A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! ragsnhphg and pebbles-05 were both right in guessing that the glass flowers symbolize Dana's heart (I know I'm super cheesy), but think about it, it makes sense and if it doesn't further explanation will be given in later chapters.
Sorry it took me so long to get this up, but I've been busy and I shall continue to be (hopefully) so I don't know when I'll be able to update again. (And it hasn't let me submit since I finished itfour days ago, just adding to the list of reasons why I loath computers).
Mmm…there's a pair of arms wrapped around me and I'm laying on something that is rhythmically rising and falling. As I opened my eyes I had the biggest smile on my face because I knew who the person was who I was practically lying on top of; it's Logan and it's just…perfect. And I usually hate waking up, but now…being awake has something very appealing about it, Logan.
I can't believe Logan's here. We're here. It's like a dream, but it's not, it's real. He's real. We're real. And it's just perfect.
Wait, what's today? Friday, right? Yeah, Friday, so we can't stay here like this forever, we'll have to get up for classes. Maybe we can skip, but he did skip just yesterday, so maybe we shouldn't. If we did stay here the entire gang would probably be coming by all day to see where we were and unpredictable company would make staying less fun. I guess we should just go to class.
The sun is up and I didn't set my alarm so it's very possible that the school day has already begun.
Trying not to disturb Logan I turned my head around to glance at my clock. It's seven fifteen.
Oh crap! It's Friday, and on Friday before classes stared I was supposed to meet with Mrs. Burtonni. I'm supposed to be in her office in fifteen minutes. Damn it! I really don't want to go. I don't want to leave his arms. But I have to go. It's mid November, some college application deadlines have already passed and there's a bunch more due in just two weeks and I haven't even figured out where I want to go yet. If I don't go to college my parents are going to kill me. Especially if they ever found out that the reason I didn't go to college was because I skipped my meeting to stay in bed with Logan.
I got up carefully trying not to wake Logan. I really didn't want to leave, but I really can't miss this meeting. So, I threw on some pajamas and headed for the bathroom for a quick version of my morning routine and rushed back to my room to get dressed.
As I was sitting on Lola's old bed putting my shoes on I heard, "Going somewhere?" I had been looking down to put my shoes on and the sudden sound of his voice startled me slightly. He looks concerned and completely tempting leaning up on one arm lying in my bed covered only somewhat by a sheet.
I quickly tied my other shoe as I said, "Yes, I have to see Ms. Burtonni before school starts. I still haven't decided on a college." I got up and sat down on the bed facing him and I leaned down and kissed him. He laid back down and pulled me flush on top of him as he deepened what I had intended to just be a quick good morning kiss. I forced myself to pull away because I can't let this get out of hand; I have to go to the meeting. "Mmm…good morning," I mumbled contently as I pulled away from his lips.
"Good morning," he replied with a smile staring deep into my eyes. He reached up to my face (that was still very, very near to his) and brushed my hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear as his eyes still seemed to be entranced with mine. He kissed me again slowly, passionately, meaningfully. God, I don't want to go. I would stay here forever if I could stay here forever. But I have to go to the meeting; I have to go to college. And by the way he's kissing me Logan will still want to kiss me after the meeting. So, parting will only be temporary, but for parting to be temporary I first have to stop kissing him and leave. He flipped me over to be beneath him; his kisses becoming more lustful. Okay, right, I have to stop. I put my hand firmly to his chest and gently pushed him away signaling to him that we have to stop.
"I have to go," I said explaining.
"Don't go," he said still on top of me as he began to kiss my neck. "Skip it," he mumbled as continued his trail of gentle kisses on my neck to my collar bone.
"I can't," I said regretfully, "I still haven't picked a college and I really have to before it's too late to apply anywhere. If I don't go to college my parents are going to kill me."
"Okay," he said pulling away. He quickly kissed me. "We can't have you dead, so you should go," he said as he rolled off of me.
I got up and I was going to head for the door, but I leaned back down and kissed him quickly again. I said somewhat as a question and not as a statement, "I'll see you later?"
"I'll see you soon," he said reassuringly with a smile.
