My Stubborn Subconscious

Chapter Two: Great Balls of Fire

A/N: Thanks for returning! Or clicking 'next chapter' if you're new to this story. Either way, it's much appreciated : )

"What do you think of these?" James asked, peeking into his mirror and striking a manly pose. Well, as manly of a pose that he could muster while donning animated broomstick pajamas.

Sirius shifted on the old armchair he was currently sprawled across, preoccupied with one of James's old magazines. "Dashing," he said lazily.

James examined his reflection grimly, before shifting his gaze to a large pile of discarded, also cheerfully animated, tops and bottoms. "This is hopeless," he pronounced, sinking into the pile and then jumping back up when one of his dragon-shaped slippers began to roar.

"Why don't you just go downstairs in what you usually wear to bed?" Sirius asked reasonably. "I'm personally fond of your blue spotted knickers. Enhances your natural tan."

"She's not ready for the blue spotted knickers," James said seriously. He eyed the roaring slipper. "This is pathetic; seventeen years old and nothing suitable to wear to bed. Do you have anything I could borrow?"

"Sure," Sirius said helpfully. "If you don't mind baring three inches of ankle."

James knocked his head against the frame of his mirror, closing his eyes in surrender. Just as Sirius was about to tell him to sod off and be a man, Lily poked her head through the door the boys had left slightly ajar. "I'm off to bed," she told them. She made to wave goodnight but stopped when she caught sight of his attire. "Nice shorts," she smirked.

Before James could compose himself and respond, Lily disappeared back into the hallway. "Pity," Sirius said, returning to his magazine. "Didn't even get to see what she was wearing."

James slumped against the mirror. "I bet it was silk," he said, gazing at the door with a forlorn frown. "I can't believe I missed her in silk."

Sirius raised a brow. "Really? She doesn't strike me as a silk sort of a person."

"Please don't spoil my fantasy," James said, tugging off his hideous pajamas. "I've always imagined--,"

"Spare me the details," Sirius pleaded, holding up his hands.

James looked at him in surprise. "Really?"

Sirius paused a beat to think. "No. Go on."

…

Lily always felt uncomfortable drifting off to sleep in someone else's bed. Her two beds, one at home and one at Hogwarts, had come to provide her with a familiar, secure feeling, something she had trouble finding in such a strange environment. It wasn't as if the room was cold or uninviting- on the contrast Mrs. Potter had filled it with comfortable furniture and darling decorations, and the walls were coated a warm yellow. Lily was beginning to wonder just how much James knew about her… Everything she loved, even some things she didn't think she had ever mentioned to anyone, surrounded her; from the paisley trimmed bed sheets to the daffodils fresh and vibrant on the nightstand. It was rather disconcerting, actually.

Despite the unfamiliar atmosphere, Lily found herself eventually lulled to sleep by the soft wind that purred outside her dimly illuminated window. One moment she felt her body grow heavy, and the next…

"No!" Lily exclaimed, springing forward so suddenly she had to clutch her sheets to keep from tumbling off the bed. Her mind and heart pounded wildly, their heavy and erratic beats reverberating uncontrollably beneath her skin. Every element of her body was intensified to an unnatural extent; her blood rushed so intensely, her vitals functioned so forcefully and her bones groaned so thunderously that she wondered how much more her petite frame could take.

A flash of lightening illuminated the room around her, creeping around and through her tightly clamped eyelids. She forced them open; as suddenly as the startling sounds had come, they immediately lessened to a dull hum. Breathing heavily, she leaned exhaustedly against her headboard and fought to regain control of her spinning mind. A severe feeling of dread lingered in her chest, a sensation that she recognized as one that arose after a particularly terrible dream.

Lily didn't know if it was the dream or the lightening that had awoken her so viciously, but either way she was up and certainly wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. Her breathing had returned to a regular pace, but the sudden, strange occurrence had left her highly and reasonably unnerved. She lifted her wristwatch off a nearby nightstand to check how much time she had until morning. Peering closely at the face, she frowned upon discovering that not even two minutes had passed since she had fallen asleep. A trembling sigh slipped involuntarily from her lips. She didn't know what she could do, but she did know that right now this bed was the last place she wanted to be.

