
Legato: I don't know should we?
Plaintiff: ::Grr:: May we begin?
Legato: Lets.
::From this point on I gonna give the plaintiff a name::
Legato: I never asked you plaintiff, what's your name ?
Plaintiff: Sheila Suka.
::Wolfwood whispering to Vash::
Wolfwood: Sheila Suka what?
Vash: ::Cracking up::
Sheila: We would like to call one of Jack's friends to the bench, he is named...urm...Mr. Michael Nicholson.
Wolfwood: Man! Shitty name!
::Michael approaches the bench::
Millie: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole, and nothing but the truth under the name of...of...
Legato: ...For the love of Mike! God! It's god! Under the name of God!
Millie: Oh yeah! Under the name of God?
Michael: Yah!
Sheila: Mr. Nicholson, have you noticed anything suspicious with Mr. Hoff as of late?
Michael: Well no, except the fact that every time I saw him I saw loads of new things at his home.
Sheila: Ok! So how did you think he got all that new stuff?
Michael: Well, I thought it was because of his job, I mean he got a promotion at his job.
Sheila: ::Muttering:: ::Worthless Dipshit:: You may go now.
Sheila: We would like to call some else to the bench know, Mr. Dick Newball.
::Needless to say the whole gang (except Meryl) started laughing their asses off::
Legato: Order in the court!
Vash: To easy.
Sheila: Ahem! Anyway Mr. Newball, you may approach the bench.
::Dick approaches the bench::
Millie: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth under the name of ...umm....
Everyone in the courtroom and Lunar and Divine: GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Millie: Right! Under the name of God?
Dick: ::In a Michael Jackson voice:: Uh...Yes maam.
Sheila: So Mr. Newball. How would you describe Mr. Hoff in three words.
Dick: Hard Working, Determined and Kleptomaniac.
Sheila: Aha! So he did have sticky fingers at work!
Dick: Yes. He would steal office supplies.
Sheila: What type of office supplies?
Dick: Let's see, typewriters, staplers, pens, pencils, and etc.
Sheila: I see pencils and stuff, but how did he manage to steal type writers and why didn't you call him on it?
Dick: Well I don't know how he got the typewriter out, and let's just say I had my reasons as to why I didn't call him on it.
Sheila: Like?...
Dick: It's to hot for the courtroom ::He winks at Jack::
Angel: Eww...
Wolfwood: Nasty fuck.
Vash: Sick...
Legato: Well is that it Sheila?
Sheila: Yes.
Legato: Good. You got something to say Jack?
Jack: My lawyer will speak on my behalf.
Legato: Well hurry up then!
Johnny: I only have one thing to say.
Legato: They don't get it... Hurry up! I can still make it to my appointment!
Johnny: He didn't do it so there's nothing to it.
Everyone: Wow! That was good! Now I don't who should win the case.
Shiela: You've got to be f-ing with me!
Legato: Good. Well, jury it's up to you to decide who'll win AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!
Jurors: Yeah, Yeah.
-------------------------------------------------------
Lunar: This is where I end this chapter!
Divine: Nice work people.
Everyone: Thanks boss.
Vash: So Angel wanna hook up later?
Angel: Ok Vashie.
Wolfwood: Millie wanna come back to my hotel room?
Millie: Sure.
Meryl: What will I do?
Divine: Who cares!
Lunar: Next chapter Decisions, Decisions. Well Ta Ta For Now!
Divine: Peace.
::Vash's tongue rammed in Angel mouth::
::Same for Wolfwood and Millie::
Meryl: ::Sniff:: Bye.