I sadly do not have a Beta Reader, so all mistakes are my own!
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of it's characters!
Inhuman Part Three
Author: Maggie K. M.
Characters: Aiden Ford, Carson Beckett, Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Zelenka
Pairings: Sheppard/Weir
Genres: General, Action & Adventure, Angst, Drama, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Rating: M
Warnings: Abuse, Language, Rape, Torture, Violence
Summary: Sheppard enters the event horizon after giving Elizabeth his usual boyish smile. She smiles back, not knowing that may be the last time she will see him smile.
Before reading any further, make sure you read Inhuman Part One and Part Two!
Chapter Seventeen "Fallen Asleep"
It was late in the evening, and several hours had passed before Elizabeth noticed that John had finally fallen asleep in her arms. Slightly alarmed, she stopped rocking him and glanced over toward the heart monitor only to find that his vitals were stable. Relieved, she let out a long sigh and kept him closely held up against her. Feeling his breathing had evened out and that he was no longer trembling she eased his upper body back on the bed and rested his head back on his pillow. He mumbled a few incoherent words, and she couldn't help but think of how adorable it was while she pulled the blankets further up his chest. She was amazed at how young and peaceful his face appeared in his slumber as she gently readjusted a few stray hairs back off his forehead, but then she was suddenly startled when Carson placed his hand lightly on her left shoulder. Glancing up to see a comforting smile on his face, she felt slightly embarrassed that she had forgotten he was even in the room.
"Is he all right?" she asked in a whisper as she turned her gaze from Carson to the heart monitor.
"Aye, lass. He's just asleep," Carson whispered back in a comforting tone, only to yawn a few seconds later.
"I think it's time you got some rest yourself, Doctor!" she whispered to him with a smile.
"I could say the same for ye, lass," he said with a yawn, but quiet enough not to disturb John's slumber.
"Actually… I'd really like to stay with him a while, if that's okay?" she pleaded with a whisper. Carson responded with a doubtful look, but she persisted. "Please?" she added with a smile, followed with a pouted bottom lip.
"All right, lass…," he sighed, "I'll lie down for a wee bit, but then I'll insist ye get some well needed rest while I take watch." he stated with a stern but friendly tone. Elizabeth merely nodded in agreement with a smile of triumph spread across her face. "Ye know… Ye drive a hard bargain, lassie," he whispered as he began walking around the bed yawning. She gave a smirked smile in response, while he shook his head and smiled just before disappearing behind the privacy curtain that was halfway pulled around John's bed.
Once she was certain Carson had left, she couldn't resist brushing a few more strands of John's hair back from his face and placing a light kiss on his forehead. She couldn't help but notice his forehead felt slightly warm and feverish and attempted to bundle his blanket further around him. She knew it was probably do to the kidney poisoning in his system. Carson had informed her earlier that his urine had backed up into his system before they could get a catheter inserted. He was too swollen at the time. After looking up and down his battered body, she sadly realized that there is a long list of injuries that could be causing his fever. She felt so frustrated that she couldn't make it all go away. Fussing with his blankets a little more, she let out a long sigh and allowed her mind to wonder. She thought back to John crying in her arms, and tears began to burn in her eyes. She had never seen John so fragile before, and her heart ached to see him in such pain. She wished she could have done more than hold him. She wished she could rewind time for him.
Elizabeth lingered over him a while longer before finally pulling a chair close to his bedside. She situated herself in a comfortable position and cupped one of his hands in her own as she watched over his sleeping form. Her mind continued to wonder for several hours before she finally dozed off.
Carson came back around the privacy curtain, wiping sleep from his eyes, and came to a halt at the end of John's bed when he noticed Elizabeth had fallen fast asleep in a chair with John's hand in hers. Smiling at the scene before him he quietly pushed the privacy curtain all the way back against the wall, revealing the occupants inside to the rest of the infirmary. He then walked over to the bed next to John's only to return with a blanket, and he gently draped it over Elizabeth without waking her. She just looked too relaxed and peaceful for him to disturb, so he walked around to the other side of the bed to check John's vitals. Not wanting to wake him either, he just did a quick check of the monitor readouts. Satisfied with John's readings, he took one last look at his sleeping friends before heading towards his office.
Deciding that it would be best not to leave John unattended, he grabbed John's progress reports from the past six days and settled himself two beds over from John's. He got as comfortable as humanly possible in the hospital bed and spread the reports out in front of him as he sat with his legs tucked and crossed. Looking over each report from the beginning, he was pleased to see that John's physical recovery was very promising. He just hoped John's mental and emotional recovery will do just as well.
Chapter Eighteen "Nightmare"
Elizabeth didn't know when she had dozed off, but she woke to find someone had draped a blanket over her. She wasn't sure where the blanket came from or what had woke her until she heard a strange gurgling noise coming from behind her. She turned herself around in the chair and smiled when she saw Carson two beds over from John's, sound asleep and snoring. Knowing very well that Carson was more than likely the one who draped the blanket over her, she walked over and returned the favor. She couldn't help but smile at the scene before her. Carson was asleep on his back and snoring softly enough not to disturb John, but apparently load enough to have woke her. She slightly giggled when she noticed his left leg was bent and tucked under his right, which was laying straight, with several progress reports laying around it toward the bottom of the bed. He even had a couple of progress reports tucked under his left arm, which was draped over his chest, while his right arm rested at his side. She found the scene before her very amusing and would have continued her observation of him, but a soft whimpering sound coming from John's bed caught her attention.
She was at John's side in a matter of seconds and noticed right off what was wrong. He was having some kind of dream, and from the distress she could see in his face it was a nightmare. She reached up a placed her right hand over his forehead and felt that it was very warm with a slight tinge of sweat. She became worried as he began to toss and turn, with his head lolling back and forth. He began to mumble and she tried to understand what he was saying, but it was too incoherent.
"John!" she exclaimed as she tried to gently shake him awake, but there was no response.
His breathing became harsh and raspy, and worry turned to fear when she heard the heart monitor begin to beep at an accelerated rate. Not wasting any time she called for Carson.
"Carson!" she yelled, and immediately heard the sound of a bed shift behind her.
Carson shot right out of bed to the sound of someone calling his name, and it took him a minute to gather himself but he immediately pulled himself together once he looked to his right to see what the commotion was all about. He headed straight to the other side of John's bed swiftly and looked over John's monitor readings before taking action.
"Carson, he's having some sort of nightmare! I can't seem to wake him!" she exclaimed with no effort of hiding the worry in her tone.
"His heart rate is increasin', and I'm not likin' the way he's breathin'," Carson stated as he was listening to John's chest with his stethoscope. "We need to wake him!" he exclaimed as he put his stethoscope back around his neck. "John," he addressed as he gently shook John's right shoulder, "Lad, ye need to wake up." He tried to shake John more forcefully, but there was still no success in waking him.
"John, please… Wakeup!" Elizabeth pleaded as she brushed his sweat drenched hair back off his forehead. John's mumbling turned to soft whimpers, and she wanted to cry at that very moment. She new he was reliving what had happened to him, and it pained her to see him like this. She wished she could enter his nightmare to save him and comfort him, but at this moment all she could do was hope that he would wake.
"John, ye have to wake up!" Carson sternly exclaimed with worry in his tone. He was afraid if John's vital signs went any higher he would go into cardiac arrest. "Come on, son! Open those eyes for me!" Carson exclaimed as he tried grinding his knuckles into John's upper chest to get a response, but with no success. Then John's whimpers suddenly turned into coherent words.
"Please…, don't… don't hurt me? Don't do this!" John begged as he began to thrash violently. Both Elizabeth and Carson tried to hold him down enough to where he wouldn't hurt himself, and eventually John began to whimper again only louder than before.