…

Lily Evans is in my house. Lily Evans is sleeping two rooms away. Lily Evans is possibly wearing silk pajamas. Lily Evans is…

"In the hallway?" James whispered half-consciously, sitting up in his bed. He rubbed his eyes and squinted in the direction he could've sworn he just saw Lily slink by. His suspicions were confirmed when he heard light footsteps creak on the old winding staircase that extended from a landing a few feet away from his bedroom. Any sleep that had a chance of slipping in between his undying thoughts of the girl sleeping two doors down immediately vanished. Considering this, he had no choice but to go downstairs and get to the root of his preoccupation.

Within seconds James had bounded out of his bed and through his bedroom door. He leaned across the balcony that framed the second floor landing, searching for the familiar ponytail bobbing in the dark. A flash of red caught his eye before disappearing back into the darkness of the hall; his curiosity peaking, he descended the stairs and followed Lily into the foyer she was slowly heading toward.

Lily had made her way into the library, but was lingering by the shelves and didn't seem to have any particular destination in mind. When she began to move toward the paintings, leaning close to see the designs through the dark of night, James stepped forward and cleared his throat in an attempt to make his presence known without scaring the life out of her. "Hey--,"

In one swift movement Lily spun around and whacked James across the side of his head. She stared at him with wild, wide eyes until her vision cleared and she recognized the shocked boy before her. "James," she cried, holding her heart as relief soared through her. Anger quickly replaced her fright. "Why in the world would you sneak up on me like that?" she demanded.

James stared at her, holding the place where she had hit him. "Ow," he said dumbly.

Lily folded her arms. "Serves you right. What were you thinking wandering around this late?"

James arched a brow. "I could ask you the same thing," he said pointedly. Lily pulled her adamant gaze away from James and suddenly became very preoccupied with an old miniature statue. "I saw you walk by my room," James said, softening his accusatory tone. "Is something the matter?"

"No," Lily answered too quickly. She paused and considered her words, before turning back toward James. "The storm woke me up," she told him. "I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to have a look around this place."

James frowned. "It isn't storming," he said.

Lily put her hand on her hip. "Yes it is," she insisted. "I saw the lightening with my own eyes; it flashed into my room just ten minutes ago."

James peered over Lily's shoulder at the wall she was leaning against. Lily turned around, and examining it a second time, she realized the wall was actually a picture window made invisible by the dark. James reached over her and cracked open the window, groping about the night air in search of rain or something of the like. Finding nothing, he retreated his hand and looked at Lily, shrugging. "Might've been a dream," he suggested.

Lily narrowed her eyes at the blank night sky. "I could've sworn it was real," she said quietly.

Clasping the window shut, James leaned beside Lily as she stared off into the sky. "It isn't safe to walk around here alone, you know," he spoke up finally after a lapse of a minute or so of silence. "Creepy old things tend to come alive in the middle of the night." Flicking his wand, he caused a candle to burst with light. "You're very lucky I found you down here."

Lily ran a hand through her rumpled hair, twisting it as she glared at the boy beside her. "I don't need your protection," she told him promptly.

James looked at the irritated girl before him, his confidence faltering. "Right," he said, nodding curtly. Fiddling with a book, he searched for another topic. "So," he started slowly, tapping a dusty novel back into place. "Excited to spend next year as Head with me?"

Lily exhaled deeply. "Overjoyed," she said dryly. Fluttering her eyes and glancing up at him, she continued, "I can't believe you made Head Boy. You and Sirius have the longest records by far at Hogwarts; I know Dumbledore is a renowned wizard and all, but…"

James's grin transformed into a wry smile. "You don't think I deserve it," he observed.

Lily shrugged, gazing at the book he was knocking back and forth with his finger. "It's just peculiar that someone who actually cares about the position wasn't chosen. I was certain Remus would get it."

"I care about being Head," James alleged, loosening his grip on the book and letting it fall back onto the shelf. "I've been--,"

"You just care about the power that comes with it," Lily interrupted presumptuously. "But just so you know," she continued, closing in on him, "I won't put up with you slacking off. You've been privileged with the title that'll look spectacular on a résumé and it's only fair that you truly earn it."

James stared at Lily. "Drats," he mumbled sarcastically. He opened his mouth to say more, but thought better of it. "Well, ah… Do you want me to heat you up some tea, or something? Mum's got some stocked away that'll help you fall asleep."

