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Chapter 6

"Ron, I thought you took Marcie home to get some sleep then went home," she asked him. As she moved away from John she wondered just how much Ron had seen or heard of her conversation with john.

"I did. I was at your place waiting for you when Marcie called and said she left her purse in Michael's room. I decided to come get it for her, thought maybe I'd still find you near the crime scene. I thought maybe I could convince you to come home sooner rather than later and get some rest yourself," he told her as he looked at her. She looked guilty or something.

Natalie saw Ron's suspicious face and then she saw him look between her and John.

"Was I interrupting something?" he asked as he focused on her face

"No, nothing, I was just checking on Michael quick before I was headed home to you. John I think was doing the same thing, right John?" she said. Then she gave John a quick look and he nodded his head that Natalie was right.

"Good, then let me get Marcie's purse and we can head home. I think you and I need a little time to rest and relax," he said as he went into the room for Marcie's purse. Natalie walked over by John quickly.

"Never kiss me again and don't ever bring it up again"

"Why? Do you not want the man you love to know I kissed you? Are you going to lie to him" John said a bit cocky. He didn't know why, he did want her to be happy, to be with someone who could tell her he loved her. But just Ron's presence, just him near her was actually making him jealous, and he knew he really had no right to be.

"I don't lie to Ron but…but I won't ruin what I've found with him and definitely not because of you" she told him as Ron walked out of the room with Marcie's bag.

"All set?" she asked Ron he shook his head, "Good let's get home for some rest. Good night John" she said and she took Ron's hand, holding it as they left John standing outside Michael's room

John watched her walk away with Rona and shook his head. He clenched his fist and knowing he was wrong to be jealous but didn't know how to control it. He was confused, now more then ever. He walked into Michael's room and took a seat next to his bed.

"Sorry Michael, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, to see your daughter born. I know how much that day must have meant to you. I'm really sorry for all the shit I've put you thru, I missed you bro. I mean it I missed you. I...I only left because…well because I felt like a failure. I could barely be there for you with anything you needed. I couldn't give Natalie what she needed. I just couldn't go on hurting the two people that meant everything to me. I just...oh, I don't know. I just thought you both deserved better I--"

"They deserved you John" Eve said as she opened the door quietly and heard him talking to his brother. John turned and saw his mother. He slowly rose from the chair, walked to her, laid his head on her shoulder, and hugged her tight.

"Mom, when did you get here?" he asked, stepping away from her a bit.

"Just a few minutes ago, Marcie called me and I got off that damn ship, and it was about time too. It seems both my boys are a bit of a mess, aren't they?" she asked him. He walked away from her for a minute.

"Michael is the one who's hurt, he needs you here. I'm glad you came," he told her, leaning against the wall as Eve sat in the chair next to Michael's bed.

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"Not now Ron, I'm really tired," Natalie told him when they got into bed.

"Natalie, I know you. You're never that tired" he told her with a smirk and started kissing her neck.

"No Ron, really, not tonight. I don't have the energy," she told him somewhat sternly and he looked at her. She was different some how and he knew it. He moved his body away from hers and settled in for the night.

Morning

"John... John...John..." Natalie said breathing heavy in her sleep, she said his name out loud at least ten times as Ron woke to the sound of it. He sat up quickly at her mention of John's name and then lowered himself to her body. He gently kissed her trying to wake her when she reacted to his kiss, she pulled his body closer and started kissing him back as she started to wake up some. She heard him say her name and she froze her actions as she opened her eyes.

Natalie opened her eye's to see she was starting to make love to Ron, not John, who had been in her head as she slept, in her mind.

Ron realized all her actions stopped. He had thought if he started making love to her she would realize it was him, the one that loved her. That he could help to get John out of her mind but... but she just stopped when she realized it wasn't John. Ron knew what this meant. he watched her face as he started to get out of bed.

"Ron" Natalie said realizing that he knew what she must have been thinking about while kissing him, while touching him a few minutes ago. A few minutes before she stopped. Ron just looked at her as he started throwing his clothes on.

"Its because of him isn't it," Ron asked, watching her to get out of bed and start dressing "the reason you won't make love to me? He hits town and all of a sudden you...you can't, you won't even" he told her looking into her blue eye's, her watery blue eyes.

"Ron, no. That's not it. It's…it's everything. I'm stressed, the case, Michael still being in critical condition. You know how close he and I are"

"Are you talking about Michael or John? You know Natalie, I'm not stupid, I heard who's name you were calling out in your sleep, and who you thought for a minute there you were starting to make love to, you're still in love with him" he told her and she was finished with her clothes, she stood in front of him, stared into his eye's

"No, I'm not that's not true, it's not" she told him a bit softly as she watched his eye's

"You may not realize it, you may not even want to be, but you are, you're still in love with him"

"All this time I thought, I thought if I gave you the words, the words he couldn't give, you'd love me just the seem maybe more but you don't you never have" Ron told her softly but getting his point across, he knew this would be a losing battle, a battle he wouldn't win.

"That's not fair, you know I love you'

"Yeah, actually I do, but...the... your love for him, the way you love him. It's different, more intense. You don't love me like that. No matter how many times I tell you, reassure you that I love you, its just something you can't give me. You can't love me the same way you love John McBain" he told her as she realized what he was doing, he was throwing in the towel, she weakly smiled with tears in her eye's as she began her next words.

" So what do you want from me? Huh? I don't want to still be in love with him after all this time. I don't want to have this connection to him. I just do. I want to be with you," she told him trying so desperately to reassure him that she he loved him too. Although deep down inside she knew it wasn't the same, her love for him, for anybody, it could never be t he same as for John.

"Maybe you brain wants to be with me but you heart doesn't" he told her glassy eyes as he walked away from her towards her door.

"Then this is goodbye, just like that," she said as she walked quickly after him

"Yeah... I guess, yeah...just like that," Ron said as he walked out the door leaving her standing there.

Hospital

"John... wake up son" Eve told John as he slept in the back of Michael's room in a chair.

"What time is it?" John asked, yawning.

"Seven thirty. Why don't we go get some coffee from the cafeteria, and you can tell me about Natalie?" Eve told him and he just looked at her. He got up but didn't say a word. They walked out into the hall and John turned to her.

"I don't want to discuss Natalie, we need to focus on Michael" John told her as they walked.

"Fine John. Then lets talk about why you feel like such a failure. Why you feel like you let your brother and Natalie down," Eve said when she saw his face. He got a bit upset

"I said I don't want to talk about Natalie," he told her again as they both turned to see Ron Walsh walking by them.

"How's Michael?" Ron asked as he approached

"The same, Oh, I'm sorry Mom, this is Ron, Marcie's brother and Natalie boyfriend." he told his mother so she would understand some things.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. McBain" Ron said as he shook her hand

"So your Marcies' brother and you're seeing Natalie" Eve said sizing him up

"Yes, I'm Marcies' brother but I'm no longer Natalie's boyfriend" he said more for John's benefit then Eve's, he even looked at John when he said it.

John heard his words and was confused and a bit excited at the same time. He looked at Ron and wondered what had changed from last night. They went home together late last night and now this morning he wasn't with her any more? His confused look actually changed to a smirk as he thought it must have been the kiss; she broke up with Ron because of the kiss.