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Chapter 10

Natalie was so worried about him. John had looked even worse when he left the hospital then when they had gotten the phone call about Michael in the lab. She knew she shouldn't, she knew better than to put her self out there again but she just couldn't help it. She went looking for him to the one place she knew he'd go, the roof.

Natalie opened the door and she saw him immediately. He was standing near the edge with a bottle of beer in his hands. She looked around as she approached him and saw broken glass everywhere. He obviously was taking things out, his frustrations out on defenseless beer bottles.

"John... are you alright, Oh. My. God. John your hand, it's bleeding," she said as she approached him. He put his hand up to not let her close to him.

"No, go away Natalie. Don't try and be nice to me, don't try to help me. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you, I never have," he told her as he wouldn't let her any closer. She continued to come closer, ignoring his words.

"Let me look at it, John" she told him as she tried to take his hand to see if there was any glass in it. He pushed her a bit away from him.

"I said no, leave me alone. That's what I want, what I've always wanted, that's who I am even, alone, a loner" he said and she got her backbone up.

"Is this a pity party for one or can anyone join in the fun" she told him a bit rudely, he looked at her,

"Okay, okay that wasn't very nice of me, I know. John, are you alright? I'm worried about you," she told him and he lost it. He got madder at her and his face got red. He looked into her eyes as he spoke.

"Don't I look alright Natalie, Huh? Why wouldn't I be alright, huh? My brother may not ever come out of the damn coma he put himself into, and now he's having seizures that could kill him. I've wasted so much time with him, never took the time to be there for him to tell him how important he is in my life. Now I may never get the chance to. I've made fucking mistake after mistake with my life. With him and with you. I may not get any chances to fix them, to at least try to fix them," he told her as if he exploded inside. As if he just couldn't hold things inside any longer. She saw his anger turn his eyes watery.

"Shhhhhhhh" she said as she pulled his head into her chest. John didn't fight it, she pulled him closer to her, she was comforting him like she use to. He held on to that, he let it out, all of it.

"He may die Natalie, you understand, Die. I'll never get a chance to make it right, never" he said as he sobbed quietly and dryly into her chest. After a few minutes, she pushed his body off of hers, she looked into his eyes, and she moved her hand to caress his face. Natalie just couldn't help it; she had to make him feel better at this moment. She brought her mouth to his and started to slowly but hungrily take his mouth over and over.

John felt her touch his cheek and then he felt her lips on his, he tasted her. The taste that drove him, the taste that made him all better. He didn't think about anything else, just her making him feel better, like old times. He pushed her gently backwards towards the sides of the building. His hands came upon her breasts and his fingers found her nipples thru her blouse.

Natalie's head was no longer in charge at this moment. Her desire for him was in charge, her desire to help him to feel better just like she used to always do. She let him push her against the building as he felt her up thru her clothes, wrapping her hands thru his hair as she pulled at his head deepening their kisses.

John continued touching her breasts, the ones he used to fantasize about. The ones he used to kid were his when they were together. His hands found its way to her pants. He unbuttoned them quickly and pushed his hand inside her panties, he inserted a few fingers into her wetness and felt her. He felt her longing for him to be inside her. He felt her warm hands undo his pants and push them and his boxers down his legs allowing them to rest on his ankles.

Natalie pushed his pants and his boxers down. This was going quick, very quick. His need to be inside her was so great, so urgent. She felt him remove his fingers from her core and push her pants down her legs. Her panties were next. Natalie bent down briefly and pulled them off quickly as she stood back up for him to have his mouth on her nipple thru her thin silk shirt and bra.

John felt as if he needed her right now. No more wasting time he needed it, her. He needed her to wash away the pain like she always did, to be the strong one, to hold him together. He needed to be inside her in the worst way. He pushed her back up against the building even more; there was nowhere else to go. He quickly lifted her body up onto his and guided his erection into her almost immediately.

Natalie sighed as he pushed himself into her deep, thrusting about as he pinned her up against the solid brick wall of the building. Thrust after thrust she felt him push as he brought his mouth again to her covered breasts, suckling thru cloth. Over and over his mouth aggressively took her nipple as he aggressively thrust himself into her core.

Johns need just kept getting more urgent as he pushed into her so hard that he heard her scream in pleasure. She started to spasm around him, continued her spasming as he emptied into her, as he emptied everything he had inside, regret and all, into her.

Natalie stopped spasming, she felt him cum inside her, and for a moment she was smiling. She smiled until she realized what she had just done, again. She was sucked back in, he sucked her in. he made it impossible for things to ever be about her and her needs. Things once more were about John McBain and his demons or his regrets this time. It was all about making him feel better.

John saw her, he watched her as he moved her down off of him. Something was off and he knew what it was. He moved his hand to wipe away some sweat from her brow when it lingered on her face for a few minutes. At first she allowed it to stay on her cheek but then she removed it with her own hand.

"No... I can't... I don't know what came over me. I can't be the person you lean on anymore. It's not fair. I can't be strong for you. I can't be the patient one again. I just can't give you all of me and get nothing back in return," she said as she moved away from him. She grabbed her pants, her panties quickly and threw them on; she started towards the door as he put his hand out to her arm.

"Natalie..." he started to say and she looked into his eyes

"What John?" she asked him giving him a chance. A chance to prove maybe he had changed; maybe he would say something nice. Maybe he would tell her now after all this time. Because right now the only thing that would keep her from not running off this roof ashamed at herself for being so weak would be those three words she's always longed from him.

"I'm sorry," he said, realizing he couldn't say anything else but that to her at this moment.

"Well I guess you've done it again John, made me feel like nothing other then a cheap whore " she said and ran as fast as she could off the roof and out of the hotel.