Lily was tempted to take him up on the offer, but then remembered the awful occurrence that had happened when she had drifted off to sleep earlier. "No," she said, moving toward the door. "I'll manage. See you in the morning, James."

"Sure," James said, as Lily disappeared back into the dark hallway. He rubbed his eye with one hand, resting against the bookshelf with the other. "See you."

…

Lily made sure her shower that morning was the hottest it could be. The prospect of a day with Potter and his sidekick badgering her endlessly was exhausting in itself, never mind the fact that she hadn't managed to catch a wink of sleep. She prolonged her morning activities for as long as she could, preferring to have as much time to herself as possible. When she finally made her way downstairs, her cheeks rosy from the burning water and her eyes droopy with want of sleep, she wondered how she was going to survive the day.

"Good morning," Mrs. Potter greeted in passing, rushing toward the stove where a whistling tea kettle rested atop it. Withdrawing her wand, she muttered a spell that sent the kettle flying through the air and dipping to fill several tea cups she had set around the table. "Take a seat, dear. I hope you're hungry."

"A little," Lily replied, glancing around the empty table. She shook her head, wondering how the boys could sleep so long on such a beautiful summer morning. "Where is everyone?"

Mrs. Potter sat down beside Lily, grabbing the marmalade and fiddling with its lid. "James was going to fetch you before they left, but we hadn't heard anything from your room and he didn't want to wake you. The boys work at a Quidditch camp," she explained, "three days a week, from early morning until afternoon. He's going to come back on his break to see if you want to catch up with them for the picnic they have once a week."

Lily stared at the tea cup she dangled before her lips. "Oh," she said softly, narrowing her eyes in thought. "All right."

"Actually," Mrs. Potter said, glancing out the window at the blazing sun. "He shouldn't be too much long-- oh!"

Mrs. Potter cut off when her son appeared barely a centimeter in front of her and stumbled forward into her chair. "Sorry," he said breathlessly, attempting to steady himself without falling over his mother.

Lily stood up and stared at James open-mouthed. "You can apparate?"

James grinned proudly. "I passed my test a few weeks ago," he told her, "but I'm still… perfecting it."

"I'mso jealous… I'm not even seventeen yet." She leaned against the table, surveying James with a hopeful smile. "Could we apparate back?"

"Sure--,"

"Certainly not," Mrs. Potter interjected, staring sternly at her son. "You've only just gotten your license and you haven't practiced nearly enough to bring someone along with you. It's very, very dangerous."

"All right," James sighed, motioning Lily toward the door. "We'll fly, then. Come on Lily, I'll show you where we store the extra broomsticks."

Lily followed him reluctantly, disappointed he hadn't even put up a fight. "All right," she said, gathering her things and following him out the door. She had to pick up her pace as he jogged quickly toward a shed, presumably the place he kept his Quidditch supplies. "You know, I haven't been on a broom in awhile; I'll probably be a little shaky…" she trailed off as James retrieved a broomstick and then promptly shoved it into a thick heap of bushes. "What are you doing?" she asked confusedly.

"Well," James said, quirking his brow. "We have to at least pretend we're going to fly, don't we?"

A surprised smile crept across Lily's face. "But your mum said--,"

"She worries too much," James waved his hand dismissively. "I'm practically an expert Apparator. I just have to… tweak a few things." He glanced at Lily. "We don't have to, though. It's up to you."

"Are you kidding?" Lily implored, stepping behind the bushes and out of Mrs. Potter's sight. "What do we do first?"

James smiled. "Well I've only seen this done a couple times before… I think, well- Just hold onto me while I say the spell." Lily nodded, stepping toward him. He awkwardly held out his hands, uncertain where he should put them. "All right, I… er--,"

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled his arms around her torso so that his fingers could clasp behind her back. "Now," she said, looking up at him with interest, "how do you say the spell?"

James stared down at her. "Right, the spell," he said in a strangled voice. "Actually, it's non-verbal… so I don't say it, I think it."

"Is there anything in particular you have to do?" Lily asked eagerly.

James was finding it particularly hard to concentrate with Lily's uplifted chin only inches from his chest. "Ah, well… you have to imagine the place where you're planning to land. It could take two seconds or two minutes, depending on how experienced you are or how detailed the place is you're trying to picture."