"Carson," Elizabeth pleaded as she locked eyes with him.
Carson saw the tears streaming down her face, but dismissed them as he turned his gaze back to John and began tapping the sides of John's face to try and wake him. "John," he addressed again. Still getting no response, Carson let out a sigh of frustration as he turned to his last resort. He pulled his hand back to slap John across the face, but as if on cue John shot up into a seated position on the bed breathing heavily and wincing in pain from the sudden movement.
"It's okay, John. You're safe… It was just a bad dream," Elizabeth cooed as she massaged her right hand through the hair on the back of his head. She used her left hand to quickly wipe away the trail of tears that were staining her cheeks before prying John's left hand from gripping the sheets. Once she managed to get the blanket out of his tightly clenched grip she embraced his hand in hers. She could feel him trembling and squeezed his hand a little tighter to try and help him feel safe and secure.
"Take it easy, lad," Carson spoke softly as he rubbed soothing circular motions with his left hand on Johns lower back. He then grabbed onto John's right bicep with his other hand to try and comfort him, only to become sadly aware of the strong tremors running through him. He then gently placed an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth to help him breathe easier, but John still seemed to be struggling to catch his breath. "Just take nice slow breaths, son," he instructed, noticing that his breathing was still pretty heavy. John kept pretty quiet and didn't say anything, but he did as Carson instructed and managed to get his breathing under control. "That's it, nice and easy," Carson said softly as he slowly eased John back against the bed.
"You're doing great, John," Elizabeth cooed as she helped Carson get John situated back in bed.
Once they had him laying back down and the blankets resituated, she couldn't help but notice how quite John was being. "John, are you all right?" she asked as she fiddled with some stray hairs that where springing overtop his forehead. He seemed distant and didn't respond, so she looked to Carson for answers.
"He's just a wee bit sluggish right now from just wakin' up, but he's okay. I'm goin' to give him somethin' to help him go back to sleep," Carson stated as he began injecting some solution into John's IV.
"It's okay, John. You can go back to sleep." Elizabeth whispered to him, but his eyes where closing before she even finished.
She kept hold of his hand and continued caressing his hair back off his forehead, while Carson was checking over all his vital signs to make sure everything was okay. It didn't take long for John to be sound asleep again, and she was amazed on how quickly his breathing evened out as she watched the rise and fall of his chest. She felt like she could get used to the view and must have spaced out for a few moments, because she was suddenly startled by a hand on her shoulder. She looked to see Carson standing beside her with a comforting smile on his face, and she felt slightly confused with not having any recollection of him walking around the bed to stand beside her. She felt herself blush, realizing how intimately close she was being toward John in front of Carson.
Carson noticed the slight redness to her pale cheeks but didn't have the heart to comment on it. He knew that both her and John had feelings for each other, but whether or not they knew how the other felt was unknown. He didn't feel it was his place to let them know that they felt the same way about each other, and figures that someday they'll find out on their own. "I think it's about time ye go and get rested, and I don't mean in a chair beside John!" he exclaimed with a smile as he noticed the redness in her cheeks became a little more pronounced.
She felt herself blush even more from his comment and went to open her mouth to protest, but Carson beat her to it. "No arguments, lass. I'll let ye know immediately if there's any change in the Major's condition. Now off with ye," Carson stated with a stern yet playful tone.
Without a word, Elizabeth just smiled at Carson and nodded. She knew she'd been beat, and tried to keep her dignity without a fuss. She glanced back down at John once more to find him in a peaceful sleep and gave his hand one last squeeze before turning to leave. However, she couldn't suppress the smile that escaped her lips when she noticed Carson take up residence in the chair she was using to watch over John. She then turned and left feeling at ease, knowing that John was in very good hands.
Chapter Nineteen "Possibilities"
Before going to her quarters she decided to stop by the control room to check on the progress of the search and rescue teams. Not far from the main consol, she noticed Sergeant Bates and Dr. Zelenka were in a slightly heated argument. Feeling out of the loop, she interrupted. "What have I missed?" she asked in her usual professional manner. She could visually see Zelenka sigh in relief as if he were saved by the bell with her being there, and so she turned her attention to Bates.
"Dr. Weir," Bates addressed as he stood at attention and gave an annoying glance toward Zelenka before continuing. "We were just discussing the possibility that Major Shepard's team may have gated to another location before any of our search teams arrived," he said in a mono tone voice.
Realizing this was a big possibility she turned to Dr. Zelenka, only to find him shaking his head. "No, I already checked the readouts on the DHD and it doesn't show any gate activation between the time that Major Shepard returned and your first search and rescue team's arrival. It's not possible!" Zelenka explained in his usual manner of using his hands to help express himself and get his point across.
Elizabeth nodded in understanding and then turned back to Bates to see him shaking his head in frustration. "What's our progress?" she asked, causing him to focus his attention on the matter at hand.
"We've covered over half of the planet, and there is still no sign of them. I don't see how they could still be on the planet!" Bates exclaimed, and gave Zelenka another annoyed glance. "They had to have dialed out to another location," he stated firmly.
"No! It's not possible! Besides, you still have quite a bit of ground to cover!" Zelenka objected defensively.
"That's beside the point! We should have found them by now if they were still on the planet!" Bates stated with a slightly raised voice.
Seeing the tension forming between the two, Elizabeth intervened. "Gentlemen!" she addressed with a commanding tone, causing both men to stop arguing and face her. Seeing that she had their attention, she continued. "I'm sure your both very tired," she paused and looked at both men to see they suddenly appeared ashamed by their abrupt behavior toward one another, "I suggest you both get some well needed rest so you can start fresh in the morning. Understood?" she ordered.
"Yes, Ma'am, but we still have some teams off world. I need to be here if anything comes up," Bates addressed.
"Then have someone relieve you Sergeant, and have them notify you if anything turns up." she stated with a smile, knowing that Bates would rather be a part of the rescue operation than take a break. "And have them notify me as well!" she exclaimed with a smirk, feeling the need to address the matter.
"Yes, Ma'am," Bates responded in defeat as he nodded, but he didn't seem happy about the decision of leaving the situation in someone else's hands. Even if it were for a short period of time.
"Now, in the morning…," she sighed with a pause and turned toward Zelenka, "I'm sure your calculations are correct, but I'd like you to check once more to make sure it isn't possible that they gated to another planet. Just to be on the safe side," she calmly ordered with a smile.
"Of course, Dr. Weir," Zelenka responded with a smile as he always aimed to please her.
"Good! Now, I want both of you to get some rest," she said with a sigh followed by a small yawn. "Oh, dear! Pardon me?" she exclaimed bashfully.
"With all do respect, Ma'am, I think you need to get some well needed rest yourself." Bates proclaimed with mischief written on his face.
"Don't worry, Sergeant, I've been ordered by the highest authority to get some rest." she insinuated with a smirk and gracefully walked away to head for her quarters to do just that. Both Bates and Zelenka turned toward each other and smiled, knowing that the highest authority she was referring to had to be none other than Dr. Carson Beckett.
Chapter Twenty "Battling The Voices In My Head"
It was early in the morning when Elizabeth came strolling out of her quarters from what felt like a restless night. She knew she had got some sleep, and yet she felt so tired and drained. The first place she wanted to head towards was the infirmary to check on John, but with a heavy sigh, she knew she needed to check in at the control room first to keep her professional appearance in tact. Walking at a rapid pace, she kept having to convince herself that Carson would have contacted her if there was any change in John's condition. Feeling flustered she quickened her pace, realizing she was having a hard time battling with the voices in her head. She saw the corridor leading to the infirmary not far up ahead, but knew she needed to keep going straight if she wanted to make it to the control room. One voice was telling her that her priority was John and that he needed her now more than ever, while the other voice in her head was telling her that John may be important but she can't dismiss her responsibilities to Atlantis. She wanted to scream, but she knew that wouldn't help the pounding headache that was creeping in just above her right temple. She regretfully reminded herself that John was in the very capable hands of Carson, and that she needed to tend to her duties before visiting John. With that in mind, she continued her approach toward the control room after passing the corridor that leads to the infirmary. She couldn't help but give a heavy sigh in frustration for passing the corridor she would have preferred. The corridor that led to John.
