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Chapter 11Natalie ran all the way to the station, she didn't care that she left her car at the hotel, she just found herself running, it wasn't a far distance and she needed the late afternoon air. She walked into the station trying desperately to avoid everyone eyes. She knew she was probably a mess; she needed to go into her office and fix herself up before someone noticed her.
Natalie slammed her door shut behind her and she locked it. She sat at her desk, took out her mirror and she looked at herself. Why? She asked herself, why did she have to give herself to him tonight, just let him have her so he could feel better. She knew it was like it always was, actually even worse it left her feeling awful, like a whore even. Before John had left town at least she knew he cared somewhat about her, but this tonight on the roof had nothing to do with them, with what they felt for each other. John just needed somebody and anybody would have done. John couldn't even tell her anything after wards, no nothing, not even a thank you, or a 'you always did know how to make me feel better.'
"Fuck you John McBain, How dare you, How dare you" she said loudly out loud and she started sobbing quietly in her office.
John followed her to her office; he hadn't been able to catch up to her. He got to her office door just in time to hear her curse him and start to cry. John put his hand up to the door to knock, he was about to, but he stopped. John just couldn't, he had hurt her enough already, he kept hurting her, how did he stop, the same way he did the last time, he would leave. John thought about that for a few minutes as he continued to hear her cry inside her office door. He knew he couldn't leave not yet anyways not till Michael was better. He'd just stay away from her, far away, if that were possible. He turned and headed out towards the Hospital to check in about Michael.
John walked into the Hospital and Saw Ron standing outside of Michael's door. He approached him; he knew what he needed to do.
"How's Michael? Any changes?"
"Actually he's been improving they say, his vitals are good and he even woke for a few minutes, the doctors said that was a good sign, he still has a long way to go but its a start." Ron told John and John looked a bit relieved.
"Can we talk?" he asked Ron and Ron looked at him confused for a minute
"I guess, about what?" Ron asked as John escorted them towards the terrace door to go outside and talk.
"About Natalie, I'll be leaving town as soon as Michael is up and about and ... and well... she loves you. She told me so herself. I'm not sure what went on between the two of you but... but if I'm the reason you two aren't' together, that's just wrong cause I'll be gone. I can't love her like she needs, and I don't want to keep on hurting her" John told him and he had to keep biting down on his tongue. It was hard for John to tell this man that she loved him. That they should have a chance that he would be leaving again soon.
"Let me get this straight, you want she and I to be together? " he asked John and John nodded.
"Why? Why do you even care about Natalie?"
"I just want her to be happy, that's all that matters" John told him as he saw Ron's face.
"So it doesn't bother you then, none of it, that maybe we'll be together, make love day in and day out, all night long, that she'll scream my name over and over, she'll hum into my ear when she gets real close to letting go" Ron said on purpose to see his reaction, he watched as John got red in the face.
John couldn't believe his words, talking about making love to her, with her and the humming he thought she only did with him. He crumbled up his fists as he didn't want to but go madder by the minute.
"No, it doesn't bother me" John lied to his face and then had to walk away for a minute.
"Good then it won't bother you if we get married real soon. Nat's always wanted kids and she wants to be young when she has them, two she says, a boy and a girl, I think maybe we'll have five I just can't get enough of her body, but if two is really what she wants that's what she'll get. A boy to look like me, and a little spite fire girl just like her, maybe I'll even build her a house, with a picket fence and I'll paint it white for her if that's what she wants." he said and then saw John about to leave the terrace steaming, his eye's bulging.
"Yeah, you know what, I think I might just get back with Natalie" Ron said laughing as John quickly walked off the terrace.
Station
"Natalie... its Carl, are you all right in there" Carl asked as he knocked on her door and she didn't answer.
"Buchanan, answer this door this second" he ordered her and he knew she would respond to that.
"Who the hell are you?" she said as she answered the door and she knew he did it on purpose. He was such an ass that she didn't know when he was being nice or nasty.
"Whats going on with the hospital killer case?" he asked, Natalie was feeling so bad she had forgot about it for a little while there.
"We found something, an old newspaper at the scene of the crime, it was from October 6Th and the Obits wear ripped out, I think he wanted us to find it, it was a clue, I believe he feels bad about what he's doing and wants to be caught. Waiting on the reports from Bruce on the actual Obits for that day and then your guys can look anyone and every one up on the list" she told him, focusing on the case, this was exactly what she needed right now. She needed to focus on the case and not her personal life, not John McBain.
"When you get the list of Obits from Bruce, cross reference it with the hospital. I'm thinking he has a grudge, the killer has a grudge against the hospital, doctors even," Carl told her and she nodded in agreement. Carl started to walk out of her office.