"Oh, all right then," Lily nodded her head, grasping the back of James's robes. "Go ahead."

James took an exceptionally long time to complete this task, preferring to think about what stood before him rather than a Quidditch field full of hyperactive boys and girls stumbling on their broomsticks. Finally, he managed to focus and the locale was clear in his mind. "Ready?" he asked, making sure his hold on her was secure.

Lily closed her eyes. "Ready."

…

Sirius glanced over his fan of playing cards, surveying the boy across from him with a suspicious eye. "I'm in," he said, his voice low and mysterious. "And you?"

Shaking his head at his friend's performance, Remus tipped his cards toward his chest and considered them awhile. "Me too," he said, pushing forward a pile of assorted candies.

Sirius nodded slowly. "I see your superbly cheap offer and raise you…"

"Ooph!" was all the boys managed to discern from the combination of bodies that rather intrusively crashed into their table at that very moment.

"… a James and a Lily," Sirius finished, maintaining his game-face despite the fact that his view was rather impaired by the two bodies before him. "What do you say to that, Remus?"

"Sorry," James apologized hastily, scrambling off the table and raising a hand to help Lily. "I meant to land on the other side of the pitch."

"Clearly," Lily said briskly, expressly ignoring James's offer of assistance and hopping off the table on her own. "That was fantastic," she said, tucking her frazzled hair back into place.

"Modern magic is spectacular," Remus agreed from the other side of the table.

At the sound of his voice, Lily whipped around. "Remus!" she cried, grinning widely and hurrying around the table to pull him into a hug. She withdrew her hold on him and giggled at his taken aback expression. "Sorry," she said, "I was just expecting I'd be surrounded by boys my entire stay."

Remus arched a brow and Sirius smiled deliciously. "Yes, we thought we'd be kind and invite one of your girlfriends along."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius. "I didn't mean it like that," she told him. "I just meant… Quidditch-obsessed, trick-playing, immature boys."

Sirius threw his head back in mock indignation. "I apologize that we're not worldly like super-boy here."

Lily ignored him and re-commenced her conversation with Remus. "How are you? I thought you were going to be in Morocco for a week and a half yet."

"Well, the trip was cut a bit short," he said, pulling a chair from a nearby table over so that Lily could sit beside him. "We arrived back home just yesterday."

"Oh," she said, lowering herself into the folding chair. "Was it because of your arm? I can't believe you fell off the Attarin Medersa!"

Sirius threw James a side-long glance, but his friend was staring too intently at the chatting couple to notice. "We'd better get back to the pitch," Sirius said, nudging his friend back into reality.

James dragged his gaze away from Lily and Remus, grabbing his broomstick off the ground. "We should only be a little while," he said, apparently talking to no one in particular because neither made any indication they had heard him. Rolling his eyes, he made a show of talking to the air. "We've just got to get the kids together and hand out the food, all right? Oh, sure, you can join us for lunch afterwards… What's that, you want--,"

"Come on, mate," Sirius said gently, guiding his slightly mad friend out of the counselors' tent. "You can go nutters later. Right now we've got to hand out macaroni and cheese."

"Fine," James said grumpily. "Though I don't have much of an appetite."

…

Later that night, James sat noiselessly beside Sirius, kicking a piece of crumbled paper into his fireplace and watching the flames lick its red, orange and black edges until finally it disintegrated entirely.

Sirius leaned toward his friend and muttered, "And whose head are you pretending that was?"

James smiled slightly and began crumbling another piece of paper. Before he could answer, Remus interrupted with a cheerful greeting. "Hello," he said, dropping into a neighboring armchair.

"Hello," James responded. "I was just thinking about you." Remus arched a brow curiously, but before he could question him James commenced a new topic. "So, you and Lily have kept contact over the summer?"

Remus considered this. "We wrote each other a few times," he said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Hmm. Didn't know you two were so close."

Remus laughed. "Don't even start, you berk. I haven't seen her for two and a half months; we've got a lot of catching up to do. I bet you couldn't get her quiet when she arrived yesterday."

Sirius leaned forward. "How much would you be willing to bet on that, mate?"

Remus looked between Sirius and James. "What?" he asked. "But I thought you two were getting along before--,"

"Here's your iced tea," Lily joined the conversation, handing Remus the glass and then dropping onto the arm of his chair with a smile. James turned away and growled something incoherent, tossing another ball of paper into the fire.