Coming up the main steps to the control room, she was relieved to see Sergeant Bates and Dr. Zelenka were not bickering. She was already in a cruddy mood and didn't feel up to putting them back in their places like she did last night.
She approached them cautiously, hoping she wouldn't regret not going to the infirmary any more than she already did. "Please tell me you have some good news for me Sergeant?" she asked, not meaning for it to come out as gloomy as it did.
Bates noticed the despair in her tone, but quickly dismissed it and got down to business. "I'm afraid not, Ma'am. We haven't ran across any sign of them yet, and as Dr. Zelenka so kindly pointed out last night, we still have ground to cover." Bates stated, while giving a quick glance at Zelenka.
"Keep me informed," she responded to Bates with a nod and hoped her disappointment wasn't showing through. "Dr. Zelenka!" she addressed as she turned and faced him. "Any change with your results on the DHD?" she asked, hoping he could shine some light on the whereabouts of Shepard's team.
"No, the readings are coming up the same as before. There is no sign of gate activation between the time that Major Shepard returned and the arrival of our first rescue team to the planet." Zelenka informed, without letting Elizabeth's disappointed expression go unnoticed. "I am sorry, Dr. Weir. I know you would have liked some answers to their whereabouts," he sighed and lowered his gaze to the closed laptop in his hands.
"It's all right…," she sighed, "I'm sure they'll turn up soon." she stated as she forced herself to have a more cheerful tone. She was pleased to see Zelenka raise his gaze back up to her and smile with a nod of understanding. She then turned her attention back to Sergeant Bates. "Sergeant, how much more ground is there left to cover?" she asked, hoping that they were getting close to closing in on their position.
Bates watched Zelenka walk away before coming to attention and answering, "We've managed to cover three quarters of the planet, Ma'am."
"That's it!" she exclaimed sharply, noticing the Sergeants eyes widen slightly in surprise. She even felt a bit confused herself by her reaction, but couldn't seem to cover up her frustration to the progress they had made.
Bates was a little taken back by her sudden tone, but kept things professional, "It's a large planet, Ma'am, and we are trying to be as thorough as possible. We don't want to take a chance of passing them up, and having only so many available men at hand is causing things to go a little slower than we expected. Especially since Dr. Beckett informed us not to rely on the Ancient Life-signs Detector. He said he couldn't be sure if the device would pick up on their readings," he stopped but then decided to continue after seeing the disappointment on Elizabeth's face, "We have managed to pick up some volunteers from the Athosians on the Mainland, which should help speed things up. The larger our search parties, the more ground we can cover at a faster pace." he said in relief, hoping to give Elizabeth some hope.
"That's good to hear, Sergeant…," she sighed with a more brightened expression, "See if you can recruit some more volunteers, and let me know the moment anything turns up. I'll be in the infirmary if you need me." she calmly informed before they both parted ways and she headed back down the stairs. She wanted to kick herself for having overreacted toward the Sergeant. The voices in her head were screaming at her for falling apart like that. She reminded herself that 'I'm Dr. Elizabeth Weir! I have settled disputes among a dozen countries! I'm not supposed to be the one who starts one and falls apart!' She knew that Sergeant Bates and the search teams were doing the best they could. She just wished everything would go back to normal. That this was all some horrible dream she would wake up from to find John relaxing in the mess hall with a turkey sandwich, Rodney in his lab telling everyone how insignificant they were, Ford on the lookout for a new gadget to name, and Teyla in the gym training. Elizabeth could feel the tears burning in her eye's at the memory of how things used to be. She shrugged off the need to cry as she continued to walk. She new that things may never be the same again, but she hoped that one day it would be close or perhaps even better than before. Maybe this incident would draw them closer to one another, but she new it was empty speculation. She felt a tear escape down her cheek, but wiped it away swiftly with annoyance. "Pull yourself together!" she told herself out loud as she rounded the corner. She decided to put the incident behind, and found herself feeling a whole lot better just knowing that she was now walking down the corridor that led to the infirmary that she had regretfully passed earlier. She was excited about seeing John, but nervous as well. She knew Carson has yet to examine John in his wakened state, and she was worried about how things would pan out. She almost felt the urge to turn around when she noticed she had finally reached the entrance to the infirmary, but she let out a long exhausting breath and pushed onward. Knowing that John needed her now more than ever.
Chapter Twenty One "Mystery Woman"
John woke to a mixture of sounds that seemed to fade in and out. He tried straining to hear the sounds more clearly, but he was having trouble focusing. He wasn't even sure where he was until he slowly became aware of the pain that was throbbing up and down his entire body, and he suddenly wanted to welcome back the darkness. However, his body protested against going back to sleep as the pain throughout his body increased. He went to open his eyes, but found his eyelids to be extremely heavy and managed to only open them halfway. Things were blurry at first, but the ceiling to the infirmary gradually came into focus. He would have cursed at the sight if it weren't for the dryness of his throat, so he settled for a disgusted sigh. Still feeling pretty groggy, he just laid there for awhile and tried to identify where the sounds where coming from. The closest sound was the soothing sound of the heart monitor off to his right, but the other sound seemed more distant and fuzzy. He waited a while longer for his head to clear up some more, and the sounds eventually became more clear. Then he realized they weren't just sounds, they were voices. Two voices! He was able to tell right away that one of the voices belonged to Dr. Beckett, but the other voice was female and he couldn't seem to recognize it. He considered it could possibly be one of the female nurses, but his head still felt a little groggy for him to be sure. He tried lifting his head to see who it was, but found the action to be a mistake as a sharp pain shot through him as soon as he flexed the muscles in his neck. Instead, he decided to lie there and wait until he regained his strength while continuing to listen to the conversation between Carson and the mystery woman.
"I'm surprised he hasn't woke up yet. I was really worried about him last night after his nightmare…," she paused, "Are you sure he's all right?" the mystery woman asked with true concern in her voice, which threw John for a loop. He didn't recall having any nightmare. Even more mind blowing, he wondered who would be so concerned for his well-being. More interestingly, he wondered what female would.
"He's been through a great deal, lass. His body is exhausted and it's goin' to take some time for his body to heal," Carson paused with a sigh, "As for the nightmare, I don't think that will be the last." Carson sadly informed.
'What nightmare?' John repeated in his head with frustration. John was really getting confused now. He started to wonder whether or not they were even talking about him until the mystery woman spoke up again.
"Do you plan on giving him a physical exam when he wakes?" she paused with a sigh, "I understand that it's going to take time for John to heal, but how are we going to approach it psychologically?" the mystery woman asked, and the mention of his name assured John that it was him they were discussing, which didn't help him with his confusion. He also made sure to leave a mental note to himself to try and avoid the physical exam at all costs. It was, however, the next statement that threw him for a loop.
"Unfortunately…, I am goin' to have to give him a physical exam when he wakes. I'm not sure how John will react, but I'm hoping that whatever reactions he has will give us some level of understanding on how he's going to handle everything that's happened," he sighed before continuing, "I'm not goin' to lie to you, Elizabeth…" Carson was saying, but John didn't get to hear the rest after the name of the mystery woman was revealed to him.