"You look like shit kid, pull yourself together and lets get this guy" he told her and she got a bit annoyed, she mimicked his words after he left.
Natalie put her head down and she closed her eye's. How could she be going thru this again, she needed to focus she told herself, Focus on finding this guy. She was having a hard time doing that, getting john and what just happened out of her head. She felt like she had no one to turn to help her, to calm her. Michael... he was the one who helped her thru things when John left, they had helped each other. Michael had become a friend she could count on but now. Now with him hurt, she felt as if she had no one.
Natalie drifted off to sleep on her desk, she dreamed of a happier time, a time with him and her on the roof. She dreamed of making love for the first time all those years ago, she smiled out in her sleep.
Natalie raised her head, she was a bit groggy, and she looked to the door of her office to see Ron standing there.
"Hey, how long have you been standing there?" she asked and he walked into the room
"Not long, are you okay? You don't look so good" He told her. Ron approached her desk; she stood and looked at him. He was so damn good to her wasn't he? He never did hurt her, not ever.
"What's up? Is Michael alright?" she asked him as they both sat facing the other
"Yeah... actually wanted to tell you myself, he woke, the Doctors say things are looking good" he said and he smiled at her. She smiled back, it was a genuine smile, and he knew it.
"It's so nice to see you smile," he told her and she even blushed a bit.
John was on his way to the lab, to her office. He wanted to see if she needed help with the case, nothing more. He actually knew deep down inside he should just leave her alone, but he just couldn't. He had his little talk with Ron, it made him pretty mad, but he had no right to be. As if a greater force made him have to see her while he was still in this town he gravitated towards her. John stood outside her office when he looked in and saw them laughing, joking, talking. He noticed her bright wide smile, the one he loved to be on the receiving end of. John stopped in his tracks and hid next to her door so she wouldn't see him, he listened.
"I've gotta go back to the hospital to check on things with Marcie, will you be coming by to see Michael later?" he asked her as he stood
"Yeah, I probably will" she told him then she too stood. She could tell he had something on his mind.
"Ron... is there something else?" she asked and he smiled
"I could never keep anything from you could I?" he told her and she nodded.
"Well... John... he came by the hospital, told me some stuff" he said and she got white as a ghost for a minute till she heard his next words.
"He said you love me. Not like I needed him to tell me, said he'll be leaving after Michael is better and... And well.. He got me thinking, maybe I wasn't fair with ending things the way I did, maybe we can... I don't know, we love each other, right? And when he's gone, I mean we were real good till he came back, weren't we? I could probably get over the fact that you look at him differently, especially if he's not here and we are together, Married even" he told her and the last part shocked her. They had spoke of marriage before, a few months ago but for him to bring it up now.
"Ron... I Just don't want to hurt you, and I fear if we go back to that place again, if we just pick up where we left off, as if nothing happened and we didn't break up, I fear I will hurt you, I know I will"
"Natalie you could never hurt me that bad, we'll just be together like we were. As if we didn't have this break," he told her as they continued to stand and stare at each other
"I had Sex with him" she told him and he looked away for a minute
"Earlier, he needed me, not really I think he just needed a woman's body and I just gave it to him. I was in heaven till my brain realized what I had just done," she told him and Ron couldn't look at her for a minute
John was still in the hall; he heard her words, their words, all of them. She said they had sex, not love. Did she really believe that, all that was on the roof was sex? Did he really give her that impression? She said he just needed someone not her, did she really believe that to be true? It wasn't true and he knew anytime he touched her it was love. Whether it is in passing or whether it be a quickie to make him feel better. He shook his head, realizing his own thoughts' to make me feel better' he said to himself
'I am a selfish ass' he told himself and he walked away. He couldn't listen anymore; he needed to be alone and away from here.
"See Ron, we just can't go back to loving each other as if nothing happened," she told him. She placed her hand on his cheek; she held it there for a few minutes as they heard someone clear their throat.
"Sorry to interrupt honey but we're having a meeting in my office in five about the case" Bo told her and he didn't leave. Bo stood standing there as Natalie let her hand drop and she smiled at Ron.
Ron moved towards her a bit, he leaned into her forehead and kissed it.
"We can talk later, I'll see ya at the hospital" he told her and he started to walk out of her office.
"Tell Michael I'll be there as soon as possible," she told him and he nodded.
As soon as Ron left Nat's office Bo closed the door. He looked at her and he didn't have to say a word. He put his arms out for her. Natalie slowly without hesitation walked into his open arms and he held her fatherly as she cried silently.