Title: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Summary: Years of wear and tear, and Collins has had enough of Mark's façade.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Mentioned romance spun in with a buttload of tragedy.
Warnings: Bad mouths.
Authors Note: Written while listening to Relient K's "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" and going through PMS-inspired depression.
Disclaimer: Not mine.

Emotions4Rent, I give you my scout's honour that I won't attack the computer. Hehe. Thank you for your fantastic compliments--they make me feel all warm and mushy inside.
Jackynasty, thank you so much for being my first reviewer. You know what they say about first reviewers--you get a cookie! 'Cept, due to my PMS, I'm going to eat your cookie. I'll buy you another one later. Anywho, I wanted to thank you also for your amazing compliments.

You guys make me blush...

The Very Moment That

"Come on, buddy. Let's get out of here, huh?"

Collins forces Mark to come with him, but his eyes don't tear away from Roger's grave until they're way past the cemetery.

They pass the Life and he stops.

Mark still refuses to cry, although what he says makes Collins' tears spill over, "Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days…"

Then, together, they say, "Viva la vie boheme."

Collins stares down at Mark…at white-albino, pumpkin-head, scrawny, Scarsdale- Jew Mark. One glance in his eyes and Collins knows it's all ending.

One can only hold themselves up for so long.

They all knew Mark would break. The way Collins figured it, though, was that he wouldn't be alive to see it.

"Feel the urge to dance on any tables, Marky?"

"That was his name for me."

He smiles fondly at the window. Yes, the smile is weak and barely there, but it's a smile and it is on Mark's face for the first time in a month.

"It's okay to miss him, Mark."

The Mark Cohen he knew a year ago was with Roger through his second and final withdrawal. He was there again to comfort and support and save Roger before he could destroy himself. The Mark Cohen Collins knew a year ago found April's lifeless body, held Roger's hand while he opened his HIV test, and sobbed when he realized all of his friends were dying.

He was doing anything—anything­—to get money to pay for Roger's AZT. He was talking Benny into forgetting their rent, at least for a while until Roger was stable again.

That Mark depended completely on all of his friends to keep him alive, to keep him feeling emotions as he taped them and followed them around with that damn piece-of-shit camera. That Mark was learning to accept the fact that Mimi was there for Roger now, and was doing him some good.

The Mark Cohen that Collins knew a year ago had completely detached himself from life, disengaged from all feeling completely.

Years bring people together, but there's always someone who years pull apart.