Remus shifted in his chair awkwardly. "Thanks, Lily," he said, gulping down the beverage. Panting slightly, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stood up. "Well, I'd better get going," he said, glancing at his friends. Sirius waved goodbye and threw his friend a knowing smile, while James grunted and barely nodded his head. He turned to Lily with a hesitant half grin. "See you, Lily."

"Oh, all right," she said, standing up as well. She set down her glass. "I'll walk you out," she offered, falling into stride beside him.

Remus grimaced as he watched James throw a half of dozen more parchments into the fire. "That's really… not necessary."

"Nonsense," Lily smiled. When they reached the door, she pulled him into a hug. "You must hurry back," she said, stepping back and teetering on the edge of the doorway and the porch. "It was lovely seeing you again."

"You too," Remus returned quietly, gazing back at the girl before him. She leaned against the doorframe, a soft smile lingering on her rosy red lips and her green eyes ablaze against the dawning sun. He knew why James was captivated by her; she had it all: the modest beauty, the personality, the spirit. If James wasn't such a very, very, very good friend, he could've fallen for her in a second. "Lily," he began hesitantly, remembering the poor chap. "Are you angry at James?"

Lily frowned, not expecting his question. "What?"

Remus shrugged a shoulder. "It just seems like you're exceptionally irked by him, lately."

Lily raised her brows. "Remus, I can count the times I wasn't exceptionally irked by him on one hand."

Remus raised his brows right back. "Really? Didn't seem that way at the end of last year."

Lily folded her arms in protest, staring at her friend as he made his way down the stone steps and toward his broomstick. "And I thought you were smart, Remus Lupin."

"I am," Remus smiled.

"Well your observation skills are lacking tremendously," Lily contended, raising her voice as Remus mounted his broomstick and gradually ascended into the air. "If I had any say in the matter, I wouldn't have to spend any time at all with him next year. Or during the last precious weeks of my summer," she finished bitterly.

Remus smiled disbelievingly. "Right. Goodbye, Lily."

"I mean it!" Lily shouted, hopping down the stairs. "If I never had to be in his company again, I'd be beyond ecstatic."

…

Living with three other boys for a good portion of the year, James was used to waking up to unusual things in his bed- socks, a sandwich leftover from a late night trip to the kitchen, a Transfiguration assignment he was supposed to finish the day before. But as he went to stretch his arms across his dutifully red and gold sheets the next morning, he felt something he had yet to be acquainted with. Blearily, he opened his eyes, rubbing them as they gradually began to focus as much as his far from 20/20 vision allowed. Sprawled across the yellow striped pillow beside him and a bit of his shoulder was a mass of hair a shade of red that made his heart turn over. He could recognize the auburn locks anywhere, with or without his glasses. He was painfully aware this enchanting vision would dash away the moment he really did wake up, but until then he remained frozen, believing that any form of movement may make her disappear sooner.

James held his breath as the girl of his very vivid dreams sighed and turned over. He marveled at how even every freckle and eyelash seemed indescribably real. Her eyelids fluttered slightly, and as they gradually opened, he stared at every brilliant shade of green her eyes were comprised of. Her expression was so life-like that it almost seemed as if--

"Oh my God!" His dream quickly turned into a nightmare as the girl before him let out an ear-piercing scream and slapped him sharply across the cheek.

James lifted a hand to his wounded cheek and gazed at Lily in amazement. "That hurt," he said, mostly to himself. "Dreams aren't supposed to hurt."

"This isn't a dream, you dimwit! What are you doing in my bed?"

James blinked. "Er… This is my bed."

The furious girl laughed madly at his claim. "Honestly? Do you honestly expect me to…" she trailed of as she took in her surroundings, from the Quidditch posters to the large trunk in front of the bed, clearly labeled 'James Harold Potter'. "I… what?"

"What's going on?" a frazzled Mrs. Potter charged into the room worriedly, her hair flying wildly and tumbling onto the collar of her pajamas. Her eyes widened to an unnatural extent as she took in the sight before her. "Oh, my."

A/N: Well this chapter was much, much, much longer than I intended it to be. Anyway, that's how it turned out so I hope you enjoyed it… Thanks again for reading : )

Reviews make me glad.