AN: Hi! I just had to get this one out there. I got this idea from a Friends episode.
Disclaimer: They know that I let you know that I know that I don't own CSI or the original idea for this story line. I know that the producers and writers of CSI and Friends know what they own. LOL and I know you know that I'm a dork. You know I know I made sure of that.
They Don't Know That We Know That They Know We Know
"Well, that was fun," Gil Grissom quipped, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"It really could have been worse, Gil," Catherine Willows sighed, falling into step beside him as they walked down the halls of the Rampart Casino/Hotel.
"Really? Every comment directed at me was snide and he looked at me like I was something he stepped in!" he argued.
"You weren't exactly the most cheerful man at dinner, either," Catherine reminded him. Gil rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, well when he greets us like this: 'Hello Mugs. You.' I don't exactly appreciate it," he sulked. She shook her head and sighed.
"When are you and Sam going to stop acting like children and at least attempt to be civil?" she asked, stopping at to open their hotel room.
"When pigs fly," he muttered under his breath, following her inside.
"You know one of these days the two of you are going to have to get along," Catherine said as she walked into the bathroom.
"Oh? And why is that?" Gil asked, loosening the tie that Catherine had made him wear to dinner with her parents.
"Because you are obviously not going anywhere and neither is Sam, so the two of you will just have to get used to each other if either of you want me to talk to you," She called, taking her earrings out.
"Well I do certainly enjoy talking to you," he replied as she came out. She smiled.
"I'm glad we are in agreement," she said, moving to kiss him. He responded happily. By far this was going to be the best part of his evening.
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Sara and Nick surveyed their scene in on of the rooms at the Sphere hotel. The room was trashed and the victim was a middle-aged man lying in a pool of blood and vomit in his underwear.
"Wow. Do you think someone was having a party in here?" Nick asked, snapping photos of a hole in the wall.
"Ya think?" Sara asked, gesturing to a pile of empty beer bottles.
"There's no cash anywhere. Robbery could be a motive," Nick said, then he continued, holding up a bag of marijuana, "Or drugs."
"Oh my God!" Sara exclaimed, with her back to him.
"What?" he asked, hurrying to her side.
"Grissom and Catherine! Grissom and Catherine!" she cried, pointing out the window, horrified. He saw what she was talking about. Across the street in a room at the Rampart, they could see their supervisor and colleague making out with each other. Then Grissom's shirt came off. Then Catherine's.
"Ahhh! My eyes!" Nick exclaimed turning around. Sara mimicked his actions, her face was white, as was his. They looked at each other wide-eyed.
They were still wide-eyed when they walked into the break room at the Crime Lab an hour later.
"What's with you guys?" Warrick asked, putting on a new pot of coffee.
"Catherine and Grissom," Nick squeaked. Sara shuddered.
"What?" Warrick asked, looking closely at them.
"The hotel across the street from our scene. Grissom and Catherine were…were…making out," Nick explained, shuddering.
"WHAT!" Warrick exclaimed, "Are you sure?"
Both Nick and Sara nodded.
"Oh my God," Warrick breathed.
"My sentiments exactly," Sara said, "I didn't even know they were…together."
"Me neither," Nick said.
"I didn't know," Warrick added. Then all three of them turned to a very unusually quiet Greg Sanders reading a paper.
"Greg?" Sara called him.
"Yes?" he asked, putting down the paper.
"Did you know?" Nick asked. Greg feigned a blank look.
"Know what?"
"You know what, G. Grissom and Cath," Warrick said.
"That they're just really tight friends?" Greg asked. Sara knelt beside him and stared him in the eyes.
"Greg!" he did not like how she said his name.
"What?" he squeaked.
"Greg!" she all but yelled. He cowered further. "Did you know?"
He nodded.
"Why didn't you tell us, man?" Nick asked.
"They swore me to secrecy," Greg answered coyly.
"Damn. How did you find out?" Warrick asked. Greg hesitated but was prodded along by Sara's glare.
"So there I was, minding my own business, when I heard a thud in Grissom's office. This was peculiar. It was the end of shift and everyone had gone home, so I decided to check it out. I opened his door, without knocking, 'cause to be honest with you, I was scared the old guy fell over of something. Anyways, I open the door and he and Catherine were on the floor, thankfully fully-clothed. Needless to say, I was scarred for life and haven't been able to talk about it since," Greg explained, looking agitatedly at the door.
"Wow. Do you think we should call them on it?" Nick asked.
"Hell yeah!" Warrick exclaimed, "But maybe we should have a little fun first."
"What did you have in mind?" Sara asked.
"No, No, don't do that guys! Everyone knows, no more secrets. Let them be," Greg said.
