Author's Note - Thanks to those who took the time to review the Prologue and yes we are certainly in for a very rocky ride. Thanks a million Linda for your wonderful help. mcj
CHAPTER ONE
A MAN WITH NO OPTION BUT TO FORGET
So now he ran…
Just as he had run since returning to Tracy Island from New York…hour after hour, mile after mile, night after night.
Two o'clock in the morning, his mind unwilling to succumb to his body's need to rest, his bare feet mercilessly pounded the darkened sands as he continued to push himself past the limit of human endurance in a useless and pathetic attempt to forget.
Forget him.
Forget her.
Forget Daniel.
Everyone had been telling him; his father, his grandmother, Tin-Tin, even the four younger brothers he loved more than his life.
But he knew what they said was pointless.
Those life-shattering words in the courtroom and the personal emptiness which had come with them would never allow him to forget. He couldn't forget them now as they thudded through his head like a heart-beat, tearing at his confused emotions and ripping out his very soul.
"Application denied."
"Application denied."
"Application denied."
A combination of anger and self loathing suddenly reared up within him. If he was losing concentration long enough to dwell on things he wasn't pushing himself hard enough.
A man was starting to grow soft.
He squared his jaw, consciously ignored the searing pain behind his rib cage and increased the length of his stride.
No, he told himself determinedly, Scott Carpenter Tracy was NOT growing soft. Scott Carpenter Tracy was capable of tolerating more than all of them... much, much more and he had the mental and physical discipline to prove it.
A disciplined mind.
A disciplined body.
He'd lived and breathed nothing else when he was in the Air Force.
"Toughen up, Tracy, and wake up to yourself," he berated himself, still hearing the identical words of his commander as he endured the misery of basic training threatened by expectation of others and living in the shadow of his father's brilliance.
Those words echoed too.
And then more.
Basic training …"You're too cocky, Tracy."
First mission …"Tracy, you take too many risks."
Fourth mission …"Tracy, what in the hell were you doing up there!"
Red Flag …"The number one priority isn't your ego, Tracy, it's supposed to be your men."
His speed increased.
Yeah, well, he'd proven a thing or two to all of them during the years of his Air Force career. He might have been cocky but he proved he was a damn good pilot too. He might have taken risks during a mission but there was never any doubt they were the right risks to take. He might have clowned around and shown off his flying ability whenever he had the opportunity but one thing was never in doubt when he took to the skies...
His number one priority would always be his men.
He shook his head from side to side, trying to block out the memories of his past. His father's stern but concerned words now surfaced.
"Son, I know you're hurting but you need forget about Daniel now and move on."
"Hurting," he scoffed inwardly, beginning to sprint. "That's one of your better understatements, Father."
He grimaced in pain as his thighs tightened and his calf muscles strained to keep up with him.
He fought the urge to slow down.
Physical pain was the only answer to things right now.
Physical pain helped him to forget Daniel for a while.
Physical pain had fast become his one and only friend.
And physical pain was working.
The words had momentarily left him and the ache of misery he'd had in the pit of his stomach since that dreadful day in the courtroom was finally the last thing on his mind.
His lifted his head to the heavens in defiance and forced himself to continue relentlessly on… on and on into the darkness with nothing but the moon to light his path.
The miles of tranquil shoreline were never-ending.
But the pain wasn't going to break him.
He wasn't in the Air Force anymore but he sure as hell wasn't soft.
He was the Field Commander of International Rescue.
The Field Commander of International Rescue was tough.
The Field Commander of International Rescue was authoritative.
The Field Commander of International Rescue led by example.
And the Field Commander of International Rescue would focus and run the fifteen miles out to the Point and back if it killed him.
But tonight, focussing was no use.
No matter how much pain he was feeling, the words were coming back to him and he honestly didn't want to hear them.
"Application denied."
"Application denied"
"Application denied."
He gritted his teeth and his mind cast itself back to the courtroom and her arrogant and self-satisfied expression as they were forced to leave by the same door. Any other person would have had the decency to look the other way rather than witness the sight of a person experiencing so much naked pain.
But not her.
She had paused deliberately to mock him and ridicule his stupidity. She had never loved him. She had never even cared for him. She had simply used him.
And he had fallen for it.
However, she certainly didn't have everything her own way.
Not when it came to the paternity of Daniel.
