A/N: Sorry it took me so long, but I'm extremely busy. Thank you to all my reviewers! You guys are fantastic. But, still, only 11 of people reading are reviewing. Please read and review.
She didn't let go! She didn't let go! She didn't let go! I held her hand and she let me! I'm feeling pretty invincible as I walk to my first class of the day, at least I was until I saw Ms. Burtonni.
She's standing outside her office, glaring at me, tapping her foot, and she has her arms folded across her chest. Uh oh.
I tried to approach casually, "Hey Ms. B."
She looked like she was fighting the urge to say something and she simply pointed at her office as if she was ordering me to go in. This is just looking worse and worse.
I sat down, she sat down and said obviously trying to keep calm, "Mr. Reese tell me what's been going on with you and Dana since we spoke yesterday." How did I get back to "Mr. Reese"?
I tried to ignore her sudden cold demeanor and told her everything that I had done concerning Dana in the last twenty four hours. When I was telling her what happened in the bathroom she looked pretty surprised and she kind of blushed a little. I may have gone into too much detail on that one. Then I told her about how the entire meaning of the poem was revealed thanks to Mr. Jensen and his questions and she looked slightly alarmed. And then she seemed kind of unreadable when I was telling her about the concert. But her feelings got very clear again when I told her about the roof and that annoyed foot tapping of hers returned. As I was moving on to tell her about breakfast I could tell it wasn't going to go well.
Just about the second that I stopped talking she said very agitatedly, "Have you looked at Dana today?"
Has she not been listening? "Yeah, of course."
Still obviously trying to restrain herself, "And how did she look?"
"Gorgeous as always," I replied honestly.
Apparently that was the wrong response, for she finally lost control, "Gorgeous? Sure, for someone that's COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT! Five times in a period of twenty four hours and then something extra and massive that was out of your control. ARE YOU TRYING TO LOSE HER? Because I promise you, you continue on this unrestrained path and you will push her away."
Okay, I'm not listening to this anymore because she's completely wrong, "I have been restraining myself! I told you I didn't kiss her on the roof last night or…"
"That wasn't your mistake Logan," she cut me off, "your mistake was going up there in the first place. Just because you were on your roof, which by the way is against the rules and you need to stop, and you saw her on her roof didn't mean that you needed to go over there. It was the middle of the night, why did you think she was up there? Maybe to think because you had been messing with her head the entire day? Which I admit is unavoidable because of this entire situation, but we've discussed this, you can't push her too far too fast."
"I know, I know, I know, but it's just really hard," Yeah, okay, so I noticed. I noticed that Dana has been slightly paler than normal and she's seemed distant and she's been doing that nervous bottom lip chewing thing almost constantly so that lips are always deliciously red…but yeah she's a little…freaked out. But she still lets me kiss her and touch her and…just…be with her and…it's hard not to kiss her and touch her and be with her when I want to, because finally I can.
Ms. Burtonni seemed to have softened at my last statement, but I know she's just trying to help, "I know it is Logan, but if you really love her and you really want to be with her, you'll back off for a while."
I know I should, but like I said, it's really hard. But I really love her and I really want to be with her so, I'm going to have to try harder and back off for a while. And that was exactly what I told Ms. Burtonni, I told her I am going to cool it for a while. But what is a while?
So, not as much Dana today; I should have known today would be a bad day, it is a Wednesday.
I don't have my first five classes of the day with her, and if I just make sure I don't see her in between those classes, can I see her at lunch? But would she expect me to do something at lunch? Because really laying off for a while would be me not doing stuff for the next few times she expects stuff. Honestly if I did something every time I could, I would be stealing kisses in between classes. So, since I won't be doing that, can I do something at lunch?
To do something at lunch or not to do something at lunch was the mental debate I had through five classes. That's five hours of the same mental argument playing itself out in my head; I'm kind of exhausted. And I'm have absolutely no idea what was going on in any of those classes. That's probably not good for my GPA or my chances of getting into any college.
Anyway, it's finally lunch now and I'm going to do something…maybe. It's just that…I…I love her more every minute I spend with her. If that's even possible, I do, I love her more every minute I spend with her. And that's the reason I decided I have to see her at lunch. Maybe I'm being selfish or stupid because I should give her more of a break, but I just want to be around her. I need to be around her. I need to love her more.
Unfortunately as I was heading to our usual table, Zoey once again had other plans.
"Nope," she said taking me pretty roughly by the arm and dragging me away from the cafeteria all together, "we have to talk." She lead me all the way to her room and locked the door. This is really out of character for her. Honestly, I'm a little scared.
She sat down on the couch, so I sat down on the couch. I hope she doesn't have a knife behind that throw pillow. Seriously, this is really weird behavior for her and the tension in the air, it seems like something bad is coming.
"You know how I'm the safe ride driver?" I nodded. Yeah, how predictable of Zoey to be the one to start a safe ride program at our school. I mean, her starting that whole thing was a memorable little episode, but definitely not surprising. She seemed hesitant, but continued, "Cathy Peters talks a lot when she's…completely wasted."