Ms. Burtonni's office is across campus and I'm supposed to be there in like a minute. I really should have stopped kissing Logan sooner so I would be on time, but I've never really been particularly concerned with punctuality and Logan is definitely a very good reason to be late.
Since I was running late I decided to run to her office taking every short cut I could along the way. Running usually clears my head but it wasn't so much running to her office. Flashes of last night kept streaming through my mind resulting in a completely goofy grin to be plastered on my face as I continued on my way to the meeting.
As my thoughts were going back further and further toward the beginning of the night I was cutting through the art building to get to the administration building that is just behind it, but there is a court yard in between. As I set foot in the court yard I came to a completely frozen halt. I forgot about the court yard. I forgot about Sam.
Oh God, oh God, oh God. This isn't real. None of this can be real. It's not possible. I couldn't have just forgotten about him. Just a year and a half ago he told me he loved me right here in this court yard. He made us a picnic and he got me flowers and he made such a big deal out of it and he loves me and he gave me a ring and I accepted the ring just two nights ago and then last night I slept with Logan. This can't be happening I couldn't have done that. This can't be real. This has to be a nightmare; it has to be because I don't know what to do.
Ms. Burtonni was suddenly beside me and I tried to listen to her because I want a distraction from the thoughts in my head. She said, "Good you're running late too. The guy in front of me a Starbucks couldn't make up his mind. It took him twenty minutes to decide on tall regular coffee black." She continued to complain about the Starbucks guy but I couldn't force myself to listen anymore. Everything is falling apart. I'm not capable of this, I'm not.
With Ms. Burtonni still talking I started crying, I couldn't hold it in anymore. This can't be my life. This is too screwed up. I know it's not a nightmare; I'm not going to wake up to find everything all right, because this is real. I'm really with Sam and I really slept with Logan. And I know it's real because if none of this was real then it wouldn't hurt this bad.
"Dana, are you okay?" Ms. Burtonni asked concerned at the sight of my tears.
"No, I'm not," I said because I'm not and I don't know what to do. I started crying harder, my body shuddering with every sob. Floods of tears running down my face, my neck, I feel like I'm wet all over. Gasping for breaths, sniffling but unable to breath still, just quickly causing an enormous headache.
Ms. Burtonni tried to comfort me by putting her arm around me as she led us to her office.
We sat on the couch in her office for a few minutes; me crying, her trying to calm me. I couldn't stop crying; everything is so messed up.
When it was clear that my crying wasn't coming to a stop, Ms. Burtonni decided to talk about why I was crying. She began, "What's wrong Dana?" What isn't wrong?
I let it all spill out because I don't know what to do and I really need someone to help me, "I forgot about Sam. I don't know how it happened or how it's possible. I mean, Sam gave me a promise ring and I accepted it and I told Logan to back off. But then Logan was there and…I don't know…I forgot about Sam…and I just didn't want to stop. Everything is so screwed up now. I don't know what to do."
"Okay," she said slowly. She continued after a second of thought, "Honestly I'm a little confused. You accepted a promise ring from Sam, which should have gotten Logan to end his thing with you. But then you forgot about Sam and something happened with Logan…that concerns Sam?"
"I slept with Logan," I confessed. She looks completely shocked and she should. If someone told me yesterday morning that last night I was going to lose my virginity to Logan I would have probably thought that they were insane. I mean me and Logan…there was never supposed to be a me and Logan.
She seemed to find her voice a minute after my shocking revelation and said, "Okay, so the complications are pretty obvious, um…"
"There's got to be something severely wrong with me. I forgot Sam. He loves me and I can't be capable of any of this," I interrupted.
She thought for a second before responding, "Maybe you forgot Sam because you wanted to forget Sam." My lack of comprehension must have been apparent on my face because she continued explaining, "Think about it, if you had remembered Sam wouldn't…your time with Logan have gone very differently? Maybe you didn't remember Sam because you didn't want things to go differently than they did."
Well, yeah, things would have gone differently had I remembered Sam, but that doesn't matter now. I didn't remember him and now I'm in this horrible mess. "It doesn't matter why it happened, I messed up completely and now I have to figure a way out of this," I told her with hope that she could help.