Letting the realization that Elizabeth was the mystery woman sink in, it allowed a sequence of memories to come colliding into perspective. He suddenly vaguely remembered that he had woken up twice before this. That this wasn't his first time waking up since he returned from the planet, and the memories came flooding back. He remembered waking up to a great deal of pain and both Carson and Elizabeth were there. He then remembered talking to them, and he suddenly felt like he needed to panic. 'Oh my God,' he thought in his head as fear rose up from within. He remembered them saying they saw everything that happened from the recording device on his vest, and once again he cursed in his head for not thinking to destroy it before leaving the planet. Then the rest became slightly fuzzy as he remembered Elizabeth rocking him back and forth in a soothing embrace, and then everything was even more disorienting as he vaguely remembered waking up again in a panic with Elizabeth and Carson being present again. He wondered if that was the nightmare they had referred to, but he couldn't remember exactly what happened in the dream. Just bits and pieces, but he did have a slight notion that it had to do with what happened to him on the planet. He felt himself tremble at the thought of it, which rewarded him with some more unwanted pain. It was the pain that brought him back to the present and away from his thoughts, and he heard the conversation between Carson and Elizabeth once again. Not waiting to hear what they were saying, he tried getting their attention.
Chapter Twenty Two "Dignity"
Carson was in the middle of explaining to Elizabeth the possible treatments they could use to help John with his psychological scaring, when he heard John call for him in a low hoarse voice.
"Doc…" John croaked out as he felt the slight stinging sensation it caused his dry throat.
Both Carson and Elizabeth were at his side within seconds. "How are ye feelin', son?" Carson asked him with concern as he leaned over to check John's visual responses. Carson shined his penlight into each of John's eyes as swiftly as possible, and was pleased to see his pupils dilate accordingly. John winced slightly to the sudden brightness, but was thankful it was gone no sooner than it was there.
"I've been better," John answered truthfully with a scratchy voice.
"Aye…Ye goin' to feel pretty sore for a while, but it should improve once we're able to get ye started on your physical therapy." Carson informed, just before placing his stethoscope in position to listen to John's chest. John flinched abruptly when the end of the stethoscope came into contact with his skin.
"Sorry…," John paused, "It's cold," he explained as he nodded toward the stethoscope, but Carson was wondering whether or not that was the true reason he flinched. Not wanting to push the issue, Carson merely smiled and rubbed the end of his stethoscope against his lab coat to warm it before placing it back on John's chest. He didn't feel John flinch this time, but he could feel how tense John was from holding it in.
"Hey there!" Elizabeth paused with a smile. "You sure slept in," she teased, drawing John's attention away from Carson's prodding. She could tell John was struggling with the physical contact through the trembling she felt in his hand. She wanted to make his fear go away, but she knew it was going to take time. The only thing she could do for now was be there for him, so she gave his hand a slight squeeze to try and help him feel more secure.
"Actually… I feel like I could sleep some more," John paused as he contemplated whether or not he just said that out loud, "I feel so tired…" he continued with a confused expression but was suddenly interrupted.
"All right, lad, I need ye to take some slow deep breaths for me," Carson instructed as he moved his stethoscope in multiple places on John's chest. Carson could feel John trembling through the end of his stethoscope and was deeply concerned, but felt that it could wait to be addressed until a later time. He didn't feel it was pertinent to make John feel any more uncomfortable than he already appeared to be, and continued listening to his heart and lungs.
John did as Carson instructed, but the deep breaths caused him to wince slightly in pain. He suddenly realized that along with the rest of his body his ribs were still pretty sore, and squeezed Elizabeth's hand as he forced himself to take a couple more deep breaths.
"John, are you all right?" Elizabeth asked in alarm as she watched him wince in pain. She felt him squeeze her hand and did so in return as she waited for him to respond.
"I'm okay… It just hurts a little…" John croaked out with a shaky breath as he watched Carson finish up and place his stethoscope back around his neck. Elizabeth smiled down at John, knowing that he would never let on to how much pain he was really in.
"Let me sit ye up a bit," Carson gestured as he levered the top of John's bed into the Fowler's position (sixty degrees). The movement caused John some slight pain, but it didn't last long once he was in the semi-sitting position.
"Is that better?" Elizabeth asked with a smile as she noticed the slight relief on John's face.
"Yeah… Thanks," John managed to get out with a horse voice.
"It's not a problem, son, and let me get ye some ice chips for that throat of yers," Carson said cheerfully. "I'll be back in just a bit, so don't go noddin' off on me," he joked as he patted John on his right arm. He noticed John flinch immediately to the sudden touch, but dared not comment on it. He could tell John seemed slightly embarrassed by it, but Carson wasn't sure on how to convince John he was safe and that he had nothing to be ashamed of without making him feel more uncomfortable. Pasting on a comforting smile, Carson turned and left to fetch a cup of ice chips.
As soon as Carson was out of range, John took it as an opportunity to address something to Elizabeth that was bothering him. He looked up at her to find her smiling at him, but he could also see how worn down and tired she appeared no matter how hard she was trying to hide it behind her hypnotic smile. He never noticed how great of a smile she had before, and wouldn't mind seeing her smile more often. It was her beautiful eyes however that gave away how worn down she was. He primarily blamed himself for it, and sometimes wished she wouldn't worry about him so much. He wondered if she worried this much about all her friends, or was it just him. Sighing to himself, he knew it was just his silly wishful thinking and continued looking through her pained eyes in random thought. He didn't even realize he was staring so intently at her eyes until Elizabeth broke his train of thought.
"Is my mascara running?" she nervously asked as she tried wiping away any evidence that she had been crying an awful lot lately. She didn't want John to know she was practically falling apart having to see him in such a fragile state.
"No…, I was just thinking. Sorry…," John paused with a long sigh, "I didn't mean to… stare," he quietly spoke, feeling slightly embarrassed that she caught him staring.
Elizabeth could see he was embarrassed and tried to make him more comfortable by pulling his blankets further around his waist. John immediately jumped in response to her actions, causing her to withdraw her hands immediately. She could have kicked herself! She knew what John had been through, and should have known he would have reacted to that kind of physical contact.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to… I won't hurt you, John," she assured him as she went back to holding his hand. She felt guilty when she noticed his tremors had slightly increased.
"I know…" he whispered in response, but avoided looking her in the face. He felt flustered. He wasn't afraid of Elizabeth and yet he couldn't stop himself from reacting the way he did.
Elizabeth could see the conflicting emotions playing out on his face and it pained her to see him trying to battle it out on his own. The most noticeable ones she could read were frustration and shame, but she was at least relieved not to see any of the fear she saw in him last night when he woke from his nightmare. She felt a slight shiver at the thought of what probably went on in his nightmare, and hoped for his sake that he's one of those lucky individuals that don't remember what they dream. She then felt a slight tinge of hope as she chanced brushing some of his hair back off his forehead and was pleased to see he didn't flinch away. "It's okay…" she cooed with a short pause, "You want to talk about it?" she asked, hoping he might be willing to open up.
John shook his head 'no' and decided to change the subject by getting something off his chest before Carson returned, "I… um… I wanted to apologize… for falling apart on you last night. I don't know what came over me… I guess I was just… really tired!" he said shyly as he shifted a couple of times in the bed. He didn't remember all the details of what happened, but he distinctly remembered her holding him while he cried. He felt so ashamed for appearing so fragile and weak in front of her, and hoped the 'really tired' comment would give him back his masculine dignity. However, Elizabeth was surprised by his statement as she watched him fidget nervously in the bed. She couldn't believe he was apologizing for allowing himself to be human.
