helloall! check this out- i updated like, what, yesterday! that's right! YESTERDAY! i'm on a roll like skier trapped in an avalanche...! yeah, i usually use morbid analogies like this. it's fun.

anyway...let's go through this...again...

F-M-A...is-not-mine...so-steal-ing-it...is not-my-crime

and yes, when i rhyme, you should be afraid

-----Part 19 - Tears that won't fall-----

Recap-Aka and the Elrics (sounds like a band) went to see a guy named Altessa who inherited some rune ore from his family. While studying it, you talked with Altessa about his wife and Hojo, and you realized that you had never cried for Hojo's death. After almost getting run over, Aka ran off.

Start-Ed's POV: I wonder if we can find a red stone...I've never done much study on it, and it would be nice to compare it to rune ore... You thought, musing over your studies. You heard a rattle down the street and looked up to see a horse-and-buggy speeding down the road. But Aka didn't seem to see it, she was walking right in front of it!

"Aka!" You yelled, rushing towards her. She just looked at you in surprise. Gripping her arm, you pulled her backwards, causing you both to land on your buts on the side of the road.

Quickly getting up, you looked down at Aka and saw that she was just sitting there, looking dazed.

"Aka, are you nuts! You almost got ran over!" You said, looking a little angry. Aka just looked at you with a dull expression on her face. Sighing, you held out a hand to her and helped you up.

"Are you alright Aka?" Asked Al, "You look like something's wrong..."

Aka got a pained expression on her face and turned away.

"There is something wrong...with-me!" She stammered, turning around and dashing off.

"Aka, come back!" You yelled after her. But she just kept on running. You looked back at Al with a worried look.

"What do you think is wrong?" You asked. Al hung his head.

"I don't know, do you think it was something I said?" He asked, sounding worried. You shook your head.

"Nah, I think something's going on." You told him reassuringly, "C'mon, we gotta catch up to her." Al nodded and started following you.

Aka's POV- You had no idea where you were going, but you didn't really care. You wanted to get away from yourself, even though you knew it was impossible. You hated yourself so much, but you didn't understand why.

Ducking under a bridge, you sat down and hugged your knees to your stomach, trying to cry. But the tears wouldn't come.

I don't get it! You screamed in your mind Why the heck can't I cry? When people were sad, they were supposed to cry! So why couldn't you? You had felt sad, but you had never cried.

Not when Vharley put a trigger at your best friends.
Not when you thought Ed hated you.
Not even when your own father died.
Why? Did I not...love him enough? Was that it? Should I have been more sad?

You tried to focus on how you'd felt when Hojo had died, and relived it all over again. The bloody wound, the quiet words, the little smile on his face...it sent a knife through your stomach. But your eyes wouldn't water...

Al's POV: You and Ed had lost track of Aka, so the two of you had decided to split up. Ed was searching the east side of town and you were searching west.

I hope we find her soon You thought, worried, She seemed so upset...

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of pounding near the bridge and a familiar voice.

"Dammit! What-the-hell-is-wrong with me!" It yelled, pounding between words.

That's Aka's voice! You thought ducking down under the bridge. Aka was punching the wall, looking furious about something. You grabbed wrist to make her stop, but she just yanked it back in surprise and fell backwards.

She didn't' bother to look up at you, she just sighed and looked at the ground.

"Aka, what's bothering you?" You asked her. She didn't reply. You knelt down so you could see her face more clearly.

"Aka, I'm your friend. You can trust me, I swear." You told her. She didn't answer for a while, then looked at you with a pained expression on her face.

"Al, there's something wrong with me." She said sadly.

"Something wrong?" You asked, confused.

"I-I mean...I can't...cry..." She said slowly.

"Can't cry? What do you mean?" You asked, now more confused than ever. Aka's expression became even more pained.

"W-when Hojo died...I didn't even cry. I-I can't explain it, but...I just didn't cry for him." She stammered.

"Well, a lot of things were happening-"

"So what?" She interrupted, "That's not much of an excuse! Even now, I can't cry! People are supposed to cry when they're sad, right? So why won't I cry?" She asked, her voice strained. You were abou to say something, but she continued.

"It's not just that!" She said, "I've been trying to think of the last time I cried, and I can't remember! I-I don't think I've ever cried! D-don't you get it? There's something wrong with me!" She gasped. The two of you sat in silence while she started breathing heavily. Then, you reached up and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Aka, there's nothing wrong with you." You told her. She opened her mouth to protest, but you didn't give her the chance.

