ONE DAY LATER

"You die NOW Saria!"

"Bring it on."

"HOLD IT!" screamed Navi. "Link gimme the god damn player's guide...Hm...Saria, your now allowed to kill Link"

"HEY DON'T JUST ASSUME THAT SHE WOULD BEAT ME!"

""C'mon Link, we both know that I am skilled in the deadly arts of Tai-Mai-Shu."

"Tie my shoe?"

"That's what I said, Tai Mai Shu."

"ANYHOO" Navi said quite loudly "We need to go to the castle."

"Can Saria come? She can use her Tie My shoe ninja skills."

To demonstrate her amazing skills, she stole a deku stick and cut a random guy in half.

"I don't know, but I do know night's coming, so we're in trouble," Navi said.

"Why?"

To answer Link's question, two Stalchildren burst from the ground. Link and Navi turned to see a dust cloud where Saria was standing before. Link screamed and ran toward the castle. As he was running the Stalchildren sat down. "I just wanted him to be my friend," one cried. "Why do they always run?"

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"What's a mirror?"

"It's some complex word for reversirating glass."

"Oh."

Link sat under the spot where the drawbridge came for the rest of the night. As it came down, Link stuck his head out and the rest of his body was crushed, causing everything to go to his head and for his head to explode.

"Fred! Get over here!"

Later, Navi and Link were in castle town."Now what?" Link asked.

"The castle!" Navi yelled back.

Link went up to the castle and saw a girl singing. The singing caused his head to explode. After another healing from Fred, Link had died four times without ever losing health.

"Why are you singing?" Link asked.

"Why are you dressed weird?"

"I asked first!"

"Iasked second!"

"So? The first question here was from my mouth, directed at you so your are fully expected to answer it first," Link said.

"Where'd you learn words like those?" Navi asked.

"I don't know, I just read off a cue card I picked up."

"Kay..." Navi replied "Anyway, according to your player's guide, this is Malon and she's supposed to give you a cucco to wake up her dad."

"Wow, how did you know that?" asked Malon

"YOU RETARD ARE YOU DEAF! I SAID A PLAYER'S GUIDE!"

"sorry..."

"Fugging Arsehole."

"It's fairy for fuc-" before Navi could finish a guard noticed Link, Saria, Navi and Malon standing there. He was about to talk to them but looked at them to realize that there was a fairy yelling at a girl that owned the Lon-Lon ranch hanging out with a Hylian and a Kokiri so he backed away slowly.

"All right" said Link "It's time to break into the castle...NOW!" With that they formed a stealth attack team, Saria being tthe assassain, Navi being the one who followed Link, Malon waking up her father and Link the distraction. "HEY WHY AM I THE DISTRACTION!"

"Cuz your the stupidest, most moronic of us"

"Ah."

"LET'S MOVE!"

And with that, they were off. Saria did her job- killing the majority of the guards while Link and Navi took care of the rest. Malon woke up her father, who in his sleepy daze was powerful and angry enough to kill moblins. He charged at the walls in there path, killing anyone in his way while Malon was riding on his back, throwing up most of the way. There was one guard left and he sounded the alarm. All of castle town was in panic while the Hylian national guard was in alert. It was a bloody, bloody battle leaving the score to Hylian Guards: 0 Link & friends: 150 000 00. During all of this, princess Zelda just sat their, being traumatized the entire time.

"Navi, who is this princess-child-like guard?" Link asked in pure stupidity

"That'd be Zelda."

"Zelda, eh?"

"Are you from the forest? REALLY? And you have a fairy? REALLY? Does that mean you a green stone? YOU DO?"

"What the hell? I didn't say anything."

"You see that man in there? He just swore alliegiance to my father but I think he's evil. What do you think...Link? Hmm...that's sounds somewhat familliar... anyway, I think that he's after that stone and two more... So I need you to find them. Your going to save Hyrule, okay? Here, it's a note that will give you permission to do anything that involves the kings permission. And whatever you do, don't tell me father about our little secret, Kay?"

"WHAT...THE...FUCK."

"NOW GO GET THOSE STONES LINK!" Zelda screamed "Oh, wait before you go, my assistant will teach you the royal family's song."

"On your ocarina press these notes. > >."

"Huh- > > "

BOOM Link's head exploded.

"Just play the song the RIGHT way."

"O...K...PAIN".