Okay. To make up for chapter two, this chapter is gonna be extra long . And I don't own any Zelda copyrights and crap.

"Now Link, where is this shield place?"

"Hell if I know."

"Kay..." she said. "Let's go searching for a map."

They walked around for 15 minutes, and Navi kept poking the currently braindead Link, for they had passed a map seller 8 times.

"TINGLE TINGLE KOLOO...LIMPAH!"

"Wow!" I said. "That was amazing!"

"Never do that again lest I inflictmy wrath upon your green-fucked-up-screwed-beady-little-midget-sized-body," Navi threatened coldly.

"TINGLE TINGLE KOLOO...LIMPAH!"

"Destroy." said Navi monotone-ly.

THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE FCC DUE TO EXTREME VIOLENCE BLOOD AND GORE AND NUDITY. WAIT, TAKE AWAY THE LAST ONE.

"Stupid FCC, YOU DIE NOW!" I screamed.

Link pulled out what seemed to be a primitive bazooka. It launched a bombchu into an FCC agent. Navi then brutally murdered Tingle without any expression and took all the maps. They soon found the shield shop.

"How may I help you?" the shop owner asked.

"We need a shield," I said. "Preferably that one." Link pointed at one labelled 'Hero's Shield'.

"Do you have a lot of rupees?" the owner asked.

"No," I replied.

"Then you don't get it."

Link nodded at Navi who pulled out a primitive pistol and aimed it at the shop owner's head. "Gimme the shield!" she said in a drunken phyco tone. The shop owner handed Link the shield, but Navi shot him anyway. "My finger slipped!" Navi said in defense.

They proceeded back to the guard, but they got lost because Link got hungry and ate the maps. They ended up in a bed shop, where Link slept for 6 hours. Navi eventually woke him up by stealing his bazooka which exploded.

They finally made it back to the guard.

"We have a shield," I said.

"The fairy doesn't have a shield," the guard said and I threw the shield at his face which knocked him out.

"Good thinking," the fairy said and they proceeded.

Although Navi did need a shield since on the path was a gibdo with a machine gun. They ran away but not before Link threw a bombchu which blew up at the gibdo's feet.

"Let's find you a shield," I said, completely ignoring the fact that the gibdo was dead.

They found the shield shop but it was closed down and boarded up because the owner was dead. So they got lost again and Link decided to go home and play a primitive Xbox.

"We have to go though!" Navi complained

"So we do." I said bluntley.

"You don't even care do you?"

"I don't really find talking to a tree very exciting."

"Good point..."

"Now shut up. I'm on level 12 of primitive Halo 2."

"Oooohh...can we play co-op?"

"Sure!" I replied

So they played primitive Halo 2 for the entire day...untill Navi shot the screen on the primitive TV.

"Good job ya stupid Fairy!"

"LINK HOLY CRAP WE'RE FOUR HOURS LATE!"

"For what?" I said blankly

"You're oblivious..."

"?" was my only reply

"Do the words "Deku tree" remind you of anything?"

"Not-uh."

"Awhh man... The tree said he was dying..."

"Navi, we've been through this, TREES CAN'T TALK!"

"Let's just past the gate."

"Kay..." I said without expression as I just fixed the TV. "Don't you need a shield though?"

"I'll just hide in your hat."