"Hey, if they want to keep secrets from us, why not let it backfire on them?" Sara said.
"Yeah. They don't know that we know. We can mess with them for messin' with us," Warrick stated. Nick and Sara nodded in agreement, while Greg just shook his head.
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When Grissom and Catherine walked into the break room the next night, they found their team laughing with each other.
"Do you have our assignments, Grissom?" Sara asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes. Nick and Warrick exchanged knowing glances. Greg grimaced.
"Uh, yeah," Grissom said looking at her strangely, "Nick and Warrick have a double up in Henderson. Sara, you have a B and E up on North Trop Boulevard. Greg, you're with me and Catherine."
The team was about to depart when Sara spoke up.
"Gil, do you think I could have a word with you?" she asked. Grissom raised his eyebrows when she used his first name.
"I'll meet you at the car," he called to Catherine and Greg, and then to Sara he asked, "What is it?"
"Well, Gil, I was actually wondering if I could swing by your office later. I need some help with an experiment," she explained, flipping her hair at the end. That did not creep out Gil as much as Sara saying his first name again. It was wrong! It was like a child calling a parent by their first name.
"Umm, yeah, that'd be alright," he conceded. She smiled at him.
"Thanks, Gil. I'm really looking forward to it," she said sweetly, "Hurry back," she said as she walked by him, gently touching his arm. He stared after her, wide-eyed. He made his way to the parking lot, contemplating what had just happened. He found Catherine and Greg standing outside the truck.
"Hey. What did Sara want?" Catherine asked.
"She said she wanted help with and experiment. I-I think she was flirting with me," he said, perplexed. Catherine chuckled.
"Just because I told you you were attractive, doesn't mean that every woman in the building is flirting with you, Honey," she chided. Greg rolled his eyes.
"No! She was flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes and when have you ever heard any of the kids call me 'Gil'?" Gil asked. Greg raised an eyebrow.
"Kids?" he asked. They ignored them as Catherine considered Gil's point.
"Come to think of it, that is kind of weird. And she was kind flirty, but I didn't think anything of it," she finally said.
"Do you think something's going on?" Gil asked, "Even Nick and Warrick seemed a little too quiet."
"And they were smirking a lot," Catherine pondered, "Do you think this is a joke they've set up?"
"Why would they?" Grissom asked.
"Very good point, Boss. There's no reason for them to play a trick on you guys. Now, can we go to the scene?" Greg asked, eager to get out of there. Both Gil and Catherine paused and looked at Greg.
"What do you know?" Gil growled.
"Nothing!" Greg squeaked. Catherine narrowed her eyes at the former lab rat.
"Greg!" Catherine was far scarier than Sara. He cowered back.
"Do they know about us?" she asked it dangerously. Greg cracked.
"Sara and Nick saw you guys in a hotel room across from their scene and they told Warrick and then they decided to conspire against you so you would admit it out into the open!" he said in one breath.
"Those little brats," Catherine breathed.
"How could they do this to us?" Gil asked.
"But it's good now right? Everybody knows that you guys are together, so no more secrets, right?" Greg asked hopefully.
"Wrong," Catherine said with a mad glint in her eye that Greg found a little scary and Gil found slightly endearing.
"Why is that?" Gil asked. She smiled.
"They don't know that we know that they know," she said triumphantly, "We can mess with them for messing with us!"
"No, No! Stop with the messing!" Greg yelped.
"What did you have in mind, Cath?" Gil asked. She grinned at him. Greg pounded his head on the vehicle.
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Hours later, Gil was sitting in his office, waiting for Sara to arrive. He felt uncomfortable doing this, but 5 could play at that game.
"Are you ready?" Catherine asked, straightening out his shirt collar.
"As I'll ever be, but it just feels so wrong…" he said, trailing off. She chuckled.
"Now you have a conscience? Don't worry. Once she cracks, this will all be over," Catherine assured him confidently.
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"Damn, Sara, you look good for just processing a scene," Nick told her in the break room.
"Don't start flirting!" Warrick whined.
"But I have to practice, Warrick," she teased. He rolled his eyes.
"Why do you guys even need to go through with this anyways? Their allowed to have a relationship out of work aren't they?" Greg asked, trying to convince them to stop this madness.
"Relax, Greg. This will all be over when he cracks," Sara smiled confidently.
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"So where will you be while I'm flirting with Sara?" Gil asked uncomfortably.
"Closet," she answered pointing to the little door in the far corner of the room, "You don't have anything alive in there do you?" she then asked, as if in an afterthought. He shook his head.
"No. A closet isn't any place for my bugs," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"What about a basement?" she muttered under her breath.
