In this story, It tells the legend of Link the hero of time. Nintendo has fabricated that story so Link was a kindhearted person. BAH! Link was actually some pissed off kid with anger managment problems and the ability to break the laws of physics.
"Hi there you stupid owl!"
"Hoot."
"What's your name?"
"Hoot Kaepora Gaebora Hoot."
"What in the hell kinda name is that? In fact, I think I shall call you Kae-Gae. It's a lot easier to pronounce. So...according to my player's guide."I said "You are supposed to tell me what I have to do, but you are supposed to be in front of the lost woods entrance!"
Just then Saria came running at Link screaming "LINK, LIIIIIIIIIIINK!"
Of course, Link thought Saria had come running at him because she wants them to be together, so Link prepared to give her a hug.
"LET GO OF ME!"
"Huh?"
"I came here because I forgot to give you this! And you forgot to take this from the Deku Tree."
"What exactly are you giving me? (I hope it's a kiss!)"
""Close your eyes and hold out your hands!"
DA-NA-NA-NA! YOU GOT THE FAIRY OCARINA & SLINGSHOT!
"Oh, goody. Some crap instrument and a dinky slingshot. How the hell do you even play this thing?"
Link attempted to play the ocarina and somehow played a song which made his head explode
"FRED GET OVER HERE" Navi screamed
"I am over here."
"Where are you!"
"Under Link's foot."
"I see...Heal him."
"I can't I'm out of magic..."
"LOOK BUB, THIS GUY IS GONNA SAVE HYRULE AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS YOUR LACK OF MAGIC! WELL I HOPE THAT GANONDORK KILLS YOU WHEN HE TAKES OVER SEVEN YEARS FROM NOW!"
"How do you know all of this?"
"Player's Guide"
"Ahh."
"SO HEAL HEAL HEAL!'
"MA'AM YES MA'AM!"
"That's what I like to hear"
So Fred healed Link to the best of his ability. Link had realized that he had only beaten the first dungeon and he has already died twice, he was ashamed, so dicided to play the blues on the crap Ocarina that Saria had given him. Of course he some how blew up some random person in Hyrule castle town and you could hear people screaming from the city.
"Sweeeeet. My crap Ocarinacan kill people."
"Now try out your slingshot!" demanded Saria
So Link aimed for that stupid bird thatcrapped on his house awhile back and hit it dead on.
"SCKWACK!"
"DIE DIE DIE MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Um...Link?" said Navi
"WHAT!"
"Your kinda outta Deku nuts for the slingshot. In fact you didn't even have some in the first place. How you killed that bird is a break in the laws of physics."
"SCREW PHYSICS!" I said as I managed to kill fourteen other birds without any Deku nuts. "THIS IS FUN, THANKS SARIA!"
"My birds...my precious birds...LINK YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HOPE YOU DIE!" screamed Saria
"I NOT DIE UNLESS YOU MAKE ME! WE SHALL DO BATTLE ON THE 'MORROW!
"Whatever"