"John…, look at me?" she kindly asked, but he kept his gaze on the blankets over his lap. "Please, look at me?" she pleaded, and was pleased when he slowly glanced up at her and managed to hold it. "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? You've been through a traumatic experience, and I'm here for you when you're ready to talk. Even if you just need to borrow my shoulder to cry on, okay?" she offered with a sincerely comforting tone. She could feel the heartfelt tears forming in her eyes, and see the ones that were forming in his. At that very instant she had the urge to reach out and hold him, but knew he needed more time before she could do something so bold.
"Thanks… I'll remember that…" John whispered with a shaky breath. He noticed right away that his acceptance to her offer had earned him one of her hypnotic smiles, and he decided to throw away his insecurity to mention that she should express it more often. But… as if cupid missed by shooting him in the ass instead of the heart, Carson returned on cue with the cup of ice chips before John could get it out.
Chapter Twenty Three "The Upper Exam"
Elizabeth could tell that John was going to say more, but Carson's return redirected her thoughts when he handed her the cup of ice chips.
"Would you like an ice chip?" she asked as she held the cup in front of her, eager to lend a helping hand. John nodded in acceptance and reached for the cup with a shaky hand, but immediately pulled back to hide it in shame.
"It's okay, John," she cooed as she reached down to give the shaking hand he tried to hide a comforting squeeze. "Would you like me to help?" she asked as she released his hand and grabbed an ice chip from the cup. She watched John contemplate his response, and was pleased when he slowly nodded his head 'yes'. She gladly brought the ice chip to his dry lips, but hesitated slightly when she noticed him shaking a little before she pushed the ice pass his slightly quivering lips. "You okay?" she asked with concern, and he merely nodded his head 'yes' again in response.
"Is yer throat any better, lad?" Carson asked as he finally decided to join in and stop observing from the end of the bed. He wasn't all to pleased at what he observed either, and hopes that John will eventually be able to overcome his uneasy feeling.
"Yeah… Thanks," John responded with a much clearer and less horse voice.
"You sound a whole lot better," Elizabeth paused, "Would you like some more?" she asked as she held up another ice chip.
"Oh… um… No, I'm good. Thanks though," John said as though he was unsure. The first one felt so soothing to his parched throat, but he was extremely uncomfortable with the close contact it would involve to get another one.
"Are ye sure, son?" Carson asked as he watched John become nervous and begin to fidget. He got the impression that John wanted another piece of ice, but he wasn't sure why he was turning it down when it was offered to him.
"Yeah…" John sighed as he nodded his head. He could tell Carson was paying close attention to his behavior, and it was making him feel extremely on edge. He couldn't seem to stop himself from shifting and fidgeting in the bed every minute or two, and Carson's observing wasn't helping the situation. He felt boxed in with Elizabeth on one side and Carson on the other. He was trying very hard to control his breathing and the tremors that were coursing through him, but he was finding it more difficult with every passing moment.
"Just let me know if you need another," Elizabeth said with a smile as she placed the cup of ice on the table beside John's bed. She turned back around and took his hand in hers, but she was concerned when she felt that he was shaking more than he was a few moments ago.
"Okay, son! I'm goin' to need to take a look at yer injuries and ask a few questions, so… ye feel up to it?" Carson asked as he started pulling the blankets aside, not waiting for John to respond. Carson wanted to get the exam done and over with before John's tremors got any worse.
John knew he really didn't have a choice and that Carson wasn't really asking, but he decided to protest anyways. "I'm kind of tired, Doc. I don't suppose we could do it later? Besides… Your freezing me here. Can I have my blankets back?" John responded, trying to use the absence of the blankets as an excuse for his shaking. Without the blankets on, Elizabeth and Carson could visibly see John's legs trembling and they doubted that it was because he was cold.
"I promise that as soon as we're done with the exam ye can have as many blankets and hours of sleep as ye want," Carson said with a reassuring tone, but he knew that the only thing that was going to make John happy was if they skipped the exam all together. He continued getting the blankets pushed to the bottom of the bed and took John's silence as an acceptance to the inevitable.
"It's okay… I'm sure Carson will make this as quick as possible." Elizabeth cooed after seeing the worry on John's face.
"It'll be over in no time," Carson reassured as he too noticed how uneasy John seemed about the exam. "All right…, now I'm goin' to lie ye down straight for a wee bit, and we can raise ye back up later if ye wish." he said with a comforting tone as he lowered the upper part of the bed down to an almost flat position. Elizabeth remained at John's side as she continued to hold his hand, while Carson was prepping for the exam.
Once Carson had John in a semi-lying position, he reached for the bottom of John's scrub top and began to pull it up to expose John's stomach. When he went to check under the dressings that were covering the wound Teyla had inflicted on him, he stopped abruptly and noticed that John's tremors had suddenly escalated. He quickly looked John up and down and saw that his entire body was trembling. "Take it easy, lad. It's all right… I'm just goin' to take a look to make sure everythin' is healin' properly," Carson said in a calming tone as he placed his hand flat on John's stomach to try and allow him to adjust to the contact. He could tell John was trying very hard to control the shaking and the fear he was feeling, but Carson didn't feel through his hand that John was making any progress on controlling the tremors. His trembling continued and his breathing was becoming more rapid.
"It's okay, John. Just relax… It's all right," Elizabeth cooed as she began stroking John's hair back off his forehead, while her other hand remained tightly held in his.
"I'm goin' to take a look now, son. So just relax and take it nice and easy, okay? I'll make it quick!" Carson assured as he began peeling away the dressings on the wound. John winced slightly in pain and gave Elizabeth's hand a tight squeeze.
"It's okay, John… I'm right here… It'll be over soon!" Elizabeth cooed as she continued to stroke her fingers through his hair. She felt his tremors increase as Carson continued to check over John's abdominal area, and she did her best to calm him as they increased even more when Carson ventured further up to check John's ribs. She did her best to calm him as his breathing increased, and she felt like she could cry when she heard a few whimpers escape his lips. She hated seeing him like this and wanted to tell Carson to stop, but she knew this had to be done.
"Okay, lad… Ye can relax for a few minutes. So far everythin' is lookin' good. I'm goin' to give ye a few seconds before I continue any further, so try and slow yer breathin' for me as best ye can." Carson informed with a comforting tone, after pulling John's scrub top back down to cover his chest and stomach.
"You did great, John! Just concentrate on some nice slow breaths for us, okay?" Elizabeth gently cooed. John shook his head in understanding and began to let out slow quivering breaths, but he was having a hard time controlling the tremors that were running through him.
It took a little longer than Carson had expected for John to slow his breathing, but he was willing to wait. He needed John as calm as possible before he started again. "Ye doin' all right there, son?" Carson asked as he placed a comforting pat on John's shoulder.
"Yeah…" John paused with an exhausting sigh, "Can I sleep now?" John asked with a tired voice. Carson could tell that the effort John was putting out to control the tremors and his fears was taking a lot out of him, but the exam needed to be finished before he could let him rest.
"I'm afraid not, lad. I still have two more things I need to look over, and then I promise ye can get some sleep." Carson sadly informed as he noticed John's relief turn back to worry. "I'll even give ye some more of that wonderful pain medication," he added to try and cheer John up, but it wasn't working. John seemed slightly annoyed and extremely nervous that the exam was not yet over.
"I don't suppose… I could check that myself?" John asked nervously, knowing very well what areas Carson had left to examine.
"Afraid not, John," Carson said softly as he shook his head and gave John a couple more pats on the arm. He could tell John was going to have a hard time with it by how nervous he seemed. If he wasn't shifting in the bed, then he was either fidgeting with the wires that were attached to him or the bottom edge of his scrub top.
"Carson, do you need me to wait outside?" Elizabeth asked, noticing how much trouble John was going to have with the rest of the exam. She also knew what remained for Carson to examine, and she didn't want to intrude on John's privacy.