"Okay she should be here any minute. How do I look?" he asked.
"If I were her, I'd wanna do you," Catherine answered bluntly. He blushed.
"Alright. I'm going to hide," she then said, moving to kiss him. The kiss lingered for a moment before she disappeared in the closet. Gil hoped that Sara would admit defeat fast so he could get back to that.
A couple of moments later, Sara entered Gil's office, leaving Nick, Warrick, and Greg outside.
"Hey, Gil," she greeted and he involuntarily shuddered, "Thanks for helping me with this. I really appreciate it," she said sweetly. He put on his best smile.
"I always happy to help you, Sara," he said happily, "Now tell me, what is this experiment?" he asked. She moved closer to him.
"Well, actually, it's more of a discussion of a few questions I have about human behaviour," she answered. He acted intrigued.
"Ask away and I'll do my best for you," he gestured towards her.
"Why do you think we keep secrets?" she asked. Catherine stifled a snicker in the closet. That was way too obvious!
"I think we keep secrets for a variety of reasons. Everyone keeps their deepest desires a secret," he said, making a point to look her up and down, and then in a lower voice he said, "Even me."
"Naturally," Sara swallowed hard, and then she recovered with a sultry tone, "What type of desires?"
A flash of panic crossed Grissom's face before he too recovered, "Now Sara Sidle, I can't just dissolve those types of things to just anyone. I'd have to really trust you," he paused, smiling, "which I do, so I can tell you that some involve your beautiful self," he lied, but smiled triumphantly when she blushed.
"Uh- Thank you," she stammered, "Uh, could you hold that thought for a second…I-I have to get my-my sheets," she said stumbling to the door. He grinned and tilted his head in a way which Catherine had told him many times looked so adorable.
"I'll be waiting," he replied as she opened the door and moved out.
"You are the man," Catherine whispered revealing herself for a moment.
"I don't like flirting like this. How long do I have to keep this up?" he asked, beginning to become unglued. She hugged him.
"Not long, Baby, not long. It won't be long before she cracks," Catherine reassured him.
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"What the Hell? He's flirting back!" Sara panicked as she stepped into the hall. Both Nick and Warrick looked perplexed.
"Why would he do that?" Warrick asked, finding this very out of Grissom's character. Nick's eyes lit up in realization.
"Unless he knows!" he said. The three of them rounded on Greg.
"Greg!" they all said at once.
"Do they know that we know?" Warrick asked. Greg nodded quickly.
"Yep. Now that that's all out in the open, can't we just forget this whole little prank?" he asked hopefully.
"NO!" all three of them said.
"Now we've got them. They don't know that we know that they know we know," Nick said triumphantly.
"When will this insanity end?" Greg exclaimed, resisting the urge to pound his head on the wall.
"When Grissom cracks!" Sara said. The prank was gone and it was now a battle of wills. She then turned and walked back into the office and found Grissom sitting on his desk.
"Where's your papers?" he asked, seeing her empty handed. She smiled sheepishly.
"You got me so distracted that I totally forgot where I put them," her voice was sultry; "You do that often. It's just agonizing," she said softly, moving close to him. He swallowed hard.
"I can imagine," he replied in almost a squeak.
"Oh it is," she continued, not even three steps away from him, "I have secret desires too, you know. What do you say we clear this desk off?" she asked, moving closer still. He swallowed.
"I say that's a desirable idea," he got out.
"I guess there's nothing left for us to do but kiss," she said, her face inches away from his.
"I agree," he said. He hesitated before he moved to kiss her but he jumped back the moment his lips touched hers.
"Alright! Alright! You win! I can't do this!" he exclaimed, flailing his arms back and forth. Sara grinned, triumph in her eyes.
"And why not?" she asked excitedly.
"Because I'm in love with Catherine!" he shouted. The closet door and the office door both opened and the other four entered the room.
"What!" Sara, Nick, and Warrick exclaimed incredulously.
"I love her! I love her!" he admitted, and then he turned to Catherine, "I love you, Catherine," he said, softer, taking her into his arms.
"I love you, Gil," she too said and they kissed, softly and tenderly.
"Awww!" Nick, Sara, Warrick, and Greg all cooed.
"We didn't know you guys were in love," Nick said. Gil kissed the top of Catherine's head in response.
"This is great now, right?" Greg asked, happily, "Everyone knows. No more secrets!"
"Err…Actually Greg, Ecklie and the rest of that lab doesn't know and we'd appreciate it if it would stay that way," Catherine explained, cautiously watching the youngest CSI.
Greg looked like he wanted to cry.
The rest just laughed.
Fini