She said Cathy Peters? Oh no. Oh no. You know the Chatty Cathy doll? They named it after Cathy Peters when she's sober and I did something really stupid with her. Sophomore year when Dana celebrated her three month anniversary with Sam, I was once again trying to be interested in other girls. So, I went out with the hot, but extremely talkative Cathy Peters. I could not get the girl to shut up for five seconds; it was annoying the hell out of me. So I kissed her and she seemed to really like it, she was all over me. The horrible thing is, for a long time now, whenever I kiss any girl I think of Dana. And things progressed with Cathy, but in my mind she wasn't Cathy, she was Dana. Then in a moment of pure stupidity I said her name, "Dana." Of course Cathy noticed and yelled and…I had to stop her from telling everyone, because she knew who I was talking about. I don't even know of another Dana at this school, so Dana was going to find out I think of her. I couldn't have that. I paid her a thousand dollars (the girl drove a hard bargain and I was desperate) to keep her chatty trap shut. Sober Cathy might have been able to keep to our agreement, but Drunk Cathy? I'm terrified. I barely managed to choke out, "What did she say?"
Zoey's expression is completely unreadable, "She complained about how you were a horrible date. You never talked and then you said another girls name when things were getting serious. You said, 'Dana.'" Please say Dana doesn't know. Please say Dana doesn't know. Please. To my surprise, Zoey continued, "You've been kissing her lately."
Wow. Okay…um… "So….um, why are…what are you getting at?"
She smiled slightly, "You told her the poem that one we went over in class was yours and it was about her."
"Yeah," I confirmed still not getting what she was saying. I'm forcing one of her best friends into cheating on her boyfriend, I would expect her to hate me. Or at the very least, I would think she would ask me why.
She's still has that small smile, "Cathy told me that almost two years ago. I can't believe I never noticed. I mean, all the signs since then and I just wrote them off. You're in love with Dana."
"Yes," I confirmed her again. She already knew and I don't really have it in me to deny it anymore.
She started nodding her head a little and that small smile got a bit bigger. She simply said, "Okay."
Really? "Okay?" I questioned.
"Yeah," she said still smiling.
I'm not getting this. How is it okay? Why is she okay with this? So I asked, "Why?"
"Because…" she began and seemed to think for a minute before switching to, "Do you remember the first time you heard Dana tell Sam she loves him?"
I could never forget, "It was the end of lunch, May 21st of sophomore year. It was a Wednesday. He was leaving to get to a class and he gave her a peck on the cheek and said 'I love you' and she said 'I love you too' as he was walking away smiling at her. It was so casual, obviously not the first time, and I knew by the way they said it, it wouldn't be the last time I heard them say it." And as I finished my little reflective rant I still didn't see where exactly she was going with this.
"That's what I thought," she said cryptically. Seriously I still don't get it.
"What? What are you thinking?"
"You love her," she says again, but hadn't we already established that? "You really love her."
"And?" I asked interrupting her from repeating any more.
"And I think you should keep kissing her," wow, I didn't expect that.
"Really? Because I was thinking of backing off for a little bit. She's seemed freaked out," I told her to get her opinion.
"Yeah, you're right, cool it a little," she said thoughtfully but added, "but don't give up."
"I'm not going to," I told her as something occurred to me, "Hey, but you knowing about me and…everything, it wasn't why things were all weird at breakfast, right? Because I was thinking that had to do with you and Chase since he asked us to help separate him from you, he wouldn't tell us why though." Normally, I wouldn't get involved in their business, but with the whole rumor thing I kind of already am involved and she did just make me feel a lot better so I should try and do the same for her.
"Actually I could kind of blame that on you," What? What did I do? "I saw you and Dana kissing at the concert last night and when I talked to her about it I was trying to convincer her that you don't kiss someone on reflex you have to want to. Talking to her wasn't working, so I tried to have Chase, who I ran into and couldn't resist telling, kiss her. He wouldn't and she wouldn't, so I told him to kiss me…"
"No way! So I guess you wanted the rumors to be true because you like Matthews," I interrupted.
"I don't know," she said gravely and continued with the story, "Then he said I couldn't kiss him because he would want to kiss me back because he's always wanted to kiss the girl he's in love with…"
"He told you!" I interrupted again, "And like that! After all these years, if he ever told you, I thought he would at least get it right."
"Why was that the wrong way to tell me?" she asked curiously.
Do none of them get this stuff, "Because of the way everything has turned out. I mean obviously it wasn't good or we wouldn't have eaten breakfast in silence. Before he told you he should have set it up so that when he said 'I love you' you would be able to say 'I love you too', because you are a perfectionist and you want that perfect moment. Anything else would completely freak you out. He told you before he showed you whether or not you love him too. So that leaves you freaked out because of the sudden lack of perfection and completely confused. And that leaves him sulking. I can't believe he was stupid enough to tell you like that."
"That made sense," she said sounding surprised. Why is everybody surprised when ever I say something smart? "So, since you seem to be so smart, do I love Chase?"
"As a friend of course and I think before he told you, you were on your way to realizing that you like him as more than a friend. There's a big difference between like and love, and a big difference between loving and being in love with someone. Chase is in love with you. You love him, you like him, but I don't know if you're in love with him. You don't even know if you are so I really have no idea," I said honestly.
