The Bet
"What the smeg's your problem with that kid who sits next to me?" Lister demanded of Parker. He was certainly surprised that someone like Lister had the gall to ambush him on his way to lunch, least of all to question his social interactions with people he barely knew. "This school has a delicate hierarchy that you have to learn to respect and obey," Parker explained haughtily, "and Bonehead is at the very bottom. He's lower than you. He's lower than the janitor. He's lower than the dead mice in the Pest-O-Kill traps."
"What's he ever done to you?"
"Well, nothing," someone in Sanjeev's omnipresent huddle piped up.
"That's the problem," said Stinky, hitting him into silence. "He doesn't talk to anyone. He just sits there studying."
Lister nodded, "Ah... Brain-box?"
"Well, you'd think so... but he's at the bottom of the class," Parker snickered.
"He's near the bottom of the year an' all," Stinky added. "The only one lower than him is Ferd Moss – he's a total retard. He's the kind of kid that puts his pencil in his ear and then licks it afterwards." Lister nodded again, his head in a deep well of thoughts. "Well, I'm going to go talk to him. Who knows, we could even get to be mates."
"G'luck, Ratty. But you'll never get him to be your friend, and you sure as hell won't want to be," Parker sneered.
"How much?" said Lister, keen to challenge the smug little bastard.
"Huh?"
Lister repeated himself, "How much do you want to bet?"
"Oh, er," the question caught Parker completely off-guard. "10pc."
"Pfft! A dollarpound."
"No way! 30pc."
"50pc and a can of coke. Brand name, not supermarket label."
"Done." Parker felt he'd done alright on the deal. He knew there was no way Rimmer would be Lister's friend and that Lister would quickly feel glad of it. Lister turned around and marched confidently to where he had seen Rimmer scuttle away when the bell rang. "Sanjeev," said Stinky, "what if he loses the bet?"
"I get a can of coke."
"And what if he wins the bet?" Stinky ventured further. Sanjeev smiled evilly as Lister disappeared from sight into the library. "Then we beat the crap out of him for associating with losers."