After a couple of minutes of thought she said, "Dana, I don't know what to tell you. Only you know how you feel. Only you can figure out who you want. All I can tell you is someone is going to get hurt so don't make your decision trying not to hurt anyone because that's inevitable. Follow your heart; it may lead you to Sam, it may lead you to Logan, or maybe to neither, just allow it to lead you to what's right."
Right? This situation is so screwed up I don't even know if there is a right anymore. But there has to be a right choice here; there has to be a right path and a wrong path.
Logan, I think I know what I feel for Logan, maybe. But I've been with Sam for two years and I accepted a ring from him, that means something. Since I met him my freshman year in Paris, this is the longest I've ever gone without seeing Sam. Maybe that's why all this is happening, maybe his sudden absence is…I don't know, messing with my head. I don't think the right thing to do is make this type of huge decision without seeing him again. It's been five and a half months and I just think its really influencing who I'm thinking of right now.
I asked Ms. Burtonni, "I need to go to Connecticut as soon as possible. Is there any way you can get me out of my classes today?"
She sighed and asked, "Will you be visiting a college campus?"
"Yes," he does live on campus so it is unavoidable.
She offered, "Then since it has to do with your future and you will technically be going to a campus, I'll write notes to your teachers to get you excused. Get back as fast as possible and if the school or parents find out you're still missing after the end of the day today I can't help you nor did I ever help you with this. Understand?"
"Yes. Thank you," I said as I got up and headed for the door. I need to get out of here and get back as soon as possible. I just hope I have enough money in my bank account to get me to Sam because I have to see him. The thing is, when I ask my self who I want to be with, in all honesty, my instant answer has been the same for quite some time and it isn't any different now. This is such a huge decision though I can't just blindly trust instant answers. I have to go see Sam and hopefully I won't doubt anything anymore.
I went back to my room and I got a few things I'll need for the trip, which has to be quick. Logan wasn't there anymore and I didn't expect him to be since classes start in about five minutes. I wrote him a note and slipped it under his door as I headed for the front of campus to wait for my taxi to the airport. He'll probably figure out that I'm not here by mid lunch and he'll find the note.
I'm terrified. I don't know what's going to happen. I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to mess all of this up and end up with nothing, with no one, without the one I want…whoever that turns out to be. I'm terrified.
The note I left Logan said: I'm not sure. I'm sorry.
A/N: I know I do a lot of author's notes, I'm a rambler, but some of them are important. For instance, anyone actually reading this will learn that a cliché airport scene will not be included, Ms.Burtonni will still be in the story, and from now on this is going to be the length of the rest of the chapters, except for maybe the epilogue which might be longer.
Also, I'd like to remind anyone reading who submits anonymous reviews, well first thank you, but secondly, if you ask a question in your review and you would like a response you'll have to figure out a way for me to message you because I don't reply in chapters.
Oh, and I think I said that I won't have time to write because I have a full time summer job, well I don't. My position was given away to someone who got home from school before I did. I'm still a little bitter. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that I'll have more time to write. I already found a part time job (telemarketing, eek!) but I'm not making as much money as I need to so I've started my own photography business. I added a link on my profile to a few of my recreational pictures on photobucket if anyone wants to check them out. I'm still hoping that I'll be really busy because I need to be for the sake of survival, but so far no one has called about the cheap portrait fliers I posted all around my home town so I might be able to update relatively soon, but I really don't know. I guess what I basically getting at is I can make no guarantees as to when I can update. Sorry.
Last thing and I swear I'll stop rambling, I don't know if people do the beta thing in this category, I haven't really seen it talked about, but since I might have more time and because there are definitely some young authors in this category that might be looking for help, I'm officially offering my assistance. Even though I know I make mistakes, my grammar isn't perfect, and even with proof reading I still have typos, I have actually worked as a tutor (even a writing tutor briefly) and if anyone wants help I am available.
I hope you're still enjoying the story. THANK YOU FOR READING AND I HOPE YOU REVIEW!