"Aye, lass. It would probably be best," Carson responded apologetically. He knew she would prefer to stay, but he needed John to feel as comfortable as humanly possible. He then began pulling the privacy curtain back around to hide John from the rest of the infirmary, however, he only pulled it a little over half way around so John wouldn't feel boxed in or trapped. He finished up by nodding toward Elizabeth to let her know that it was her cue to leave.
She gave John her best smile and his hand a slight squeeze before turning to leave, but she abruptly turned back toward John when she realized he wasn't letting go of her hand. Both Carson and Elizabeth looked at each other in surprise.
"I'll just be waiting outside the infirmary doors, John," she assured him to try and make him understand that he needed to release her hand. She felt a little sick to her stomach when she saw the pleading fear in his eyes. She almost felt sorry for Carson that he was going to be inflicting more fear. Feeling helpless that she couldn't do something for John to make him less afraid, she gently tried releasing her hand from John's grip but he still wouldn't let go. She went to speak to convince him that it would be okay, but he tightened his hold on her and spoke first.
"Wait! Please… stay?" John pleaded at almost a whisper. He held onto her hand tightly and looked up at her as he waited for a response. Both Carson and Elizabeth were surprised by his request, and upset at how frightened his tone of voice sounded.
"John, I…" she softly began but John spoke up again as he began to fidget even more.
"Please…?" John practically begged as his eyes became slightly glazed with unshed tears. Elizabeth saw the desire and fear in his eyes for her to remain present, so she looked to Carson for advice.
"It's all right with me if it's okay with John," Carson addressed as he looked to John for a response. He was pleased when John nodded that it was all right, and both Elizabeth and Carson looked at each other and smiled. Carson was happy because he would have someone else there to help keep John calm and hopefully distract him some, while Elizabeth was happy because John was taking her advice and asking her for support. She felt slightly uncomfortable that she was going to be present during such a personal exam, but she was so glad to be there to help him through it.
"Okay, John… I'll stay," she said softly with a comforting smile as she watched a slight bit of relief wash over John's face. She was overwhelmed with glee that he felt the need to cling to her for support, and hoped that she could give him the comfort he was needing to help him through the rest of the exam.
"All right, then!" Carson cheerfully exclaimed. "Shall we begin?" he asked as he nodded toward John and then Elizabeth. He waited for John to respond, but when he didn't he continued anyways by putting on some latex gloves and laying out a tube of ointment and lubrication on the table next to the bed. Meanwhile, Elizabeth resituated herself so that she could still give John his privacy with her being there at the same time.
Chapter Twenty Four "The Lower Exam"
John heard Carson ask him if it was okay to begin, but he didn't feel like answering. He didn't feel like he would ever be ready for the exam, and he knew Carson would continue whether he answered him or not. He wished Carson would just leave it be, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.
"All right, John, just try and relax… I'm goin' to begin." Carson announced as he loosened the strings on John's scrub pants.
Elizabeth propped herself over John's chest with her left hand on the bed beside John's right arm and her other was still tightly holding his trembling hand. She made sure she had her back to Carson and the exam to give John as much privacy as possible. He still appeared very nervous but seemed to look a little relieved that she wasn't going to watch what Carson was doing, and she smiled down at him before responding to Carson's announcement. "We're ready," she informed Carson as she gave John's hand a comforting squeeze.
Carson could immediately feel John's tremors increase when he went to tug at the waste band of the scrub pants. "Try and relax, son. I'll make this as quick and painless as possible." Carson comforted. He knew by the way John was already responding that this wasn't going to be easy.
Elizabeth also felt John's tremors increasing and propped herself lower over his chest by resting her left elbow beside his shoulder. She was careful not to put too much pressure on his ribs, and used her left hand to continuously caress his hair back off his forehead. She was having trouble reading his facial expressions, but the sudden tightening grip she was feeling in her right hand told her that he wasn't just nervous. He was scared.
"It's okay, John," she spoke softly to try and comfort him as best she could.
Carson was glad that Elizabeth was there to comfort John, and proceeded with what he was doing. He pulled the scrub pants down past John's hips and stopped just above the knees. He was disturbed by how bad John's legs were shaking, but forced himself to continue so he wouldn't have to make John go through this any longer than he had to. He was pleased to see the dark bruises that used to cover John's hips were almost invisible now, and began to examine. He could tell just by looking that the swelling of his penis had gone down considerably, but when he touched it to get a better look John bent his knees up to his chest with a jerk.
"Please, stop! I can't… I can't do this!" John whimpered out as his breathing became rapid. Both Elizabeth and Carson could feel his intense shaking, and they felt guilty having to put him through this.
"It's okay, John. You can do this… Just concentrate on me, okay?" Elizabeth soothed as she massaged her fingers through his hair.
"Please… I can't!" John begged as a few tears escaped down the sides of his face.
"Just relax, son. I know ye don't like this, but I promise I'll make it quick. I just need ye to relax yer legs back down. Can ye do that for me?" Carson said softly as he patted John on his right knee, that was resting just above his chest behind Elizabeth. John shook his head 'no' as he squeezed his eyes shut, and more tears escaped down the sides of his face.
"Come on, John, I know you can do it. Just relax… I'm right here," Elizabeth cooed as she wiped a few of his tears away. She was pleased to see him open his eyes, and watched him take a few shuddering breaths to try and relax. John was still shaking pretty hard, but he managed to get his legs somewhat straightened back out with Carson's assistance.
"Ye're doin' great, son," Carson apprized as he helped John slowly relax his legs back down. He couldn't get John to straighten them all the way out, and allowed John to keep his knees slightly bent with his heels firmly pressed into the bed. "I'll make this quick… I just need ye to hang in there for me," Carson softly said as he continued with the exam. He gently went back to prodding John's penis, and he felt horrible when he heard John whimper a few times. At that moment, Carson was extremely thankful that Elizabeth was there to help.
"It's okay… It'll be all right," Elizabeth cooed as she continued to comfort him. She could tell he was trying really hard to control his shaking, and it bothered her deep down to hear him whimper.
"I'm almost done, lad," Carson informed with relief. He hated the fact that he was causing John so much pain and distress, but he knew he had to keep going. He was glad to see that the minor bite marks and bruises were no longer visible, but the deeper bite marks still had some healing to do. He grabbed the tube of ointment and covered the remaining marks as thoroughly and quickly as possible. He could feel himself sighing in relief that he was done with that exam, but he dreaded the next one. Wanting to get John through the next exam as quickly as possible, he wasted no time and began putting on some new gloves.
"Okay, son, that parts over. Ye did great!" Carson comforted as he leaned over across from Elizabeth to pat John on the shoulder. "Now this next part might be a doozy!" he exclaimed with a sigh. "I'm goin' to turn ye on yer side facin' Elizabeth for this next exam, and I'm goin' to put a blanket over the front of ye to try and keep as much of ye covered as I can. Are ye ready?" Carson informed as comforting as he could manage, considering the circumstances.
"Can we do that one later? Please… I'm pretty tired," John begged with a few sniffles as he continued to shake almost uncontrollably. He really wasn't looking forward to the next exam.
"I know yer tired, son, but I promise this will be the last one," Carson soothed as he rubbed his hand in a circular motion across John's stomach to try and make him feel more at ease.
"Please, I… I really don't want to do this next one!" John pleaded nervously with quivering lips.
"I know, son…" Carson paused with a sigh, "If it makes ye feel any better… I've done this exam on a man before and it's known to be uncomfortable, but I promise I'll be as quick and gentle as I can." he paused again with a sigh. "So… what do ye say?" Carson asked, hoping he had eased John's mind a bit.
John stared at Carson for a minute as he thought about it, and then turned his head back to look at Elizabeth. Elizabeth saw the worry in his eyes and did her best to assure him that everything would be all right, "It's all right, John. I can leave for this one if you'd like?" she asked, hoping that he wouldn't send her away. She could tell immediately that he didn't want her to go when he pulled her hand up to rest on his chest with a tight hold.