"I'll admit," You said, "that it's weird you can't cry. But you do feel sad, and that's not strange at all. I can't explain why you can't cry, but I don't think it's your fault. I don't think crying has anything to do with how sad you feel, it just happens sometimes. Like with smiling! Just because you smile, it doesn't mean your happy inside. Crying is the same thing. If you don't cry, it's not because you don't feel sad...okay?" You finished.

Aka stared at you for a little while before faintly smiling.

"Thank you Al." She said, "Really, I'm lucky to have a friend like you."

Aka's POV-Al stood up and you quickly followed suit, not wanting to sit around and mope all day long.

Al's right You thought, Just because I don't cry doesn't mean I don't miss Hojo.

Getting back to the road, you saw Al looking in a bunch of directions.

"What's up?" You asked. He looked at you put a hand on his forehead.

"Ed and I split up to find you, and...well...I don't know where he is." You winced and gave Al a sheepish smile.

"Sorry. Guess I shouldn't have run off like that. Here-why don't you go back to the hotel. It's not fair to make you run around trying to find your brother-it's my fault he's out there in the first place."

"Are you sure you don't want any help?" Asked Al. You shook your head.

"It's okay. I'll get Ed and meet you back at the hotel."

"Alright, good luck."

You barely heard him as you dashed off to find Ed...

You looked all around town, but couldn't catch a glimpse of him anywhere.

I don't get it, did he go back to the hotel? You thought, then shook your head. Nah, he's too stubborn. He wouldn't rest until he found me Turning the corner though, you saw otherwise.

Or...maybe not You thought with a sweatdrop. Ed was sitting in front of you, his back against a wall. His head was drooped, and bending down, you saw that he was asleep. You felt a flash of guilt for making him look for you.

His back probably hasn't healed up yet...he shouldn't of been running around.

Reaching up, you shook his shoulder gently. He flinched in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open, revealing that beautiful gold.

"Aka...?" He asked softy. You gave him a sheepish grin.

"Hey there. I'm sorry I made you worry, I was pretty out of it...are you okay?" You asked. Ed shrugged.

"I'm fine, but what about you? What was the deal?" Ed asked. You sighed and plopped down besides him.

"I was upset..." You started slowly. Ed rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I kind of gathered that."

"Do you want to know or not?" You snapped at him.

"Just tell me." He said. Sighing, you continued.

"Anyway...I was upset because...I can't cry."

"What?"

"I'm serious, I can't cry. I don't know why, but no matter how hard I try, my eyes just won't water. I was upset because...I thought it was my fault or something. And then I thought about how I never cried for Hojo, and I got mad at myself for not caring enough."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Of course you cared about your dad! You don't need some stupid drops of liquid to tell you that!" Ed said forcefully.

"I know...well, I do now anyways. Al found me and sorted me out."

"He did? Damn, I thought for sure I'd find you first...but Al's better at that kind of stuff than I am."

"What kind of stuff?"

"You know, cheering people up. He just does it better than me." You smiled and scooted over, grabbing Ed's hand and entwining your fingers with his.

"You cheer me up." You told him softy. "Better than anybody." You giggled as Ed blushed a little.

Still holding your hand, Ed stood up and pulled you up with him.

"C'mon, it's getting late. We'd better get back to the hotel, we're leaving Iseila tomorrow." Ed told you. You nodded, then suddenly broke out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ed asked. You grinned at him.

"Do you realize," You said, "Just how much has happened since we got here? You found out I was a girl, we almost got killed in those caves, we found rune ore, and I had a mental breakdown! Oh, and we-um-well, you know..." You trailed off, blushing. Ed looked confused.

"Know what?" He asked. You blushed even deeper.

"That we-um...almost...kissed once..." You stammered. Ed blushed to, but then held out an arm to stop you.

"No we didn't." He said. You looked at him in shock.

"Wh-what do you mean? Y-You!...Weren't we...?" You stammered, your face bright red. But Ed just shook his head.

"We didn't almost kiss." He said.

"Yes we-" But you were broken off once again as Ed's lips met yours. Your eyes widened to the point you thought they'd fall out of your head, and your knees almost buckled under the emotional overload. As Ed pulled away, you almost fell, but he grabbed your shoulders, keeping you steady. You looked at him in confusion, searching his face for an explanation. He just smiled at you.

"We didn't almost kiss," He told you, "We did kiss."

-----Sometime later-----

"Sorry again about the crap I pulled earlier." You said. The Elrics looked at you and shrugged at the same time.

"It's no big deal. Just...talk to us next time before running off, okay?" Al said. You giggled and nodded at him.

"I'll make sure to try."

"Glad to hear it." Ed said, "You all packed?"

The three of you had decided that you weren't going to find anything else in Iselia, so you'd spent most of the afternoon packing and reviewing the Rune Ore notes.