Minutes before, she had been nothing but a red-eyed, blubbering mess, cowering against her husband, crying like a child; begging for the notoriously powerful Tracy family to leave Daniel alone. He was their baby, she said, conceived in love with her husband, not conceived during the course of an illicit, casual affair in his Father's Office.
So good had been her charade that even his father had been fooled and had awkwardly offered her his handkerchief to console her.
But not him.
He had long since grown tired of her silly emotional games.
He simply sat looking straight ahead, stone-faced and unmoved.
And then the verdict.
How quickly the decision in her favour had stemmed her tragic, motherly tears. How quickly her pleas for Daniel to be left alone were silenced. How quickly she found the strength to give him a contemptuous arch of her eyebrows as their eyes locked one last time in the doorway.
He'd completely lost his temper then and he it swore took every bit of self-control he had not to raise his hand and slap her. He had given her everything, every part of the generous, decent human being that he was and she had never really wanted him at all.
Thank God for Virgil. Virgil knew the whole sordid story and was more than well aware of how hurt and angry he was. Reliable and sensible as always, Virgil had moved quickly from his seat in the galley when he saw them in the doorway, stood between them, and then directed him towards their father.
"It's not worth it, Scott," he'd said, reaching down to restrain his trembling hand and speaking in a calm and level-headed voice. "Let it go, huh?"
He shook his head at the memory.
All he wanted was access to Daniel for a paternity test. The loophole for him to demand one had been factored into their agreement. For God's sake, his father's senior attorney had even pulled out the damned agreement and pointed it out to every single person in the courtroom.
He still couldn't come to grips with the fact that the judge had rebuked him for not pointing out the loophole to her before she signed the document. And he definitely couldn't believe he had ruled in favour of the Washington's.
The judge had to have made a mistake.
Business was business.
A contract was a contract and she had signed the contract.
The judge should have ruled in favour of him.
He had turned to his Father and demanded they appeal.
His father promised to think it over and had spent many hours with his attorneys weighing up the consequences. In the end the decision was made and it was one he knew his father delivered with real regret.
The matter had the potential to affect Tracy Enterprises, he had announced, and there would be no appeal. What had happened was unfortunate and upsetting, but it was time for the Tracy family to let it go. Daniel was well cared for and loved, and as nobody had any argument about that, walking away from the paternity issue was the best thing to do.
"But, Dad," he'd argued in desolation. "Daniel's my son."
"I know you believe that, Scott," his father had sympathised. "But without access to a paternity test you're never going to be allowed to find out."
"Dad, I want him," he'd reiterated angrily. "I'm telling you, he's mine."
His father's voice remained firm.
"Son, the court ruled he belongs to the Washington's."
His own voice began to rise.
"The court doesn't know what the hell it's talking about."
His father's voice still remained firm.
"Scott. I'm acting in everyone's best interests at the moment, including yours."
He had flung open the door and stormed out of the room.
"No you're not, Father." he accused. "You're only acting in the best interests of the Company and yourself."
From thoughts of the past, he returned to the miserable reality of the present.
His jaw tightened even more as he now pictured her face.
Those huge brown eyes revealing the hurt, confusion and betrayal she would undoubtedly feel when he finally found the courage to tell her. Would he ever be able to make it right? Would she ever believe him again when he said he hadn't looked at another woman since he'd met her?
A wave of nausea hurtled through his body.
Should he even tell her at all?
For nearly eighteen months, he'd never been anything else but honest with her… and faithful.
That first meeting at Teterboro Airport when she'd cut him to the bone with her directness had quickly taught him she would accept nothing less.
Margo Marin.
Cool and calculating, she had seen straight through him and his insincere bachelor ways. The ground rules had been set the first time they'd dated. If she became involved with him, lies and infidelity were two things she wasn't prepared to tolerate.
Her expectations attracted him and had long since set her apart from the other women he had known.
There was no other woman like her.
He had started to plan their future together; a future which he hoped would bring her to his side on Tracy Island and permit her to share the massive secret he had never been allowed to share with anyone.
Telling her about International Rescue would jeopardise enough.
Telling her about Daniel would jeopardise everything.
He couldn't tell her.
He just couldn't.
There would be too much at stake if she walked.
Jeff Tracy rubbed his fingers across his furrowed brow before he leaned forward wearily to leaf through the contracts on his cluttered desk.