"Please stay?" John asked with a nervous whisper. He wasn't sure why exactly, but he felt like he would lose control of his fears if she weren't there.
"I'm not going anywhere," Elizabeth stated with a smile as she brushed a few strands back off his forehead.
"All right, lad, lets get ye turned onto yer side," Carson spoke up as he covered John with a single blanket to cover him from the waist down. He needed John to feel as secure and comfortable as possible.
Both Elizabeth and Carson managed to slowly turn John onto his left side without causing him too much pain to his ribs and side wound. John was still trembling all over and Carson decided to throw one more blanket over him while keeping his back side exposed. Meanwhile, Elizabeth took up residence right in front of John, still holding his hand. She used her left hand to run soothing circles on his upper back to try and keep him relaxed.
"Okay, now we're goin' to slowly bend yer knees and then press them to yer chest." Carson informed as he nodded to Elizabeth for assistance. He needed him in that position for John's comfort and for easy access. He would have had John lying on his back with his legs in stirrups, but he figured this would more than likely be the most comfortable position for John.
Once they had him in position, Carson grabbed the tube of lubricant and squeezed a good portion onto his newly gloved fingers. He figured the more lube, the easier it would be on John. He placed the tube back down in front of him on the bed and went to spread the cheeks of John's butt apart, but John squeezed them tightly shut as soon as Carson had made contact. "Take it easy, lad! I need ye to relax a bit!" Carson soothed as he tried to split his cheeks apart again, but John wouldn't stop clenching. "I need ye to let me examine ye, son! Just relax, okay?" Carson asked, hoping he wouldn't have to force his way in.
"I can't…," John breathed out, "I don't want to do this! I change my mind!" he pleaded in fear. He tried to stop himself from shaking, but it just kept getting worse.
"You can do this… Just allow Carson to examine you and it will be over in no time. Then you can take a nice long rest, okay? Or we could play a game of chess or something! Maybe you can even tell me why you like turkey sandwiches so much!" Elizabeth said softly with a comforting smile, as she continued to run soothing circles on his back. Carson noticed that John was being distracted and quickly spread John's butt cheeks as soon as he noticed that they were no longer clenched. John reacted immediately.
"Wait! Please don't!" John pleaded as he tried to squirm away. Carson continued to keep his cheeks spread while trying desperately to ignore John's please. It bothered him that John was begging him to stop, but he pushed himself into professional mode and began coating John's rectal entrance with plenty of lube. Carson was about to push in, but stopped at the next plea that flew from John's mouth.
"Rodney, Please… Please don't!" John cried out, as the tears he could no longer hold in began to stream down his face.
"John…" Elizabeth addressed to try and get his attention. "John, please look at me?" she pleaded. "John, Rodney isn't here… I promise! It's just myself and Carson. We're not going to hurt you. It's okay," she whispered into his ear as she wrapped her left arm around him in an embrace.
Carson hesitated to continue, but noticed that Elizabeth seemed to have everything under control. He gently pushed his right handed index finger in and was upset to hear John begin to whimper. He could feel with his finger how tight and tense John was, but he slid one more lubricated finger inside.
John began to sob out loud and tried to squirm away from Carson, but Elizabeth held him in place as she kept him in a close embrace. "Oh God… Please stop! Rodney… Please?" John cried as he stopped trying to fight back the tears. Elizabeth could tell he was exhausted from trying to control his trembling for so long, and he just didn't have the strength to fight anymore. She could feel his wet tears soaking into her shirt on her right shoulder, and continued to whisper comforting words in his ear. She felt one of her own tears escape down her left cheek, but quickly wiped it away. She replaced her hand back on his back and soothingly ran it back and forth to comfort him through his sobbing. She held him tight up against her, and squeezed his trembling hand that was trapped in between them as he continued to cry. She did the only thing she could do, which was be there for him.
Carson could tell the fight was leaving him as he felt the pressure of the walls in his rectum decreasing. He quickly felt around and found the biggest of the tears was still present, but had immensely decreased in size. He reached behind with his left hand and snatched a tube of Diltiazem (anal healing ointment) to help speed up the healing process. He only pulled out one of the two fingers and placed some of the Diltiazem on it before pushing it back in. He quickly and thoroughly coated what remained of the tear and slowly pulled both fingers out. After disposing of his gloves, he began to straighten John's legs back out so that he could pull his pants back up. He found the task to be easy as John didn't put up a fight, and he was beginning to realize that the strain of the exam took a lot out of John. He didn't even think John realized he was pulling his scrub pants back up past his hips as he watched him continue to cry in Elizabeth's embrace.
"It's over, son. Ye did great!" Carson said softly to John as he lightly placed his hand on Elizabeth's left should.
"John, It's okay. It's over," Elizabeth cooed into his ear. The relief she felt was more than welcome, and she hoped that John's emotional scars were not permanent. She didn't know if she could take not being able to get close to him every now and then, and didn't want to accept the fact that what happened to him may prevent him from ever getting intimately close to someone.
Carson retied the front of John's scrub pants and fussed with the blanket a bit before turning back to Elizabeth. "We need to turn him over on his back so he can get some rest," Carson informed her with a friendly tone, as he placed his hand on her left shoulder once again.
"Yeah… I think the exam took a lot out of him," she responded softly as she soothingly ran her fingers through the hair on the back of John's head. She was pleased that his sobs had turned to soft whimpers, but she noticed his tremors remained. She went to pull back so that she could look at him, but he quickly wrapped his right arm around her waist and kept her closely held. "That's okay, John… You don't have to come out yet!" she softly spoke as she took him back into her embrace. If John wasn't up to facing anyone yet it was fine by her, as long as she got to continue holding him.
Carson saw the dilemma Elizabeth was faced with, and it saddened him that John felt ashamed by his actions. "John, it's okay. Please…, don't be embarrassed. Ye have nothin' to be ashamed of, lad. What ye've gone through was somethin' no person should ever have to experience, but it's goin' to be okay. We're here for ye, and we're goin' to help ye through this!" Carson comforted as he gave John a few pats on the shoulder before turning back to Elizabeth. "Once he's settled down, try and get him to lie on his back. It puts less pressure on his ribs when he breaths, and if ye need anythin' I'll be in my office updatin' John's progress reports." he whispered to Elizabeth before turning to leave, and she nodded in understanding as she continued to comfort John.
Carson took one more glance at them, before disappearing behind the privacy curtain, and headed for his office. He was pleased with the progress of John's injuries, but he was extremely concerned about John's emotional state of mind. After seeing John react the way he did to the exam, he was starting to consider that maybe the best course of action would be to give John a couple of days for his body to do some more healing before stressing him to deal emotionally with what happened to him on the planet.
Chapter Twenty Five "Two Days Later"
Two days have gone by since the exam, while the relationship between John, Elizabeth, and Carson was becoming closer with each passing encounter. John's physical therapy had begun and with Carson and Elizabeth there for support, his muscle tone and strength was gradually building back up. Carson had originally started John off with one of the attending physical therapists, but once he saw how uncomfortable John seemed with the physical contact he decided to personally see to John's therapy himself. John still seemed uneasy to the physical contact Carson was giving him during the therapy, but there was an improvement to his behavior as compared to his response with the previous therapists. His behavior seemed to improve even more once Elizabeth showed up to one, so Carson asked that she attend John's therapy sessions on a regular basis. Both of them noticed that John seemed relaxed around them more than anyone else, and were pleased that he felt safer too. They're hoping that John will eventually allow others to get close, but they were satisfied with the progress he's made so far in just the past few days and didn't want to push him.
