They say that all shall be saved by a hero. Make note this is NOT him
"So...now what"
"How am I supposed to know Link? You do have the player's guide!"
"OH YAH!...So, apperantly now i can convince Mido to let me go to the Deku tree."
"Isn't Mido dead?"
"Yah, so this shouldn't take too long."
"Huh."
MEANWHILE, IN MUSHROOM KINGDOM
"NAVI! GET-A BACK HERE!"
"How 'bout...NO!"
"But I found a time-a-chine"
"What in the hell is a time-a-chine?"
"What yoy asked for earlier!"
"I SAID TIME MACHINE!"
"That's what I said, time-a-chine!"
"Wow, you're worse then Link!"
BACK IN KOKIRI FOREST
So Link and Saria went to go travel to the Deku tree untill they were stopped by a Deku Baba.
"EAT STEEL YOU STUPID BABA!"
"Um...Link?"
"Ya Saria?"
"You didn't even use your sword- you just hit him with a stick."
"So?"
"Sticks aren't made of steel."
"They aren't?"
"No, but your sword is."
"Kay, I'll use the sword."
SLICE CUT STAB MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Umm...overkill, much?"
"Hey, it gave me rupees!"
"Whoa...really?"
"Ya!"
"Gimme."
"huh-"
Before Link could finish, Saria had already stole of of Link's rupees and spent them on deku shields.
"How the hell- that was only 1 rupee!"
"I intimidated the shop-keep."
"Uh-huh. Wait, is that the Deku tree?"
They approached the grey tree that was there.
"Hello 'Deku Tree'," I said suspiciously. The tree said nothing, for the GDT was long dead. "Ha! I told Navi trees couldn't talk." Link looked at the strategy guide. "Now I just have to get a Kokiri Emerald."
"Link, a parasite thing just stole the stone and broke a hole in the side of the tree, running in."
Link's eye twitched. "Dammit!" I yelled before stealing a Deku Shield and throwing his old one at Saria and running in. It took about two minutes before realizing his old one was better.
Link saw a web in the middle of the tree. He made note to avoid it. Navi suddenly appeared from no where, causing him to fall into it. He realized it was an illusion and felldown the pit. The Dekus had drunk all the water, causing him to fall head first. Link's head exploded on impact.
Navi took out a cell phone. "Fred, I need help." She made no note to Luigi, who had followed her, and was running around throwing bombs.
After Fred the fairy arrived, he healed Link. "Hey, why am I getting smaller? Oh no! NOOOooooo... ..."
"Rest in peace Fred," Navi said.
"I'm still here, just microscopic!" a squeaky voice said.
Link eventually got really bored and got out of the Deku Tree, setting it on fire like a pyromanic.
Gohma walked out with a travelling hat and a suitcase. "Wow, I got out in time," she said.
Navi flew out of the tree just before it all collapsed. She was about to comment when a chest fell on her.
"Can I have the emerald?"
"Sure, I only took it because I thought it was etable. Boy was I wrong."
Gohma then left, not even having to fight Link.
Link walked over to the chest and opened it up, expceting some awesome mega powered gun. Instead he found a book.
"That looks like the Deku Tree's diary," Navi, who got out when Link burned the chest too, said.
Link opened it. "I have to tell a few secrets before I die," I read. "First off, the Kokiri Emerald was actually stolen from a guy on a black horse. He demanded it back, saying it was an heirloom, then cursed me. Said his name was Ganondork, or something like that. Second, I've been gay for that deku baba guarding me for about twenty years. Third, Link better go to Hyrule Castle and talk to the princess there, and get my laundry back from the dry cleaners. Lastly, It was me who launched that flaming boulder at Link's house last summer. I couldn't resist. THAT BASTARD!"
"Maybe we should pay attention to the third one," Navi pointed out.
"Good idea!"
They were at the dry cleaners. "This isn't what I meant!"
"Then what did you mean?"
"THE CASTLE ONE!"
They went to exit the forest when Luigi appeared with star power and was plowing over the Kokiri. Link took a short cut by dressing up as a scuba diver and going to the Zora river, before falling in the water and being washed into Hyrule Field, where Kaepora Gaebora was, yet at a different entrance.
"Note, avoid the owl," I muttered.