"Paperwork at all hours of the morning," he sighed in resignation. "At fifty-seven-and-a-half I thought I'd long since given that up."
He reached to his left and picked up a tepid cup of over-brewed coffee. He made a mental note to give up coffee at some stage soon. It kept him awake.
He returned his attention to the papers.
Jeff knew there was no pressing urgency to sign the contracts he had received earlier that day from New York, and it wasn't as if he usually had trouble sleeping either, but tonight the events of the past few days were weighing heavily on his shoulders.
He was worried sick about what was happening to his eldest son.
With Scott uppermost in his mind, he looked anxiously up and out towards the beachfront.
He'd be out there again, just like he'd been out there every night since their tension-filled argument over his decision not to appeal the Court ruling.
Not sleeping.
Not eating.
Not communicating.
Trying to cope with what had happened in the only way he knew how … driving himself into a state of sheer physical exhaustion and then denying it.
A long, loud and concerned sigh escaped from between Jeff's lips.
He honestly didn't know what to do to help Scott move forward.
He'd been a father for over thirty years now and often prided himself on his efforts in raising five, motherless, little boys to be five, well-spoken, well-mannered and fairly decent young men. Up until now, he'd had little trouble knowing the right thing to say or do when his boys needed advice.
And he'd always known what to say to Scott.
They had always had a very special relationship.
Now thirty, Scott was a fine man who fulfilled his role as the future head of one of the largest corporations in the world admirably. Well-dressed and articulate, dripping with handsome good looks and a never-ending supply of money, Scott had matured into an astute businessman in his own right, capable of negotiating and closing billion dollar deals with the best of them.
His radical aircraft designs were currently netting the company millions and Scott was living the life of a billionaire to the full.
He made no secret of the fact he liked the finer things in life and from the pictures which periodically graced the tabloids and publications whenever he was on business, he always made sure he didn't go without them.
Unfortunately, some of the finer things he had enjoyed in the past should never have been enjoyed by him at all.
Jeff cringed.
He'd lost count of the number of times he'd needed to have a quiet word to Scott for what he politely termed his "playboy indiscretions" but up until the Washington woman the women in the tabloids had come and gone without incident.
If only he'd known about the relationship sooner.
If only Scott had come to him when he'd found out about the child instead of stupidly trying to handle the matter himself.
Jeff rose to his feet and walked out onto the balcony. There were enough "if onlys" in his life already without adding more to the list.
Leaning forward to rest his elbows on the railing, he intertwined his fingers and stood surveying the darkness in a troubled silence.
Money.
Money could buy anything even a paternity test.
Family.
A paternity test would determine once and for all if Daniel was family.
Tracy Enterprises.
If Daniel turned out to be Scott's son, the Washington's would have all the ammunition they needed to ruin Tracy Enterprises. Everything he had worked for. Everything he had achieved.
Everything that funded International Rescue.
He sighed.
And International Rescue was what helped him successfully deal with what had happened to his precious Lucy.
He glanced upwards towards the evening star and found himself thinking yet again what he had never stopped thinking about for twenty-two years.
If only she was still here beside him.
A warm breeze suddenly seemed to spring up from nowhere, dancing through the palm trees on the beach front and causing the gentle rustle of tropical leaves.
It lingered for a few minutes and rippled through his greying hair.
Then it was gone
He shook his head and smiled sadly at the sky.
"OK, my Princess, you win. I should know by now that you will always be beside me."
His eyes looked out to sea.
"But you're not being much help to me at the moment, are you?" he murmured into the nothingness. "I still don't know what to do about our son."
There was silence.
Waves peacefully lapped the shore below him but his mind was anything but at peace.
With no better ideas forthcoming, he guessed the best thing a father could do was stay out here on the balcony and make sure Scott was all right when he came back from the Point.
Even though he knew he wouldn't be.
Last night Scott had been far from all right. His body was nothing but a lather of sweat when he staggered back into the house and every vein in his head was protruding. Jeff had been terrified he was about to collapse. But despite hardly being able to stand up, Scott had brushed past him, stubbornly denying there was anything wrong with him.
"I'm all right, Father," had been his agitated response. "I'm just out of condition, that's all."
Jeff Tracy's eyes moved from the ocean to the beach to the sky to the beach.
This ritual of resentment and self-punishment couldn't go on.
He had to make Scott understand there was no option for him but to forget.
NEXT CHAPTER - A MAN REMEMBERS