"Ye're doin' great, lad!" Carson praised to John, whom were both on an exercise mat on the floor at the far end of the infirmary. "At this rate ye'll be up and about in no time," he added as he helped John, who was lying flat on his back, flex and extend both of his legs. His legs were still pretty shaky from decreased muscle mass as Carson continued to apply pressure, but it was a big improvement compared to a few days ago when the physical therapy first began.
"No time…" John mocked with a sigh in a glum tone. Carson didn't miss the despair in his tone as he flexed John's right knee up to his chest, but he was careful not to hover over him or put to much pressure. He didn't want John to think he was being held down or restrained in any way, nor did he want to crowd him.
"Aye, ye'll be back to yer cocky self in no time!" Carson exclaimed as he gently extended John's leg back out.
"If you say so, Doc…" John sighed as he continued to lie there, while Carson moved toward his upper body.
"Aye, son… I do say so," Carson said softly as he placed the palm of his hand on John's stomach in a comforting manner. He felt John begin to tremble and was about to speak again, but Elizabeth suddenly graced them with her presence.
"Hey, how are you?" Elizabeth cheerfully asked John as she hovered above him, with her hands on her knees, and smiled down at his face.
"Peachy…" John quietly sighed. Elizabeth looked to Carson and received a knowing glance. They could tell something was wrong, so Elizabeth knelt down opposite of Carson beside John. She reached down and placed her hand on John's left shoulder, and she was saddened to feel that John still trembled and flinched in response to physical contact.
"There's still no sign of you're team, but Bates is confident that they'll eventually zero in on their position." Elizabeth informed, hoping she wasn't making a mistake by bringing the subject up. Carson felt John's trembles slightly increase and began running soothing circular motions with his hand that was still resting on John's stomach.
"That's… good…," John sighed as he slightly shifted on the floor. Both Elizabeth and Carson could tell he was getting uncomfortable. Elizabeth went to change the subject before John got too upset, but to her surprise he spoke again. "What will happen to them… once they're found? I mean… will you be able to turn them back?" John asked nervously, and Carson was aware that his breathing had increased as he continued to run soothing circles on his stomach.
Carson had not yet mentioned to John about what had exactly caused his team to act that way in the first place. He was afraid that doing so would have done more harm than good. He was surprised that John was even ready to ask such a question, but he wasn't going to hold back on him now that he has finally opened up a little. "Well…" Carson paused with a sigh, "They were infected by the yellow fruit that they had come into contact with, and it caused their more primitive instincts to take over while their hormone levels sky rocketed," he paused when he noticed John become extremely uneasy at the mention of hormones, but he continued. "I believe that if we can get them back to Atlantis, all we have to do is get the inside components of the fruit into their system to cure them. I've even managed to refine it so that it can be given to them as an injection, rather than them havin' to eat it. It should bring them back to normal as quickly as it had infected them." Carson informed without letting John's increased trembling go unnoticed. He went to ask him if he was all right, but John spoke first.
"Will… will they… remember…" John paused as he had to swallow a knot that was forming in his throat, "Will they remember… what happened?" he finished as he began to nervously fidget. Elizabeth and Carson looked at each other in surprise by his question. They weren't expecting him to be able to ask such a question at his current state.
"Well... we're not really sure, John," Elizabeth said softly as she looked from Carson and then back down at John. It pained her to see that his eyes were slightly glazed as he fought back the tears that were on the brink of streaming down his face. She could tell that he was fighting with all his might to hold himself together, as he continuously swallowed and wouldn't make eye contact with either her or Carson.
Carson was glad to see that John was opening up a little, and tried to see if he would open a little more. "Do ye want to talk about it?" Carson asked softly with a comforting tone. John was unable to answer because he was afraid the tears would fall if he attempted to speak, so he just slowly shook his head 'no' as he swallowed hard. Carson didn't want to push, but he wanted John to know that he was there for him not only as a doctor but a friend. "That's okay, lad. Ye don't have to talk now, but myself and Elizabeth are here for ye when ye're ready. Okay?" he assured with a comforting tone.
"I know… I'm just not ready…" John softly croaked.
"That's okay, John. It doesn't have to be now. Just let use know when you're ready," Elizabeth cooed with a smile, as she wiped a few of his tears away that had managed to escape down the side of his face.
"Let's sit ye up, lad… I think that's all we'll do for today," Carson stated as he tucked one of his arms under John's and slowly eased him up to a seated position. Carson wished there was something he could do to cheer John up, but he couldn't seem to think of anything until Elizabeth spoke.
"Maybe Carson will allow me to get you out of the infirmary for a little bit," Elizabeth inferred after seeing how down in the dumps John seemed lately. She was pleased to see John lift his head with surprise and hope in his eyes at the mention of her offer.
Carson almost immediately said 'no', knowing that John was not yet strong enough, but thought of a solution. "Actually…, that's not such a bad idea." Carson paused when he saw how John seemed to cheer up a bit, "But… on one condition! Ye ride in a wheelchair!" Carson exclaimed with a friendly smile. John didn't even argue, but shook his head in agreement. He would have done just about anything to get out of there, even if it were for only a few moments.
Carson left John with Elizabeth for a few seconds, only to return with a welcoming wheelchair. They both helped John up and into the wheelchair with ease, which saddened Elizabeth to feel how light and fragile he still was. Carson had informed her that John hadn't been eating much, but that he hoped his appetite would eventually return. She didn't see how he could lose any more weight, since he was scrawny to begin with, but it was starting to show.
Once they had him situated in the chair Elizabeth offered to be the one to escort John around, and Carson gave no arguments. In fact, he practically insisted on it hoping that it would give John an opportunity to open up some more. He also thought it would be good for the both of them to spend some time together outside the confines of the infirmary walls.
John wasn't his old self, but she could tell his spirits were up as they rounded the first corner they came to. "John, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go?" she asked, hoping that giving him a choice would give him back some of his independence.
He was silent for a while as he contemplated on where he would like to go, but then he knew exactly where he wanted to be. "Can we go out on the balcony at the far eastern side of the city?" he asked with anticipation.
She had a feeling that was where he would want to go, seeing as that's where she used to always end up finding him when she had trouble contacting him. "I had a feeling you would choose that. I'm starting to catch on that it's your favorite place to hide!" she teased with a smile as she turned the wheelchair in the direction of John's favorite balcony.
"It's really quiet there…" was all John could say as he patiently allowed Elizabeth to wheel him around.
It took about ten minutes to reach the balcony, and Elizabeth was concerned about the way John reacted to people they passed on the way. They had passed several soldiers, some Athosians, and a number of civilian scientists, all of whom greeted John with enthusiasm. They expressed how they were glad to see him up and about and that he seemed well, but John seemed to act nervous and distant to their concerns. The way he was responding made her very thankful that no one attempted any physical contact with him, other than the hand she placed on his shoulder a few times to comfort him. She was relieved when she finally rolled him out onto the balcony, but startled when the doors suddenly closed behind her. She almost forgot that John was capable of willing the Ancient technology to do as he pleased, and understood that he closed the doors because he didn't want to be bothered.
"Sorry…" John softly apologized when he noticed Elizabeth jump.
"No, that's okay... I just forgot how easy it was for you to do that." She assured as she wheeled him closer to the edge of the balcony. She looked out over the railing and completely understood why John liked coming out there so much. It had a beautiful view and the breeze was very calming. Even the sound of the ocean splashing up against the side of the city, just below the balcony, was extremely intoxicating. She turned back to John to tell him how amazing the view was, but smiled instead when she saw that his eyes were closed as he listened to those very sounds.
TBC…
I hope you are looking forward to Part Four! Now feed the 'Power Hungry Beast' (Giggles!)! LOL!