Now the sky was dark, and you were just sitting around the hotel room with the Elrics. Al was sitting on his bed while Ed sat besides it on the floor, and you were sitting on the ground, leaning against Ed's bed. You and Ed were wearing your pj's, as the three of you had decided to get some early rest before leaving tomorrow.

You looked over at Ed and nodded. "Of course I am." You told him. "It's not like I have that much stuff."

"Oh yeah...are you sure you don't want to buy some new clothes before we leave?"

"No...why, is there something wrong with the ones I have?"

Ed blushed and started waving his hands frantically.

"N-no!" He stammered. "I-I think they're great! I mean-well..." He broke off, his face redder than your eyes.

You fell backwards and burst out laughing. Al was laughing to, making Ed blush even more, if it was possible.

"It's okay Ed, I get it. But I don't think I need them right now. If I need them later, I'll just get 'em later."

Ed sighed and started to get up.

"Alright, if you-AHH!"

As Ed tried to push himself off of the floor with his metal arm, you heard a clinking sound and watched in surprise as it collapsed underneath him, causing him to fall back down.

"Ed! You okay?" You asked, scooting over to him. With some effort, Ed propped himself up on his left arm and looked up at you, nodding.

"Fine...but Winry's gonna kill me...I can't move my arm."

"Oh no!" Exclaimed Al, "Do you think it was damaged in the earthquake?" You winced, picturing how the all those rocks had fallen on Ed.

"But that was yesterday morning, why would it take so long to break apart?" You asked. Al gave a metal shrug.

"Maybe Ed just didn't apply enough pressure on it until now."

"Maybe..." Ed said. "Either way though, it's still broken. And I'd rather keep going with two arms."

"Yeah, you don't punch to well with your left arm...does this mean we're going to Risembool?" Asked Al.

"Really! That's great! I've been dying to go there!" You exclaimed.

"You have?" The Elrics exclaimed in unison. You nodded.

"Yeah, you guys have told me so much about it, it kinda makes me wanna go!" You said with a smile. Ed sighed and scratched his head.

"Guess that means our trip'll have to wait...We'll see if we can find any trains to Risembool tomorrow.

"It's getting late, we should get some rest." Al said. You got up and walked over to where the three of you had been burning a candle and blew it out.

Now the room was almost pitch-black save for the moonlight through the window.

Al was already laying on his bed and Ed was on his way to his. You grabbed his left arm as he walked by you.

"Um...Ed?" you whispered.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"Can I...can I bunk with you tonight."

"Huh? Oh, yeah...sure, I mean, if you want to..."

"Thanks Ed."

Ed lifted the covers for you to get in first before getting in himself.

"Night Ed." You whispered.

"Night." Ed replied sleepily.

You heard a slight clinking as Ed struggled to move his arm and felt a pang of guilt. If you hadn't slowed down...you shivered, remembering Scorpulus's eerie voice.

Suddenly, you felt Ed's good arm slide around your waist and pull you closer.

"Cold?"

"A little..." You admitted, blushing a bit. "I'm sorry about your arm Ed."

"Wasn't your fault."

You turned around to look at him, frowning. "Yeah, but if I hadn't slowed down-"

"Don't worry about it." Ed interrupted gently, his golden eyesboreing into your red ones. You smiled and snuggled (oh dear gawd, did i really just type that? shiver...hits herself over the head repeatedly...) closer to him.

"Thanks Ed. I owe you a lot."

"Yeah, you kinda do."

Ed's POV:Water was splashing everywhere, and even though it was really sunny, you didn't feel too hot. You were at the beach for some weird reason, but you didn't mind. It was the perfect day. The kind of day that couldn't get much better...

"Hey Ed!" Called a voice.

Turning, you saw Aka standing in the water...wearing a red bikini.

Okay, maybe it could get better.

"C'mon Edward! Come swim!" Aka called.

You tried to walk towards her, but your legs wouldn't listen.

"Ed...Ed..." Aka kept calling. Then-

"ED!" A voice screamed in your ear. Your eyes snapped open to see Aka and Al hovering over you. Aka was pressing something to your face.

Jerking up, you tried to shove her hand away, but it wouldn't budge.

"Cut it out Ed, I'm trying to get your nose to stop bleeding! Honestly, the way it's gushing...did you dream someone broke your nose or something?

You took the handkerchief she'd been holding to your nose and tipped your head back.

No You thought, I was dreaming something a heck of a lot better...

...still hitting herself over the head...gah, it's offical. being out of school has turned my brain into mush. wait- it was mush when i was in school too. does that mean...it got mushier?...

and who says writers aren't vivid?

-zago