"That's what I thought," she said glumly. We sat in silence for a little bit, but then she asked, "Why did you suddenly decide to go after Dana? She is still with Sam."
Should I mention Sam? I know I can trust her, but I don't even consider him a factor anymore. He's more of an obstacle since technically she's with him, but it's just technical. I'm almost one hundred percent sure she doesn't love him. I don't think telling Zoey about Sam is the part she wants to hear right now. So, I told her the rest of the reason, "I realized that I would rather try and be with her and see if she wants to be with me too than spend the rest of my life wondering…what if?" Zoey didn't say anything so I tried to help her find some clarity and asked, "I guess for your situation, since your friendship with Chase isn't going to be the same anymore, you have to decide whether or not you'll regret it if you don't try to see how you really feel about Chase, because I don't think you're going to figure it out just by sitting around and thinking about it."
Zoey didn't say anything for exactly five minutes and thirty four seconds (I didn't know what to do so I was watching the clock). When she finally spoke she said, "Thanks Logan. I'm pretty sure I know what I would regret. So, I know what I want to do, but I think I'll need your help."
We only had ten minutes of lunch left, but Zoey has always been good with plans. She's even going to kind of help me, but only if she thinks Dana is up for it. I thought anyone finding out would be horrible, but I'm really glad Zoey knows. Most of the time I'm only guessing about how Dana feels and Ms. Burtonni has been great, but Zoey knows Dana, they're really close friends, she can probably read her better than me.
Zoey thought that it might put Dana off of her a bit if she came in with me, so just in case we went to our class separately.
I arrived in class three minutes until the final bell rang. Dana got there a minute before the bell rang. It was the first time I had seen her since breakfast. She walked in and didn't look anywhere near my direction as she sat down. Zoey turned around in her seat and said something to her.
Mr. Jensen began talking. She crossed her legs, right over left, and began sliding her black flip flop on and off of her right foot, like she was in a comfortable, relaxed setting. Yet, she started lightly biting her bottom lip. I can barely see it, but she's defiantly doing it; nervously chewing her bottom lip. She's not listening to whatever Mr. Jensen is saying; her pen is just hanging absently in her hand. Her pen slid further back in between her fingers as she tucked her tucked her hair under her ear. And I've been watching her this attentively for the last fifteen minutes; I have to look away before everyone in this room really thinks I'm stalking her, or that I'm obsessed. Although, I think I am obsessed and somehow I'm okay with that.
As I'm determinedly staring at Mr. Jensen to at least appear to be paying attention I noticed her through the corner of my eye. She glanced at me. And then she did it again. On the chance that she would do it one more time I looked to her. Her eyes met mine ever so briefly for she quickly glanced back away. And thanks to that brief second my palms are immensely sweaty and my heart racing. The things this girl can do to me without the slightest effort on her part, but she's worth it. She's worth anything.
Class ended. I went to my next class. My palms are still sweaty. I'm really nervous because I have to sit next to her throughout the next class and…I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen.
I got to our chemistry class first, but as Dana was coming in Mrs. Kong told her she had a pass and Dana left. Our passes are color coded; yellow to see the dean, white to see the nurse, pink to see any teacher, and blue to see the guidance counselor. Dana's pass was blue.
I'm really concerned about this. I have not discussed this with Ms. Burtonni. I have no idea why she's talking to Dana. I just hope she's still trying to help me.
After class I had a meeting with Coach Hull about our games and practices, just shop talk for basketball. And then I headed over to the girls lounge as part of Zoey's plan. If she thinks Dana won't handle it well yet she's supposed to motion me away. Although if I leave her plan with Matthews gets messed up and that sucks, but Zoey's a good friend and she's willing to give up her plan for me and for Dana.
When I got to the girls lounge I saw Dana, Zoey, Nicole, Michael, and Quinn all sitting playing would you rather just like we planned. Unlike we planned Chase wasn't there. It turned out though Michael tried to convince him to come and act like nothing happened, just hang out, he refused.
I looked to Zoey and she mouthed, "Sit," to me. So, I sat down in a chair that faced the chair that Dana was sitting in. A table separated us. I greeted everyone. They continued the game they were in the middle of.
After a few minutes Zoey asked me the planned question. "Okay Logan," she began as I discretely took a deep breath, "Would you rather give up all of your money and all of your stuff and get to spend the rest of your life with a girl you're in love with or keep everything you have now and lose her?"
I really hope Zoey is sure that Dana can handle this. I quickly responded looking at Dana, "I'd rather have her."
A/N: How will Dana react? That is in the next chapter which is defiantly a can't miss chapter. I'm extremely excited about it. I should have it up within the next week, but I'm seriously slammed with work so I can't make any promises.
Other business: I changed the summary for this story, but I think it might not be entirely true, it's too confident. So, I'd really like to know what you think of it. Or I was thinking of making the summary a line from the story, one that you think is really good but doesn't give too much away. So let me know on that as well if you have a favorite line.
THANK YOU FOR READING AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! (seriously school, work, and apartment hunting are killing me right now and reviews always make me feel better.)
Her Worth